M 169

I had a bit of a fight with the Lieutenant General and General Oh Seon-ran today. We had a small disagreement. A difference of opinion arose because of the wedding, so the atmosphere during dinner was a little awkward.

I don’t think we necessarily need to have a wedding… In fact, I’d rather not, but they both insisted that we absolutely must.

These two normally can’t even agree on buying a single outfit for Hae-rim, but for some reason, they were in complete agreement about the wedding, stubbornly insisting that it must be grand and extravagant.

A cannon salute? They said we have to fire a whole lot of those, and that we have to do some kind of show with jet fighters (from what I heard, the plan would require more than just one or two jets), and they talked about the size of the diamond on the ring and the way it should be cut (they said the engagement ring and the wedding band are two different things), and how many outfits we have to wear at the ceremony… and the flower arrangements and what-not…

Ugh, just listening to it all made me feel like I was suffocating.

I’d be perfectly happy with just inviting our close adjutants for a simple, delicious meal together.

Is it because I saw so many people at the House who had lavish ceremonies only for things to end badly?

Rather than a flashy ceremony, I’d like it to be a simple and warm occasion where we can genuinely commemorate and celebrate our new beginning…

As I stood there, too flustered to say anything, they must have realized their mistake, because they belatedly said that we should do whatever I want, Sehwa, and that that’s the most important thing…

But a wedding is for two people. I don’t think we should only accept one person’s opinion.

Instead of a big ceremony, we could have a small one at a reasonable, comfortable level, and if there’s something the Lieutenant General really wants to do, shouldn’t I be willing to compromise?

So after General Oh Seon-ran left, I told the Lieutenant General, “Lieutenant General, you don’t have to insist on doing everything my way. If we want different things, we should coordinate them together. We’re a married couple now.” And he… was… extremely… pleased.

Sometimes the Lieutenant General… um… how should I put it?

He becomes like a different person. Like he’s lost his mind. There are times when the look in his eyes completely changes, and that was one of those moments.

Before I even finished speaking, I had the thought, Ah, something’s wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that to him. It was that intense…

He asked me to take a bath with him, but I barely managed to put him off by using Hae-rim as an excuse. I’m crouched in the bathtub now, writing today’s diary entry, and I’m a little scared to go outside.

He’s the type of person who would have already asked if I was done washing up, but the fact that he’s been silent this whole time might mean he’s telling me to come out only after I’ve fully prepared myself…

Will I even be able to sleep…?

♥Today’s grateful thing: General Oh Seon-ran said he would sit in the parents’ seats for me and the Lieutenant General. The hongjuseok? Anyway, the seats where the parents sit at a wedding.

He said that if we arrange the seating just right, he could look like the father to both me and the Lieutenant General. I was so grateful and touched.

But the Lieutenant General rudely talked back, saying we don’t need that and telling him to just officiate the wedding instead. I felt so, so sorry to the General…

♥Today’s happy thing: The extravagant wedding that the Lieutenant General and General Oh Seon-ran want is a huge burden, but when I think that there are two people in this world who genuinely want me to sparkle and shine at every moment, I feel… overwhelmed and happy.

I tore the paper and rewrote this several times, wondering what words to use.

Today, I married Lieutenant General Ki Tae-jeong.

We returned to our quarters yesterday after a short honeymoon.

The Lieutenant General isn’t allowed to travel abroad freely, so we spent our time at a lakeside villa that only people from the 5th Division can access.

Actually, ever since the wedding date was set, he kept insisting that we absolutely had to go on a cruise to see dolphins for our honeymoon, and that was the first time I had a big, real fight with him… (Hmm, rather than a fight, it was more like me one-sidedly getting sullen and cranky…)

A stain doesn’t have to be covered with the same color; it can be covered with a completely different one, and sometimes that unexpected harmony can make our lives more special… I wish the Lieutenant General would stop thinking about the past.

Anyway, we baked cookies together in the villa’s kitchen, laughed as we sprinkled sparkling dust into the fireplace, dipped our feet in the lake and splashed around, and at night, we wrapped ourselves in a large blanket and had a wonderful time counting the stars in the night sky.

I was flustered because he kept saying embarrassing things about it being our honeymoon, but well… that’s not exactly a new development.

Oh, and General Oh Seon-ran looked after Hae-rim again this time.

He said Hae-rim didn’t fuss and didn’t really look for his dad… or rather, his dads. I was relieved but also a little disappointed. But the moment he saw the Lieutenant General and me, he hugged us tightly and wouldn’t let go, which was a bit of a struggle.

I guess Hae-rim missed us after all.

He must have eaten and played well at the General’s quarters, because he’d gotten chubbier and paler than before. It was so cute to see Hae-rim’s plump cheek squished flat against the Lieutenant General’s hard chest. (By the way, is ‘jjibu’ really grammatically incorrect? I had no idea…)

♥Today’s grateful thing: Having a wonderful honeymoon with the Lieutenant General and returning safely.

I want to put a lot of asterisks next to ‘safely’…

It’s a diary only I will see, so I’ll be honest even if it’s embarrassing… We did it so much with the Lieutenant General this time that I honestly thought I was going to die.

The pants that fit me perfectly before the honeymoon were loose on me when we came back.

When we went to pick up Hae-rim, even General Oh Seon-ran, who has never brought up such a topic in front of me, got angry at the Lieutenant General, telling him to cut it out and asking if he couldn’t see the dark circles under my eyes…

Sigh. I’m so, so glad I was able to make it back alive.

But what’s unfair is that, unlike my wilting self, the Lieutenant General seems to have gotten even more toned.

His skin seems to be glowing more than usual, too…

I’m jealous.

Must be nice.

I should exercise hard, too! (But even if I exercise… can I ever catch up to the Lieutenant General’s stamina? A pinch of salt in a river won’t make it as salty as the sea. I feel like it’d be just like that…)

♥Today’s happy thing: The moment I gently patted Hae-rim’s tummy as he was getting ready for bed!

Even with sleep dangling from his eyes, he kept looking around (I think he was checking where the Lieutenant General and I were), so it seems he was worried we might go somewhere again without him.

I just stared endlessly at the baby, who smiled at me with a face full of sleepiness. He was so cute.

Hae-rim kept saying “I’m sorry” all day today, starting in the morning.

No matter how hard he tried to pronounce it correctly, he’s still a baby, so the sound came out as a mumble, and I secretly found it adorable.

But why did he suddenly start saying “I’m sorry” all the time?

I don’t know why.

When I gave him a snack, he beamed and said he was sorry. When he was playing by himself and squealing with excitement, he’d make eye contact with me and say he was sorry…

Did he just like the sound of the words “I’m sorry”?

They say babies do a lot of strange things. Hae-rim, who was always so gentle, is starting to do a lot of interesting things as he grows.

When Hae-rim is older, I’ll have to tell him what happened today.

♥Today’s grateful thing: Hae-rim seems to have reached a compromise with himself (?) and has started talking a little more!

♥Today’s happy thing: Hae-rim seemed to be in a good mood, so I was in a good mood, too.

It was a day of simple, baseless happiness.

I finally figured out where Hae-rim learned the phrase “I’m sorry,” which he’s been saying for weeks.

It’s all thanks (?) to the Lieutenant General.

I heard the Lieutenant General say he was leaving for work at dawn today, but I forgot.

I woke up late and was about to see him off… when I heard a small, whispering voice from Hae-rim’s room.

For some reason, I held my breath and tiptoed over. The Lieutenant General was holding Hae-rim, patting him and talking to him about this and that.

He praised Hae-rim for being so mature and not crying even though he woke up early in the morning. He briefly explained his work and why he had to go to work early, things a baby couldn’t understand yet, and then he said he was sorry.

Again, and again.

He apologized several times, saying that even though Hae-rim hadn’t been born yet, he was still so sorry for the harsh things he’d said to him…

In Hae-rim’s room, faintly lit by the yellow glow of the night-light, the Lieutenant General I was secretly watching… was smiling so warmly and gently that a sigh escaped me without my realizing it.

Anyone could see it was the face of someone who was so smitten with the child in his arms that he didn’t know what to do, a face filled to the brim with love.

That must be why. Hae-rim must have learned to express his most loving moments, the moments he feels so happy he could die, with the words “I’m sorry”…

When someone looks at you so meltingly and says they’re sorry, it’s understandable that a baby would get confused.

I thought about going in to surprise the Lieutenant General, but I tiptoed back to the bedroom instead.

Maybe the Lieutenant General noticed my presence long ago but didn’t let on because he wanted to keep it as his own private moment?

Even if that’s not the case, I wanted to protect the Lieutenant General’s secret moment.

Just as I secretly write this diary, the Lieutenant General must need his own time, too.

Anyway, I quickly returned to the bedroom, worried the Lieutenant General might notice, and pretended to be fast asleep under the covers, but then I really did oversleep.

In a dream I had late in the morning, the Lieutenant General appeared.

I told him he could just say “I love you” to Hae-rim instead of “I’m sorry,” but the Lieutenant General just smiled.

♥Today’s grateful thing: I’m grateful that the Lieutenant General loves Hae-rim…

I know very well that he’s doing his best to take care of our child despite his busy schedule, and that he takes care of me even more than that.

♥Today’s happy thing: It was so cute to imagine Hae-rim, who had memorized “I’m sorry” for moments when he should say “I love you,” practicing the sentence over and over in his head.

Also, I was happy that I got to secretly glimpse a side of the Lieutenant General that I didn’t know.

I lay with the covers pulled up over my head, so overwhelmed with happiness I could barely breathe.

Truly…