M 47

“‘So you could just say what you need to here,’ you said.”

Ki Tae-jeong slowly repeated what Sehwa had said. His voice, unreadable in emotion, made one feel unnecessarily intimidated.

“Because I don’t want to eat while looking at a bastard like you…”

With each of his approaching steps, it felt like the floor was caving in under his blade-like stride.

“You’re telling me to say what I have to say and then get lost?”

The muttered words trailed off with a curse. Ki Tae-jeong was always a man with a foul mouth, but when he lost his temper like this, it was especially dangerous. He’d once gouged out the eyes and tongues of his subordinates when they got on his nerves.

So Sehwa had to deny it. It was true, he’d meant it that way, but he couldn’t just admit that. Knowing he should deny it somehow, but terrified by Ki Tae-jeong’s fierce gaze, Sehwa couldn’t quickly come up with an answer. He was afraid that an obvious lie would only further provoke his anger. It felt like Ki Tae-jeong might rip out his throat if he acted insolently.

“Not even going to say something insincere?”

Ki Tae-jeong snorted as if in disbelief. The tension was so thick it was hard to breathe.

“It’s not… like that….”

Sehwa couldn’t find anywhere to look except Ki Tae-jeong’s lips as they moved, his jaw twitching slightly. Ki Tae-jeong, lost in thought for a moment, seemed to be gauging what kind of words he should unleash to hurt Sehwa. But… even after waiting for a while, no painful words like needles came out. Instead, he tightly pursed his lips and carelessly brushed back his hair that kept falling forward.

Sehwa also hesitantly followed Ki Tae-jeong’s gaze. His sharp eyes were fixed on the emblem on the collar of Sehwa’s top. Stars, flowers, and birds. It was a brand confirming that Sehwa was Ki Tae-jeong’s property, belonging to no one else.

When Sehwa looked up at the man’s face again, there was a bit of composure returned to it. For some unknown reason, Ki Tae-jeong seemed to have calmed down a little after seeing Sehwa wrapped in his mark.

“There was once a troublesome bastard. I had to interrogate him, but absolutely couldn’t kill him, and he knew that very well. That was the fvcking problem, he knew it too damn well.”

“…”

“He said he had nothing for us, then suddenly went and cut his own tongue out. That crazy bastard.”

‘Isn’t that stupid? We could have taken a confession in writing too,’ Ki Tae-jeong reminisced about some time in the past. His face was placid as if recalling a peaceful time, but from that monotonous expression, Sehwa could easily imagine a period when the man must have been boiling with fiery anger.

“He said he didn’t need anything—no food, no IV, just wanted to die. What do you think I told my men to do with him?”

“…”

“There are many places to feed someone besides the mouth.”

Ki Tae-jeong tilted his head crookedly. His gaze briefly flicked to Sehwa’s lower abdomen. Sehwa felt he knew what it meant but didn’t want to know. Could it be that when he had previously referred to Sehwa’s h0le as a ‘lower mouth,’ it had come from experience?…

“Eat while I’m being nice. Unless you’d prefer that alternative.”

“…”

“Don’t give me that bullshit about still not feeling well when I know you’re in perfect condition after being treated with expensive medicine.”

Sehwa shuddered slightly as though a jolt of electricity had shot through him. He had merely said he didn’t feel like eating, but what came back was the implication of cruel torture. A familiar sorrow crushed his heart bit by bit. Setting aside what had happened until he nearly fainted, Ki Tae-jeong himself had said it had been only a few days since Sehwa regained consciousness. So not wanting to eat right away seemed like a normal reaction anyone might have… Sehwa truly couldn’t understand why it was such a cause for anger.

“By the way, that bastard confessed right away when we started skinning him alive. Really stupid, right?”

Ki Tae-jeong chuckled, wondering why the man had cut off his tongue if he was going to confess anyway. Sehwa, who had been chewing on the inside of his lower lip, finally put on the large outer garment without a word. It had looked light when in Ki Tae-jeong’s hands, but it felt quite heavy once worn. Perhaps it was because of the dazzling star pattern on the shoulders.

“Do you like meat?”

Why ask about someone else’s preferences when he’s going to do whatever he wants anyway? Sehwa felt like the ground was sinking beneath his feet. It seemed like Ki Tae-jeong’s large hands might tear apart the clothes he was wearing and attempt to separate his bones and flesh at any moment.

***

The car stopped in an alley not far from Sehwa’s lodgings. It was unexpected, as the only nearby restaurants were cheap rice shops. Ki Tae-jeong’s steps led to the most secluded shop among them. There wasn’t even a sign, so Sehwa hadn’t known there was a meat restaurant here.

“The largest slaughterhouse in the 4-Hwan is here, so the pork is the freshest here.”

He said it was one of the places where people from inside the city sometimes came to get some fresh air. The spotless floor without a trace of grease, the pleasant air despite being a place for grilling meat, the spotless tableware, the neat-looking staff who brought necessary items and then disappeared… After hearing Ki Tae-jeong’s words, everything in the restaurant seemed extraordinary. It was like a carefully crafted shabbiness, like a movie set. Sehwa looked around the shop with a strange feeling. The grimy appearance of the 4-Hwan that he had been desperately trying to escape could be like junk food that some people enjoy as entertainment…

The interior was quite spacious, but there wasn’t a single customer, as if they had rented out the entire restaurant. Sehwa didn’t think Ki Tae-jeong would have made a reservation predicting when he would wake up… He figured Ki Tae-jeong must have chased away all the customers who were there.

While Sehwa was grumbling to himself, appetizing side dishes were set out, and a grill with white-bodied charcoal was brought in. The bright red meat sizzled as it cooked. Having only ever eaten thin frozen meat after finishing big construction jobs, Sehwa realized for the first time that pork could be this fresh. Crisp bean sprout salad that looked like it would crunch when touched and properly fermented kimchi started to sizzle as they grilled around the edges.

Ki Tae-jeong skillfully cut the meat into even pieces using only scissors, without even holding tongs. And with just one hand. The pieces were so uniformly sized that if Sehwa hadn’t seen it himself, he would have thought they were cut with a ruler and knife. How much blood must he have seen to become so adept at cutting and slicing… Sehwa shook his head, shaking off the terrifying imagination.

At first, Sehwa was at a loss for how to endure another awkward silence, but time passed well as he observed the unique restaurant and the set table. He wondered how much a place like this would cost. He didn’t have any money… Just as his thoughts wandered that far, the fully cooked meat was pushed in front of him. A bubbling soybean paste stew and an egg custard dish piled high like a mound of rice were also served. The finely chopped green peppers and white tofu in the stew looked appetizing. Moreover, it wasn’t just scraps, but thick, square-cut chunks of meat filling the broth. Sehwa’s mouth watered, making his earlier claim of not being hungry seem ridiculous.

“Are you playing coy?”

“Pardon?”

“I know you eat well, so stop pretending.”

kI Tae-jeong paused, as if about to say something else. Fearing what terrible threat might come next, Sehwa quickly picked up his chopsticks. The awkwardness of his movements due to discomfort lasted only a moment. He placed a fluffy mound of rice on a clean lettuce leaf, topped it with a piece of the golden-brown grilled pork, and added the kimchi and bean sprouts, now infused with the meat’s flavor.

“I thought you said you weren’t hungry?”

kI Tae-jeong looked incredulous as he watched Sehwa chew the wrapped food. Embarrassed, Sehwa lowered his head and counted numbers in his mind. Although there was no need to hide his shabby state, he didn’t want to eat too hastily and spoil the meal for the person eating with him.

After slowly counting to twenty, he picked up his chopsticks again. He made a few more wraps, dipped some onions in soy sauce, and even took a large spoonful of egg custard before… he realized he was the only one enthusiastically eating. The man sitting across from him was silently cutting meat. Not even seeming cold, he had come out without wearing anything over his clothes, and now he even had his sleeves rolled up, probably feeling hot in front of the grill.

“Um… should I grill?”

Sehwa quickly swallowed what he was chewing and tentatively reached out his hand. This time he really had acted thoughtlessly. Considering Ki Tae-jeong’s status, grilling meat wasn’t something he should be doing. Knowing Ki Tae-jeong’s temper, Sehwa figured it was better to play the obedient junior. Besides, there was still something he needed to hear from him—the story about his parents.

“Who are you treating like an old fogy?”

Ki Tae-jeong poured a handful of garlic onto the grill, telling Sehwa to just eat what he’s given. The muscles in his forearm bulged as he moved. Sehwa was conflicted. He wasn’t sure if he should take those words at face value. Had there ever been anything Tae-jeong said that could be believed straightforwardly? He said he wouldn’t do it until the end, but eventually penetrated him. He said it was no big deal, but then suggested they rob a shelter while disguised as criminals. It was all lies. Or at least, stories with all the substance removed.

“Anyone would think I’ve been starving you. Who was it that was making a fuss about not being hungry?”

Sehwa furrowed his brows, perplexed. He couldn’t tell if Ki Tae-jeong was simply teasing or chiding him. Realizing that Sehwa was uncomfortable with being the only one eating, Ki Tae-jeong began grilling meat with great show. He even ladled stew and pushed side dishes closer, despite Sehwa’s protests that it was fine. It was clearly intentional.

What exactly did he want him to do? As Sehwa was pondering with a dejected expression, a sudden thought struck him, and he fumbled to pick up some lettuce leaves. He put a generous amount of rice, added three pieces of meat, and carefully wrapped it all up in the greens that looked ready to burst at any moment. He thought it would be better to do something than keep worrying about Ki Tae-jeong’s mood and end up with indigestion. If he at least made wraps for him, he couldn’t be accused of just eating lazily…

“Um…”

Sehwa called out to Ki Tae-jeong, rounding the end of the lettuce wrap. Ki Tae-jeong just raised an eyebrow in response.

“This…”

As Sehwa mumbled hesitantly, Tae-jeong just stared at the wrap he had made.

“What am I supposed to…”

Ki Tae-jeong’s face suddenly hardened as he was about to make a sarcastic comment. He looked at the wrap being offered to him, moving only his eyes. He seemed to have understood Sehwa’s intention a beat late.

Ki Tae-jeong, who had been frozen for a moment, blew out a sharp breath through his teeth. It was a rather rough movement, enough to make his bangs covering his forehead sway slightly. He didn’t seem angry… but he didn’t look pleased either.

Feeling embarrassed and wondering if he had overdone it, Sehwa started mumbling excuses, saying anything that came to mind. He felt uncomfortable being the only one eating comfortably, and usually the youngest person like himself would be responsible for grilling meat and setting out side dishes, so it felt awkward to just be eating… Also, Ki Tae-jeong had said he would tell him about his parents, and Sehwa was the one who wanted to hear about it…

But even as Sehwa’s hand stretched across the grill became hot, Ki Tae-jeong made no response. Without taking any action, he just stared at the tips of Sehwa’s fingers. His pale forearm, exposed from rolling up his large sleeves, started to turn red from the heat. Just as Sehwa, unable to bear the embarrassment any longer, was about to withdraw the lettuce wrap,

“…”

Only then did Ki Tae-jeong lean forward. Tilting his head as if about to kiss, he devoured the entire large wrap. The crunch of the vegetable stem vibrated all the way to Sehwa’s fingertips. Startled by the force that seemed like it might bite off his fingers too, Sehwa tried to pull back, but Ki Tae-jeong glared at him fiercely as if telling him to stay still. Ki Tae-jeong swallowed about one joint of Sehwa’s fingers, and only after licking off all the moisture that had gathered on the plump flesh under his fingernails did he pull back.

“What are you doing? Not making more?”

Ki Tae-jeong arrogantly jerked his chin while roughly wiping his mouth with his thumb.

“More… of these?”

“What, should I make and offer them to you this time?”

Sehwa shook his head, his face turning pale. The thought of Ki Tae-jeong making him a wrap was enough to make him feel queasy. He rolled up his long sleeves that kept slipping down and shook off the moisture from the lettuce leaves. He busily moved his hands, stuffing meat into the green leaves like a hamster filling its cheeks with food.

What does it mean to live by eating? After saying he wasn’t hungry and being threatened with having his skin peeled off, now he was shoving meat and side dishes down his throat, his eyes rolling at the sight of food. Not only that, but now he was preparing to make lettuce wraps while watching the mood of the man who had been hurting him all along. The fact that he was sitting across from Ki Tae-jeong and eating as if nothing had happened just moments ago suddenly struck him as problematic, and a bitter laugh escaped his lips. The framework of life he had originally possessed wasn’t exactly solid to begin with, but since meeting Tae-jeong, it felt like even that was crumbling. He didn’t even feel like blaming Ki Tae-jeong anymore. Easily agreeing, easily crumbling, and then easily becoming okay again and just shoving food in his mouth… It just felt like it was all his own fault for being so easily swayed.

“What’s so funny?”

“Huh?”

“Why are you laughing like that?”