M 81

“What’s the problem with him going in as a witness for our side?”

“Ah, witness or whatever, he’s a drug offender. How can we bring a criminal into the Ministry of National Defense building, of all places?”

“Bring proper evidence, not just suspicions, then.”

“You should know the situation. If anything goes wrong, we’re the ones who’ll get roasted. Why don’t you just contact the Brigadier General instead of wasting time? I don’t understand what you’re trying to do.”

“Ah, that…! That… can’t be done.”

Sehwa stood in the corner, fidgeting with his fingers. He had arrived a while ago but was stuck at the entrance, unable to move forward or back. He understood why the staff were suspicious. He wasn’t explaining anything while insisting they absolutely couldn’t contact Ki Tae-jeong, yet he was stubbornly trying to get someone who wasn’t even an official in.

“You know, this is making you look more and more suspicious, right?”

“That’s…!”

Warrant Officer Choi, firmly believing that he and Ki Tae-jeong were on good terms, kept his mouth shut as if driven by a great sense of duty. The bear-like man was overflowing with determination to make this surprise event succeed no matter what.

“Because…! This person is the Brigadier General’s…!”

“Sehwa?”

Cutting off Warrant Officer Choi’s attempt at an impassioned speech, an unfamiliarly gentle voice called out to Sehwa. He slowly raised his head, having been stoically enduring the mixed curious, annoyed, and displeased gazes of the people around him.

“It is you. I thought I saw you from afar.”

Surprisingly… the person addressing him was Major General Oh Seon-ran.

“Skip the salute.”

He gestured to the people belatedly trying to salute with shocked faces, then gave Sehwa a small smile. Though he seemed to be trying his best… the gentle smile looked rather awkward, with the corners of his eyes and mouth trembling undignifiedly.

“I’m sorry for causing a disturbance, Major General.”

“Warrant Officer Choi. Is your superior so incompetent that he can’t handle even this simple matter promptly, leaving a pregnant person standing on the street all this time?”

“No, it’s not like that. I came without notice…”

Sehwa quickly intervened to block Oh Seon-ran’s sharp rebuke, causing Warrant Officer Choi’s eyes to sparkle with emotion.

“I actually asked them not to tell the Brigadier General on purpose. I wanted to… do a surprise event…”

Oh Seon-ran stared at Sehwa as he made excuses, then let out a deep sigh, his shoulders rising slightly. Though he didn’t say it out loud, his body language clearly conveyed thoughts like “Oh my, what am I going to do with this naive child?”

Sehwa found Oh Seon-ran’s attitude somehow both ticklish and unfamiliar, causing him to grip the straps of his shopping bag tightly. It was the first time he had seen an adult look at him that way. Not with contempt or treating him like an idiot, but genuinely worried yet fond. If he had had a father or an uncle, someone who was truly family, they probably would have had just such an expression while admonishing him.

“Then I’ll take you there. Just to where you don’t need clearance. You’re trying to get to Brigadier General Ki Tae-jeong’s office, right?”

There was no reason to refuse. Sehwa nodded and gave Warrant Officer Choi a look. He still didn’t want him to contact Ki Tae-jeong yet. It would be strange if this commotion didn’t reach him, but he wanted to buy at least enough time to have a conversation with Oh Seon-ran.

Fortunately, Warrant Officer Choi stepped back a few paces with a determined face. He must want the event to succeed – that’s surely what he was misunderstanding.

“Ahem, I never thought I’d run into you here.”

Oh Seon-ran, who had quickly made room for him, seemed a bit excited.

“Ah, let me clarify, I didn’t have anyone following you. I had just arrived myself when I heard the commotion and came to see what was going on…”

Walking with Oh Seon-ran, the fortress-like building opened up wide. The people who had been standing like totem poles next to the security checkpoint helped Sehwa pass through without any fuss. Of course, there were no exceptions for Oh Seon-ran’s staff and Warrant Officer Choi, who were gradually falling behind as they went through security checks one by one. Thanks to this, it seemed a bit easier to speak to Oh Seon-ran.

“Um, Major General.”

This was his only chance. While he had hoped to meet Oh Seon-ran, he hadn’t expected such a coincidence. It would have been impossible to make a separate appointment with Oh Seon-ran while avoiding Ki Tae-jeong’s eyes, so this was actually fortunate.

The timing was also perfect, as it was before meeting Ki Tae-jeong. In truth, he wasn’t sure what to ask him or what he wanted to hear. He had come impulsively, driven solely by the thought that he needed to see Ki Tae-jeong right away.

“There’s something I’d like to ask you.”

He needed to cool his head while talking with Oh Seon-ran. He didn’t want to appear as if he was throwing a tantrum. He didn’t want to cry either… and he didn’t want to doubt or interrogate Ki Tae-jeong on this similar topic anymore. He had decided not to dwell on uncomfortable truths and hurt himself anymore… As much as possible, he wanted to resolve things positively. Not for Ki Tae-jeong’s sake, but for his own. He didn’t want to feel any more pathetic or hurt than this.

“What’s the matter? If you need any help, as I said before…”

“Ah, no. It’s about my condition.”

Of course, he had no intention of revealing everything to Oh Seon-ran, who wasn’t Ki Tae-jeong. Oh Seon-ran had also been close to Lieutenant Kim, so he might be trying to use him to ruin Ki Tae-jeong.

However, this person had a certificate guaranteed by the head of state… The world Sehwa had lived in so far was a vulgar underworld where money could do anything. So there was no proof that felt as genuine as someone saying they would give you all their possessions.

It wasn’t that he believed in Oh Seon-ran’s character, but rather that he had a tiny bit of trust in the document he possessed. Could he perhaps provide a slightly different perspective on things that Ki Tae-jeong couldn’t or wouldn’t answer? That was the extent of the faith Sehwa had in Oh Seon-ran.

“Your condition? Why, are you feeling unwell somewhere?”

Oh Seon-ran’s eyes wavered slightly as he asked urgently. From the undisguisable ripple, Sehwa noticed that Oh Seon-ran was remembering his friend who was said to be an experimental subject – in other words, the person who gave birth to him. From their first meeting, this seasoned military officer had been unable to conceal his emotions at all in front of him.

“No, I just have something I’m really curious about.”

Sehwa paused to choose his words. The first sentence that came to mind was ‘I want to know the exact effects of the drug Lieutenant Kim created’… But as he was about to speak, it didn’t seem like quite the right question. After all, it would be revealing that he knew nothing about this matter… In this situation, wouldn’t it be unwise to expose his ignorance?

“…It’s because of the drug that I’m like this now, right? Being able to have a child…”

After hesitating, Sehwa deliberately made a definitive statement, trying to act nonchalant. This too was a bluff, if one could call it that. Though it was an amateurish tactic, if it worked, the other person might voluntarily divulge information without him having to ask.

“Are you having any problems because of that drug? Where are you getting medical care now?”

“…Ah, um…, then, perhaps…”

Sehwa swallowed hard and averted his eyes. Somehow, Oh Seon-ran’s urgent questions now seemed to be affirming… his statement.

That is, confirming that his condition had indeed changed because of Lieutenant Kim’s drug.

“Did… did the person who gave birth to me also take that drug…?”

No, not yet. Nothing is certain. How could the drug have changed his body when he never applied patches or anything like that when making and testing drugs with Lieutenant Kim? It’s probably just that his constitution changed from consuming so many strange things over time.

And, the Brigadier General…

The brigadier general also said he really didn’t know.

With that face, those eyes, that voice… he said it wasn’t true.

Sehwa tried desperately to rein in all the thoughts rising like a swarm of bees in his mind. Scattered denials erupted, unclear for whose benefit.

“Hmm, that’s probably not the case. The specific formula was established after the chemical experiments. The documents Lieutenant Kim worked on are relatively recent.”

“Ah…, then, my body is just…”

“I’m not sure of the exact correlation, but it seems certain that your body’s ability to accept the drug more easily than others was due to genetic influence.”

Ah…

“Lieutenant Kim conducted clinical trials on other people, but from what I understand, you were the only one whose constitution changed successfully.”

“…”

“…It’s a relief, though. I kept thinking, what if you had been victimized without knowing anything… But I couldn’t just suddenly grab you and ask what happened, how much you knew, when you must already be so confused…”

Oh Seon-ran exhaled heavily. Watching him seem to genuinely feel relieved, Sehwa couldn’t bring himself to ask any more questions.

So…

The drug Lieutenant Kim made…

It wasn’t a substitute for narcotics,

But a drug to change one’s constitution to be able to get pregnant?

Without knowing this, he… was happy thinking he could finally live inside the castle, inside the star?

“I was most worried that Ki Tae-jeong might have done something terrible to you… He would have wanted to keep you by any means necessary.”

“…Why?”

Sehwa awkwardly lifted the corners of his mouth. He couldn’t feel the use of his facial muscles at all, as if paralyzed. He could only hope that this habitual act wasn’t too unnatural.

“Even if my constitution changed, how would someone like me be of any help to the brigadier general…”

As he finally voiced the question to which he might already know the answer, Sehwa prayed fervently. Yes, regardless of what Lieutenant Kim had planned from the start… he hoped Ki Tae-jeong truly didn’t know, as he had claimed. No, even if he knew a little, it would be okay… as long as he wasn’t trying to use and discard him as a means to an end, like Lieutenant Kim and others who had exploited him before. That seemed like it would be enough.

“A family like Lieutenant Kim’s could somehow cover up drug manufacturing or distribution. Without even needing to lobby, they could just pin the blame on powerless people like you. Lieutenant Kim probably had that in mind when he involved you and the people from the House.”

“……”

“But if this drug isn’t just a simple narcotic, if there’s a way to prove its efficacy… If someone like Ki Tae-jeong, who wants to bring down Lieutenant Kim’s side somehow, found out about it, what do you think he would do?”

…Ah. Sehwa squeezed his eyes shut. Behind his closed eyelids, thorny letters swarmed. There was a reason Ki Tae-jeong had made him suspicious proposals from the start. It wasn’t simply that he liked his body and wanted to use and discard him, nor was it just to use him as a tool….

“Your very existence is the strongest evidence that no one can deny. Thanks to you becoming pregnant, they can no longer insist that Lieutenant Kim is just a simple drug offender. Moreover, Sehwa, you can perfectly reproduce the drug in court, can’t you? With your constitution that can detoxify itself, you could repeat the same process over and over without breaking down…. From Ki Tae-jeong’s perspective, it would be strange not to recruit you.”

“……”

“That’s why Lieutenant Kim’s side is now pushing the claim that you became pregnant after being mistreated, trying to sway public opinion. They’re insisting that a witness and evidence created in such a way has no legal validity.”

Oh Seon-ran’s voice alternated between sounding distant and near. Barely registering the soldiers’ assurances that it was completely harmless for a pregnant person, Sehwa passed through the final security checkpoint like a ghost. He wasn’t even sure how he was moving his feet. He was just walking aimlessly.

He needed to manage his expression. He should be wearing a proper mask… But it felt like a dark, sharp mass was about to burst out from inside him at any moment, and simply not crying was the best he could manage.

“I don’t know all the circumstances, but it seems like you two have feelings for each other… and it’s a relief that you don’t seem to be completely unaware of the situation.”

“……”

“Your father… he really struggled, you know. If he knew you had gone through something like this too, he wouldn’t be able to rest in peace even in heaven.”

For a moment, Sehwa recalled the jeers of people who talked about fate and destiny. It was a topic he’d heard endlessly in the card parlors, and those countless words were like curses to him.

Like a filthy puddle he’d end up stepping in no matter how hard he tried to avoid it. They said he’d live a miserable life and die that way. That’s just how he was born, they said.

He wanted to show them they were wrong, and even if he couldn’t hope for heaven, he wanted to belong among the stars. He had struggled all this time just to get that one resident card saying he belonged inside the castle. Though he hadn’t lived righteously, he had tried to at least imitate it sometimes, making an effort in his own way not to become just like those other pieces of trash.

But… looking at it now, they hadn’t been wrong about a single thing. This was his fate. Just as Ki Tae-jeong had once said, he was one of those common, stupid back-alley people who get swept up in fantasies, giving their body and heart only to end up ruining their lives.

As soon as there was the slightest opportunity, he gave his heart to Ki Tae-jeong as if he’d been waiting for it. More than physical hunger, he was starved for affection, and he hated so much that his symbol was the lonely Hwatu card with no person, no animal, nothing… Even knowing he wasn’t a good person, even knowing he was being mistreated as Oh Seon-ran said, he had easily thrown himself at him.

It wasn’t that he had come to like Ki Tae-jeong without realizing how foolish he was. He thought even this much was more than he deserved, given his lowly position. Unable to hope for eternity, he thought even a fleeting season would be good enough.

“…Well, still… you, Sehwa… you can be different from Jin-woo. I’ll do my best to help you live a long, healthy, and happy life. And… anyway, Ki Tae-jeong considers you his person, and you two like each other, right?”

Sehwa swallowed the cold, bitter laugh that kept trying to escape.

Ki Tae-jeong likes me? Me?

He had asked him several times, clutching at him. Sobbing, he had demanded to know if he had known from the start that his constitution had changed, if he had slept with his knowing everything. What had Ki Tae-jeong said then? Holding his hand tightly, he had said no. Until he fainted and woke up, until the first light of dawn, the man had denied it more than three times. He truly didn’t know, he said it was all untrue.

Lee Sehwa. That low voice calling his name, asking if he could kiss him. His sincere promise to think about how to take responsibility for his and the child, his request to absolutely be made his legal guardian, and Ki Tae-jeong’s face as he smiled, saying he’d show him a real ocean when everything was over…

“Major General, that document. The one with the drug formula written on it…”

Sehwa rolled his eyes around, pretending to look at the interior of the building, and spoke in the brightest voice he could manage. He had to get rid of the tears that kept welling up.

“Can I see that too? I’ve only heard instructions, I’ve never actually seen it…”

Oh Seon-ran immediately tapped his wristwatch, saying why not. After going through several security procedures, a small hologram floated up above the panel.

Sehwa quickly read through the text that appeared before his eyes, as if he would chew and swallow the letters. Some of the drugs were unfamiliar, but most were names he knew. It was exactly the formula Lieutenant Kim had told him about. Even for the ones he didn’t know, he felt he could be certain if he tasted them. No, just confirming the descriptions below seemed like it would be enough. He could probably gauge the approximate taste just by knowing where they were extracted from. But… at the moment, he didn’t have the energy to interpret the long string of footnotes. He had no strength at all to focus deeply on something or take in new information.

“Sehwa?”

“Yes?”

“What’s wrong? Is there a problem?”

“Ah… no, it’s not that. Um… Lieutenant Kim didn’t give me patches at the time. So I was wondering how the drug had an effect.”

“Ah… Hmm, did you perhaps wear something like a tourniquet on your arm? When you were making drugs with Lieutenant Kim.”

“Tourniquet… Oh, do you mean a medical rubber band?”

“Yes. Some patches used in commercial hospitals look similar to that. It was confirmed that Lieutenant Kim had secured a considerable number of those patches… Wait a minute. Don’t tell me Ki Tae-jeong didn’t even tell you about this?”

Ah…. His shoulders dropped without him realizing it. So it wasn’t to help with injections easily, but to make the drug circulate well… And not knowing that, he had thanked Lieutenant Kim every time….

“Sehwa, are you perhaps…”

“No, it’s fine. He probably didn’t tell me the details because he thought I’d be upset…. Anyway, Lieutenant Kim was my long-time regular customer. I know most of it.”

His body, his voice, everything felt foreign as he nodded, saying that he finally understood the questions he had. Behind his eyelids, something like black and white ink kept spreading and disappearing. Sehwa clenched his fists so hard his fingernails felt like they would break, and he endured. He mustn’t cry. If he cried now….

“Thank you for telling me.”

“…Sehwa.”

“Really. I knew everything.”

Sehwa hadn’t hoped for anything grand. Marriage? Eternal love? He never expected such things from the start. He knew he’d be discarded after a season, that the relationship would end whenever Ki Tae-jeong got bored of him. But… he didn’t know it was a planned construction from the beginning.

Because Ki Tae-jeong had denied it with a rather serious face. Because he asked him to trust him from now on. Because Sehwa felt he was actually changing gradually…. That’s why he had been opening his heart defenselessly.

It was just a bit of acting to comfortably get the job done. Just a toy to fuck and discard easily while at it…. He alone had been excited. Well… Ki Tae-jeong had asked him from the start to be a playmate to keep by his side for a while, so it wasn’t all lies. He had just been faithful to that exact role, but he alone hadn’t realized it.

After telling himself to know his place, he had stupidly dreamed, intoxicated by Ki Tae-jeong’s sweet whispers.

“…Brigadier General Ki Tae-jeong cares for me, you know.”

Thinking that maybe he too could be Lee Sehwa to someone, not just Samwol.

***

“Because of one stupid bastard, all this…”

Ki Tae-jeong buried himself in the backrest, pressing his palm hard against his eyelids.

Needless to say, besides preparing for the trial, there are basic duties to fulfill as an officer. Although he was officially on a rather long vacation, there were still things that couldn’t be resolved unless he stepped in.

In the midst of all this, that damned Lieutenant Kim had completely burned down 2-Hwan’s warehouse, and now they also had to figure out how to clear the sky path covered in harmful substances. Of course they would claim compensation for damages, but things had already reached a point where a few pennies couldn’t clean up the current situation. Just getting the fighter jets out of the hangar was a problem, and the wide-open airspace near 2-Hwan was also an issue.

“What should we reply this time, sir?”

“We’ve done all we can, so now we just shut up.”

He had already proposed several alternatives. They were good enough plans that even other soldiers and entrepreneurs who suffered severe asset damage all agreed.

But those great elders of Lieutenant Kim’s family were stubbornly refusing to agree. They seemed to have completely lost their minds over the trial issue, automatically opposing any opinions from people who opposed them, especially proposals submitted by Ki Tae-jeong.

“They’re the ones screaming without distinguishing between public and private matters, and the more stupidly they act, the more advantageous it’ll be for us.”

Ki Tae-jeong blinked at the ceiling for a moment before rising from his seat.

How long would they have to waste time on these meaningless pretenses? Fuck, he just wanted to ignore it all and go to the market with Lee Sehwa.

Once the trial is over, once he sweeps away all those bastards. He’s going to completely overhaul this way of moving sluggishly while looking for plausible excuses until the very end. He’s about to retire, but he’ll continue to show his face as an elder in the future, and he can’t keep seeing this infuriating sight every time.

Yes, just a little more patience. He knows this, but maybe because the end is in sight, his patience was wearing thin.

“B-Brigadier General!”

Suddenly, the door flung open without a knock. It was Lieutenant Park, his eyes bloodshot from struggling with equally heavy workload.

“What is it.”

A colder response than intended came out, feeling slightly guilty. Did he notice I was about to throw everything away and return to the quarters?

“Sir, that…”

However, Lieutenant Park didn’t seem to have read such signs at all. No, he looked like he had no time to pay attention to anything other than what he was rushing in to report.

“Now, sir, um…”

Lieutenant Park just kept looking for Ki Tae-jeong, stammering unusually.

“Lieutenant Park.”

Only then sensing something wasn’t right, Ki Tae-jeong lightly furrowed his brow.

“Ah, I’m sorry, but… I think you need to come out. Right now, Sa-Samwol-ssi, no, Mr. Lee Sehwa is…”