M 106

“Ah… ah, aah.”

Sehwa made meaningless sounds, letting them resonate in his throat. When he woke up, his throat would sting as if glass shards were embedded in it, but for the past few days, he couldn’t even feel that pain anymore.

At first, he thought it might be a good thing that it no longer hurt, but it felt more like his senses were gradually disappearing, as if he had become numb. Now he couldn’t even gauge the warmth when drinking hot water.

Anyway, it didn’t seem like a particularly good sign, so he was careful not to arouse suspicion from Lieutenant Na, who was in charge of his care. While he was still struggling, buried in memories that assaulted him several times a day, he still couldn’t remember what had led to his hospitalization.

How long had he been here? They said he had been on the brink of death for over a week after surgery, so including that time, it must have been close to a month. Money was leaking away even when he was just sitting and breathing, and he didn’t want to waste meaningless costs on tests that didn’t seem very effective.

“So what kind of surgery was it…”

Sehwa stared out the window with a blank expression. Just when it seemed his memories might return, now his body refused to cooperate. What could he have wanted to forget so badly that his body was so violently rejecting life? For someone who had had the strongest desire to survive, more than anyone else, the current situation was perplexing.

Of course, Sehwa’s biggest question now was Ki Tae-jeong himself. Why was he being so nice to him?

At first, he suspected he might have taken one of his organs. Or was planning to. If that wasn’t his purpose, there was no reason to bring him to such a nice place and take care of him while feeding him expensive meals.

There’s no such thing as kindness without reason in this world. Moreover, from his appearance to his rank, there wasn’t a single aspect about him that wasn’t impressive, so why would he say things like he had done a lot wrong to him? It wasn’t even uncommon for lower-class people to be crushed like insects at the gesture of high-ranking officials.

He must want something from him to be practically living in the hospital room… But he didn’t seem to enjoy gambling or drugs either.

‘Brigadier General.’

‘Yes?’

‘By any chance, did I… provide you with other forms of entertainment?’

He tried to phrase it as indirectly as possible, but he meant to ask if he had sold his body to him. What kind of mire would he be rolling in a year later? It was horrifying just to imagine… But there weren’t many things a man could take from him, and after eliminating the two main ones, this was all that was left.

‘…What?’

‘You don’t seem to need drugs, so…’

‘…’

‘And it’s not like you play hwatu,’

‘Lee Sehwa.’

‘…’

‘I told you you’re not someone who sells your body.’

Ki Tae-jeong, in a rare display, furrowed his brow and sharply retorted to Sehwa’s difficult question.

‘It’s not a profitable business, and you said you didn’t like being treated that way by people. Wasn’t that your business principle?’

‘Ah… Yes, that’s true, but…’

‘Then why? Is that all you can imagine when you look at me?’

The man’s calm voice carried an indescribable emotion. He didn’t seem angry. Just… a bit shocked. It might just be his imagination, but he also seemed hurt.

‘But… without something like that, how could someone like me ever meet someone like you, Brigadier General?’

‘…’

‘If perhaps, that’s why I had surgery, because some part of my body was damaged… No, even if there was a problem because of that, there’s no reason for someone of your rank to take care of me…’

‘It’s not like that. You’ve never done anything like that.’

‘…’

‘…I…’

Ki Tae-jeong remained silent for a long time after that. He was curious about what Ki Tae-jeong had swallowed back, but Sehwa couldn’t probe further. He sensed a firmness from the man that he would not give any answer on this topic.

Well, if it wasn’t the case, that would be a relief… but the uneasiness and questions only grew. He could only hope it was some tremendous mistake that could justify this luxury.

Even after that, Ki Tae-jeong didn’t urge him to regain his memories, nor did he show frustration at his seemingly hopeless condition. Except for one time when he rested his forehead on the back of his hand as if collapsing and took a long, labored breath, he treated him as if nothing was wrong.

Days passed like that. When he opened his eyes, he saw Ki Tae-jeong. They would exchange greetings, asking if he slept well, and eat together. He sometimes asked how unfamiliar fruits tasted. He would bring bedding that wasn’t used in the hospital and ask if the texture was okay. More precisely, he wanted to know what he liked.

There were many times when they sat side by side without exchanging any words, just looking out the window. At those times, for some reason, the hollow place below his stomach would whine. A surge of inexplicable sadness and misdirected anger would wash over him. If that’s how it was going to be. If that’s how it was. The important part that followed was a tattered sentence fluttering in his mind, with all the crucial details blown away.

“Mr. Lee Sehwa.”

There was a knock at the door, and after a short pause, the door swung open. It was Lieutenant Na, the military doctor who had reportedly pulled him back from the brink of death.

“I went for a walk after lunch, and it’s really hot outside.”

Indeed, Lieutenant Na smelled of parched sunlight. Sehwa, who had even forgotten the seasons, could only respond with a simple “I see.”

“Don’t you want to go out? Even if it’s just for a moment.”

“…No.”

When he barely managed to reply in a small voice, Lieutenant Na fiddled with his eyebrows as if troubled.

“Um, is there anything uncomfortable?”

“…”

“It would be good to try performing some daily activities little by little… Is there anything you want to do? Like reading a book or watching a movie.”

As if he could have such grand hobbies. Sehwa’s daily routine consisted only of dealing hwatu cards and mixing drugs. Of course, he would be grateful if they gave him time to practice so his hands wouldn’t stiffen… but he felt he shouldn’t demonstrate illegal activities in front of soldiers, no matter what.

“There are children’s storybooks from the pediatric ward. Would you like to look at those today?”

Lieutenant Na pressed the button on his watch and entered something on the screen. That watch, which only soldiers could use, had numerous functions unknown to ordinary people hanging from it. Of course, the watch worn by Brigadier General Ki Tae-jeong was much more elaborate than Lieutenant Na’s.

Watch…

As Sehwa looked at the small hologram floating above the panel, he hurriedly lowered his head, feeling a chill run down his neck. It felt like he had seen something he shouldn’t have. He wasn’t sure since when, but looking at that watch made his heart sink.

“I asked them to bring it this time, but tomorrow, let’s have you go and choose for yourself. The bookshelf isn’t far from the hospital room. How about it?”

Sehwa really doesn’t want to go out… While he was hesitating, trying to choose words to refuse, the door swung open. Sergeant Major Choi… was it? Anyway, he was panting, hugging an armful of books.

“You’re here already?”

Lieutenant Na’s eyes widened. Sehwa was equally surprised.

“Will this be enough? Should I bring more?”

“What’s this?”

As if he had just finished work and returned, Ki Tae-jeong stood at the doorway, frowning as if in disbelief.

“What’s all this commotion in a patient’s room?”

“Ah, Brigadier General. I’m sorry, I don’t have any hands free at the moment…”

“I asked him to bring some books for Sehwa to read.”

Lieutenant Na, who quickly saluted, shared the load with Sergeant Major Choi. Ki Tae-jeong, who seemed about to make some comment, merely raised an eyebrow slightly at those words.

Sehwa pressed his messy side hair with his palm out of unnecessary concern. The man seemed to be fine with anything as long as it was for him, no matter what kind of commotion broke out.

“I’m back.”

At some point, he had started greeting him with a calm face, saying “I’ll be back” and “I’m back.” Then, while taking off his military jacket, he would briefly tell him about his day.

He went to the Ministry of Defense, there was a meeting at the Air Force headquarters, they were reviewing the introduction of a new fighter jet… It was closer to summarizing the main tasks of the day rather than having a conversation, but Sehwa liked that moment the most in his day.

His eyes that squinted ever so slightly as if hesitating about something while appearing calm, his low voice, the way he glanced at him as if expecting something… He liked all of Ki Tae-jeong’s actions that felt a bit awkward, and yet it made him strangely sad. Words he wanted to say to the man would well up and then fade away repeatedly.

“Now, choose one.”

Lieutenant Na and Sergeant Major Choi stepped back and pointed to the storage cabinet. Sehwa hesitated before standing up. He wasn’t interested in books, but more than that, he didn’t want to show his walking.

Recently, everyone coming and going from the room, including Ki Tae-jeong and Lieutenant Na, had been on high alert about his gait, saying he seemed to be limping slightly on his right leg. His neck condition was a bit strange, but his legs didn’t hurt at all.

His profile felt hot from the stares fixed on him. Sehwa moved his steps, feeling a bit intimidated.

He was trying his best not to mind people’s gazes and just looking at the floor, when suddenly he was startled by a long shadow stretching towards him and involuntarily flinched greatly.

“…Ah.”

The owner of the touch that coiled around him like a black snake was, of course, Ki Tae-jeong.

“I’m… sorry.”

The large hand that had paused in the air for a moment at his strong rejection soon firmly grasped his arm. He might have felt embarrassed, being treated badly while trying to help, but he didn’t reproach him at all. He just supported him so he could step forward easily. Seeing their two large shadows tangled together somehow made him feel queasy, so Sehwa turned his head vaguely.

The books on the empty shelf were all different sizes and colors, but their colorfulness made the hospital room feel brighter. Sehwa was about to take one out but glanced back at Ki Tae-jeong. Somehow, he felt like he shouldn’t touch anything without his permission.

Ki Tae-jeong was having a conversation with Lieutenant Na using only lip movements. Then, as if sensing the gaze directed at him, he moved only his eyes to look at Sehwa. He closed his eyes deeply and then opened them, swallowing a sigh.

“…Read comfortably.”

“…”

“Don’t mind me.”

“That’s…”

A lie.

Sehwa was startled and covered his mouth. What he meant to mutter inwardly almost escaped his lips. And to call it a lie… He had kindly told him to read comfortably, yet he didn’t understand why he felt so upset, where in those words was there anything to be indignant about. Sehwa suppressed his unreasonable feelings that were boiling up red-hot and took out the thinnest book.

The pages turned so easily that he felt ashamed for having dawdled, saying he didn’t want to read. Though he pretended otherwise, he actually enjoyed it.

After lingering in front of it for a while, Sehwa carefully took out another book. Perhaps because it was mostly pictures, it took less than 5 minutes to read to the end.

Did they say these were books from the pediatric ward? Maybe that’s why they focused more on the protagonist’s wishes coming true rather than moral lessons. Those wishes were all incredibly modest, like going on an adventure with a puppy in a dream or piling up mountains of chocolate to eat.

“It seems there’s no major problem with his cognitive abilities.”

Lieutenant Na, who had been watching from behind, suggested trying other activities little by little. He said they should go for walks even if he didn’t want to, and start counseling soon.

“Staying inside all the time will only make things worse.”

Lieutenant Na coaxed gently, reading refusal in his sullen expression. Sehwa stubbornly kept his mouth shut and took out another storybook.

Sehwa knows it’s contradictory behavior. Life in the special room was burdensome, but he didn’t want to go outside. It wasn’t because he disliked returning to the house and continuing his life as an athlete. Literally, he didn’t want to stick his body out of the room. That one step was strangely scary. It felt like if he opened the door and went out, something bad would happen.

“He still looks uncomfortable. Especially his legs.”

“He was fine until now, but as his memories returned, he started limping. It seems the psychological aspect is significant. It’s time for active treatment under the guidance of a psychiatrist.”

As Sehwa overheard the conversation between Lieutenant Na and Ki Tae-jeong, he flipped through the pages of a newly opened book.

It was a book about the adventure of a little child who wanted to fly in the sky, and the page he happened to open was filled with a deep blue sky. Below it was green grass, and in the distance, pale green mountain peaks were sparsely visible.

“…Ah.”

As Sehwa quietly looked at the picture, he unconsciously let out a small exclamation. Or should it be called a sigh? A long, staggering sound that was neither moaning nor crying flowed out.

“Ah, uh…”

He had definitely seen a similar scene somewhere before.

Sehwa hurriedly covered his mouth. Suddenly, it felt like his insides were being crushed.

“Lee Sehwa!”

Ki Tae-jeong, noticing something was wrong, called his name. The sound of the book falling to the floor was loud, and at the same time, he felt something crumbling inside his body. It felt like the thin glass wall wrapped around him was shattering completely.

The crushed glass particles scattered everywhere, and along with the chaotically dispersing light, unfamiliar images poured out. They were clearly memories of something Sehwa had experienced before.

Yes…, he had flown in such a blue sky with Ki Tae-jeong. Below was faded grass, and when he turned his head, he could see him smiling, shaking his sweat-soaked hair.

When he closed his eyes tightly and opened them again, the overturned sky had poured down to the ground, becoming blue water that rippled. Sehwa was going down an escalator with Ki Tae-jeong, surrounded by white spray. He put a military cap on him and whispered that when everything was over, they would go see that real sea.

Sea.

As he mumbled that word in his mouth, pitch-black darkness suddenly descended over the beautiful waves. The faint, cool scent that filled his nostrils had already changed to an acrid smell of burning.

“Huh, uh…”

Lee Sehwa, Sehwa. The man’s voice calling his name was distant.

A bright white light that seemed incapable of casting even a shadow burst in front of his eyes. People were shouting at the top of their lungs, and a middle-aged woman started sobbing incessantly. ‘I don’t want to die. Please save me, young man.’ That tearful plea made Sehwa feel helpless.

And,

Honey.

A familiar voice called him by an impossible term of endearment.

‘No. You can’t die. I’ll make you live just like me.’

The man’s sharp words seemed to stab his brain. Ah, Sehwa couldn’t come to his senses amidst the flood of memories.

‘Why am I? Why am I here now?’

“Don’t raise your head. Don’t lower it too much either, yeah. Stay like that.”

Ki Tae-jeong, who had approached without notice, supported the back of Sehwa’s neck and held his chin. He had been having a nosebleed for some time. Once he became aware of it, the taste of metal spread in his mouth. However,

“…, Saessak…”

Whether he was bleeding or not, none of that mattered at all.

Saessak…. What happened to the baby? Sehwa felt his stomach with his terribly shaking hands. His insides were aching as if being beaten, but it was clearly different from what he felt when the baby was there. It didn’t matter if his body was screaming or not. Just the baby….

“Ah…, sae, ssak…”

At the words that came out as he gasped for breath, Ki Tae-jeong froze for a moment and couldn’t say anything. Then he immediately hugged him tightly. As if telling him to breathe, he cupped his hand and brought it to his mouth.

He seemed like someone who had been waiting for this moment for a long time. Yet also like someone who had been praying that this moment would never come.

“…Do you remember?”

“…”

“Lee Sehwa.”

Ki Tae-jeong looked like he had many questions. However, after that, as if he realized something, he didn’t press for anything. He just silently used his sleeve to block his nose.

Sehwa couldn’t say anything. No, he was unable to. No sound could resonate from his throat, which seemed to have lost sensation. His tongue root had stiffened, making it difficult to form proper sentences. Only an empty sound of cutting through the wind circled in his mouth. As if it were punishment for not protecting his precious child, an invisible hand seemed to have taken away his voice.