M 107

“…”

Sehwa awkwardly felt around his throat. It felt as if his vocal cords were tied with a rigid string. Though it was just a three-inch piece of flesh that had hardened, an unfamiliar sensation filled every corner of his body.

If he tried with all his might, he could make small, meaningless sounds like “ah”. However, it was difficult to recite proper words and sentences. Since it was a body part he had used without much conscious thought, he had no idea how to move it in this situation.

Well, whether he was bleeding from his nose, unable to speak, or going blind… none of that mattered. He was just frustrated that he couldn’t immediately ask about the baby’s condition.

“First, let’s stop the bleeding…”

As he said this, Ki Tae-jeong somewhat sternly and carefully removed Sehwa’s hands that were wrapped around his neck.

“It’s dangerous.”

He seemed worried that Sehwa might be trying to harm himself.

Sehwa stared blankly at Ki Tae-jeong. It was a gaze like that of an audience member who had lost interest in the play.

The ends of the man’s neat eyebrows and fingertips kept twitching. He moved his lips several times as if he had something to say. Yes, he was truly worried about him with his whole body.

It didn’t make sense. He was the one who had put a collar of platinum and diamonds on him with a twisted smile. Now his gestures were so powerless, almost like caressing his skin. Was he really concerned that he might hurt himself with just that?

Ah… Well. He had hooked his fingers into the ring at the back and dragged him like a dog. To Ki Tae-jeong, he wasn’t a person but a possession, so he was clearly warning that even he couldn’t handle that body carelessly. It wasn’t a concern, but just another form of threat.

“You were in danger because your bleeding wouldn’t stop even after surgery, Lee Sehwa!”

Ki Tae-jeong sharply scolded him as he blocked Sehwa, who was trying to lunge forward again like a bullet.

“Can’t you hear me saying it’s dangerous? You almost died!”

“Your nosebleed, you must be confused, we need to run tests first, your current condition, and then, what I wanted to ask you, what I was going to say….” The man kept talking. Each time, his voice repeated getting louder and softer like a broken speaker.

It seems like I’ve had a similar feeling before…. Sehwa, who had been just blinking for a moment, soon pushed away the rising thoughts. What’s the importance of such things?

“Okay, okay, so wait.”

The person Sehwa needed right now was Lieutenant Na, who had left his seat saying he would prepare for examinations and treatment. Not Ki Tae-jeong, but a doctor who could clearly explain about the baby.

What was the point of counting the days when he had been hurt and suffered miserably to a similar degree by Ki Tae-jeong? Now, Sehwa didn’t want to question him about anything. He didn’t need any explanations or clarifications, and wasn’t curious about anything; he just wanted to know what had happened to the baby.

Sehwa lunged forward again. Though he had only rammed into the man’s metal-like solid body several times to tell him to move aside, his shoulders were already feeling battered.

“Sergeant Major Choi, bring a wheelchair.”

Ki Tae-jeong, judging that he could no longer stop Sehwa, finally called Sergeant Major Choi who was waiting behind.

“We’ll stop by downstairs and then go straight to the examination room, so tell Lieutenant Na that as well.”

“Yes, understood.”

Sergeant Major Choi left the hospital room like the wind.

“I’ll show you the baby.”

Sehwa’s gaze, which had been following those urgent footsteps, finally turned slowly towards Ki Tae-jeong.

“It’s safe. The surgery went well.”

As if this was indeed the right topic, Sehwa, who had been staggering like a drugged animal, became a little calmer.

“It’s in an incubator now.”

Ki Tae-jeong used the end of his sleeve to press and wipe the blood under Sehwa’s nose and philtrum. Fortunately, the nosebleed seemed to be stopping gradually.

“It’s healthy without any problems.”

“…”

“It’s following the developmental process smoothly in the best incubator, so there’s nothing to worry about regarding the baby.”

Only then did Sehwa relax his tensed body. The tips of his shoulders, which had been standing up with tension, settled down in a rounded line.

On the contrary, Ki Tae-jeong bit his lip and let out a short sigh. He still couldn’t tell how much Sehwa remembered. He might have completely forgotten the time he spent with him right after the surgery. Or he might be quietly suppressing his anger while remembering everything.

Whatever the case, what was certain was that now the person dominating Sehwa’s mind was not him, but the baby.

Ki Tae-jeong, unable to contain the sudden surge of anxiety, pulled Sehwa into an embrace.

“It’s not the baby that’s the problem, it’s you.”

“…”

“Lee Sehwa, you were very sick.”

In Sehwa, who wouldn’t even look at him, he saw an overlap with the day he had dragged him from Level 2. Sehwa, who had fainted and woken up, whispered various things to the baby while stroking his belly in the bedroom. His voice calling the sprouting life “Saessak” was sweet. The bed under the round glow of the reading lamp looked infinitely cozy and warm. And it felt like he would never be invited into that kind world made of light and sugar.

Somehow, a similar, stinging and raw feeling rose from deep within him. All he could sense from Lee Sehwa, who was keeping his mouth tightly shut, was clear rejection.

“We can go see the baby anytime, so for now, just check if it’s doing well and then get examined first.”

“…”

“…We’ll talk about us after that.”

“…”

“You have things you want to ask and confront me about, right?”

“…”

“I have a lot I want to explain to you too.”

He slowly unwrapped his arms while stroking Sehwa’s terribly thin back.

The beam of light filtering through the window followed the movement of the clouds, sweeping across the hospital room like a spotlight. With each shimmering of the light, the color of Sehwa’s eyes changed slightly. His pupils repeatedly dilated and contracted.

Perhaps because of this, Sehwa suddenly felt unfamiliar, like someone he was seeing for the first time. Indeed, he had never received such a gaze before. Even when he cried and screamed at him, or when he was too scared to look up at him, he had never had such empty, glass-like eyes…

Ki Tae-jeong felt momentarily speechless. Yes, no. He wanted to hear any kind of answer from Sehwa, even if it was just a simple response. He felt that might help alleviate this uncomfortable, awkward feeling. But unlike before, looking at Sehwa whose intentions he could no longer read at all, he couldn’t think of appropriate words.

“Brigadier General.”

While Ki Tae-jeong was trying to choose a suitable topic, Sergeant Major Choi, sweating profusely, brought a wheelchair to the doorway.

However, Sehwa ignored him and stepped out the door. Although he wasn’t incapable of moving, he didn’t want to rely on someone else’s hands, specifically Ki Tae-jeong’s, to move.

“Lee Sehwa.”

“…”

“They said you’re a critically ill patient. If you overexert yourself like this…”

Annoyed by his constant attempts to grab his arms and shoulders, he finally shook him off with all his might. The sound was loud enough to make the startled Sergeant Major Choi gasp. Still, Sehwa didn’t look back. It would have been a feeble force that wouldn’t even leave a teeth mark on the man anyway. He knew it wouldn’t hurt him at all.

Of course, he was somewhat prepared. Grabbing his hair for being insolent, or dragging him and throwing him onto the bed… things like that. Well, let him do what he wants. Sehwa was no longer afraid of anything.

Surprisingly, however, Ki Tae-jeong showed no reaction as Sehwa took several steps. Sergeant Major Choi kept swallowing nervously, and it was quiet behind him.

After a moment, there was the sound of a deep sigh, and then Ki Tae-jeong strode up beside him. However, he didn’t do anything, just walked slowly, matching his pace.

He thought it was unexpected. Given his temperament, he should have been more than ready to hurl all sorts of abuse at him. Fortunately, he didn’t arbitrarily put his hands on his body, insisting on supporting him.

Anyway, Sehwa limped on his right leg and made it to the elevator by himself. His condition must have worsened, as he was sweating profusely on his forehead just from this short walk. Ki Tae-jeong twitched his hands several times but didn’t grab him carelessly.

“Um, they say if there’s no name yet, they’d like to know the prenatal name at least.” Ki Tae-jeong cleared his throat softly and spoke up, perhaps finding the accumulating silence uncomfortable, “Of course, we’ve completed registration with the incubator code, but…”

“…”

“‘Saessak is the prenatal name, right?”

It was a question he wouldn’t have bothered to answer even if his throat had been fine. Why was he suddenly so curious about the child? For the trial? Even so, things like the child’s name or health issues wouldn’t be of any importance to Ki Tae-jeong. Why is he suddenly acting as if he’s greatly interested in Saessak?

“You don’t have any other name in mind?”

Sehwa kept his eyes stubbornly fixed on the dashboard. Although Ki Tae-jeong tried to engage him in conversation a few more times, Sehwa responded with a silence that was a mix of involuntary and intentional. Fortunately, the incubator care room wasn’t far, so the awkward and precarious situation soon came to an end.

As soon as the door opened, there was a large sign with directions, allowing Sehwa to proceed alone towards Saessak without Ki Tae-jeong’s guidance. Of course, he was still closely following behind him, as if monitoring.

After passing through the corridor, several protective rooms with large glass windows appeared, and Ki Tae-jeong’s footsteps also slowed at a certain point. It seemed Saessak was somewhere around here.

Sehwa wiped away the blood still trickling with his sleeve. Then he blinked rapidly, trying to make his vision as clear as possible. Thinking he could see the child, suddenly nothing hurt anymore.

“Brigadier General Ki Tae-jeong has arrived.”

The place where he stopped was the first protective room. The nurse inside recognized the man and greeted him cheerfully. Somehow, despite the thick glass wall, people’s voices could be heard clearly.

“Oh, are you perhaps Lee Sehwa, the patient?”

Sehwa nodded vigorously and approached.

“How are you feeling?”

There was a sound of wheels rolling inside. Sehwa, knowing it was impolite, still craned his neck and peered behind the nurse. Regrettably, all his attention was focused on the child, leaving no room to even offer a brief eye greeting to the person kindly welcoming him.

“Haha, you must have been very curious. As you’ve heard, he’s healthy. It’s a boy.”

Ah. As the nurse stepped aside for him to see, a cream-colored incubator came into view. Something like a white egg on a silver wagon was approaching him.

Sehwa, feeling a lump in his throat, carefully placed his hand on the glass window. Even though he knew he couldn’t hold or touch Saessak by doing so, his body moved that way instinctively.

“The hologram floating above reproduces the baby’s movements inside the incubator exactly, and as you can see, he’s very active. His developmental state is also very good, so you don’t need to worry.”

In the hologram, Saessak was curled up in a ball, enthusiastically playing with his feet. Below were approximate measurements displayed, and while he didn’t understand most of it, one thing was clear. The heart rate graph he had often seen on ultrasound screens was moving perfectly normally. It was completely different from the last time when it had shown almost no movement.

Ah… Sehwa couldn’t hold back the tears welling up and leaned his forehead against the wall with a thud. He cried with metallic sobs, not caring about embarrassment. He felt grateful and sorry – grateful that he hadn’t left his weak, pathetic father who had collapsed, and sorry that he was even healthy when he had done nothing for him.

Perhaps because of the surgery while he was unconscious, he still didn’t feel like the child had been taken out. Even now, he still felt the familiar pricking sensation in his belly as if he were still carrying Saessak.

But seeing that child he had seen in the growth projections now moving in the hologram… he could at least feel that there was nothing wrong with Saessak. The child was safe. Moreover, he was healthy. That fluttering heartbeat really belonged to his child…

“Belated congratulations, Lee Sehwa-nim.”

In the most common position for fetuses, Saessak was constantly wiggling his feet. Finding the tiny movements so adorable, Sehwa unknowingly opened his mouth slightly and just stared at the incubator.

“Now that you’ve confirmed he’s healthy, we need to go for your examination.”

It was the firm male voice that brought Sehwa back to reality from his trance.

“You can come see him again tomorrow.”

“…”

“Yes, the staff is on duty 24 hours, so you can come see him anytime. By the way, have you not given him a prenatal name? Try calling him once. The baby will like it too.”

Ah… Only then did Sehwa drop his hand, his face turning pale. He felt his blood run cold.

He had thought it didn’t matter how his body was damaged… but that wasn’t true. He didn’t know why he suddenly couldn’t produce a voice, but if this condition continued… he might never be able to call Saessak.

Not only unable to say nice things like “you’ve been through a lot” or “I love you,” but not even able to properly call his name… what a pathetic person to be a father. Even though Saessak hadn’t been able to choose who to be conceived by, how resentful must he be of him?

“…Ah.”

Though he tried his hardest to force sound through his blocked throat, all he managed was a meaningless sigh rather than words. Even that was barely audible, only to himself. No matter how many times he tried internally, nothing changed. But suddenly,

“Lee Sehwa.”

With an urgent call, his body half-turned abruptly. Ki Tae-jeong, who had been standing silently beside him until now, had a pale, frozen face and stared intently at his face, especially his mouth, for a long time.

“…Why aren’t you saying anything?”