M 99

Sehwa had momentarily forgotten that Ki Tae-jeong was the type of person who, when he bared his teeth and lunged at him hoping to make him hurt too, would just shove the blade further into his mouth and tell him to try harder.

“What… what did I do so wrong?”

Sehwa had forgotten that Ki Tae-jeong was a madman who would grin and let him thrash about wildly, tearing up his opponent’s mouth who dared to attack him, not caring if his own hand holding the blade got hurt in the process.

“The baby is… it’s your child too, Brigadier General. So why… why would you say such things… to that extent…”

“What use is that if you’re not here?”

Just listening to Ki Tae-jeong’s words, it almost sounded like a grand confession. Not a terrifying threat to tie him down with a child so he couldn’t die as he pleased, but a desperate plea that he couldn’t go on without him.

“Be cruel to me only, you crazy bastard! If you hate me so much!” Sehwa struggled with all his might. His frantic thrashing sent bandages rolling across the floor and ointments and medicines flying everywhere. “Why would you say such things about the baby! And to other people too, why! Why are you like this!”

“I’ve never hated or disliked you.”

“…”

“…If I had, it might have been easier.” Ki Tae-jeong spoke calmly as he motioned to Lieutenant Na for new bandages. “I think I said it earlier too. That I’m going to call you ‘honey’ and ‘darling’ from now on.”

After briefly staring at the disheveled Sehwa with a subdued gaze, Ki Tae-jeong continued speaking nonchalantly as if nothing had happened, his face smooth, “How could I think of living together with someone I dislike? And even putting their name on my family registry.”

“…”

“Of course, you’ll sign the marriage registration yourself, baby.” Ki Tae-jeong kissed Sehwa’s hand and fingers a few times and smiled brightly. It seemed his talk of marriage registration was no joke. “You might not want to live, but others won’t feel that way.”

Tears that couldn’t even form properly fell onto his clothes. 

Ki Tae-jeong watched for a moment as round, dark wet spots formed on the dusty fabric, then quietly called Lieutenant Park, “Connect General Oh Seon-ran.”

He lifted his limp body like a rag doll. Placing him on his lap, Ki Tae-jeong nodded to Lieutenant Na, as if telling him to finish the treatment.

Sehwa blinked slowly, having lost all will to resist. Ki Tae-jeong’s hands firmly embracing his back and sides, as if soothing a child, were sadly just like before. His body temperature, his scent, the rough way he stroked him as if to reassure him… nothing had changed.

Watching Sehwa cry with an unsettling expression, Ki Tae-jeong let out a small sigh, trying not to show it. Then he finally raised his hand, intending to caress his cheek and rub his eyes like he used to.

But at that small movement, Sehwa startled greatly and curled up as much as he could. He wrapped his arms around his belly and trembled in fear, worried that Ki Tae-jeong might try to harm the baby.

He was so pale and shaking that it was difficult to say anything carelessly… Ki Tae-jeong couldn’t even explain that he hadn’t meant to threaten him, and could only stare at the terrified Sehwa.

– Sehwa. Can you hear me?

At the sudden outpouring of Oh Seon-ran’s kind voice, Sehwa finally couldn’t hold back and sobbed quietly.

When he had saved him from Boss Son who was forcefully demanding fees… Even then, Ki Tae-jeong had held him in his arms like this and comforted him, saying it must have been hard. Receiving his touch, he had cried loudly like a child, whimpering about how difficult it had been.

Now it was the opposite. Hearing Oh Seon-ran’s voice, Sehwa shed tears. As if thanking him for giving him relief from this man. As if he was his current comfort.

Ki Tae-jeong remained still for a moment with his empty hand raised, then finally dropped it casually as if nothing had happened. 

‘Sehwa is avoiding me? Rejecting my hand?’ 

He bit his lip hard, a bit flustered, erasing the bitter expression that had unconsciously appeared. Is it right to say he’s flustered at a time like this? Not even Ki Tae-jeong himself could pinpoint the exact emotion, so he quickly pushed this small, fragile feeling from his heart as if it wasn’t his own.

– How are you? Are you hurting anywhere? Is everything alright?

General Oh Seon-ran didn’t ask why he hadn’t come to the meeting place, why he had made such a reckless plan without consultation, or how he ended up with Ki Tae-jeong… He didn’t question anything. He just asked if he was hurt anywhere, saying that was all that mattered.

– Sehwa?

“…Yes.” It was a voice clearly soaked in tears. 

General Oh Seon-ran, who couldn’t have missed this, was silent for a moment before continuing as if he hadn’t noticed.

– Okay, that’s good then. If you’re not hurt and you’re safe… But Sehwa.

“…”

– You know, even if others don’t, I can’t force anything on you. So I said I’d give you time to slowly build trust in me, but… I’m sorry, but something has come up that I’d like you to decide on a bit more quickly.

Sehwa lifted his heavy shoulders and wiped his tears on his arm. “Yes, please… go on.”

– Lieutenant Kim’s side is trying to keep postponing the second trial. They seem to be planning to pin everything on you when you have the baby and no longer have a guardian. Of course, they know you’re carrying Brigadier General Ki Tae-jeong’s child, but legally, you two aren’t in any kind of relationship yet. They know that would be the best time to try something.

Ah… Sehwa finally realized why Ki Tae-jeong had kept mentioning marriage registration. It was because the trial results could be jeopardized otherwise.

Right. He was the kind of person who would say he’d make his child live the same fate as him if he died. If he had any sincerity towards him at all, he couldn’t have had such thoughts, so Sehwa naturally thought it was just a tasteless joke.

But that wasn’t it. Ki Tae-jeong really needed it, he was trying to put Sehwa’s name on the resident registration for necessity… Only out of necessity…

– So although you may still have a lot to think about, I’d like you to hurry a bit in becoming my adopted child… Is it still very uncomfortable for you?

“…”

– Ah. This is completely separate from you staying with Brigadier General Ki Tae-jeong, so there won’t be any problem proceeding.

Those words just now were not directed at Sehwa. It was more like a notification to Ki Tae-jeong. As expected, General Oh Seon-ran didn’t seem to think Sehwa was staying with the man of his own will.

– If necessary, I’ll meet with Brigadier General Ki and persuade him, so you don’t need to worry about anything.

And General Oh Seon-ran’s argument had no particular flaw. It would be more advantageous for Ki Tae-jeong if Sehwa became his adopted child. It would be much easier to deal with Lieutenant Kim’s group. He wasn’t trying to find fault with them being together, so it would be ridiculous to blindly oppose just because it made him feel uneasy.

“Let’s talk about this later. Sehwa looks very tired right now.” Before Sehwa could respond, Ki Tae-jeong, who had been quietly keeping his mouth shut beside him, abruptly cut in.

– …Then I’ll prepare and contact you.

As if displeased by Ki Tae-jeong’s sudden interruption, or as if it was unforgivable… General Oh Seon-ran, who had been grinding his teeth, let out a long sigh and then, as if trying to calm himself, called Sehwa’s name slowly.

– Did I ever tell you your father’s name?

“I think… I heard it vaguely…”

– Yes. I never told you properly, did I? It’s Lee Jin-woo. The ‘Jin’ for truth, and the ‘Woo’ for lotus root. That’s how it’s written, Lee Jin-woo.

Oh Seon-ran explained that the lotus root is the root of the lotus flower, and that flower is so strong that it blooms even in mud. It’s a flower that blooms well even in dirty places, so much so that some religions use it as a symbol.

– You are the son of such a Jin-woo. Like Jin-woo’s son, you’ve endured well enough until now. You’ve done well.

“…”

– It’s been very hard, hasn’t it? But please hang in there just a little bit more. Okay? We’re almost there.

“…”

– Don’t cry, Sehwa.

With that gentle consolation, General Oh Seon-ran’s voice suddenly cut off. Seeing Ki Tae-jeong’s hand twitch, it seemed he had pressed a button or something to end the communication.

“Hic… ugh… hic…”

Sehwa finally burst into loud tears. He felt sorry for General Oh Seon-ran. He felt sorry for Aunt Song, sorry for Saessak… and he hated Ki Tae-jeong just as much.

Even people he hadn’t known for long were this ordinarily kind. They tell him not to cry, they cheer him on… Why does the person he wanted love from the most always push him into the mud?

He resented the man who threatened to make his child live like him, making it impossible for him to even die as he wished, and now says he’ll fill out a marriage registration form to achieve his own goals.

Still, he had liked him with all his heart. That’s why it’s so painful now… Knowing this fully well, he still mocks him by calling him ‘you,’ adding that it’s not because he dislikes him…

“…Let go.”

As the man tirelessly tried to torment him, raising his hand to touch his face again and again… Sehwa struggled with all his might once more.

“I said let go!”

Ki Tae-jeong hugged Sehwa’s waist tightly, as if to say it was no use. Then… he reached out to his wet cheeks. This time, regardless of Sehwa’s reaction, he firmly wiped away the moisture without backing down.

Even though he struck his hand away with his feeble strength and stubbornly twisted his head, he acted as he pleased. It wasn’t pity, nor was it fondness… He was throwing out feelings that were incomprehensible. He was selfish to the end.

His large palm gently covered Sehwa’s sorrowful eyes as he gasped for breath. And so, the two of them remained silent for a long time.

***

Ki Tae-jeong stared blankly at his glass. The melting ice made a clinking sound as it collapsed inside the ice bucket. Just like Lee Sehwa, who had cried until his body was drained of moisture just a moment ago.

He had brought Sehwa, who had fainted in the car, washed him, and put him to bed. Not in the guest room he had used before, but in his own private bedroom with only a huge bed.

He had firmly fixed a chain of the same platinum material that was choking his neck, lavishly inlaid with gold and diamonds, to a stake driven into the bed’s headboard. Although he hadn’t put them on yet because they didn’t match, he planned to put shackles on his ankles once they healed.

…And that was indeed a childish and terrible act of revenge.

Turning his back on him saying he should just die, trying to get far away by boarding a cargo ship. And even threatened him by hurting his weak body…. He would make sure he never even dreamed of such thoughts again.

At first, he had intended to coax and soothe him, to say only kind words. It wouldn’t have been difficult. And he liked seeing Sehwa willingly throwing himself into his arms, moved by trivial things. But how had that turned out? Now, no matter what he said, he wouldn’t listen or believe, and kept trying to fly away from his side, so the only option left was to break his wings completely.

“Fuck…”

He drained the glass in one gulp and slammed it down hard, almost breaking it.

Even drowning himself in alcohol couldn’t settle his tangled insides. As he had resolved, he had brought him here with a leash around his neck, but no matter how clean he washed him, seeing the tear stains that wouldn’t erase… Far from feeling relieved, it only made him feel worse.

“…Hah.”

He didn’t know how to handle Sehwa.

Sehwa tries to act tough, but honestly, it doesn’t hurt at all. Sehwa clearly doesn’t realize how his face contorts when he says such things. The daggers he throws while being more upset and hurt himself don’t even graze the tip of his foot, let alone pierce Ki Tae-jeong’s heart. However…

Ki Tae-jeong dislikes how Sehwa keeps trying to harm himself, as if his body is all he has to hold onto. Sehwa would probably find it ridiculous, but Tae-jeong worried about him.

Fearing Sehwa might try to escape again if he gave in, Ki Tae-jeong suppressed him harshly, even though he knew it was just a stopgap measure.

Ki Tae-jeong pulled over the shopping bag he had tossed near the bar and had been eyeing as a snack. When he took out the box and removed the paper wrapping, two identical pairs of shoes peeked out. They were meant to be a gift for Sehwa.

He wanted to confess everything that had happened and apologize, but… the person concerned probably wouldn’t want to hear it now. So he just fiddled with the baby shoes that were smaller than his fingers.

He acknowledges that he acted particularly destructively and impulsively today. Especially what he said about getting rid of the child… he knows it was too much. If nothing else, those words would surely leave a bruise on Sehwa’s heart for a long time.

“…”

After rolling the tiny shoes in his hands for a while, Ki Tae-jeong staggered to his feet. Sehwa probably wouldn’t like it even if he showed him these things now…. But what’s the point of worrying about that now? Sehwa would hate anything he gives him anyway.

So from now on, he planned to act as he pleased. He would keep Sehwa obediently within the fence built with money and power, and shower him with whatever he wanted to give. As long as he held him tight so Sehwa couldn’t even dream of escape or self-harm, if they spent a long time together like that… someday, there might come a day when he could say the words he couldn’t say before.

Not wanting to see Sehwa tremble at his presence again, Ki Tae-jeong carefully moved to the second floor, muffling his footsteps. Sehwa probably hasn’t regained consciousness yet… He should undo the restraints connected to the bed frame. Just leaving a collar around his neck for now should be enough to prevent any rash actions.

“How are you?”

Ki Tae-jeong, who had just stepped onto the last stair and into the hallway, stopped abruptly, startled by the soft whispers. 

‘What’s this? It sounds like Sehwa’s voice…’

“Saessak-ah.”

…Saessak?

Blinking slowly, Ki Tae-jeong exhaled deeply and walked towards the bedroom. He must be thoroughly drunk. He’s hearing only what he wants to hear.

There’s no way the captured Sehwa would speak so affectionately. Besides, if he had regained consciousness, he would have been wailing or screaming at the sight of the leash attached to the bed, so…

“Don’t worry about what those people said earlier. Daddy has forgotten it all too. Look, I’m not crying anymore…”

But the breathtakingly lovely whispers, clearly directed at someone, continued. Ki Tae-jeong stood rooted to the spot, unable to move.

It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t an illusion. It really was… Sehwa’s voice.

A faint light from the reading lamp seeped through the slightly open door. Sehwa was leaning against the bed’s headboard, bathed in that cozy light. He kept murmuring something while constantly caressing his still flat belly.

So Saessak… must be the name he gave to the child in his womb. 

Saessak. 

It was an unfamiliar word, so small and cute that he wondered if he had ever pronounced it in his life.

“It’s been hard, hasn’t it? I’m sorry…. But just hang on a little longer, and I’ll end it all. Then you’ll go far, far away with Daddy again.”

Ki Tae-jeong leaned against the wall to avoid being noticed by Sehwa, silently observing this warm and strange scene to which he wasn’t invited.

The soft voice promising a happy future to the child while smiling was brimming with the same warmth as before. If he were to open the door and enter now… it felt like Sehwa might look at him and smile, saying “General.” He might pout, asking why he was so late drinking alone, and if he opened his arms, he might just snuggle right in and chatter away for a while. As if he couldn’t contain how much he liked him… looking at him with those big eyes full of affection, just like before.

As if nothing had ever happened between them.

Though he had run out of things to say, Sehwa didn’t want to sleep, so he kept repeating similar words. He also counted the unfulfilled dreams of what he wanted to do with the child in a place where no one else was around, after going out to sea on a big ship.

“You know, there are different kinds of whales, like dogs… Among them, Daddy wanted to see dolphins the most. A guest once told me that you can see dolphins if you ride on something called a cruise ship. Oh, a cruise ship is…”

‘Sehwa and Saessak.

Sehwa and Saessak.

Sehwa and Sehwa’s child.

…My and Sehwa’s child.’

Ki Tae-jeong tilted his head back and quietly listened to that voice that seemed like it might sprinkle sugar. With a baby shoe on each of his index and middle fingers, he stayed until Sehwa drifted off to sleep again.