RSL Ch 115

Once the main course was served, normal conversation resumed. Alain mentioned that the filming he did near Zindeling was for an independent film. Perhaps he had grown tired of his work in architecture, as these days he was wandering around with a camera.

“I’ll post it online once the editing is done. I’ll cut it short to show just the highlights, and if you visit the channel, you can see the full video.”

“Are you releasing it for free?”

“Yeah. Just at first. Once I gather an audience, I plan to charge for subscriptions. Anyway, I’m not a pro, so I won’t be making money from the start.”

He had already won a business license from a municipal hall competition held in Paris, but construction was delayed due to complaints from civic groups. Unable to take on other projects, he uploaded the film reels he shot as a hobby online. It seemed that the response was better than expected, so he decided to pursue it more seriously.

“You might become a cosmic superstar.”

“Yeah, sign here for me in advance.”

Alain signed without hesitation on the napkin Jae-yi held out. Amidst such jokes and playful banter, serious topics also flowed. Career direction, marriage, health, money. It was a common theme among those in their early thirties about how to arrange these aspects and what to prioritize.

When the gathering concluded, each of them carried a bundle of their own worries. After peering into someone else’s life, as anyone would, they began to reflect on their own current situations.

After settling the bill, Alain and Jae-yi stepped outside to smoke. They were waiting for Seo-jin, who had gone to the restroom. In the end, Alain paid for the meal.

“Sorry about earlier. I made a mistake.”

Alain suddenly apologized to Jae-yi. Jae-yi let out a deflated smile through his lips that held the cigarette.

“I didn’t expect it either. And we might have misunderstood.”

It was about the man named Mark.

“No. If you and I felt the same way at the same time, that’s certain. Wow, I thought Maxi’s hand was going to break. What kind of handshake was that, haha. Oh, sorry for laughing.”

Alain regained his composure and apologized again. Jae-yi, feeling that was the most unpleasant part, instinctively brought the cigarette back to his mouth. Alain chewed on the filter and turned around to check the inside of the restaurant.

“Why is it only with Maxi, though? Do you think he feels something? Speaking of which, remember when things were bad between you two, and I threw a party for Maxi in Paris? Do you remember?”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“There was a guy among my friends named Eric who was a bit forward. He was the one who took a shot at Maxi. I guess he was unsure, but when I made it clear Maxi had a boyfriend, he seemed disappointed. Anyway, it was surprising how quickly he recognized Maxi was gay. I guess Maxi has that kind of vibe. Something that stimulates those guys?”

“Did that happen?”

One eyebrow of Jae-yi raised slightly as he looked at Alain meaningfully.

“It did. But it was nothing. I completely blocked that guy. I made sure he couldn’t approach. You’re not seriously bringing up something that’s long past, are you?”

“What’s there to bring up? You said it wasn’t a big deal.”

“It wasn’t. I’m not clumsy with these things.”

Alain patted his chest as if to say to trust him. It wasn’t out of suspicion. Even if he hadn’t intervened, Seo-jin would have rejected him without leaving any room. It was clear even without seeing. Still, his mood soured once again. He wanted to grab that guy by the collar for making him feel regret. How dare he…

Meanwhile, Alain continued to boast while flicking off the ash from his cigarette.

“Now that I think about it, I’ve contributed a lot to your relationship. When you two fought and came running to me, I’d talk bad about him with you. I was a witness at your wedding. Plus, you owe me from the start. When you were living at my place, did I not treat Maxi well? I didn’t even charge you extra for rent since you were my friend.”

“We shared a room, so what rent? And you’re rich.”

“Don’t act like you’re not.”

“I wasn’t back then.”

“I don’t believe you.”

Whatever. Jae-yi crushed the cigarette butt in the ashtray as if he didn’t care. He put his hands in his pockets and waited for Alain, who was still puffing away.

“But it’s really strange. Ah, I’m sorry for bringing this up again. Jae-yi, don’t you have these kinds of things rarely? Earlier, Mark was treating you like a completely ordinary guy. Are you the type that only works on women?”

Jae-yi didn’t feel it was worth responding, so he remained silent.

“Well, you should be a bit more straight.”

Alain chuckled as if he had found the answer by himself. It wasn’t really a compliment or an insult, but Jae-yi somewhat agreed with his words.

Seo-jin’s coming out was always easily accepted, but not for him. Many people responded that they couldn’t really believe that he was gay, and asked if he was joking. Only when he mentioned being married did they express surprise and apologize for being rude.

Jae-yi didn’t know why. He could only guess that the image Seo-jin and he gave off was different. Most people seemed to accept Seo-jin’s coming out with a unique atmosphere.

It was said that there was something that piqued people’s curiosity, regardless of gender, and perhaps it was a strange combination of appearance, personality, and profession. After all, people’s thoughts were likely all the same.

Jae-yi decided to brush it off simply like that. Otherwise, he felt like he would start stirring up all sorts of annoying issues like someone suffering from hypochondria from today onward.

“Anyway, I’m glad it ended without any trouble. I was shivering at the thought of you suddenly throwing a punch with your personality. I was internally chanting for you to leave quickly, and thankfully, you did.”

Alain rubbed his eyes awkwardly and took another drag from his cigarette.

“We might be exaggerating. What if that guy really dreamed of being a pilot?”

Jae-yi put forth a hypothesis he had been pushing down since earlier.

“Sorry, but that’s not true at all. Mark has only played soccer since he was five.”

Clueless Alain didn’t help at all. Jae-yi rubbed his fist as if he had no choice.

“Then I guess I’ll have to go ask him nicely. You stay here.”

“Ah, non(don’t)!”

As if he were about to go fight, Alain hurriedly grabbed Jae-yi’s shoulder as he turned his body. Jae-yi chuckled. Realizing it was a joke, Alain cursed in French. Still, looking uneasy, he spread his arms to block Jae-yi’s approach toward the restaurant.

While the two were engaged in such childish antics, Seo-jin appeared from inside the store. Alain extinguished the cigarette he had been slowly smoking as he saw him. Jae-yi checked the time. It was just before 9 o’clock, and he wanted to go home early and rest.

At that moment, someone blocked Seo-jin’s path as he headed toward the exit. It was the problematic boss. He was speaking to Seo-jin with a meticulously crafted smile. Jae-yi’s face stiffened. He heard Alain mutter “Shit” from beside him.

Just as the two were about to step inside, Seo-jin smiled once. Then he turned his body, pointing in their direction. It looked like he was showing off a ring on his hand.

The man looked surprised but quickly nodded as if nothing was wrong. It seemed that Seo-jin had mentioned Jae-yi. The four of them exchanged glances. With mutual eye contact, the situation was roughly sorted out, and Seo-jin came outside.

Alain dashed forward first.

“Did you tell him you have a partner and to get lost before calling the police? Or did you say your husband is a lawyer and that you’d call him right away?”

Seo-jin laughed at his overreaction.

“Not at all! He just told me there’s an event here next Friday and invited me. I just said I’d come with my partner.”

Understanding Seo-jin’s intention, Alain placed his hand on his chest in a gesture of respect.

“Indeed, Mr. Schmitz. You cut it off completely before even verifying the truth.”

“There’s no need for us to waste time.”

Seo-jin replied with a calm expression. It seemed he had noticed too. Since he was invited, saying he would go with his partner was a perfectly natural coming out. The situation was neatly wrapped up without anyone feeling awkward. He was still sharp in this regard. In a way, he was so resolute that even Jae-yi found it somewhat intimidating.

They parted ways with Alain there. He mentioned that there would be another shoot early tomorrow and invited them to come by if they were bored, but somehow, it seemed the two wouldn’t go. For now, they were happy just being together as newlyweds. They were simply office workers who enjoyed spending a leisurely weekend at home.

Once they left the old town, they walked for a while. They had only intended to reach the main road, but decided to walk home to sober up.

“What did you two talk about?”

Seo-jin asked Jae-yi as he looked at him. It seemed he was referring to the time he spent with Alain while smoking.

“He apologized. He said he was sorry.”

“For what?”

“For the bet earlier. About that guy named Mark.”

“Ah.”

He nodded as if he understood.

“There’s no need to apologize. It really wasn’t a big deal.”

“He’s surprisingly thorough about those things.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Seo-jin agreed. Alain was usually absent-minded about ninety-nine things, but in crucial moments, he showed an astonishingly sensible side. That’s why Jae-yi trusted Alain. Even though they bickered every time they met, they had never fought. People who stay by your side for a long time tend to prove their worth in that way as time goes by.

“Was there anyone else? Like, poking around for no reason like before.”

Seo-jin immediately shook his head.

“No, there wasn’t. Maybe because I have a ring, but these days, no one seems to care. What about you?”

“Not at all. But maybe because of the ring, married men keep asking if I have kids. I guess they want to talk about parenting.”

“Haha.”

Seo-jin bent over laughing, finding it amusing. It wasn’t a joke. Jae-yi was genuinely feeling that conversations with people these days often drifted towards children. Naturally, he couldn’t participate, but he didn’t bother to stop it either. It was a sign of respect for those who were diligently fulfilling their duty of human reproduction.

“I felt something while talking to Alain earlier. How should I put it? I’m still a bit confused. I know I’m gay, but I don’t think I’m the kind of gay that most people think of. Just because I’m with you doesn’t mean I see other men differently.”

Seo-jin nodded in agreement.

“I feel the same. It’s not so much an expansion of sexual interest but it’s more like restrictions have been lifted. It’s a bit hard to explain to others.”

Maybe because they were walking, it felt slightly warmer. Jae-yi unbuttoned his coat and straightened his upper body.

“If I talk about this, everyone will say I’m being ridiculous, but I really just like you. Gender didn’t matter. Is that too cheesy?”

He glanced sideways. Seo-jin was looking straight ahead but had a pleasant smile on his face.

“No, I think it’s true. That’s why you and I have been digging ourselves into this for so long.”

“Haha. Right.”

A self-deprecating laugh escaped Jae-yi’s lips. After all, the beginning of this relationship had been somewhat loud. If he had been interested in men from the start, he should have written in his diary on the day he first saw Seo-jin seventeen years ago.

Fell in love at first sight. The beginning of my first love.

So, it was no different from experiencing the turbulent of youth that should have happened in his teenage years, but now, many years later. And it was happening in a very accelerated manner.

It couldn’t be said which was better. In the early days of their relationship, he had sometimes regretted not starting sooner. But as time passed, he also felt that it wasn’t all about that.

Weren’t there quite a few memories that were only possible because they were friends? If they considered their history as lovers to be built from now on, those moments from the past that could never be returned to were also precious.

Seeing Jae-yi with a somewhat proud expression, Seo-jin added one more thing.

“Still, I always thought you were handsome. When you first talked to me, it was a bit thrilling. For a few weeks, I think I only wrote about you in my diary.”

At Seo-jin’s sudden confession, Jae-yi stopped in his tracks.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“What did you write?”

He couldn’t contain his curiosity. Seo-jin, with a teasing expression, slowly resumed walking.

“Just. I went to play at a guy named Han Jae-yi’s house, and it was so much fun. Jae-yi lent me video games. Jae-yi asked me to go play soccer together. Something like that. Nothing special. I read a lot of books, but I’m not good at writing.”

“Do you still have that diary?”

“Yeah, it should be at my parents’ house. My mom is the type who doesn’t throw anything away.”

“Let’s go get it tomorrow.”

At Jae-yi’s resolute suggestion, Seo-jin burst into a chuckle. Seo-jin emphasized again that there was really nothing significant in it, asking what he would do with it. It wasn’t like he had been writing poetry every day thinking of Jae-yi.

However, Jae-yi’s mind was already filled with thoughts of seeing that unknown diary where fifteen-year-old Seo-jin had described him. No matter how much Seo-jin tried to stop him, he wouldn’t be able to. Eventually, they decided to go get the diary together after the family dinner scheduled for two weeks later.

“How are you doing these days? Have I done anything wrong to you?”

As they passed through Marienplatz, Seo-jin suddenly asked. They regularly checked in with each other like this. To see if everything was okay. To honestly share whether they were on the right track or if there was anything that might have gone wrong. Saying there was nothing would be a lie.

“I really love you, but I hope you don’t cook too much.”

“Ah.”

Seo-jin made a face that seemed to understand but was also disappointed. He felt so sorry for asking that, but Jae-yi honestly nodded. That was the extent of it. If he didn’t stop here, he felt like his stomach would break. His goal was to live a long life with him.

“Okay. Then I’ll only do what you tell me to do from now on.”

“You really cook the rice well. You’re the best.”

“I’m not the one cooking; it’s the rice cooker doing it.”

He chuckled self-deprecatingly. This time, Jae-yi asked about himself. Am I doing well? Have I made any mistakes with you?

“No. You’re perfect except for working too much, but that’s not something I can comment on.”