RSL Ch 108

‘Stop coming to my house. What are you doing leaving the person you’re going to marry alone? We’ve had fun for three weeks, haven’t we? We’ve reminisced a lot. What kind of bachelor party lasts a month? Just stop coming. You’re annoying, me.’

He bit his lips vaguely and made a firm expression on his face. Jae-yi quietly watched what he was doing. He didn’t really care about what Seo-jin was saying. Of course he knew that he wasn’t sincere. His acting was so awkward, but he seemed oblivious.

‘Anyway, now that I’m living in a different country, I should make some friends here. Or, as you said, I’ll date someone. You’re getting married and making a turning point in your life, while I seem to be staying the same – it keeps bothering me. You’ve inspired me. You know what I mean, right?’

I don’t understand what you’re saying. It doesn’t make sense for someone who wants to date to come back from being with a man all day, does it?

‘And you are really going to get fired from your job? No matter how much of a lawyer you are, a job is a job. Just do it quickly and go back to Germany…’

‘The return flight is in two days.’

He pretended to be a bit hurt on purpose.

‘It’s embarrassing to keep asking why you keep coming when you’re leaving the person you’re going to marry alone. I didn’t think of you that way at all. I just noticed your expression hasn’t been good for a few days, and it was on my mind. I’m sorry.’

He hesitated for a moment, lost for words. His gaze wavered. It wasn’t wrong, was it? When did they ever care about such things?

‘Why is my expression like that? Stop overreacting. I can’t see you leave because I have a flight. Then I’ll see you on the wedding day. If it’s okay, let’s have dinner together tomorrow evening, the three of us.’

Seo-jin’s face turned red as he looked down. A hint of regret was visible. If he was going to act like this, why had he been so harsh? The more he thought about Seo-jin’s words and actions, the more questions arose. It seemed Seo-jin was trying to forcibly push him away from his life. That was the point.

Forcibly.

Jae-yi didn’t like this behavior of his either.

Even now, while making excuses about his flight schedule, he suggested having dinner together tomorrow evening, but his face clearly showed he didn’t want to.

‘If it’s uncomfortable, you don’t have to see me. Don’t push it.’

‘Why would I be uncomfortable? There’s nothing like that. I’ll go to the hotel around 7.’

He acted as if he had something to finish up. The tone of his voice, which he had tried to raise, was pitiful. He casually patted Jae-yi’s shoulder as he passed by, but then he wandered around the living room, unsure of what to do next.

He was lost. Jae-yi frowned as he watched Seo-jin, who had poured water on the table and was going to get another glass. There was no other explanation for why the meticulous Woo Seo-jin was so out of sorts. It must mean he was uncomfortable. It was the presence of Han Jae-yi, who was right there in this space.

In that case, there was nothing he could do. It seemed he would just have to go back today. Jae-yi felt like something was seriously off, but he had no idea where it had gone wrong. Anyway, he knew well that Seo-jin was struggling with this situation. The cause could be speculated in two ways.

There had been a significant change in Seo-jin’s life, and he was unable to reveal it to his closest friend for some reason. If not, it could be the opposite. He might be struggling due to a change in his life related to Han Jae-yi. If that were the case, there was only one thing that came to mind.

Marriage.

Nothing else seemed to make sense.

‘Seo-jin.’

Jae-yi turned back to look at him once more as he was about to leave.

‘Was my marriage that significant to you?’

He saw Seo-jin’s gaze waver at the casually thrown question. Time passed for a few seconds as their eyes met. There was a glimmer of hope that if he asked directly, he might get an answer. However, after slowly swallowing dry saliva, he seemed to gather his thoughts and bit his lips.

‘What? If it’s significant to you, then it’s significant to me too. Why are you asking something so obvious?’

He couldn’t help but laugh. Well, he was right. Of course, it would have significance. But this question was about something more fundamental. If it was too difficult, he could think simply. When you heard about my marriage, were you happy or sad? Just saying that much would have been enough.

…Just as he thought that, Jae-yi found the answer himself. He recalled the silence that had fallen on the other end of the line when he announced his marriage.

Yeah. At that time, you were definitely sad.

Just like right now.

***

The phone kept ringing. Jae-yi reached out to check the name on the screen. Nadia. He jumped up and left the room to answer the call. There was only one reason a senior partner would call in the morning. It meant the case he was handling was getting bigger. This could be a good opportunity for Jae-yi, who was preparing for a promotion. Knowing that she called directly meant she was willing to support him.

His guess was correct. She said that one of the cases he had taken on last fall was going to appeal. He didn’t know where she got the information, but if it was true, things were going to get very busy. He already had five cases in progress. He had to either drop one or add more people, so he took a firm stance.

She asked if he was on vacation today, saying he should have used it when the weather was nice. He replied that, given his spouse’s job, there was no better day than today. She laughed and told him to enjoy his honeymoon before hanging up.

When Jae-yi returned to the room, he saw Seo-jin sitting up in bed. His expression had improved significantly. He approached and placed his hand on Seo-jin’s forehead.

“You still seem to have a bit of a fever.”

“It’s because your hand is cold. It’s just a slight fever, so it’ll go down soon. How about work?”

“Yeah.”

Jae-yi placed the phone he had brought in on the table and climbed back onto the bed. He wanted to lounge around with him a bit longer. He confiscated Seo-jin’s phone, which had the weather app and flight map open.

“It’ll take off when it’s time. You don’t need to worry about it.”

“I’m just bored.”

“That’s a sickness. You don’t read verdicts just because you’re bored. You’re in serious condition.”

Turning back, Jae-yi propped his head up with his right arm and looked down at Seo-jin lying next to him.

“All the flights coming to Munich have gone to Frankfurt. There are no gates, so everyone is lined up on the runway waiting for buses.”

“Then it’s not your concern.”

“Aren’t you the one on vacation? If your company is calling you in the morning, it must be urgent. Shouldn’t you work?”

“I’m not going to.”

In reality, he should. No, it would be better for tomorrow. But Jae-yi turned a blind eye to reality and opened the curtains of the bedroom window with the remote he had been holding. Soon, Munich, covered in snow, appeared.

Jae-yi leaned back against the headboard with a pillow.

“On a day like this, you should relax and enjoy. The police are even telling people not to go outside.”

The roads weren’t just frozen; it looked hard for anyone to walk. Workers busy with snow removal had taken over the road, trudging through the deep snow. A long line formed in front of the Turkish supermarket across the street. Perhaps because it was hard to go far, all the small shops in the neighborhood were thriving.

“I don’t think I’ve seen this much snow.”

Seo-jin also sat up, leaning against the headboard next to Jae-yi. Jae-yi wrapped his arm around Seo-jin’s shoulder and pulled him closer.

“Yeah, it’s been a while. It snows a lot in Korea, but I don’t think they close schools and block roads like this. I still remember once when the roads were completely frozen because of the snow. That day, my father was putting chains on the tires in the garage, saying there was class.”

“That’s impressive. Your father is one thing, but what did the students do to deserve that?”

“The subway was fine, though. It just felt burdensome to stop something because of the weather back then. It wasn’t like we had online classes.”

Seo-jin nodded and murmured softly.

“Even if it were possible, I don’t think he would have done it. He always said that sharing the same space is really important for humans.”

“Who? Father?”

Jae-yi, who had been looking straight ahead, glanced at him.

“Yes. He said that online, if the other person looks at anything other than the camera, the connection is broken. A conversation without understanding the environment surrounding the person is inevitably one-dimensional. That’s why he said to meet people in person a lot, because no matter how much you explain over the phone, it can’t compare to talking face-to-face.”

“He nagged you about that?”

“Yes. Whenever we met in the study, he gave me a lot of good advice.”

Seo-jin smiled, seemingly reminiscing, as he answered.

“He never did that to me, his son. Professor Han Dong-jun, unbelievable.”

A small smile flickered across Jae-yi’s face, then quickly vanished. Remembering the dead is a double-edged sword, always making one hesitate whether to mention them. A mixture of joy, longing, and guilt momentarily held them back.

“His birthday… is soon, isn’t it?”

“Yes, you still remember? It often overlaps with the Lunar New Year holiday.”

“Your family always prepared holiday food. Because of your father’s birthday, your mother often made japchae and other dishes, and I used to go over there every day under that pretext.”

“Ah, right. You loved our japchae. You said it was the best non-spicy Korean food, and you practically devoured it every time.”

“I was growing fast back then.”

Seo-jin defended his younger self. Jae-yi laughed in agreement.

“That’s right. When we first met, you were much smaller than me, and then suddenly you grew so tall. But every year, when you came with a cake, my father would say, ‘He’s such a thoughtful and mature child.’”

“I was quite something, wasn’t I?”

Seo-jin playfully tilted his chin, acting proud. A smile spread across Jae-yi’s face. Yes, that’s right. He pulled Seo-jin’s shoulder, resting his head on his shoulder. Seo-jin murmured softly.

“I wonder if he forgave me?”

His gaze was still fixed on the middle of the Brussels street, but his heart was in the small cemetery in Tübingen.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

They both gazed out the window. They could see the snow heavily piled on the trees lining the street. Some branches looked precarious, as if they might break. But since the sun had begun to shine, the snow would start melting in half a day.

“I’m grateful you said that, but we both had problems. We overturned everything so suddenly. Especially me, I just left everything to you and watched from behind. I was cowardly.”

“The situation was… well, like that. But even if we went back to that time, I don’t think I would have made a different choice. Breaking out of the shell was hard, but once I was out, it was so wonderful. Even if I were reborn many times, I would go to you without hesitation. You know that.”

Jae-yi’s arm, which had been around his shoulder, moved down to take Seo-jin’s hand. His face relaxed at the comforting confession.

They sometimes talked about Jae-yi’s father like this. It was clearly an uncomfortable topic. But Seo-jin didn’t change the subject or remain silent. He stayed with Jae-yi until the end of that conversation that inevitably became lonely. Their vow to share each other’s unhappiness was being quietly kept.

“Now that I think about it, when you said you were quitting your law firm and coming back to Korea, I should have stopped you. Actually, your father asked me to do that separately. He said to put the brakes on you if you did crazy things even when you got older.”

“That’s right, why didn’t you stop me?”

Jae-yi playfully chided him. If Seo-jin had stopped him then, he might have reconsidered. Resigning and leaving his life in Germany wasn’t easy for Jae-yi either.

“Sorry. I was just too happy back then. I wasn’t in my right mind.”

At Seo-jin’s answer, Jae-yi unconsciously let out a foolish laugh. He had momentarily lost his breath from happiness. If his father had seen it, he would have scolded him for being a lovesick fool, but there was nothing he could do. Seo-jin’s unexpected expressions of affection sometimes left Jae-yi defenseless.

Seo-jin had been like that since he was young. He wasn’t frivolous, but when he needed to express himself, he showed his emotions without reservation. He was strict with himself but lenient to others, serious but humorous. Sometimes, his casual jokes were so funny that he made him collapse with laughter.

Being with him was fun, and he was always in a state of semi-excitement. He wanted to try different things and go out and about. Once he understood the true nature of the feelings hidden within the shell of friendship, everything became clear.

It must have been love at first sight.

Because of the social prejudice against same-sex relationships, he hadn’t realized his feelings for a long time. The trigger for realizing them was impure, but he was grateful that he had set things right before it was too late. Of course, the price he had to pay was excruciating.

On the day he returned to Germany with Gisella, leaving Seo-jin alone in Korea, he was informed of their breakup at a cafe near her house, where she had asked him to stop by.

‘I don’t want to spend my life jealous of my husband’s friend.’

Jae-yi was already consumed by an inexplicable anxiety. His body was there, but his mind was completely in Korea with Seo-jin. When he asked her again if she was serious, her response was one short.

‘I’ve thought about it for a long time.’

There was only one way she proposed for reconciliation.

A vow to never see Maximilian Schmitz again.

His expression involuntarily crumpled. She told him to think it over slowly and contact her. Even after being left alone in the cafe, Jae-yi couldn’t get up for a while. It wasn’t the fact that he had been dumped by his fiancée, but his reaction to her proposal.

He felt terrible. Stop seeing Seo-jin? That’s absurd, unreasonable, impossible…

The formless anxiety grew enormously, swallowing Jae-yi whole. It was the day the hard eggshell finally began to crack.