RSL Ch 100

“What were you doing?”

“Just watching planes land and take off here for about an hour. Sometimes when I go to the airport with you, you always stare blankly. I wondered what was so special, so I tried to feel it too.”

He turned his body again to look at the airport view spread out beyond the glass window. I followed his gaze, fixing my eyes on the gates crowded with airplanes.

“So, did you feel anything?”

In the distance, I could see a towing car approaching, its lights blinking. Next to it, a trailer loaded with luggage was passing by, and a step car was crossing the taxiway to pick up passengers who had arrived far away. It’s always a familiar scene to me.

“Actually, while watching that, I was thinking about why you like planes so much. You’ve never really answered properly when I asked. So I came up with two guesses, but I still haven’t decided which one is more correct.”

Come to think of it, Han Jae-yi had asked me several times about why I like planes. But I hadn’t really answered properly. This time, it seemed he had decided to draw his own conclusions. I became quite curious about what they were.

“First, I thought it might be the awe. The image of flying usually accompanies lightness of mass, but that’s not the case with planes. The awe of such a heavy body flying through the sky. I thought you might find charm in that.”

It was a good inference. I could give it about 50 points. There’s no disagreement that such aspects make airplanes appealing.

“Second, I thought you might like the uniqueness of the space inside an airplane. The moment you board, everyone becomes part of a community of fate, regardless of nationality or race. The captain’s word is law. Even the president has to listen to you inside the plane.”

“So you’re saying I have a desire for power?”

“Yeah, a little bit.”

I nodded with a smirk. The part about having a desire for power was wrong, but I didn’t correct him because the reasons he mentioned before were valid. That’s right. I like the uniqueness of the space inside an airplane. At 30,000 feet above the ground, no country’s laws apply. We become stateless wanderers in a state of anarchy until we reach our destination.

However, unfortunately, this isn’t the correct answer either.

Han Jae-yi slightly turned his head to observe my expression. Then, realizing something, he laughed at himself.

“Neither, huh? I guess I was thinking too deeply. Don’t tell me it’s simply because the view from up there is so beautiful?”

“Well, that’s not wrong either.”

I smiled and cast my gaze out the window. I could see a huge B777 just leaving its gate. Ground staff waved at the departing Boeing. We watched another departure, or perhaps a separation.

“The reason I like airplanes…”

I paused like someone about to unpack a large bundle of truth.

“…is the same as why I love you.”

At this, Han Jae-yi’s reflection in the glass window turned to look at me. And with curious eyes, he waited for the correct answer.

“Both have no reason.”

I also turned my head to meet the eyes of the real him standing next to me. Han Jae-yi’s face showed puzzlement, but soon a smile spread across it. He must have immediately understood the meaning. That some things are so natural that there’s no need to find a reason.

I liked airplanes as naturally as the wind blows, and I loved him as inevitably as the Earth rotates. And so I will continue to do so. This phenomenon will never stop.

He held my hand. Old and worn rings were on our fingers. This small loop we had put on each other was another form of ‘certainty’. In this place where countless partings and meetings occur, we met today, and in a few days, we’ll have to be apart again.

But longing no longer turns into anxiety. Because I know Han Jae-yi will come running anytime for me, who has learned not to hold back on saying ‘I love you’. Now I know that we can fully enjoy a romance that’s as pleasant as being together even when we’re apart, if we just set our minds to it.

“Shall we go?”

“Yeah.”

We walked side by side towards the arrival hall. His voice asking about dinner menu was so affectionate that I couldn’t help but smile. Seeing me like that, Han Jae-yi couldn’t resist and slightly put his arm around me. His clumsy skinship disguised as a shoulder hug made me laugh out loud once again.

Now, once we pass through that door, our figures will disappear from this place. It’s natural to leave since we’ve reached our destination.

He and I will have dinner and go to the hotel to make love. As romantic as we’ve missed each other and as passionate as we’ve yearned. Han Jae-yi’s unchanging habit of watching me sleep, and my voice calling him first thing when I open my eyes. The kiss that will start again will continue through the deep blue dawn until morning.

This is the final scene that never ends even when it ends for someone, and for Han Jae-yi and me, it’s a part of life that will continue forever. Leaving behind the time of unavoidable explosion, I put a period to my long story.

Auf Wiedersehen an Alle.^[1] I have found love and will be happy forever.

***

Epilogue: Han Jae-yi

It’s a lie that spring comes silently. The coffee tree that hadn’t grown even 1 cm during winter burst into large leaves and started growing taller. Birds returning from Africa gathered in the plowed fields, chirping all day long. Cherry trees bloom and even the smell of the wind changes, so how can they say it comes without a sound? This much commotion should be called quite noisy.

Jae-yi sat at his desk, rolling a pen. He had been reading the same page repeatedly for a while now. Just when he thought he had turned a page, he would go back to the previous one in less than a minute, repeating this process. Unable to bear the sight any longer, Johannes tapped the desk.

“If you can’t concentrate, why don’t you just go home?”

Jae-yi looked up from the documents and smiled sheepishly at him. In fact, he had been unable to focus on work as his mind kept wandering. Johannes took his side, saying it was understandable.

Han Jae-yi is getting married tomorrow.

“Even though the wedding is just signing at the city hall. It’s strange, isn’t it? I’m quite nervous.”

He said, tapping his cheekbone with the blunt end of the pen he had been rolling.

“It’s not the procedure that’s important, but the meaning. Oh, don’t forget to take pictures. Human memory is surprisingly primitive. You’ll forget everything soon, so you need to record it.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve brought in a professional.”

Johannes spread his hands, giving an expression that said ‘of course’. Then he pointed to the coffee tree placed next to Jae-yi’s desk and asked.

“The spring energy seems good indeed. The leaf size is changing. When did you say this will bear fruit?”

At the beginning of the year when Han Jae-yi returned to the law firm, he had brought in a potted plant out of the blue. He said his psychology counselor recommended it and was quite diligently nurturing it. Han Jae-yi and a plant. It was just two months ago that he had teased him about this mismatched pair.

“It’ll take a few more years. Don’t tell me you’re thinking of grinding this for coffee now?”

“Can’t I?”

Han Jae-yi gave an incredulous look at Johannes’s nonchalant question. It was still so small that it was embarrassing to even call it a tree. It was just starting to thicken its stem through lignification, so fruit was still a far-off story.

In fact, Jae-yi had thought he could harvest fruit soon too. Following Professor Mueller’s advice to cultivate any plant to calm his mind, he had bought this remembering the coffee he usually liked. He had thought it died when it didn’t grow at all during winter. Now it’s showing some changes as spring arrives. The thought of Johannes eyeing the plant he was raising like his own child made him feel uneasy.

“Jae-yi, are you really not inviting any guests?”

This is the second time today he’s asking the same question. Johannes really wanted to attend Jae-yi’s wedding. It was surprising enough that he had dumped a former supermodel and disappeared to Korea, but now he’s back after half a year to marry his friend of 16 years. And it’s a man. It’s not prejudice, he was genuinely curious about what kind of person it was.

“Sorry, I promised my partner we wouldn’t invite anyone.”

“But still, your families will come, right?”

“Yeah, that’s true. But do you really want to confirm that you’re not as close as family in that way?”

Caught off guard by Han Jae-yi’s response, Johannes rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“Damn. Your partner knows I’ve been your closest colleague since we were juniors, right?”

“Yeah, he knows. He knows your name and that you fell in love with and married the waitress you excitedly kissed when you got your first promotion.”

He really seems to have been his best friend since childhood. Johannes felt uneasy, as if his personal information had been exposed to someone he didn’t know.

“Then let’s have dinner together later. You should at least introduce us.”

“Sure, don’t worry about that. But can I really leave work now?”

Han Jae-yi slightly lifted his hips from the chair and surveyed the office atmosphere. Everyone seemed too focused on their own work to care about the conversation between the two men. Johannes shrugged as if to say ‘do as you wish’.

“Eva might come looking for you again, so you’d better leave quickly.”

The senior lawyer’s assistant handling a similar case had been frequently looking for Jae-yi lately. He thought he should leave quickly before she caught him. Han Jae-yi tidied up his laptop, put on his jacket, and gathered his bag.

“I’m off then.”

“Okay. Congratulations anyway. And tell your partner I said congratulations too. Got it? Huh?”

Johannes threw his disappointment at the back of Han Jae-yi’s head as he quickly left the office. Jae-yi waved his arm as if annoyed and disappeared.

It was a little past lunchtime. The spring sun gently illuminated the law firm’s parking lot. At the restaurant that had set up tables on the street, traces of meals left by customers could be seen. A server smoking behind the awning was taking a break after finishing the hectic lunch service.

The front window of the Porsche was warmly heated. Jae-yi opened the car door and tossed his bag onto the passenger seat. As he put a cigarette in his mouth, he made eye contact with the restaurant server across the street. They smiled and greeted each other with their cigarettes. They were familiar with each other as it was a place Jae-yi frequently visited.

Jae-yi smoked while staring blankly at a corner of the parking lot. Suddenly, he recalled a scene from last summer. There was Seo-jin, who had to leave him to attend his grandmother’s birthday party. How upset he was that Seo-jin had to leave after just having lunch together, when they rarely got to see each other.

As if understanding his feelings, Seo-jin had given him a quick kiss here. Then he left, carrying an armful of gifts Jae-yi had given him. That day, Jae-yi created a new four-character idiom: ‘kidnapping impulse’. In the early, shining days of their relationship, he had struggled with this ‘kidnapping impulse’ every time he saw him.

That’s why he left for Korea without thinking. He couldn’t bear the anxiety of not being by his side. Although it was less than a year ago, it feels like a distant past because so much has happened since then.