RSL Ch 111

After arriving at the hotel, Seo-jin suggested they rest for about an hour. The time they had was at most until the next day. Jae-yi agreed to that for now. However, he felt that if he fell asleep now, it would be hard to wake up, so he caught up on his work instead. He tried calling Seo-jin after smoking a cigarette, but he didn’t answer. It was rare for him not to pick up, so he waited.

It was almost 7 PM when Seo-jin finally called, and his voice was filled with apologies. Jae-yi thought Seo-jin looked cute with his slightly tousled hair, as if he had just woken up. He suggested they just go out for dinner.

Instead of going to a restaurant, they bought street pizza like they did when they were young and settled on the steps of an alley. They then started chatting about trivial things. Jae-yi himself couldn’t understand it. Even though there was little time, he was acting as if they were on a vacation.

There were mountains of things he needed to say. Yet, he wanted to postpone it again and again. Once this moment passed, everything would be over. No matter how it concluded, it would be the last time they would be friends, and they could never return to how things used to be.

However, Seo-jin no longer gave him time.

‘I got a call from Chris.’

He was the one to break the ice first. It was a hint that it was time to talk about the matter at hand. He then asked if Jae-yi was okay, but Jae-yi had nothing to say and just laughed.

‘I’m not okay at all. I feel like I’m facing a once-in-a-lifetime crisis.’

He tried to sound a bit dramatic. He subtly hinted that everything had gone wrong. Seo-jin looked worried. He seemed unsure of what comforting words to say, so he just listened quietly. He didn’t seem surprised, so it seemed he had expected it… Perhaps he was waiting for the moment when Jae-yi would spill everything.

‘Huh…’

Jae-yi took a deep breath, looking straight ahead. By the way, a summer night in Rome, isn’t it quite romantic? He wanted to throw away the complicated stories and just take him on a trip.

Sicily seemed like a good place. They could visit the locations from his favorite movie, The Godfather. They had always talked about it but had never actually done it, so he thought Seo-jin might enjoy it. The reason he kept trying to escape into such pointless fantasies was simple.

He was afraid that he might feel the same way as him. That was what Jae-yi had been most afraid of since earlier.

They each smoked a cigarette in the designated smoking area at the entrance of the lobby. Jae-yi gazed at Seo-jin, who was flushed and panting.

‘I didn’t feed you much. I always feel guilty about that when you act like this.’

Seo-jin let out a laugh, seemingly incredulous. Jae-yi tilted his head, wondering if he had said something strange.

‘You have a tendency to overprotect me.’

‘Really?’

That was interesting. He felt like he would get to hear Seo-jin’s thoughts on how he had treated him. He liked the term ‘protect.’

‘You want to interfere and control everything, from meals to drinks, even down to each side dish. Don’t overdo it. The reason I get drunk is my constitution, not because of you.’

Was that so? Seo-jin was picky about food and had many things he couldn’t eat. He had several allergies, so he had suffered a few times while eating with strangers. That was why Jae-yi kept adding comments and interfering.

Of course, there was a different reason for trying to limit his drinking. When he got drunk, his personality changed. He would sometimes sulk in deep thought and suddenly burst into laughter. There was something endearingly cute about that, so he didn’t want others to see it. It wasn’t anything more; he just didn’t want people to see it easily.

Well, if that was called obsession, then it was true. Another charge had been added to his list.

The crime of wanting to monopolize his friend.

Later, he wouldn’t even be able to count them on ten fingers. Jae-yi lamented inwardly and mocked his own situation.

‘Let’s go up.’

Seo-jin entered the hotel first. Jae-yi followed with his hands in his pockets. Seo-jin pressed the elevator button and leaned against the wall. He was panting as if he were short of breath. Jae-yi watched him quietly.

He had expected that. This was also a phenomenon that appeared when he was drunk. It wasn’t something he could see often, but it was a moment worth capturing. When he was drunk, Seo-jin would let his guard down.

No, how could someone who seemed like a fortress become so vulnerable in an instant? Even when he playfully choked him or put his arm around his shoulder, he wouldn’t push him away. It made one want to poke at him more, so how could that be solely his fault?

Gradually, Jae-yi felt a sense of injustice. If he thought about it, the situation had escalated this far partly because of Seo-jin. He shouldn’t have shown him this side of himself from the beginning. Or he should have treated him like everyone else.

The special treatment he received was no less than Seo-jin’s. Why did he often wear a look that said he felt relieved now that Jae-yi was here? He shouldn’t have said that he was the only person in this world he could lean on and rely on.

Overprotection is self-inflicted. He couldn’t help but be criticized for self-justification. He couldn’t defend himself at all. The defendant, Woo Seo-jin, was also guilty. So, if he was to be punished, he should receive the same.

‘Do you want to have another drink in my room?’

So he wanted to cling to him like a drowning person. He took him into the room and settled at the terrace table. The wine that had been in the room quickly disappeared.

Jae-yi, borrowing the power of alcohol, became somewhat aggressive. If Seo-jin showed any sign of pulling away, he relentlessly pressed him. He threw out suggestive remarks, joked back, and expressed curiosity about his sexual encounters with others.

He asked about the correlation between his marriage and Seo-jin’s move to Korea. As expected, Seo-jin avoided giving a direct answer. When he grabbed his hand, telling him to stop drinking, Seo-jin’s face flushed, and he averted his gaze.

Why, what’s the big deal about just holding hands? He was confident he could do more than that, but it seemed Seo-jin couldn’t.

For some reason, Seo-jin seemed too tense, so Jae-yi decided to ease up a bit. He declared that he had already called off his engagement, which he didn’t want to discuss as it might affect his marriage.

He couldn’t read the intense emotions in Seo-jin’s eyes. He wished he could at least know whether he was happy or sad.

‘Why? No, when exactly…’

‘The day before I asked you to meet. It felt a bit awkward to talk about it over the phone… I wanted to discuss it in person, but it felt a bit strange to talk about it sober.’

‘What was strange about it?’

Seo-jin bit his lip and looked up.

‘The reason is because of you.’

So, shall we stop being friends and do something else?

In truth, Jae-yi wanted to ask that. Just like always, if he would just say, “Yeah, sure,” it would be over. For the past 15 years, Seo-jin had always said that his suggestions were good, so Jae-yi thought maybe he could just brush this off too. However, thirty-year-old Jae-yi knew all too well that reality was not that easy, and he just poured the unnecessary wine into his mouth.

Suddenly, Seo-jin stood up, saying he was going to the bathroom. Somehow, it felt like he was avoiding the situation. He kept running away at every opportunity, and his patience was wearing thin. He followed him into the room. The sound of water from the sink stopped, and Seo-jin came out of the bathroom. Their eyes met, and perhaps because of the alcohol, his lips looked particularly red.

‘Why did you come in? Aren’t you going to drink more?’

‘Are you trying to drown me in alcohol?’

‘You can drink as much as you want and still be fine.’

Jae-yi couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it. Who would be like that? Seo-jin was probably just pretending to be tough in front of him.

‘The Schmitz brothers are wrong. No matter how much I drink quickly, I get drunk. Just like now.’

To prove that point, Jae-yi lay back on the sofa next to the bed, stretching out his legs. His head tilted back on its own. It really felt like he had reached his physical limits. Mentally, he was breaking down too. He felt like he couldn’t wait any longer.

He half-closed his eyes. While hesitating about how to start, he caught a glimpse of Seo-jin rustling as he tried to pass by. Instinctively, he grabbed his arm.

‘Where are you running off to now?’

Jae-yi’s voice came out a bit nervously. He felt resentment that Seo-jin couldn’t wait for just a moment when he was in so much pain.

‘Stop running away. It’s driving me crazy, seriously.’

‘Are you drunk?’

‘I already said so.’

Jae-yi opened his eyes and looked up at Seo-jin. He was so flustered that his whole body had stiffened, unable to move or react. Yet, his gaze was strangely wavering. It was clear that this breakup had stirred up new feelings in him in some way. A hot sensation surged up in Jae-yi’s chest.

‘Why do you look like you’ve fallen into hell all alone? Do you feel guilty because I broke off the engagement because of you?’

‘Should I?’

Seo-jin’s voice, as he asked that question, was resolute, as if he was prepared for the consequences. It was as if Seo-jin was saying he would sit next to him and confess his sins if that was what Jae-yi wanted.

‘No.’

He didn’t want that. Jae-yi slightly averted his gaze.

‘Gisella has been spouting nonsense like a delusion. I thought I would repay all the responsibility since it was mine, but I couldn’t accept the last condition.’

‘What condition?’

‘The condition she demanded for me to reconsider marriage. The condition that I shouldn’t contact you anymore. The condition that I should never meet Maximilian Schmitz again. That’s impossible for me.’

Jae-yi explained as simply as possible. Seo-jin was not at fault at all. Everything was a decision he made himself, and he just didn’t want that, which was why he broke off the engagement. And the pain he felt wasn’t just because of that.

‘It’s not a matter of choice. You can never be that kind of person to me. Why is that? Why? I’ve been thinking about that for the past few days. What are you to me? Why does everyone say that you and I are abnormal?’

As Jae-yi finished his last words, he  locked eyes with Seo-jin, staring at him for a long time as if demanding an answer. Seo-jin furrowed his brow and held his tongue. Jae-yi knew he wasn’t someone who would speak carelessly, but he had expected a more dramatic reaction. Or had he already resolved his dilemma?

“I came to confirm that. Thanks to you, I’m not quite in my right mind right now.”

HeI let go of Seo-jin. He rubbed his arms as if he had just been freed from captivity, breathing heavily. He looked like he was struggling. He hadn’t done anything, yet he seemed on the verge of collapsing.

Strangely, while that sight was heartbreaking, blood rushed to his lower body. He wanted to touch Seo-jin’s tightly shut lips with his hand. If that wasn’t possible, he even thought about slightly pulling off his shirt. It was ridiculous that he was suddenly curious about something he had seen more than once. He must have been drunk and gone crazy.

So, Jae-yi let him go, saying he should return to his room. If he kept him here any longer, he felt like he would do something reckless. He felt a bit disappointed as he closed the door without saying goodbye. Seo-jin must have noticed his blatant gaze. It was either a yes or a no from the start. There was no middle ground in matters like this.

If he thinks about it, this was the first time they had met since breaking out of his shell. Everything about Seo-jin felt new. When he smiled, frowned, looked displeased, or incredulous, all those expressions stirred Jae-yi’s feelings.

Seo-jin’s expressions dominated him. Especially when he was flustered, the intensity doubled. Jae-yi didn’t want Seo-jin to run away from him, but seeing him avoid his gaze and tense his jaw was thrilling.

At this point, everything became clear. His heart had been racing for a long time, and now his blood was boiling. He wanted to reach him. He wanted to touch him and feel him. He wanted to commit all the unforgivable acts under the name of friendship.

Before he knew it, his steps had brought him to the door of his room, and there was no turning back now. This was the point of no return. If he wanted to go back, now was his only chance. Nothing had happened yet. If he gave up now, he could greet him casually in the morning and part ways.

But Jae-yi didn’t want to do that. It wasn’t a matter of right or wrong. He no longer wanted that kind of relationship.

Knock, knock.

Jae-yi knocked on the door quite gently, but he was already prepared. The moment he saw Seo-jin’s figure through the slightly opened door, he grabbed his arm and pulled him into his embrace.

‘Why? What’s going on…?’

Before Seo-jin could escape in surprise, Je-yi pressed his lips against his. He thought it was the most certain way. It was a consideration for him, who might not be able to refuse his confession out of politeness.

The body’s response cannot be deceived. He kissed Seo-jin passionately, sucking on his lips as if craving him. The moment Seo-jin’s tongue wrapped around his, it felt like his head was exploding.

He didn’t reject me.

His heart began to race wildly. His blood felt like it was about to boil over. Jae-yi wrapped his arms around Seo-jin’s waist and devoured his lips. Then, as if waiting for this moment, Seo-jin responded.

He sucked on Seo-jin’s saliva, which was richly mixed with the scent of wine. His lower body felt heavy, and his breath quickened. It was the first time he had felt this way just from kissing.

As if he had something to say, Seo-jin pushed him away a few times, but he trapped him in his embrace. Jae-yi held his chin, pulling his lips away only to attach them again, never stopping the kiss. At the same time, he asked with a burning gaze.

‘I feel like I’m going crazy because I like you so much. How about you?’

He sucked on his parted lips once more. At the same time, his breath quickened with the hot exhalation that burst forth. Jae-yi asked again.

‘I’ve been thinking about this for a while. Do you want to stop being friends and do something else?’

Jae-yi tilted his head slightly, as if urging him to answer, rubbing his nose against his. He overlapped the hands wrapped around his waist and pressed his body closer. After kissing his flushed cheek, he whispered again.

‘I like you, from the very beginning. This kiss I give you is the first betrayal I commit as a friend and the last farewell. And it is also the first gift I present to the new relationship that is about to begin.’

It was long. Jae-yi pressed his lips against Seo-jin’s once more, filled with the regret of not realizing it for so long. He felt like a bell was ringing in his head. It felt like he had crossed a significant turning point in his life.

That’s how he connected with him.