RSL Ch 26

Running out of things to talk about, we decided to get up. Han Jae-yi put his hand on Gisela’s sleepy shoulder. He whispered something to her half-closed eyes as she fell into his arms. Then he kissed her on the forehead and led her upstairs.

“Why, aren’t you going up together?”

“I’ll smoke a cigarette first.”

He said so even though he wouldn’t smoke. I wanted to send him off alone so I could quietly smoke, but I had no way to persuade him as he was already walking away. I took out the last cigarette from the pack and lit it up at the smoking area outside the hotel.

How do I feel seeing the two of them?

My inner divided self whispered. Instead of answering, I exhaled a long puff of smoke and even let out a meaningless laugh.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Just. You look good together.”

This time, he chuckled and nodded. “I guess so,” he muttered to himself. For a man seemingly blessed with all the luck in the world, his response seemed strangely lackluster.

“Gisella won’t tell me why she’s here. The plan has gone awry.”

“What plan?”

“We were supposed to go see the sea, the two of us.”

At the word “us,” I began to waver again. Han Jae-yi is now throwing stones without thinking. The water ripples and spreads endlessly. I had to stop his actions to live.

“Forget it, I heard there’s nowhere worth going to the sea in Korea anyway. I’m a bit tired, too… I couldn’t rest properly during our off time because of playing with you.”

I poured out my words without looking at him. The anticipated week had been taken away from me, but I tried not to hold any grudges. But this relentless Hanjae kept pulling me back.

“What should we have for dinner? Should I go home?”

I shook my head. I didn’t want to invite him home anymore. I didn’t even want to show him the empty guest bed. I suggested meeting somewhere in the middle. I hoped we would maintain that distance now. I also hoped he wouldn’t delude me with unnecessary words, now that I was going to put an end to my feelings for him. I wished he would draw a thick line declaring our relationship as merely friendship.

He grabbed my shoulder as I stub out my cigarette and headed upstairs. “Drive safely. See you later.” I replied shortly with a “Yeah” and then called out the license plate number to the hotel clerk next to me. Once Han Jae-yi’s back was completely out of sight, I felt my bitten lip tingle. Though I strongly wanted to cancel our dinner appointment, I couldn’t resist the fervent desire to be alone with him.

Finally, it was time to answer my own question.

How do I feel seeing the two of them?

The sadness of Young Werther, the first paragraph came to mind.

“Dear friend, when I think about it, leaving was probably the right thing to do.”

After parting ways with Han Jae-yi, I didn’t head straight home. I felt like I couldn’t think straight in that empty house. Unsure whether it was because I wasn’t used to planning something for myself and enjoying leisure time, I sat blankly in the driver’s seat for a while, parked in the middle of downtown.

There was a movie theater in a department store building that I walked into without thinking. I chose a movie about punching and fighting. It was a weekday afternoon, so half the theater was empty. I was early, so I had to sit through the pre-show commercials.

Movie theaters in Germany are more old-fashioned and antiquated compared to those in Korea. The snacks sold at the snack corner were mostly popcorn, nachos, and chocolate. Despite that, when I was in my teens and there weren’t many entertainment options, I used to come to the movies often. It seemed like I had come with the British girl Han Jae-yi misunderstood.

Like every high school in Europe, we signed up for an exchange program. Chris and I spent a month in rural France, and the following year our foster parents took in a girl from England.

Because we were strictly instructed to take care of her during her stay, I had to reject Hanjae’s suggestion to go bowling and go home instead. It was only when I found her crying alone in the garden that I kissed her. It’s ridiculous to call that a kiss. 

There were a few occasions after that when I left Hanjae alone and went to take care of her, which apparently led him to misunderstand that we were dating. She and I still exchange greetings occasionally. If there’s a London flight, I thought I should contact her and meet up.

The sight of Han Jae-yi hugging Gisella fuels my competitive spirit. I had no desire to be held in his arms. The emotions I felt for Hanjae were more complex than I thought.

The lights went down and the movie began. A monstrous figure howled in the rain-drenched forest, hair sprouting from his body and a curved spine. The man, emitting strange cries, blocked a car running along the forest path, grabbed the frightened driver by the neck, and said,

‘Let’s get out of here quickly.’

It was the first scene where it was unclear whether he was a friend or an enemy. I liked it.

* * * 

I was walking down to the parking lot after the movie when the phone rang. For some reason, I didn’t want to answer it, but Han Jae-yi’s persistence made me reluctantly pick up the phone. As expected, it wasn’t good news.

-Gisella woke up earlier than I thought, so she thought she’d join us for dinner.

I really wanted to decline. One awkward dinner was more than enough. Also, this would put me in the middle of their situation. I had to tell a white lie.

“I’m actually not feeling well. The two of you can have dinner together?”

-Oh, really? Are you feeling really bad?

“Just a bit. I think I caught a cold. Let’s have dinner next time.”

But I hoped there would be no next time. He said okay and hung up. I was glad he’d called early, I thought. I retraced my steps and swept up a bag of bread from the grocery section of the department store. Like a squirrel gathering three days’ worth of food, I made my way down to the parking lot with a bag full of bread in each hand.

While driving, I thought about how this story would unfold. They’re going to spend a week together, not as tourists but just as themselves, and then return together. Maybe I’ll see him one more time before they leave, but judging from Han Jae-yi’s personality, he’s not going to leave his fiancée alone.

As I waited at a traffic light, the vinyl trim of the door caught my hand. I received the car but couldn’t tear off the vinyl properly. I absentmindedly pulled it, but it seemed endless. The signal changed before I could finish dealing with the messy vinyl. Because I wasn’t familiar with the road, I had to turn back a few times to get home.

As I turned into an alley, I saw a familiar face coming out of the convenience store. There was only one person I knew in this neighborhood.

“Mr. Co-pilot.”

I rolled down the window and called out to him. Co-pilot Cho Min-woo, dressed in comfortable cotton pants and a single shirt, peered into the car with a surprised expression.

“Did you pull over?”

Then Co-pilot Cho Min-woo climbed into the passenger seat without asking. I thought he had a funny personality.

“Where have you been? You’re dressed so neatly.”

I felt embarrassed, as if he had somehow seen through my thoughts of dressing up before going out. When I asked what he was doing, trying to change the subject, he said he was trying to get a box from the convenience store.

“I still have some belongings from the person I was supposed to live with, so I thought I’d send them away. But there were no boxes, even at the convenience store.”

The fact that his fiancée’s belongings were still at his place probably meant that they had broken up not too long ago. Dealing with such things even after breaking up must have been awkward.

“I have plenty of boxes at our place. I received some shipments from Germany recently. Take them if you need.”

“Oh, that’s great. Can I go now?”

“Of course.”