RSL Ch 60

As I watched him walk away, I wondered. Could we really become friends? His saying he would try probably meant not now. I found myself pondering his words again, telling me to give the other person time to dislike me. Looking back on past relationships, I also thought about whether there were people I had pushed away without even being able to say such things.

No one can be blamed for having a fondness for someone. Moreover, he never confessed his feelings to me or pestered me. Yet, I criticized and embarrassed him, for one reason only: I felt a little uncomfortable.

Looking back, I realize I was far from mature in this regard. I could have declined politely, but my approach was clumsy at best. Was it the consideration of someone who had lived even a year longer? It felt like he had carefully salvaged a relationship that was about to turn for the worst. Relationships with fully grown adults are becoming increasingly difficult for me.

The hallway light automatically flickered on as the door opened, casting a cold glow over the living room. I took off my shoes, turned on the nightlight, and entered the bedroom. Han Jae-yi’s suit was scattered around, suggesting he had gone out. There were no messages from him on my phone.

Where could he have gone? Just as I was lost in thought, the door unlocked and opened again. Han Jae-yi walked in, carrying an air of exhaustion like someone returning from a battlefield.

“Did you go out?”

“Yeah. I went to the dinner I had initially declined because you said you’d be having dinner.”

“Did you have plans? Why did you decline?”

He was dressed in a three-piece suit, complete with a tie. He didn’t seem to be in a good mood. Han Jae-yi slowly approached me, silently pulling me into an embrace. His quiet voice came from where his lips were buried against my shoulder.

“Just some small talk with middle-tier clients from a minor company. A dull gathering of men drinking and sharing boring jokes.”

“You don’t like that sort of thing.”

“They say business involves doing things you dislike.”

“Is that why you dressed up so nicely?”

At those words, he lifted his head from my shoulder and looked at me.

“Do I look good?”

“Yes.”

He smiled faintly, like a child who had just received a big compliment. Then he hugged me again, leaning into me.

“Did you have fun with your colleagues? You must have had something good to eat.”

He slightly buried his nose and sniffed. I felt embarrassed thinking about how the smell of smoke might have clung to me. Han Jae-yi smelled of something like whiskey, and it seemed he had drunk quite a bit as his posture was slightly off-balance.

“Well, more or less. I just got home, too.”

“I know.”

His words, saying he knew, were colder than before. I felt my heart sink, wondering if he had seen me with Co-pilot Cho Min-woo. Despite knowing there was no reason to be anxious about someone I had no real connection with, I felt uneasy. I wanted to use Han Jae-yi’s jealousy as an excuse for telling me not to be friendly with him.

“We ate, the three of us. You know, the one who came to the housewarming…”

“I know.”

He hugged me even tighter.

“So don’t try to explain. It only makes it weirder.”

His words, spoken while holding me so tight I could barely breathe, pierced my heart coldly. Han Jae-yi was upset right now. Whether it was because of the dinner he didn’t want to attend or Co-pilot Cho Min-woo, I couldn’t tell, but it was clear that he was suppressing his irritation, unable to direct it at me.

There was no way he could have overheard my conversation with Co-pilot Cho Min-woo. I have good eyesight, so if Han Jae-yi had been nearby, I would have noticed immediately. At most, he might have seen us from a distance or caught a glimpse as we parted. He wouldn’t have been angry over something so minor, so it was probably just the stress from the dinner.

Han Jae-yi lifted his head again.

“I’ll take a shower. Will you wait for me?”

He looked at me with eyes clouded by melancholy. There was only one reason he’d ask me to wait and not fall asleep.

“Okay.”

After hearing my response, he gave a brief kiss on my hand and disappeared into the bathroom in the living room. Since I couldn’t sleep covered in all this sweat and smoke either, I needed to wash up.

As I entered the bedroom and began undressing, a rush of complex emotions overwhelmed me. My pride was hurt by Han Jae-yi as he intended to take out his frustrations on me through lust. It was amusing to see myself becoming a mere outlet for his stress.

At the same time, I felt an ambivalent desire to do anything that could comfort him, even if it was in this way. Maybe it was because I sensed that the source of his stress might be jealousy.

The thought of Jae-yi telling me not to make excuses about Cho Min-woo had silenced me. The days when I couldn’t do anything but clench my fists in frustration were over. Now, Jae-yi wanted to lay me down and confirm his claim on me. He wanted to flaunt the fact that, in the end, I was his.

I turned on the shower in the bathroom connected to the bedroom. As I did, I realized something and let out a deflated sigh at the absurdity of it all. Without even realizing it, I had instinctively started washing between my buttocks. It was laughable. My mind might have been a mess, but my body was acting on its own.

The front part of me was already extending its neck, eagerly waiting for someone’s touch. This wasn’t my fault. The way Han Jae-yi had managed to suppress his anger while dressed in a suit had been incredibly s3xy. Feeling warmer, I lowered the temperature of the shower water a bit more.

When I came out with a towel wrapped around me, he was already waiting on the bed. He reached out a hand toward me. As soon as I took it, Han Jae-yi’s weight pressed down on me as he climbed on top.

The kiss was deep and sloppy. Tonight was different from the start. The Han Jae-yi who usually waited and followed the flow of my excitement was nowhere to be found. When his hand slipped between my legs, as if to claim what was his, I was surprised and tried to push him away, but it was useless. His left hand held me tightly, preventing me from resisting.

“Jae-yi… slower. Ugh.”

There was no response. He pressed around my h0le, unwrapped the towel from around my waist, and spread my legs at his will. He squeezed the gel that had been rolling on the bed and applied it to the entrance, then immediately inserted his fingers. He wanted to skip everything and focus solely on his instincts.

“Ah…”

I felt the excess gel trickling down, soaking the towel. The discomfort of the pain made me furrow my brows, but my moans were swallowed by Jae-yi’s sudden kiss. He bit and sucked on my lips, his fingers probing my h0le, his other hand gripping my hair to keep my head from turning, his tongue thrusting into my mouth.

I could feel his hot d1ck pressed against my abdomen, twitching and oozing slick fluid. He seemed to be holding back with the last bit of his rationality, wanting to push it in right away. His tongue, driven by some inexplicable anger, was violent.

And when the third finger entered me, the stimulation of my prostate slowly began to push away the pain, spreading excitement through my body.

“Haa…”

I let out a moan and hugged him. I kissed the veins protruding on his forehead, pulled his neck closer, pressing our bodies together. As he bit the skin where his lips had touched, Han Jae-yi’s hand, which had withdrawn from my h0le, found its way to his throbbing d1ck, guiding it back to the entrance. As he pushed his way in, I tilted my head back and moaned in pain.

“Ugh!”

The feeling of raw flesh pushing in without a condom made me scream as my inner walls scraped. His d1ck, invading the narrow space, pulled back slightly as if to give me a reprieve, only to push in twice as deep. My body twisted as my prostate was compressed. It was pointless. Pinned under Jae-yi’s body, gasping, I had no choice but to beg for mercy.

“Jae-yi, ugh! Slow down, ha… slowly. Please.”

At my plea, he withdrew his d1ck entirely. I could finally catch my breath. But before I could fully savor that brief moment of freedom, he bent over again, aligning himself with my entrance.

“Say you like it.”

“What? Hngh…”

His erect d1ck, slick with gel, nudged its way back in.

“Say you like being fvcked by me.”

“Are you crazy? Ah…”

As his d1ck thrust into me, he humiliated me with his words. I didn’t enjoy this kind of talk in bed, so I tried to push him away by pushing his shoulder. He seized the opportunity, pushing the last remaining length of himself inside, successfully stopping my resistance.

“Ugh!”

“Don’t move. Stop being so prideful.”

The pleasure that welled up unbidden from the kiss and the thrusting of his hips melted away my pride and opened up my body, just as he said. The sensation swelled like rippling waves, crashing over me, and my lips, which had been clenched to push him away, parted to suck on his tongue and swallow our mingled saliva.

Han Jae-yi’s d1ck throbbed inside me, leaking precum as he lifted his upper body to look down at me. It was as if he wanted to make me climax immediately; he moved me back and forth, hitting all my sensitive spots.

“Haa…”

As Jae-yi’s movements quickened and the jolts of my body increased, I couldn’t help but tilt my head back, mouth open, and express my arousal. The lingering alcohol in my system left me with little desire to hold back. If he wanted to bring me to release, I was more than willing to let go first.

However, this was not an act of enjoying s3x, but rather an act of release of pent-up desire. It seemed as if he unconsciously wanted to vent the anger that had surged up within him. The urge to climax rushed in.

“Hngh!”

As I ejaculated, my body twisted. Feeling my orgasm squeeze tight, Jae-yi must have climaxed too.

“Haa, Woo Seo-jin…”

He lowered his head, pressing his hips down as if determined to leave every last drop inside me. This was a s3x driven by the need to release more than any other we had shared. I cummed into his hand, and he cum inside me, both of us gasping for breath.

Only after a long while did Han Jae-yi finally wipe his hand on the towel beneath us. At the same time, his d1ck slipped out of me.

I stroked his back as he collapsed onto me.His muscles still twitched like those of an angry lion. Stupid Han Jae-yi. His breaths were still uneven as I brushed my lips over his shoulder. Below, a sticky mixture of semen from who knows which of us oozed out and dripped down.

I was surprised that I had climaxed despite the unpleasant and violent nature of the s3x. Maybe the saying that men’s minds and lower bodies don’t always align was true. Or perhaps I had a fetish for turning discomfort into pleasure. It didn’t really matter either way.

Han Jae-yi’s breathing gradually calmed. I kissed the top of his head as he lay still, face buried in my chest, and asked him softly.

“Do you want to smoke?”

His shoulder blades shifted as he raised himself. He leaned in close, forehead and nose touching mine.

“…I’m sorry.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at his words. Knowing Han Jae-yi’s personality, it wasn’t surprising he would apologize, even while still looking so irritated. If he was going to apologize, he should have at least done it without the scowl. It’s tough to be polite when I can practically hear him growling from frustration.

“Do you want to smoke or not?”

“Yeah.”

He fully got up and sat beside me.  I went to the bathroom to clean up the semen he had left inside me and washed myself off. After changing into something comfortable, I joined him on the balcony, lighting the ends of the cigarettes in our mouths. A milk carton we had been using as an ashtray still held cigarette butts from a month ago.

“Your birthday is coming up soon.”

“You know I don’t celebrate it.”

Birthdays didn’t mean much to me. I even doubted whether I was truly born on September 7th, as stated in official documents, and now, without a resident registration number, I had no way of confirming it. But Jae-yi made a point to celebrate my birthday every year. To him, the date wasn’t important—it was the act of celebration that held meaning.

“What should we do? Should we go on a trip?”

“I have a flight.”

“Where to?”

“Amsterdam.”

His eyes lit up at my words.

“I’ll come too. How long will you stay?”

Han Jae-yi exhaled a long puff of smoke and looked at me. Didn’t he just say he had to go to work? Was that a lie?

“I’m a CEO, you know. The only real perk is that I get to decide when I go to work.”

“What’s the downside?”

“Hmm… I’d rather not talk about it.”

He smiled and turned his gaze outside. Lately, I’ve felt a strange sense of distance from Han Jae-yi at times. At first, I thought these were new feelings that came with being lovers, but ever since we returned to Korea, I’ve been getting that feeling more frequently.

Every time that happened, the same thought crossed my mind: was he fighting too many battles on his own? But what I truly wondered about was something deeper. I wanted to ask, but, like a coward, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I just kept smoking, hoping he would deny it. I wanted him to say it wasn’t because of me.

That he wasn’t putting everything on the line because of me.