RSL Ch 70

After leaving the winery, we climbed the vineyard hill. The autumn breeze at 1 PM, carrying warm air, accompanied us. Clusters of grapes that hadn’t been harvested still clung stubbornly to the dry vines. There was no need to feel bad about it—the foxes would come and eat them overnight.

“It’s been a while since we’ve gone out like this, just the two of us, right?”

“Yes, it has. When I was young, you always took me for walks every Sunday. Chris and I would never have gone along if it weren’t for the pies and cakes we could eat afterwards.”

“Haha. Then let’s eat something on the way back today too. Since we’re here, let’s fatten you up a bit. How do you manage meals usually? You’ve always been a bit picky with food. You didn’t like Korean food that much, did you?”

“I’m trying to get used to it. I’ve tried many interesting dishes too. There’s something called Blutwurst (German blood sausage) where they put vegetables in pig intestines, and it’s delicious. One of my colleagues I go around with likes that kind of food. Since I eat out most of the time, there are many foods I’m trying for the first time, so it’s still fun.”

The vineyard hill we had been climbing for a while split into two paths. One path circled around the side of the hill, while the other went straight to the hilltop. My adoptive father chose the path that would take longer but allow for a leisurely walk.

“Well, I’m glad you seem to be adapting well. Actually, when you suddenly said you were leaving for Korea, your mother and I were quite upset. We thought maybe you felt more comfortable there than here. When you were young, you never showed any signs of it, so we thought you had completely forgotten about Korea.”

“I’m not sure. It’s true that when I was young, I only recalled unpleasant memories and avoided it, but perhaps because it was the place I had the least attachment to, it turned out to be perfect for a fresh start. I had no expectations or desires.”

My adoptive father nodded, listening intently to my words. Then he said that when you start facing something you’ve avoided, you can discover gem-like existences buried there. For him, that was the seven-year-old me.

“After Chris was born, our second child was to be named Julian. We had even looked into kindergartens for him to attend. It took us two full years to say goodbye to that child whose heart stopped alone after 7 months in the womb. After learning that the cause was in my genes, I couldn’t think about having another child. I was too scared. The thought of possibly experiencing that living hell again made me lose the courage to try again. So we decided to be content with just Chris.”

I couldn’t easily offer my thoughts on this story I was hearing for the first time. I only realized why he had chosen the path that allowed for a slow walk at the fork earlier.

“A few years passed like that, and then Angie (short for Angela) cautiously brought it up. She had actually been in contact with the center and suggested we consider adoption. Out of curiosity, we looked into various options, and somehow we received your papers from a social worker we had connected with. You were quite old, so we thought you might have difficulty living here and were about to send the file back, but there was a photo. Haha, Angie and I exclaimed simultaneously when we saw that photo.”

“……”

“Our son was here.”

He stopped walking and patted my back with a smile. Ah, a vague memory of taking an ID photo at seven years old started to surface. A completely submerged fragment rose and pierced my heart. Come to think of it, how lucky a person am I.

He then explained the numerous trials and errors that occurred over the next year to bring me to Germany. Today, I learned that while my memory started at eight years old at the airport, for them it began with a lump from over 30 years ago.

“You said you had no expectations or desires, but in the end, you found something in Korea that you had been avoiding, right?”

The wind changed direction. He loosened his posture of walking with his hands in his side pockets and closed the flaps of his trench coat. I nodded and agreed. And I thought of the one person waiting for me on the other side of the world.

“I can see things now that I couldn’t see before. I always thought that planning something and executing it exactly was the most important thing… While I achieved what I wanted because of that, I think I missed out on a lot of things. I didn’t know before that you could be plenty happy without living life as if measured by a ruler.”

“That’s why I thought Jae-yi’s personality would suit you well. You have a bit of an old soul, don’t you?”

“Haha. Yes, I know.”

“By the way, send us a photo of you in your new company uniform. A photo of you and Jae-yi together would be good too.”

I had a feeling I knew what he wanted to use that photo for.

“To display on the piano?”

“Of course.”

Before we knew it, we were slowly descending the vineyard hill. I recalled the old piano in the living room of the Winnenden house. It’s an old relic that no one has played since Chris and I moved out. However, the number of family photos placed on top of it has increased over the years.

In the back row are photos of my adoptive parents from when they were dating up to the present, and right in front are photos of Chris from childhood to his wedding photo with Sylvia. The photo of the baby soon to be born will take the place right next to that.

On the right are my photos from age eight onwards, and at the very end stands a photo of me in my uniform with four gold stripes after my promotion to captain. I was deeply moved by my adoptive father’s words suggesting that it would be good for Han Jae-yi to be part of the next scene of my life that will decorate that space.

I thought that perhaps the gem I had gained from facing what I had avoided included not just love, but family as well.

* * *

After returning home from the German flight, the person I had been longing for was nowhere to be seen.

[Where are you?]

I took my phone into the bathroom after sending the message, as Han Jae-yi often didn’t check for a while. I finished showering as quickly as possible and checked the message box again, but there was no reply.

Except for a brief call while moving from home to a hotel near the airport yesterday, we hadn’t been in contact for over 24 hours. It was the first gap since he came to Korea.

Instead, my other message inbox was buzzing with notifications. It was about the gathering of flight crew members I had promised with flight attendant Choi So-young last time. I received an invitation message to attend a drinking party tomorrow, but I haven’t replied yet.

It seemed true that there was a flight duty manager in the group, as they already knew I was off tomorrow. Still, I was hesitating to answer, wanting to ask about Han Jae-yi’s schedule first.

Just then, a message arrived from him.

[Sorry. I might be a bit late due to work.]

A short and concise reply. He seemed busy with work, and I felt embarrassed to send a message asking, “Can I go out drinking with colleagues tomorrow?”

After some thought, I replied to flight attendant Choi So-young that I would attend and closed my phone. Feeling like I was constantly waiting for messages from someone who would come home when the time was right, I put my phone far away.

I fell asleep while reading an e-book in bed. I got up my tired body and went to the dark living room to turn on the lights. I looked around the house carefully, but Han Jae-yi was still nowhere to be seen. I thought he would be back when I woke up, but what could be keeping him so busy? The clock was already showing 10 PM.

I stared at the chat window where nothing had been exchanged since his message saying he would be late. I started typing on the phone keypad but, feeling frustrated, I just called him. After the signal went on for a while without an answer, just as I was about to give up, I heard Han Jae-yi’s voice.

-Seo-jin, I’ll call you right back in 5 minutes.

I swallowed the words I was about to say, asking where he was. And I was focusing on the background noise coming through the phone. Singing, shouting, and the drunken ramblings of intoxicated people that made me feel dizzy just listening.

“…”

I thought about something for a moment without answering. Then Han Jae-yi, who had been speaking hurriedly as if he was about to hang up, quietly waited for me.

“Okay, got it.”

With those words, I hung up first. He said he was busy with work, but was he in the middle of entertaining clients? I stroked my nape and sighed bitterly.

Various thoughts filled my mind, constantly branching out in negative directions. Did the client I saw last time finally succeed in persuading Director Han? What exactly did they mean by “places where receipts can’t be processed”? Recalling only the darkest and dirtiest parts of Korean entertainment culture that I had heard about indirectly made me feel troubled.

I felt bad as a partner, but imagining him struggling in such an unsuitable place made me irritated. That’s why I’ve been saying all along that you’re really not cut out for business…

Just then, my phone rang again in my hand. It seemed I had been holding it since the end of the call.

-I’m sorry. I’m on my way home now. Did you rest well? Dinner?

“Yeah, I called after waking up. I’m not thinking about food. Did you drink a lot?”

-Drink? No, not at all. I’ve been working at the company all this time. Didn’t you see my message earlier?

“I saw it. But wasn’t that a bar you were just calling from?”

-Oh, yeah. I was just on my way back from helping out Lawyer Choi, who was entertaining clients. A lot of things happened at once, so I’m taking care of them one by one. I’ll tell you about it when I get home.

Only then did my complicated feelings start to unravel. I guess I’m quite a simple person after all.

“What about dinner?”

-Not yet. Should I buy something on the way? Like a boxed meal. Actually, I haven’t eaten anything all day.

At those words, I furrowed my brow. Who knew that hearing someone couldn’t eat because they were busy could be so heartbreaking? I was so upset that I even felt angry. I wanted to complain about what kind of company makes people work without feeding them, but there was no one to complain to. So I told him to just come home quickly and headed to the kitchen.

I decided to cook for Han Jae-yi. I took out the instant soup and spam he had bought. And I took out the rice and washed it. I added water to the pressure cooker according to the instructions on the manual. Feeling that the ratio of water to rice wasn’t quite right, I kept adding and removing water. Only after several trials and errors did I get a satisfactory result and was able to press the cook button.

Next, I sliced the spam and grilled it in a pan. It’s one of the simple dishes he often makes that I can at least imitate. While the spam was grilling, I boiled the instant soup in a pot with exactly 500cc of water. And I opened a pack of stir-fried kimchi from the refrigerator and put it in a bowl.

Just as steam was escaping from the rice cooker that had been making a loud noise, Han Jae-yi came into the house. The timing was good.

“Are you setting the table now?”

Han Jae-yi approached the kitchen with his jacket draped over his arm, looking at me with a surprised expression.

“Yeah. Change your clothes and come out.”

“For me to eat?”

“As you can see, it’s not something I like.”

He looked at the plate of nicely grilled spam and the soup bowl, his eyes sparkling.

“Wow, I think I might cry. Woo Seo-jin has prepared a Korean meal for me.”

Han Jae-yi came up to me and lightly kissed my cheek. Catching his breath as it lightly touched me, I could tell that he really hadn’t had a drop of alcohol.

While he was changing clothes, I looked in the refrigerator for more things that could serve as side dishes. I secured an unopened potato salad and checked the expiration date. Confirming that there were a few more days left before the date, I scooped it onto a plate. Three side dishes and one soup. The table was set quite nicely.

Han Jae-yi, changed into comfortable clothes, sat down at the table with an excited face. Coming home after working hard and receiving a prepared meal is something anyone would like. It had been a frequent occurrence for me until now, but I had never done it for Han Jae-yi.

Partly because I’m away from home for three or four days when I fly, but basically, I’m not talented in cooking. In fact, today’s simple meal setup is probably the extent of my ability.

“I think I need to go to Germany for a few days because of work.”

Han Jae-yi, who had been eating the meal I prepared diligently, explained about the ‘work that came up’ he had briefly mentioned during the phone call. He said there was a problem at the German branch of the largest client company he was handling. There was a conflict of opinion about the in-house council, and now the management was in conflict with the labor union. It seemed that it was now difficult to resolve remotely, so he needed to go there in person to mediate.

Meanwhile, another client was involved in an NDA (Non-Disclosure Agreement) lawsuit with a business partner. So, Lawyer Choi Jung-yeon would handle the issue that arose in Korea, and Han Jae-yi would take care of the one in Germany.

“Will you be coming home late tomorrow too? I have a drinking appointment.”

“Oh really? I was planning to leave work early because of you, but if you have plans, I can work a bit more comfortably. Who are you meeting?”

He had almost finished the rice I had served, perhaps a bit too much. Sitting across from him, nibbling on the potato salad together, I felt pleased watching him.

“There’s a gathering of flight crew members, and I was invited. I won’t be too late.”

“Then I’ll take the car. Call me when you’re done. Let’s go home together.”

“Okay. Let’s do that.”

“Seo-jin.”

“Yeah?”

“The food is really delicious.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculous compliment. After all, I hadn’t added any flavor myself, so the praise for the taste shouldn’t be directed at me. Han Jae-yi countered by saying that Korean food is about sincerity. No, I’m telling you, there was no need to put in or not put in any sincerity. He grumbled as if to end the conversation and focused on eating again. I smiled and quietly brought him some water.