RSL Ch 85

After returning from Haneda, I took a long four-day break. During that time, the calendar turned to November, and autumn hid its traces behind the chilly wind.

My first long-distance schedule was a flight to Paris. Just in case, I let Han Jae-yi know. However, seeing the still unanswered chat window, I couldn’t help but indulge in a moment of self-pity.

Even though I was physically closer to him, the psychological distance had widened. So, unable to bear the frustration, I ended up seeking out an unexpected person.

“Maxi?”

I rang the bell and heard a commotion inside Alain’s apartment. It was dinner time, so I assumed he was done with work, but there was a late meeting. A few people peeked out from behind Alain’s half-open door.

Alain’s eyes widened as he unexpectedly arrived at his door.

“Sorry. Looks like you have guests.”

“Oh, we just finished a meeting and were about to have dinner. What brings you here without notice? This is quite a surprise.”

“Just, I had a flight to Paris and thought we might have some wine. I guess I should have called first, huh?”

I didn’t really have any plans when I came. I was just happy to be in a city where I had a close friend and dropped by without much thought. Well, my usual self would never have done this. I understand why he’s surprised.

“You… did something happen?”

Alain lowered his head and looked up at my face from below. After examining me for a while, he slightly furrowed his brow.

I awkwardly smiled, holding up a bottle of Bordeaux Merlot. Alain clicked his tongue and told me to wait a moment, handing me the open door. Then he called the people inside.

“Alright, that’s it for today. Everyone, please go home.”

I stood in an awkward position, neither entering nor leaving, holding onto the door and watching Alain chase away his companions.

“Why? Didn’t you say we’d have dinner?”

“Go eat by yourselves. Let’s end it here for today. Come on, hurry up and leave.”

“Why, who came?”

A group of three or four people, pushed by Alain, picked up their coats. This is unnecessary. Feeling embarrassed, I turned my gaze elsewhere. They looked me up and down as I stood at the entrance holding the wine, then grinned and said to him:

“What’s this, your lover?”

“Someone more precious than a lover, so mind your own business and leave quickly.”

At times like this, I thought it might have been better not to understand French. They grumbled as they came out one by one.

“Thanks.”

“Thank you.”

While thanking me for holding the door, mischievous glances and smiles were exchanged several times. I hoped they wouldn’t misunderstand like that, but since I was the one who came unannounced, I couldn’t say anything.

“Maxi, come in.”

Once everyone had left, Alain closed the door without hesitation and pulled me in by the arm. It seemed they had held a project meeting in the living room, as colorful memos and scribbled marker writings on a mobile whiteboard caught my eye.

“Are those people you work with?”

“That’s right, we’re planning to apply for a government-supported project competition. I’m not in a position to hire them outright, so I contracted them as freelancers. They’re guys I already know, so it’s comfortable. Sit down. Have you had dinner?”

The man took the wine bottle from my hand and went to the kitchen. I looked towards the room Han Jae-yi used to use, trying to confirm someone’s presence.

“Ah, Mel is on vacation. Thanks to that, I’m working comfortably in the living room. What would you like to drink?”

“Just water, please.”

“Sparkling or still?”

“Sparkling.”

While he was bustling about in the kitchen, I sat on the sofa and caught my breath for a moment. The atmosphere in Alain’s apartment had changed a little. The portraits hanging on the opposite wall were probably Melanie’s work. Underfoot was a winter faux sheepskin carpet that I hadn’t seen during my summer visit. They must have ordered pizza for lunch, as empty pizza boxes were scattered in the corner next to the display cabinet.

Alain came over, sat in the single sofa opposite me, and handed me the sparkling water. Then he began to interrogate me in earnest.

“What’s this? What happened? Your face looks terrible. Who made such a mess of you?”

At his words, I unconsciously brushed my cheek. Is that so? It was surprising since no one had said anything like that.

“Some, not-so-good things happened one after another. It wasn’t necessarily about me.”

“I heard about Jae-yi’s father. Is that why? Did you come from Germany?”

“No, I’m in Korea. Jae-yi and I are living apart for a while.”

Alain narrowed his eyes at me as I spoke calmly, gripping the water glass.

“You two aren’t doing well, huh?”

I just smiled faintly and didn’t answer.

I realized why I had come here. I must have wanted to talk comfortably with someone who knew us both well. After confessing everything that had happened, I clearly wanted to hear that there was still hope despite it all. I needed encouragement that this wasn’t a relationship that would crumble so easily, that I should have more courage.

“This is going to be a long story, but I’ll buy dinner. Do you want to go out?”

Alain glanced at his watch and shook his head.

“Too bothersome. Let’s order Thai food.”

“Isn’t it annoying to clean up?”

“Going out is more annoying.”

He picked up his phone and called a nearby Thai restaurant. He chose the menu without even asking me, resembling Han Jae-yi. While he was ordering, I emptied my glass and hung my coat on the coat rack.

The Paris flight came with a three-day layover. These days, I preferred wandering around flying rather than resting at home on days off. I spent half of that time sleeping, exhausted from physical fatigue, and the other half wandering the city alone.

‘Letting daily life slip by’ would be an accurate expression. Like flipping through an uninteresting chapter of a book, I was turning the pages of my life without Han Jae-yi without really reading them.

About an hour after ordering, the food arrived. Fried rice with shrimp, a noodle dish, and a curry made with chicken and coconut milk were placed on the living room table. We first cleansed our palates with the wine I had brought. I was tempted to try the rice dish, but when I saw that it had pineapple in it, I decided to try some of the curry. The chicken was a little tough, but the flavor was pretty good.

While eating, I opened up to Alain about what had happened. He seemed to be only half-listening to my story, making completely irrelevant comments.

“So did you sleep with that co-pilot?”

“What are you talking about? We’re not that kind of relationship at all. What have you been listening to all this time?”

At my urging, he tilted his head and replied as if it were ridiculous.

“Well, if you didn’t sleep together and you’re not in any kind of relationship, why is that guy so angry? You have a right to be annoyed. Isn’t that obsession? It’s a disease, a disease.”

“It was just… bad timing. It’s understandable that he’d feel bad hearing it directly from that person.”

“No, I mean. There needs to be something done for him to feel bad or not. You didn’t even have s3x, what’s there to be jealous about, really? You guys make your relationship so suffocating? Here, eat this.”

Alain divided the rice into two small bowls and held one out to me.

“I can’t eat that. I’m allergic to tropical fruits.”

“Oh right, was that so? I ordered wrong.”

He apologized and pushed the noodle dish towards me instead. Now the shrimp fried rice became Alain’s sole possession.

“Anyway, okay, I get it. That was your first fight. What’s the other one?”

I began to explain about the second fight. The fact that Gisella and I had met before we started dating and had judged Han Jae-yi’s feelings this way and that. And I tried to convey my situation at the time, when I hadn’t confessed to him until the end, as objectively as possible.

Alain, who had been listening seriously, once again cut me off midway and started complaining about Han Jae-yi.

“I mean, what’s the big deal? He’s the one who made a fuss about getting married and whatnot. Who’s he trying to blame? Gisella is really a strange person too. Isn’t that an issue they should resolve between themselves? Why did she come to you to talk about whether to confess or not? They should have just let those two alike get married. It was obvious they’d divorce soon anyway.”

“Alain.”

“Okay, okay. You know I’ve always been harsh on Jae-yi. Anyway, from my perspective, both issues are in the past and seem like problems you could easily get over, so I don’t understand why you fought so severely.”

He poured wine into my empty glass and asked as if perplexed. So I decided to bring up the real issue now. The fundamental reason why we were bound to stand at opposite ends over trivial problems endlessly. It’s about guilt.

This time, Alain didn’t interrupt me mid-sentence. His reaction, quite different from before, made me choose my words more carefully. Only after hearing everything did he nod and give his opinion.

“Hmm… Actually, I felt a bit off when Jae-yi said he was quitting being a lawyer and going back to Korea. I thought it was admirable, but I wondered if it was really okay. It’s not like he switched to the same field as you. The loss is quite severe. I understand the guilt you feel.”

He touched his chin and continued seriously.

“This problem seems to stem from you two having very different personalities. Your attitudes towards life are quite different. Maxie, you’ve always been a bit mature and serious. Jae-yi and I lived like rascals. But if he says he’s fine with it, why did you act so sensitively? You should have just pretended not to notice.”

“At first, I did pretend not to notice. But when you live together, you can see it. He’s struggling, he wants to go back. Jae-yi’s stress had built up so much, and it was too painful to watch from the side. While we kept clashing and fighting like that, the accident with Jae-yi’s father happened. The problem is that his last moments with his father weren’t good either.”

“Why?”

“His relationship with his parents had soured because of me. They fought to the point of saying they’d live without seeing each other, and that became their last conversation before his father passed away. It will remain a lifelong trauma.”

“Damn.”

Alain frowned and downed his wine.

He always pretends not to be, but no matter what anyone says, he’s Han Jae-yi’s friend. So it’s a natural reaction for him to feel sorry imagining the painful moments his friend must have gone through. Watching him like this made me feel like a criminal.

“So, what do you want to do?”

He put down his glass and asked, looking at me.

“First, I want to apologize. We didn’t even have a chance to talk properly. He must still be struggling because of his father, so I think I should wait until he gathers himself, but the problem is I don’t know what state Jae-yi is in right now.”

“Are you in contact with each other?”

“I’ve been trying constantly, but I rarely get replies. I haven’t been able to talk on the phone since the funeral. If he’s still staying in Tübingen, it might be a bit difficult to call, but I’m not sure about the situation.”

“Did his mother oppose it too?”

“…She didn’t approve.”

Alain nodded. After blaming Han Jae-yi so much, he’s showing a completely different reaction after the last story. Is there no hope? I felt bitter.

“Want to smoke?”

Suddenly, Alain got up and asked.

“I’ve pretty much quit smoking, so I don’t have any.”

“Mel must have left some. Wait a bit.”

He went into Melanie’s room and came out with a crumpled pack of cigarettes. It was the same menthol I had borrowed before.

We went out to the terrace, lit our cigarettes, and admired the November Parisian night view. In the chilly air, our earlobes quickly cooled. Alain thought about something alone for a while, then asked me where my hotel was.

“It’s nearby. About a 20-minute walk.”

“Great. You’re leaving in two days, right? Come here tomorrow too.”

“Why?”

Instead of answering, he took a long drag on his cigarette and looked at me. Then he rounded his mouth and blew two smoke rings into the air.

“I’ve got a good idea. Let’s throw a party. You look too gloomy. I’m going to get all my friends to come over and cheer you up. Come back here around 7 tomorrow. Or you can stay here tonight if you want.”

I sighed at his sudden proposal.

“I appreciate it, but I’m not in the mood.”

“No way. Do you know how you look right now? Like you’re about to jump into the Seine at any moment. Just come and sit. I’ll take care of everything.”

I’m not sure what he means by taking care of everything, but Alain had already pulled out his phone. And with the cigarette in his mouth, he quickly typed something. There was no time to stop him, but he wasn’t the type to listen even if I tried. He has a personality that always does what he wants to do, and it can be quite troublesome if you don’t go along with it.

“There, I’ve already posted on my account. See? Two people have already accepted to participate. Wait a minute. I’m going to invite Roman, too. You like stand-up comedy, he used to perform at the amateur club in New York. I should tell him to bring a lot of funny people. Oh, another acceptance came in.”

Alain was excited and absorbed in his phone for a while. I felt slightly uneasy watching him. I leaned against the terrace, blew out the last smoke on the opposite side from him, and stubbed out the cigarette. Should I stop him? Alain has always had a habit of causing trouble when he gets too excited.

When I visited Alain’s house again after 7 PM the next evening, I could feel from outside the apartment that my premonition had hit the mark. The moment I opened the common entrance door of the building, my brow furrowed at the boisterous noise. As I climbed the stairs, it became clear that the sound was leaking from Alain’s house. He told me to come by 7, but I wondered what time they had started.

When I opened the door, a red-haired woman standing right next to it greeted me with a smile.

“Hello.”

She seemed a bit drunk already, and I couldn’t understand why she was standing in front of the entrance. Then Alain saw me entering the apartment and gestured.

“Maxie, come in! Everyone make way, the guest of honor is here. Maxie, don’t stand there, come inside.”

There were already over twenty people occupying every corner of the house. Alain pushed through them and strode over to pull me in. Thanks to that, I had to go straight to the kitchen with my shoes on.

“You walked here, right? Thirsty? Want some sprkling water? Or champagne?”

“Champagne would be nice.”

Alain poured a full plastic cup of rapidly bubbling champagne and handed it to me. We toasted lightly.

“Why did you invite so many people?”

“I know, right? The number of invitees doubled before I knew it.”

Just then, a man in a black blazer approached us.

“Alain, I have some friends nearby, can I tell them to come?”

I was internally screaming not to, but Alain seemed unconcerned.

“Sure, tell them to come. But they each need to bring a bottle. I think we’ll run short.”

They’ll run very short. He had only stacked up 5 bottles of wine. Come to think of it, I had brought my share of alcohol too.

“I’ll add mine too.”

I handed him the champagne bottle I had forgotten about.

“As expected, Maxie has sense.”

He peeled off the gold foil from the Moët & Chandon I handed him and immediately popped the cork. Just then, another boisterous greeting started from the entrance area.

“Oh! Fabien, welcome!”

Alain stopped what he was doing and disappeared towards the new arrivals. Thanks to six people barging in at once, the noise level rose even higher. It seems that Alain’s fight with the elderly Polish couple living downstairs tonight is now unavoidable.

“Could you hand me that cup next to you?”

The man in the black blazer pointed to the plastic cups stacked next to me. Even though he had heard Alain and me conversing in English, he deliberately spoke in French, and I couldn’t help but laugh at how obvious his intentions were.

“Here you go.”

“Thank you.”

As I handed him the cup, I caught a faint smell of marijuana. I found myself looking him up and down without realizing it. Isn’t he dressed too nicely for a casual party among friends? As I was thinking this and staring at him, he smiled and spoke again.

“So you’re Maxie. Alain is a party animal, but he’s not the type to throw parties using someone else as an excuse, so I was curious. Do you know how he described this party when inviting people? ‘A night where whoever makes Maxie laugh the most gets 100 euros.’ Look, it’s written here, right?”

He approached me again and showed me Alain’s SNS invitation on his phone. So this is what he meant by taking care of everything. It was such an Alain-like thing to do that I sighed.

“You must be close.”

“Well, yes. We’re old friends.”

“Maxie, come here, I’ll introduce you to Roman.”