RSL Ch 88

The next day, I left home early in the morning to board the A350 bound for San Francisco. I took in the Seoul air that had now fully entered winter into my lungs. I took in the cityscape turning grey while riding the airport bus. The weather was as if the sky had come down heavily. The air, laden with moisture, was humid as if about to rain.

I landed at San Francisco airport and unpacked at the hotel right next to it. Then I met Hannah Mueller. She was a software developer who had moved to Silicon Valley a few years ago. She was the longtime girlfriend of Tobias Meyer, my high school classmate from the Gymnasium, and even after breaking up with him, she remained in touch with me and became a good friend.

In fact, the catalyst isn’t important in human relationships. Through her, I learned that connections can be maintained quite long with just a little effort from someone.

Hannah was someone who never forgot to send messages on Easter, Christmas, and New Year’s. She was the type who innately liked taking care of others and didn’t easily let go of connections once made. With such people, the bond of relationship grows thicker as time passes.

“Maxie!”

She came to pick me up at the hotel and waved her hand as she stood up from the lobby sofa. Hannah was short and always liked wearing jeans and sneakers. That style hadn’t changed today. Only her long hair had become short, and her skin was a bit more tanned.

“Good to see you, Maxie! Has it been a year since we last met?”

“Hmm, I think it’s been a bit longer. I remember you said you moved. It was summer.”

“Ah, right. It’s already been two years since I left that damn Palo Alto. Have you lost some weight?”

“You say that every time we meet. Have you been well?”

“Me? Well, I’m always doing well and always having fun. Let’s go eat something delicious!”

Her bubbly laughter infected me too. I always become happy when I meet Hannah. She was the person who emitted the most positive energy among all the people I knew.

“Is it cold in Korea?”

“Yeah. Inevitably so.”

“I can imagine from your outfit.”

I was wearing a long-sleeve shirt with a cardigan over it. I was still hesitating whether to wear the jacket I had brought just in case, which was draped over my arm. Hannah was wearing a short-sleeve T-shirt, jeans, and a thick muffler around her neck.

We weren’t the only ones with contrasting attire. Some people were in coats, while others passed by in shorts. All this scenery was an interesting sight given by the warmth of California in November.

Hannah drove an old manual used car. Her hobby was collecting old LPs, and she had been a huge Beatles fan since her school days. She was a developer building machine learning at one of the most prestigious IT companies on the planet, but she was steeped in retro culture, honoring people who died before she was born.

“Is it okay if we go near my place? A nice restaurant opened. I’ve already decided on the menu for you. Excited?”

And she was also a gourmet.

“Sure. Everything you’ve said was delicious has never failed.”

I said that and turned my gaze out the window.

The sky was incredibly blue and clear. Fluffy clouds floated above the horizon. The warm November air gave an unfamiliar feeling. Christmas was approaching, but here the sun still showed no signs of retreating.

Hannah’s car, heading towards Stanford University and Menlo Park, stopped at traffic lights several times. Each time, homeless people walked between the stopped vehicles holding picket signs.

With unshaven beards and emaciated figures, most of them buy drvgs with the money they beg for. The signs say to donate $5 for today’s lunch, but everyone knows it’s a lie. Still, a few of the stopped vehicles lowered their windows and handed bills to them.

About half of all homeless people in the US flock to live in this place where the highest-paid rich people in the world live. There’s no reason to leave as it’s warm even in winter. Sometimes I’ve seen articles saying that the money they collect in an hour like this is more than the hourly wage of a college student working part-time in Korea. The compensation for labor set lower than begging is truly hopeless.

We passed by Hannah’s workplace and went down to Sunnyvale, where we parked in front of a Mexican restaurant. As it was a little past lunchtime, many empty tables were visible. A server wearing a short apron around the waist approached to take our drink orders first.

“Maxie, the cocktails here are delicious.”

“Hmm, isn’t it too early for alcohol when it’s not even 5 PM yet?”

As I hesitated, Hannah teased me with a smile.

“Forgot? We always had an excuse when we wanted to drink.”

“It’s already 5 o’clock somewhere in the world.”

The server chimed in, laughing and taking Hannah’s side. It’s a famous joke I hadn’t heard in a long time. Following their suggestion, I decided to have just one drink. Having a Mexican cocktail in broad daylight gave a strange feeling, much like the weather here that didn’t match winter.

Not long after ordering our meal, a chef came pushing a trolley and prepared guacamole right in front of us. We filled our stomachs with fresh avocado, tomatoes, and beef tacos. Hannah ate quesadillas with cheese dripping down and explained about rock climbing, her recent hobby.

“That’s unexpected. You didn’t like sports that much.”

“That’s right. I’m on the small side, you know. I wanted to do an exercise where you can endure with muscle strength even if you don’t have great physical attributes, so I found this and started. It’s kind of a trendy hobby among people here these days.”

“Right. Anything that involves moving your body is good.”

“How about you? Do you still play tennis?”

She enjoyed sharing hobbies. She lamented that time passes too quickly just by eating delicious food and finding things she likes to do. So she probably wouldn’t be very interested in my recent life of floundering to revive a failed romance.

“It’s been a while since I picked up a racket. These days I just swim.”

“That’s a shame. You were really good at tennis. Didn’t you become close with Tobi because of tennis? The three of you, including that handsome friend of yours, often went to the court together. I remember Tobi liked hanging out with you guys.”

“Do you still keep in touch with Tobias?”

“No, we lost contact a few years ago.”

“Didn’t you say you’d stay friends?”

“We did, but it didn’t work out. After dating for so long, once we broke up, it all seemed pointless. It’s better for both of us not to see each other. What friends? When you break up, it’s over. If someone else comes along, it’s also inconsiderate to their new partner.”

“I see.”

I nodded at Hannah’s words. Not much else registered. When you break up, it’s over. Only that one sentence kept echoing in my head.

Thanks to ordering more food than expected, we had one taco and a burrito left. As we chatted, the sun was setting, and with full stomachs, we were leisurely leaning back in our chairs enjoying the sunset. The magic of 5 PM had arrived here too. Happy hour began, and people ordered drinks.

After asking for the leftovers to be packed in a bag, she excused herself to use the restroom. Luckily, I got the timing to pay. I handed my card to the server and left the tip in cash.

“What? You paid again? Next time, I’m really going to treat you.”

“Okay. Do that.”

“You always say that but end up paying again. Anyway, I enjoyed the meal. I’ll drive you back to the hotel.”

As Hannah was about to walk towards the car, I told her to wait a moment and went outside the parking lot. Then I approached a homeless person standing alone at the traffic light across the street.

He held up a crumpled A4 paper that read ‘Help me’. Even so, he didn’t forget to greet me with a friendly “Hi” as I approached.

“Eat this.”

I handed him food instead of dollars. He hesitated for a moment. Then, as if realizing I had just come out of the restaurant, he took the packed food bag and looked inside. The aroma of the still-warm burrito stimulated his nose.

“Thank you.”

He smiled with a satisfied expression.

I had no way of knowing the true meaning behind this homeless person’s plea for help. But whatever it was, I hoped he would have at least one proper meal this evening. As I turned around and crossed the street again, he said to my back:

“God bless you.”

Yeah. I really hope so too, I thought to myself as I crossed the street.

My stay in San Francisco lasted for 3 days. Today I went out alone to watch a basketball game. There was a time when I was hooked on the NBA and used to play basketball with Han Jae-yi until we collapsed. He liked all sports involving balls. Whenever he got interested in a sport, he always begged me to join him. Thanks to that, I still like basketball.

The reason I could always stick with Han Jae-yi was probably because we absorbed each other’s hobbies. However, compared to him who was constantly getting into and immersing himself in something, I didn’t quickly take to many things. I was also a bit indifferent by nature. Thinking about it now, my hobby at the time was probably just Han Jae-yi himself.

After the game, I stopped by the souvenir shop. Feeling lonely wandering the city alone, I wanted to buy myself something as a gift. While looking at things like hats, hoodies, and handkerchiefs, I picked up a sea lion plush sitting in the corner. Its dumb look with its mouth tightly shut felt similar to me. I took one and paid for it at the counter.

Returning to the hotel, I lay down on the bed. I took out the sea lion plush I had bought and placed it next to the pillow. It’s been a while since I bought a fluffy stuffed animal with my own money.

“…”

They say people talk to inanimate objects when they’re too lonely, and I had been contemplating that temptation for a while. Suddenly, I was reminded of Tom Hanks’ movie where he befriended a volleyball on a deserted island. Let’s not go that far. I was trying to convince myself, but the sea lion kept staring at me, seemingly trying to start a conversation.

It wasn’t much. It just made a wooing sound. Since it clearly couldn’t speak human language, I felt comfortable mumbling to myself.

“No reply is coming.”

The sea lion seemed to nod its head as if sympathetic.

“He didn’t answer when I called yesterday. Should I try again?”

This time it was silent. I guess that means I shouldn’t.

“Should I send a message at least? Maybe if I say I watched basketball, he’ll respond.”

The sea lion wooed, seemingly agreeing.

“Actually, Jae-yi likes the Chicago Bulls.”

When I looked at it reproachfully, the sea lion fell silent from then on. Finding myself amusing, I sighed while looking at the ceiling.

I had a flight to Munich scheduled for next week. Of course, I wanted to meet Han Jae-yi. But because he wasn’t replying, I couldn’t find the timing to share my schedule. It was difficult to maintain a proper balance between expressing my feelings healthily and being clingy.

Just then, the bottom of the plush suddenly lit up brightly. It was a notification that a message had arrived. I quickly pulled out the phone tucked under the sea lion and checked the sender. It was Han Jae-yi.

[Sorry I couldn’t answer the phone. I’ve been in Tübingen. I’m on my way home now.]

The content made sense. After a moment’s thought, I pressed the call button. He answered immediately.

-Hey. Were you awake? Isn’t it still dawn in Korea?

He seemed to be driving.

“I’m on a flight. San Francisco. It’s pretty late, are you just going home now?”

-Yeah. Once I visit, Mother doesn’t let me leave easily. I’m trying to play the good son these days.

“How do you do that?”

-Listen to her complaints.

We laughed simultaneously. His voice sounded tired, but his tone was bright. Since he had to drive anyway, there should be plenty of time, so I thought we could talk a bit longer. So I told him about meeting Hannah yesterday and going to watch the basketball game today. I kept secret the part about mumbling to myself to the stuffed toy.

“Oh, I have a flight to Munich next Friday.”

-It’s been a while since you had one. How long are you staying?

“Two days.”

-I see…

After that, the conversation paused for a moment. Then a time followed where we seemed to be watching each other’s reactions. I went straight ahead, trying not to cling too much.

“If it’s okay, want to have lunch together on Saturday?”

There were two reasons I suggested lunch instead of dinner. First, it seemed easier to agree to than dinner, and second, I wanted to prove that I didn’t have any strange ulterior motives like last time. He hesitated a bit before answering but didn’t refuse.

-Okay. Let me know your hotel. I’ll pick you up.

Han Jae-yi’s habitual kindness suddenly pricked my heart. Thanks to that, my mind had already returned to Korea and was flying towards Munich Airport again.

After talking for about ten more minutes and confirming that there were no changes in each other’s situations, we hung up. Total call time: 25 minutes. It was the longest call in recent times. Someone might tease me for remembering such a thing, but it’s something I can’t help but know. All other calls hadn’t even lasted 5 minutes.

I turned my head from the ceiling and glanced at the sea lion plush. It was still sitting with its mouth closed, eyes wide open. Without realizing it, I reached out and stroked its belly. Good job. I felt better, like I had gained an ally.