RSL Ch 89

I don’t know how time passed. During the 3-day break, I exercised diligently. Seoul’s early winter was as cold as Germany’s harsh winter, so it was taking more and more resolve to go outside.

And today, I took charge of piloting the A350 heading to Munich. I had just finished the first 5-hour shift of flying with another captain and handed over the cockpit to the second-half team waiting on schedule.

I left the cockpit and moved to the rearmost seat in business class. There was some space available today, so I had secured a place to rest instead of the cramped crew bunker.

“Captain, would you like me to make you some ramen?”

“No, thank you. Don’t worry about me and tend to your other duties.”

“Alright. Let me know if you need anything.”

The cabin manager brought an extra blanket and disappeared. The cabin was quiet and dark with only the small lights on. I also took off one of the eye masks to sleep. At the rustling sound, a passenger in the next seat looked at me with a surprised face and spoke.

“Oh my, so the pilots rest here too. I didn’t know that.”

She seemed to be a woman in her late 60s. I gave a slight bow. Curiosity seemed to strike her as she slightly raised her seat back and turned towards me.

“But if the pilot is here, who’s flying the plane?”

“Other colleagues are piloting now. We have shift times, you see.”

“I see. How interesting. I heard it’s hard to become an airline pilot, you must have studied hard. Your parents must be proud?”

She blinked her eyes in the darkness, seemingly wanting to continue talking as she threw questions at me.

“Yes, they were pleased. They supported me a lot.”

“Oh, of course they would. I heard pilots earn a lot too. My son is a civil servant.”

“Is that so.”

“He’s been good at studying since he was young. He’s a filial son. He calls often.”

This was troublesome. From then on, she poured out stories about her son that I hadn’t even asked for. Thanks to that, I learned that her son was a Grade 8 civil servant in the Education Office and a resident of Incheon with two elementary school daughters.

They say when you get older, your life feels so overwhelming that you want to keep sharing it with someone. She seemed to be like that too, constantly telling me about her life even though we had just met.

“…So even though I insisted I wouldn’t go, he said he’d put me on a plane. He said I should go at least once before I die.”

“Didn’t your son come with you? It must be inconvenient for you to travel alone.”

“My daughter is meeting me at the airport. She works in London and took time off because I’m coming.”

“Then why didn’t you go to London? There’d be more to see there.”

I humbly put down Munich and sided with high-class Britain. Han Jae-yi would make a fuss if he heard this.

“I… wanted to come to Germany. There’s someone I remember.”

“I guess you have an acquaintance.”

At the word ‘acquaintance’, she smiled shyly, saying it wasn’t that kind of relationship. From that reaction, I guessed that person was probably her first love or an old flame.

“When I was a young woman, there was a missionary who came to my church. His name was Baumann. He was tall and had a nice voice. He stayed for two months, and before he left, he gave me his address in Munich, saying I should come visit.”

She suddenly put the bag she had under the tray on her lap. Then she took out her wallet and showed me an old, laminated piece of paper.

“It’s a church name.”

“Oh, is this the church name? I thought it was a home address. Well, it doesn’t matter since I’m not going to visit anyway.”

The scrawled German was hard even for me to read. Given her age, it must be over 40 years old, and I was surprised she still kept the memo.

“The church might still be there, why don’t you visit? He might be glad to see you.”

“He probably won’t remember. He might even be dead by now. At our age, there are more people we can’t meet because they’ve passed away.”

She waved her hand and put the paper with the address back in her wallet. Then she hugged her bag close and smiled like a girl, as if imagining something pleasant.

“But I still wanted to visit once. Whenever Munich appeared on TV, I would watch closely. Now that it’s been 3 years since my husband passed away first, I thought maybe it’s okay to go. I want to see what kind of people live there too.”

“It must be your first love.”

“Oh my, hehe. Here I am telling all sorts of things to a stranger. This is what happens when you get old. You lose your sense of shame and just talk a lot. I’m sorry. I’ve been interrupting your rest.”

Realizing belatedly that she had taken up too much of my time, she apologized. As if to say she wouldn’t speak anymore, she put down her bag and pulled up her blanket again. So I also grabbed my eye mask again, but suddenly blurted out one more thing.

“My first love lives in Munich too.”

At that, she clasped her hands together in delight.

“Oh my, how old were you when you met?”

“When I was fifteen.”

“That is a first love indeed. Are you not married yet, Captain?”

“No, not yet.”

After finishing that sentence, I smiled, showing her the eye mask I was holding. Our little chat ended there.

I reclined comfortably in my seat, replaying the earlier conversation in my head. I couldn’t help but smile at the mention of “not yet” regarding marriage. Did that imply it would happen eventually? As I pondered the thought, I closed my eyes.

I needed some sleep to recover for tomorrow. Shamelessly, it wasn’t to recharge for the flight but to adjust my body clock for a date. Exhausted from an early start, I quickly succumbed to sleep without much effort. The steady hum of the airplane engines enveloped me like a lullaby.

The A350 carried 310 passengers. We were currently floating in the middle of the Eurasian continent. The plane, burning 70 tons of fuel at a speed of 1,000 kilometers per hour, was taking me to Munich, where my first love awaited.

***

I had been stuck in the hotel bathroom for an hour. It had been a long time since I had showered, but I was spending more time in front of the mirror. I felt burdened by the clothes that looked too formal, but stepping out in something sloppy was even worse. I decided to settle on the blue shirt I had first picked and started unbuttoning the clothes I was wearing.

In the mirror, my reflection revealed a leaner frame. Thanks to recent workout efforts, the lines of my muscles were becoming more defined. Even my abs, which had faded over time, were starting to reappear, filling me with satisfaction. The weight I had lost when I first moved to Korea had returned, and I had increased my treadmill runs from 8 kilometers to 10. Lately, I had become almost addicted to exercise, dedicating most of my free time to improving my physical health.

Buttoning up the shirt, I threw on a thick jacket and wrapped a wide gray scarf around my neck. After strapping on my watch, I put my wallet in my back pocket and started to hurry a little. I quickly grabbed my phone and went out into the hallway and took the elevator down to the lobby.

A familiar Porsche was already waiting in front of the hotel. As I opened the passenger door, Han Jae-yi turned down the volume of the radio. The scent of his cologne, filling the car, stirred something inside me.

“I feel this way every time.”

Without so much as a greeting, he started talking as I got into the car.

“Your punctuality is downright scary.”

Han Jae-yi teased me by pointing to the car clock that had changed to 12 o’clock. Of course, I always count the time in my head. By contrast, Jae-yi was often the one waiting. If it wasn’t for work, he was almost never late for an appointment. He probably arrived about 10 minutes early and was waiting for me.

Fastening my seatbelt, I glanced at Jae-yi in the driver’s seat. He was surprisingly well-dressed today. His three-piece, classic tweed suit caught my attention, and I asked curiously.

“Do you have another appointment today?”

“Yeah, later this evening.”

He started the car as he spoke.

An evening appointment, huh? It was only noon, so he had at least three or four hours to spare. For now, I was content to monopolize this well-dressed Jae-yi for a while.

We drove out of downtown Munich, past a small hill and through a village. The narrow two-lane road stretched across flat land until we turned onto a wooded path. At its end, a large farm and restaurant came into view. The place was run by a farmer who supplied ingredients to the local market. It was also a spot I’d insisted on reserving, much to Jae-yi’s reluctance.

“Been here before?” I asked.

“No, first time. But it seems like the kind of place you’d like.”

He smoothly reversed into an empty parking spot.

We walked past the entrance, marked by a large oak tree, and into a small dining hall. A passing server confirmed our reservation and guided us to a secluded table. The restaurant, a renovated building from the 1950s, served only seasonal dishes made with ingredients grown on the adjacent farm. I had heard their meat dishes were exceptional.

Over drinks, Jae-yi chose a salad while I opted for soup. While selecting our main dishes, the server suggested the rabbit.

“The meat is fresh—came in just yesterday.”

“You heard that’s right?” 

Han Jae-yi casually nudged the rabbit dish my way. I shot him a playful glare before returning the menu and telling the server.

“I’ll have the pork neck instead.”

The server nodded and turned to Han Jae-yi.

“I’ll take the veal.”

“Excellent.”

With that, the server cleared the menus and collected the wine glasses set on our table, leaving us alone once more. I gazed at Han Jae-yi across from me.

What was he thinking, meeting me like this today? Was he maintaining this careful distance, waiting until I was ready to let go? I’d been observing his every move since earlier, trying to gauge how much feeling remained on his end.

A small window by our table overlooked a sloping field next to the farm. The slightly elevated view offered a modest but pleasant landscape. I noticed the clouds had thickened, hanging lower than they had earlier.

“Looks like it’s going to rain,” I remarked, my habit of reading the weather kicking in.

“It’ll just drizzle and pass. I checked the forecast.” 

He said as if telling me not to worry and took a bite of a wheat bread. I wondered if he checked the weather for his evening plans. I was curious about who he was meeting but decided against prying. Instead, I settled on confirming how much time we had left.

“The meeting’s at seven, so there’s no rush,” he reassured me.

“Really? Then I guess you can stay with me until 6 o’clock.”

With my nonchalant and bold statement, Han Jae-yi looked up from his water, glancing at me. He then picked up his fork and began mixing the served salad. A smile of indecipherable meaning played on his lips as he muttered.

“You’ve changed a bit.”

“How so?”

“You used to be unable to express yourself like this. In the past, there was a sense that you would maintain some decorum in front of me. But lately, whether it’s phone conversations or text messages, you seem different, and it’s surprising.”

“Changing isn’t necessarily a bad thing.”

I looked at him, seeking agreement.

“Yeah, it’s not a bad thing But if you’re pushing yourself because of something I said before, you don’t have to. The thought of you losing your original self because of me doesn’t feel good.”

Han Jae-yi’s voice, which had become melancholic again, was tinged with emptiness.

“How am I losing myself? I’ve just become more direct in my expression. Or you can think of it as a cuteness that I didn’t have before.”

Hoping our conversation wouldn’t become too somber, I threw in a joke. I didn’t want Han Jae-yi, who was still wandering in the midst of a sorrowful situation, to revisit his pain even during our meeting. Perhaps my sentiment was conveyed, as he slowly stirred his salad and smiled softly.

“Yeah, cuteness. It seems like something that wasn’t there has emerged.”

Han Jae-yi chewed on the word that didn’t seem to suit me at all once more. Then he turned his gaze out the window. Following his look, the sky appeared to have lowered its clouds slightly.

I suddenly brought up an unrelated story.

“When you came to Korea because of me. Do you remember when I was sick and you stopped by my house to buy soup? The wine glass was broken.”

“Yeah.”

“I broke that display stand because I was angry. I was so sad because you packed up and left without telling me when Gisela came. I knew you were going to get married, but I guess I was lost in my own delusion while traveling and spending time together.”

Han Jae-yi looked slightly puzzled after hearing about the past story he hadn’t asked about.

“… I didn’t know that.”

Still, I disregarded it and brought up another story.

“And do you remember the night we got drunk on wine at the Jeju Island hotel? That day, I really struggled because I liked you so much. Sitting across from me, you kept smiling, and I had this illusion that you were doing it just for me. So I remember it being really hard to go back to my room alone that night.”

“…”

He remained silent for a moment, not knowing how to respond.

In fact, this was the history of my pride and unrequited love. It was embarrassing to make such a confession now, but I wanted to tell him because it was proof of how intensely I had held onto him.

I also told him about Chris’s advice to live in reality. Look at the result of that ‘perfect lover play’ we were so immersed in. He and I, who tried to complete a love without a single flaw, must now admit that we failed miserably. I let him know that I had already changed a lot, having abandoned my pride and dignity.

Han Jae-yi put down his fork and fell into thought for a moment. Touching his chin, he seemed to be processing what he had heard from me. I don’t expect a miracle. Today, I just hoped that I had knocked on at least a few doors of his closed heart.

Unable to bear his continued silence, I tried to change the mood with a joke.

“Why are you so quiet? Was my courtship too fervent?”

Han Jae-yi seemed to realize then that he had been too quiet. He turned his gaze from the empty space to me and smiled slightly as if in agreement.

“Well… it’s nice to hear.”

At those somewhat meaningful words, I moistened my throat by drinking water.

The main course arrived. Thanks to that, we were able to talk about the food. He showed interest when I mentioned that I’ve been eating a lot of Korean food lately. I also recommended a few restaurants. The conversation was flowing smoothly.

“It’s raining.”

Suddenly, heavy rain started pouring as if a hole had opened in the sky. As I had expected, the clouds must have been quite heavy. The winter trees, which had been drying out, shook their branches as if happy to drink rainwater after a long time.

We enjoyed the remaining food with the sound of rain hitting the window frame as background music. The ingredients were fresh and well-prepared, so lunch ended quite successfully.

We ordered dessert. He had espresso and apple pie, while I had a brownie topped with vanilla ice cream.

“I see you still don’t drink coffee.”

“Yeah, I’m increasing my exercise.”

At those words, Han Jae-yi quickly scanned me from shoulder to pelvis. Although it’s a body he has already conquered in every corner, I was trying to build muscle these days. To his question about the reason, I could only answer like this:

“It’s just for self-satisfaction. The sense of achievement is great when your body improves through exercise.”

But to be more honest, it was because I wanted to look good for him in case we got back together. Men are visual creatures and easily respond to their partner’s body. Thinking about this, I naturally found myself looking over his body as well.

Han Jae-yi has a body that suits suits well. He knows this fact well, so most of the clothes he owns are of that style. His shoulders are very broad and his legs are long, so matched outfits fit him particularly well. So I wondered who he was going to meet today. Seeing how well his suit fit, I couldn’t help but be curious.

After we finished our desserts, the server approached.

“If you pay without asking again, I won’t forgive you today.”

I warned him in advance and handed my card to the server. Han Jae-yi, who was about to take out his wallet out of habit, stopped moving in surprise at my words.

“Now I’m starting to get a little scared of you.”

As he said this, he stood up first.

“Shall we go?”

“It’s raining a lot.”

“I parked the car right in front. We can just run.”

At his words, I also got up from my seat and wrapped my muffler around me. Although it was still bright outside, the temperature had dropped a lot due to the pouring rain.

Even when an employee offered to lend us umbrellas, we refused, indulging in unnecessary bravado. It also felt like when we were young, always running around in the rain.

On the way to the parking lot, we could see mud puddles that had formed here and there. 

Fortunately, it wasn’t far to where he had parked the car. Han Jae-yi jumped into the rain without hesitation. I followed him, carefully stepping on dry ground. Han Jae-yi, who was walking ahead, turned back for a moment to check if I was following.

At that moment, a vehicle entering the parking lot drove through a large puddle at quite a high speed.

“Seo-jin-ah!”