LHKE Ch47

Shen Li had a long dream in which Lu Changting and Tang Yao got married. He was among the guests, just like many years ago, watching from a distance as Lu Changting made his vows, put a ring on the bride’s finger, and kissed her…

Waking up from the dream, he felt a bit of a panic, drenched in sweat. He sat up, feeling disoriented and alarmed, noticing that the space beside him was empty—Lu Changting was nowhere to be seen.

He took a moment to gather himself and checked the time on his phone under the pillow—5:17. This was quite early for their usual routines. His gaze fell on another phone on the bedside table, and he frowned slightly. At this hour, where could Lu Changting be?

He turned on the bedside lamp and tentatively called out, “Changting,” his voice hoarse from sleep.

The response was the sound of the balcony door being pushed open. In the next moment, Lu Changting walked in, pulling aside the moon-white curtain.

“Why are you up so early?” Shen Li felt a bit relieved to see him.

As Lu Changting approached, Shen Li noticed the heavy smell of tobacco. He tilted his head slightly, gazing seriously at Lu Changting, noticing his tired expression and the faint dark circles under his eyes. He suddenly realized something, “You haven’t slept?”

Lu Changting sat beside him and pulled him into a tight embrace.

The hug was so tight it was almost painful, and Shen Li’s heart ached as well. He felt an inexplicable sense of panic.

He gently patted Lu Changting’s back and asked, “What’s wrong?”

What’s wrong…

Lu Changting buried his head against Shen Li’s neck, feeling a mix of pain and bitterness. He didn’t know what to do with Shen Li.

Last night, he had spent the entire night on the balcony, smoking one cigarette after another. The cold wind had sobered him up but hadn’t cleared the heavy love weighing on his heart. He felt heartbroken for Shen Li over the years and blamed himself for discovering Shen Li’s feelings too late…

He had always thought of Shen Li as an ocean, wanting to know the hidden reefs and the undercurrents. But now that he had sunk to the bottom, he realized how overwhelming the love was, heavy enough to almost make him suffocate.

Suddenly, he closed his eyes and bit down hard on Shen Li’s neck.

The sudden pain made Shen Li groan and instinctively hold onto Lu Changting, gritting his teeth and suppressing the surge of grievances in his heart.

He didn’t know what was wrong with Lu Changting, but he wanted to hold him.

Lu Changting bit down forcefully, and Shen Li felt a mix of pain and numbness in his neck. He endured the pain, his body trembling uncontrollably, but he still remained silent.

Lu Changting felt he was losing his mind. He remembered how Shen Li had cried for him that night, but now, he couldn’t bear to see him cry again.

He loosened his grip and spoke in a hoarse voice, “Speak.”

Shen Li didn’t react normally to pain or try to push him away. He only held him tighter and remained silent.

Lu Changting kissed the marks he had made on Shen Li’s neck, his Adam’s apple moving as he repeated, “Shen Xiao Li, speak.”

Shen Li didn’t know what to say, or rather, he didn’t know what Lu Changting wanted to hear.

Feeling bewildered and at a loss, he sighed heavily and asked softly, “What do you want me to say?”

Lu Changting bit him again.

The bite was neither too light nor too heavy, almost like a kiss. Shen Li thought, with his neck marked so ambiguously… how would he face others?

“Say about our first meeting, about the script you read at the sports meet, about the day you took me to the infirmary, about the stars you hid…” Lu Changting paused, struggling to get more words out, finding it so difficult to ask Shen Li to tell him these things directly…

The person in his arms went completely still.

Lu Changting turned his head to look at him, his eyes burning with a fierce, hot flame.

Shen Li was stunned for a while. His calm demeanor turned into confusion and panic. When his racing heart began to calm, he finally asked quietly, “You knew, didn’t you…”

“I didn’t know.” Lu Changting touched the bruises and marks on Shen Li’s neck gently, his voice also soft, “You tell me.”

Liar.

Shen Li countered in his mind, slowly realizing why Lu Changting was acting so unusually…

There wasn’t much to say about the past; he had never really planned how to explain it to Lu Changting. In the end, it was just some silly things he did while having a crush, not black history, but certainly not something to boast about.

He never intended to use his unspoken affection to make Lu Changting feel soft-hearted or hurt, but Lu Changting had still felt that way for him.

He turned off the bedside lamp, blocking out the morning light, plunging the room back into darkness.

Shen Li slowly said, “The classmate who accidentally pulled the wrong curtain was me.”

“The person who had Du Heng bring you water was me, the one who read the cheer-up script at the sports meet was me, the one who took you to the infirmary was me, the one who gave you the ceramic cats was me…”

Shen Li lay down beside Lu Changting, wrapped himself in the blanket, and snuggled into his embrace, closing his eyes as if he wanted to catch a bit more sleep.

Lu Changting listened as Shen Li softly completed the last sentence: “The one with you now is me.”

“From now on, it will be me.”

After hearing this, Lu Changting felt a mixture of emotions he couldn’t quite describe. Shen Li had summed up more than a decade of admiration in a few short sentences and wrapped up the remaining decades in just two more.

He couldn’t help but feel unworthy of such complete devotion from Shen Li.

He wondered what Shen Li might have felt when he talked about the past. It must have been painful.

Painful that Shen Li remembered those things but never remembered him…

Lu Changting tightened his embrace and said solemnly, “I’m sorry.”

“For making you suffer for so long…”

“I’d like to say it wasn’t hard…” Shen Li replied softly, “but it was, in fact, quite difficult.” He added, “But the outcome is good.”

He said, “Without you, there wouldn’t be the Shen Li of today. So it was hard, but it was worth it.”

He always believed that enduring a long, dark night would turn burdens into gifts and that suffering would light the way forward.

Meeting Lu Changting, falling in love with him, becoming better and stronger… being together with him.

All the hardships from the past were worth it.

Even if he hadn’t ended up with Lu Changting, he could have lived a good life, and that was the certainty and brilliance he gained from his unspoken love.

So being with Lu Changting now was already very, very good.

Shen Li looked up at him and said, “So don’t apologize, don’t say you’re sorry.” In the darkness, Shen Li’s eyes were bright and determined. “Say you love me.”

Lu Changting gently kissed his eyes. “I like you.”

He kissed along the bridge of his nose. “I’m fond of you.”

Finally, tenderly, he kissed his lips. “I love you.”

His tone was filled with unrestrained affection.

Shen Li’s heartbeat quickened, and so did his own. His cheeks flushed, and he clung to Lu Changting, kissing him back.

“I love you too.”

…

By the time Du Heng woke up, it was already past ten. He got up, took a shower, and rinsed his mouth with plain water. He came downstairs from the guest room, following the aroma of food to the kitchen.

Shen Li was adding salt to the pork rib soup. Hearing the footsteps, he turned and glanced at him.

After a night’s sleep, Du Heng’s clothes were wrinkled, and he had a light stubble, but he looked quite well. It seemed he had slept well last night.

Shen Li’s gaze was a bit deep. Du Heng’s heart skipped a beat as he recalled drinking too much last night and possibly revealing everything about Shen Li. He suddenly felt guilty.

He wondered if Lu Changting knew everything, so what he said wasn’t a big deal, right?

“Shen Xiao Li… about last night…” Du Heng stuttered, “I drank too much and told Changting some things from the past. It’s okay, right…”

Shen Li sighed inwardly. “It’s fine…”

Whether it was fine or not, the words had already been spoken. Lu Changting knew about the past, and the result was that he and Lu Changting had both confessed their feelings. There was no need for his friend to feel guilty about letting something slip.

Du Heng relaxed and said, “Oh, then I’ll head back first. My clothes smell like hotpot. I’ll change and tidy up, and then visit Auntie in the afternoon.”

“Have some food before you leave.”

Du Heng said, “I’ll grab something outside. Since Changting is still sleeping, it’s not right to ask you to cook a special meal just for me.”

By this time, it was close to noon. If Shen Li cooked something simple for Du Heng, he might not be able to eat lunch. And waiting for lunch meant not knowing when Lu Changting would wake up…

Shen Li didn’t keep him any longer. “I’ll see you off.”

After seeing Du Heng off, Shen Li returned to the kitchen to continue preparing ingredients.

Half an hour had passed unnoticed. The clock on the living room wall showed eleven o’clock. Someone came down from upstairs, walking slowly from the living room to the kitchen.

Shen Li was chopping ginger when someone hugged him from behind. A man’s body pressed against him, and his chin rested on Shen Li’s shoulder.

Shen Li smiled and said, “Awake?”

Lu Changting hummed, taking in the faint woody scent from Shen Li’s neck, feeling at ease.

“I forgot to ask one more thing.”

Shen Li asked, “What is it?”

Lu Changting leaned close to his ear and whispered, “Who is your Xiao Gege, hmm?”

Shen Li’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “… It’s you.”

Lu Changting turned him around by the waist and rewarded him with a kiss on the lips. “Say it out loud for me to hear.”

Shen Li: “…”