DI Ch 175

Was this really the sight I wanted to see? It wasn’t wrong, but it seemed closer to the brink of madness. His face, shrouded by a shadow and seemingly losing reason and composure, looked incredibly attractive.

I caressed Tae Seong-je’s cheek and earlobe before suddenly embracing his nape. Then Tae Seong-je, who was holding my head as if he had been waiting, kissed my cheek deeply. It was just a kiss, but by the time I thought it was slightly sticky, his lips had moved to my chin. Next, it was my lower lip.

The kiss was persistent as if he was going to part my lips and insert his tongue at any moment, but he didn’t do anything more, just licking my lips lingeringly and sucking as if to devour them. However, I found it increasingly difficult to keep my senses due to the gradually intensifying kiss.

He buried his head deep in my neck and kissed persistently without giving me a chance to catch my breath, making my neck hurt from being bent back. He pulled at my clothes so forcefully, kissing everywhere he could reach, that I felt drenched in saliva from my collarbone to my shoulders.

“I said, take it slow, ah, you said you would too…”

“Yes, I will do it slow, slowly.”

That’s not what I meant by going slow. Though I was partly to blame for encouraging him, the way he caressed me so tormentingly that I felt I might be devoured made it seem like it was 100% his fault to anyone watching.

It felt like my mouth was too full, making it hard to breathe properly. I tried to pull away, but he clung to me so closely that I finally understood what it meant to be devoured. I was almost scared. He had promised to wait until I was ready…

Wait, did he say he would wait? Did he say that? Could it be that I imagined making that promise alone? Even so, I wanted to do something about the impure hand that had slipped inside my clothes. It felt strangely weird and embarrassing. Since I didn’t dislike it, I wished he would just do it more moderately.

“Don’t… touch so much… No, I said don’t do that, ugh.”

When our lips parted slightly, I seized the opportunity to protest, but I was ignored without even getting a response. Moreover, as if acting contrary, his touch became even more explicit. It wasn’t just touching anymore, but kneading and grasping. As a result, my clothes were rising up to the point of almost coming off. I almost wanted to tell him to just take them off if he was going to do this or at least change locations.

No matter how wide the sink was, it was never a suitable place to lie sprawled out. It was hard, and my feet couldn’t touch the ground properly, making me feel anxious, and my waist hurt too. Even though I wanted to get up, his heavy body was pinning me down.

At first, I pushed him away, but at some point, I got caught up in the mood and just clung to him. It wasn’t because I was ecstatic but because the kisses felt good, and his embrace and touches weren’t bad, so… We exchanged warmth for a long time, pretending my distant childhood never existed.

We tumbled and clung to each other for a long time, but he didn’t even take off his pants. He didn’t even try to do anything more than that. His behavior made me feel like he might cross the line at any moment, and I was scared thinking I might be pounced on right here, but in the end, he didn’t go all the way.

When he finally pulled away, I understood what it meant for the sky to spin from lack of breath. Is this what kissing is usually like? So long without a chance to breathe? It felt good, but the root of my tongue hurt so much, and my lips felt numb. It was strange how my mouth felt sweet and empty at the same time, so I rubbed my lips roughly with my forearm. The lips, which were moist with saliva, felt different as if they were swollen.

I sprawled my arms, which had been around Tae Seong-je’s shoulders, haphazardly on the cold sink and continued to gasp for breath. I hadn’t meant to, but I ended up climaxing once more. And on the sink, not even a bed. It’s a dry sink attached to the room, so I’m really holding back. As I tried to calm my heaving chest and rest for a moment, I felt an intense gaze on me.

I was tempted to leave my eyes closed due to fatigue, but the intensity of the gaze was too strong to ignore. When I lifted my eyelids, I saw Tae Seong-je looking at me without even blinking, as if observing me. He seemed calm as if he had returned to being human after acting like a crazed beast just moments ago. No, perhaps he wasn’t fully back to himself yet, given the unusual intensity in his eyes.

I felt a shiver of unease, but looking at the state between my exposed legs made it seem unimportant. The dried semen was mixed with the fresh ejaculation from just a moment ago. The stark reality of it made it seem like my reason had fully returned. Ignoring my burning neck, I grabbed a nearby wet towel and hastily wiped my groin. When he tried to do it for me again, I quickly stopped him.

“I’ll do it myself. You… take care of that.”

“….”

I couldn’t bring myself to offer to help him with my hands as he had done for me. Fortunately, or perhaps not, he said nothing and obediently went into the bathroom. Why isn’t he saying anything? I felt anxious, feeling responsible for causing trouble, and his silence made me even more self-conscious.

Leaving my stretched-out top as it was, I rummaged through the drawer for pants to wear. Luckily, clothes were prepared in the drawer right above the sink. Besides clothes, there were other basic necessities, and surprisingly, a box of condoms.

Do high-end hotels provide condoms? When I was younger, the hotel we went to for a family trip (which didn’t end well) didn’t have any. Was it because it was a family room? I’ve never been to a motel, so I can’t compare. Suddenly, I remembered the bag I hadn’t packed and the clothes that fit perfectly, along with how he had known exactly where everything was.

This isn’t just any hotel room.

It seemed to be a room where he and I before I lost my memory, had been staying. Suddenly feeling as if my body had become heavier, I just wanted to rest. As I tried to get down to return to the bed, my knees were shaking so much I could barely walk. I seriously considered just rolling there.

I stood there and thought seriously. I wanted to lie down and rest quickly, and no one was watching, so who cares? But when I gathered my wits and thought again, I decided against it, not wanting to look pathetic. Fortunately, Tae Seong-je, who had finished washing, picked me up and carried me to the bed, allowing me to rest comfortably without moving a finger. Not wanting to wonder how he had taken care of his own situation, I buried my face in the pillow and didn’t move an inch.

“Go to sleep first.”

“… What about you?”

I quickly lifted my head to ask, and he turned off the light and approached me, covering me properly with the blanket.

“I need to make a phone call.”

After saying that, he lightly tapped my cheek.

“Sleep well.”

With that quiet farewell, I couldn’t take my eyes off his silhouette beyond the darkened lighting, which somehow felt distant. I couldn’t see his back clearly as he opened the window and went outside due to the curtain. Through the small gap, I could only see the dark sky faintly brightening, as if the sun was about to rise.

Couldn’t he make the call after sleeping? Was he planning to sleep after watching the sunrise? This person who usually acted so familiar now felt strange to me. Why was that? I blankly pulled the blanket over my head. Thinking about it, what we did was almost like sex.

I got so caught up in the kiss that he had ejaculated once using my foot, then got erect again and rubbed himself against my crotch, pretending to penetrate. I had been too caught up in the pleasure to be surprised and had completely forgotten about it.

Filled with self-loathing, I grabbed my hair, and then suddenly nodded off. Feeling tired enough to doze, I stretched out my curled-up body to try and fight off sleep. What day is it now? I felt uneasy about my lost sense of dates, knowing it was around the time to pay tuition fees. I needed to register for classes too.

Then I remembered the most important thing: contacting my family. At the same time, my head started throbbing. I need to contact them. As I focused on the headache suppressing my sense of duty, I sensed a presence. I removed the blanket to find Tae Seong-je approaching me, bringing a cold breeze with him, approached me.

He sat down on the bed and spoke in the dark.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I can’t sleep…”

Before I could finish, he reached out and placed the back of his hand on my forehead, as if checking my temperature. Although I hadn’t known him for long, I realized he had a habit of assessing my condition without asking if I was feeling sick.

“Still, you need to sleep.”

“I’ll sleep when you sleep too.”

“If you say I can sleep next to you, I will sleep.”

“…”

Ah, just the same as always.

It was too late to suggest sleeping separately now that we had already kissed, sucked, and touched each other. So, I finally agreed and made space for him.

“By the way, are we going home tomorrow?”

“…Do you want to go home?”

… Did I say something wrong? My question about going home tomorrow had no special meaning. But when he asked back as if probing, it felt like I had asked something I shouldn’t have. Frustrated that I couldn’t see his expression in the dark, I turned on the light dimly.

“Are you talking about my home?”

I rephrased it, knowing he was probably asking if I wanted to see my family. Instead of answering, he hugged me tightly with the blanket still around me.

“Why do you ask like that? Do you not want me to go?”

“…”

He seems reluctant to talk about it. But I could guess what he wanted to say even without hearing it. It was as if he was saying, ‘Don’t go to your home, live at our home,’ as if he were a child. I almost burst out laughing.

“Since we’re talking about home…”

Thinking I should let it go because he was being cute, I decided to change the subject. It seemed that not only he but I too had lost my mind.

“You said we lived together before. Where did we live? Is it still there? Or did you get rid of it?”

“It’s still there. Just as it was.”

Before I could even feel curious about what kind of place it was, he spoke first.

“Do you want to go see it?”

“Can I?”

“There’s no reason why not.”

The place where we supposedly lived together seemed more intriguing than the grand hanok house or the family home. What neighborhood was it in, what kind of house was it, what did it look like, how many rooms did it have… Then I wondered if he was suggesting it in hopes that my memory might return. That could be possible. He might be hopeful, preferring that I have memories rather than not. While I could understand why he might think that way, the truth was, I didn’t feel particularly good about it.

“Are you going?”

“Yes.”

However, seeing his deep dimples without any trace of anger made my lips move faster than my thoughts. I probably shouldn’t have turned the light back on.