DI Ch 123

“Okay, that’s good to hear…”

“To be honest, I thought it would be best to tell the truth and get treatment right away, but I heard about last year…”

“Oh…”

“You had a seizure because you couldn’t accept it, so it wasn’t easy to talk about.”

“You did well, hyung…”

I had no strength so I lazily muttered. His rough thumb brushed over my cheek. As I lowered my head to his hands and looked up, I saw the corners of his lips. I half-thought he might be joking, but seeing his flustered expression, it didn’t seem so.

I tried to gather up the lost motivation and slowly pushed him to sit back on the sofa. Let’s focus and not get distracted. At this rate, we might end up talking until dawn. Sitting lightly on the worried man’s thigh, I tightly held his palm.

When his lukewarm hands touched my warm body temperature, it felt like I was holding sunlight. Whether my hand was cold or his hand was warm, it seemed to reach the warmth permeating my chilled heart.

“Hyung, I’m going to say something really important.”

He pressed his lips to my lips and made sure to make eye contact, but I urged him to concentrate.

“I know it’s too much to ask you to trust me, so I won’t be greedy. I just hope you listen carefully until the end.”

“…”

The man who silently tidied up my disheveled bangs slowly nodded. I decided to speak as objectively as possible. Even if it sounded crazy, it had to match the context and be convincing. It would have been better if I had some evidence, but I had none. That was disappointing.

“I believe that I’m not Seo Seung-won. You probably already know that.”

I licked my lips, hiding my anxiety. If he had seen all my hospital records, this would probably be something he already knew. It would be hard for him not to, given my adamant claims during my two-month hospitalization last year.

Even though he hesitated to lift his head, he easily nodded. With his gesture, my heavy heart was washed away with a sense of relief. It was late, but I had successfully made a good start. I hoped I wouldn’t disappoint him even if I left…

“Oh, for now, I’d prefer it if only you knew about this.”

“Okay.”

“Don’t even tell my doctor or counselor.”

“I Promise.”

“Promise me.”

“…”

This guy really doesn’t hesitate to lie… What’s the point of making promises if he doesn’t intend to keep them? But what else can I do? From his perspective, this was my mental issue. I can’t gain anything by arguing in every conversation, so I’ll just let this one slide for now.

“Is that still the same person or not?”

“It’s not the same, it’s a completely different person.”

“Then, let’s see. What should I call you?”

What? As I looked at Tae Seong-je with puzzled eyes, he looked me up and down with his eyes.

“You said you weren’t Seo Seung-won. So, what should I call you? I can’t call you kid. But I can’t just call my lover, ‘Hey, you, over there,’ either”

“…”

I was the one who was left speechless by the casual question. I didn’t know if he believed me or not. I would understand if he did one or the other, but it was confusing when he did both.

“Just… just call me like you normally would. I don’t even know what my name is anyway.”

I awkwardly responded, grateful for his acknowledgment.

“Seo Seung-won, did you mention anything about amnesia?”

“Oh, yes.”

As a quick-witted person, he guessed that the meaning of amnesia in the hospital records and the amnesia I spoke about were different. He realized it as soon as he heard that it involved different people. After a slight admiration, I began to explain.

“What I lost were my real memories. I don’t know why, but every day… My memories keep disappearing. What kind of person I was originally, what I liked and disliked, what my real family looked like… At first, it wasn’t this bad, so when I took notes and organized it, it vaguely came back to me when I looked at it, but now, I don’t even remember those.”

“A real family…”

Tae Seong-je muttered lowly and then asked a question in a plain voice.

“Then where is Seo Seung-won? You don’t know?”

“Of course, I don’t know.”

I shrugged my shoulders and answered.

“I don’t even know why I’m like this, let alone where he went.”

“Okay, so… This isn’t your face, right?”

He cupped my cheek and turned my head. I closed my eyes as his hand moved to kiss me. I savored the sensation of his lower lip, which lingered after he pulled away, and nodded in response. Our lips kept brushing against each other every time we spoke.

Just like this.

“It feels weird that it’s not you.”

“Well, um…”

I stopped speaking and closed my eyes again as he leaned in to kiss me again. After a short but wet kiss, he asked another question filled with doubt.

“So, am I now kissing someone else’s lips over you?”

“Yes?”

“Isn’t this something you could get jealous about? I don’t want to feel like I’m cheating on you every time we kiss. Can’t you just be Seo Seung-won?”

Was this really important right now? Well, from his perspective, it was a reasonable question. It wasn’t like my face had changed due to plastic surgery, but his lover was using someone else’s body, so it might be a bit uncomfortable for him.

“Well, I mean… I’ve come to think of this body as mine now…”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. I, too, don’t know how he can get back to his original state or not. I feel like I have no choice but to live like this for the rest of my life…”

So I’m just going to live as Seo Seung-won. Saying this made me feel like a very bad bastard. I was about to frown because I was reluctant, but Tae Seong-je smiled happily as if he really liked what I said. Until his dimple was deeply dented.

“You’ve thought it through. That’s a very healthy and positive mindset.”

“…”

Even if I truly went insane, it feels like I’m not alone in that. Then I realized that to his ears, this sounded like something a dual personality would say, and it made sense. No. Still, isn’t it right to encourage people to live as their original personalities?

I leaned over and buried my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder, nestled into his chest, as my hand gently followed his trapezius to his neckline. ‘Different world, different reality, a reality without you.’ I chose silence instead of the words floating around in my head. The silence was long, but there was no urging. So it wasn’t difficult to speak up.

“Hyung, I think this is in a novel.”

“…”

The large hand that was about to climb onto my knees paused. Soon, he grabbed my thighs as if he never hesitated. Every time the thick fingers moved rhythmically, a light tap sound was heard. It was the sound of contemplation.

“You think it’s ridiculous, don’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“I once thought so too. So I thought I was really crazy, but then it didn’t make sense. If I’m just crazy, how can the senior here?”

“…”

“I saw it all in the book.”

I reached out my hand toward the whiteboard, barely able to catch my breath from speaking so quickly. Tae Seong-je, who had been quietly listening, slightly furrowed his brows. Then, tracing along my fingertips, he softly pronounced the name written prominently on the whiteboard.

“Woo Ji-min?”

My heart was pounding without my knowledge, but I nodded without showing it.

“He’s a senior in the department, and he’s the protagonist. It’s from a book I read.”

“… Why him?”

“Him? Oh, the protagonist? I don’t know.”

I didn’t write it, so how could I know? Maybe my answer wasn’t good since the expression on his face didn’t look good. What’s bothering him so much? With nothing to say, I gently stroked his soft hair and sighed.

“My younger sibling brought me a novel from somewhere and asked me to read it. I was going to say no because the title was tacky and not particularly interesting…”

“Seo Seung-joon?”

“No, he’s Seo Seung-won’s younger brother.”

“Ahh.”

Although he pretended otherwise, it seemed a bit difficult for him to separate me from Seung-won in his thoughts. Since it wasn’t a big deal, I didn’t bother to argue. Instead, I felt a bit bothered by the thought of teasing the hobbies of a sister whose memory I couldn’t even recall. Why couldn’t she have a healthy hobby? Thinking I should talk about it reasonably, I spoke again.

“I don’t remember why I read it, but I remember feeling sorry for the protagonist.”

There were so many misfortunes piled upon him that it was enough to make one sick of it.

“But when I actually met him… he wasn’t just someone to pity.”

There were too many admirable qualities in him who worked harder than anyone else to make a better future to pity him. Unlike me, he wanted to study for a better future and become the best. He saw effort as a way to achieve happiness. However, in a world that seemed to exist for his misfortune, his efforts always seemed futile.

“Then what are you?”

I slightly lowered my finger and pointed to the name of ‘Seo Seung-won’ and read the words written underneath it.

“A close junior.”

“…Is that the role you’re playing?”

He responded with a sense of discomfort, as if unable to hide his pettiness. I guess he thought I was playing a great role.