DI Ch 75

“Someone once said I’m good at waiting… Turns out, I’m not.”

I sat on the bed, fiddling with the petite stem. Suddenly, I realized I had lost quite a bit of memory. Despite being able to see my dreams and memories again like a video, I hadn’t noticed until now. In reality, it took some time to realize that I hardly remembered anything about myself.

It’s a strange feeling. It’s my own life, but it felt like I didn’t care much about what it was like. Even though I had lost all of my experiences and memories, seeing my dreams and memories again made me feel like I wasn’t a complete fool. Although the circumstances were different, it felt similar to losing a sense of responsibility.

My head became very restless and dizzy due to this unease. I wanted to go outside for some fresh air, but conflicting emotions clashed within me. One was determined to stay in the room but couldn’t resist the urge to leave, while the other was that there was the human CCTV anyway, so it did not matter.

In the end, it was the latter that won. As I stepped out into the corridor, I noticed someone else there. A person who could easily be called “Broad Shoulders” stood near the elevator, not drawing attention to themselves. He glanced at me and then firmly pressed the elevator button as if he had just come out. I pretended not to notice and stood next to him.

He’ll probably contact me himself since I’ve come out. Then I don’t need to contact him separately.

I marveled at the convenient function of the human CCTV as I ascended to the lounge. If I’m alone again tomorrow, I’ll go to the pool; it’s inside the hotel, so he won’t say anything and tell me to have fun.

I stepped out of the elevator with a light heart and looked out the window. The outside was already dark, and the sun that had been sinking low on the horizon was no longer visible. It was at that moment that the anxiety I had buried began to resurface. What if he doesn’t come? Maybe he even forgot about the appointment.

He’s not the kind of person who would forget something like that, but he might have been busy and it slipped his mind. Still, even if he’s a bit late, he might come, so I decided to wait. It was a strange stubbornness. I knew it myself, but maybe because it was him, I hoped that Tae Seong-je would keep his promise.

The lounge was overall calm and elegant. The chandeliers sparkled softly and brilliantly as they reflected the bright lighting. Everyone seemed to be leisurely enjoying their summer vacation. A staff member approached with a friendly smile.

“May I assist you?”

I was about to respond when a heavy sense of foreboding pressed against my chest and I couldn’t open my mouth. Somehow, I felt like he was breaking his promise to me. No matter how much we promised, he must have been quite busy. I had seen and heard enough to have a deep sense of distrust.

I awkwardly said that it was okay and went back to my room. The human CCTV felt strangely scrutinizing, but that wasn’t important. The room that had seemed so nice before now looked different.

It was lonely and eerily quiet. The soundproofing was so good that I couldn’t hear a single sound, and that added to the eerie feeling. I didn’t like that, so I opened the veranda window. Noise and the hot, humid air rushed in, overpowering the stillness of the room.

I threw myself on the bed and pulled the blanket over my head. I wondered what kind of weird thing this was. A combination of a cool breeze and a warm bed is appealing in the winter, but what was the point of a muggy breeze and cool air from the air conditioner this summer? But then I realized that it didn’t matter because my moods kept fluctuating.

I remember the first time I was hospitalized after coming to this world. I had a consultation at that time, and the doctor asked me how I was feeling and what I was thinking. Like a parrot that only learned one thing to say, I just repeated the words that I was fine. But the answer I really wanted to give was this.

I felt like I had a water balloon filled with poison in my palm. That balloon was so big that it would block my view, and it felt restless as if it could burst at any moment, making me anxious. No matter how careful I tried to be, I felt like it would burst, melting my body away.

The reason I didn’t say anything was that my condition was untreatable. Treatment would naturally happen when I returned to reality. But in front of Tae Seong-je, the poison-filled balloon seemed to shrink and become ordinary, and I liked that.

But now that he wasn’t here, it felt like the poisonous balloon was starting to bubble and boil again. Should I take some medication? I hesitated for a moment. Originally, I should have taken it daily, but since I wasn’t actually sick, I didn’t take it and just stored it. This was because my body had strange side effects when I took the medication.

I buried my head in the darkness of my blanket and let out a hot breath. I listened carefully to the faint noises, the sound of waves, and the short, irregular breaths, trying to calm my restless mind. But then, what if I had a seizure?

As that thought crossed my mind, a physiological fear enveloped my body. At the same time, my head throbbed as if it was about to split open. I slumped down as if collapsing under the bed, clutching my head with my hands. I had experienced seizures several times during the early days of possession. It had not ended well, so it had become an unpleasant memory.

Driven by the compulsion to change my mood, I immediately closed the balcony window and ordered food and alcohol through room service.  I wanted to save time while waiting, so despite having just showered, I took another shower with warm water. I felt like the room service attendant was checking out my complexion for some reason, but I didn’t care.

I filled the wine glass to the brim with trembling hands and turned up the volume on a piano piece on my phone that was said to bring peace to the mind. I tried to concentrate on the serene melody to maintain my composure.

I drank the wine from the first glass, gulp after gulp. I had emptied it in one go, and I felt a little dizzy. It tasted good. And it seemed expensive. I didn’t know much about alcohol, but the moment it touched my tongue, I felt like it was a rather pricey one. Suddenly, the shrimp in the food I had ordered to fill my stomach seemed like a suitable appetizer.

To think of having a meal with wine in such a nice hotel room. I felt a sense of luxury that I had never felt before. Feeling much better, I took a breath and settled down properly. Before I had more thoughts, I thought I would just eat and sleep early.

If my usual self is a time bomb, then the me having a seizure is like a pulled-pin grenade. My mind becomes as devastated as the scorched earth. Honestly, comparing the current situation to that time was embarrassing. If I think about it calmly, the likelihood of having a seizure at this moment was extremely low.

Nevertheless, I felt a sense of caution because I knew how terrifying a seizure could be. It wouldn’t hurt to be careful and pay attention to my mental health as well. I downed the glass of wine I had been sipping. And one glass turned into two, and two turned into four, easily.

After a while, I walked around the room with the wine bottle in one hand and the strap of my backpack in the other. I swayed my body to the sound of the bag dragging on the floor and the unfamiliar piano music. Feeling better, I impulsively called Park Kang-woo.

[Hey, Seo Seung…!]

“Listen!”

[…Hello?]

My voice was unexpectedly loud, and I had to clear my throat several times. In the meantime, Park Kang-woo asked with concern what was going on. I hurriedly tried to soothe his worries and spoke again, carefully adjusting my tone.

“It might have seemed like a situation that could be misunderstood, right? But I want you to know that things aren’t always what they seem.”

[What?]

“He’s not as bad as you think.”

Even if he’s a gangster, he’s not a bad persom. Hm. Even if I say it myself, it doesn’t sound convincing. I tilted my head as I took another sip from the almost empty wine bottle. What should I say to explain without causing unnecessary worry?

[What are you talking about? No, more importantly, Seo Seung-won, where are you right now?]

“Ha… Just wait. I can explain it properly.”

[Hey. Stop talking nonsense and tell me where you are.]

“Actually, when I try to explain it properly, it’s not coming out right.”

[Hey!]

Since the conversation didn’t go through, so I ended up hanging up. I was trying hard to explain, but Park Kang-woo kept making noise and interrupting me. It was a phone call where I neither gained nor left with anything. Not listening to people talk like that, no wonder he didn’t have a girlfriend. I grumbled to myself and absentmindedly stared at the screen before coming to a stop.

“I called Kwon Joong-hyuk…”

I was at a loss for words, so I sent a KakaoTalk message to Park Kang-woo to apologize. I immediately got a reply full of question marks, but my eyelids felt heavy, so I flipped my phone over on the table and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I was about to crawl into the blanket when I realized that since I had dinner alone, I should tell my hyung that I had eaten dinner.

“Sir.”

I slightly opened the hotel door and called the man standing in the corridor. Through the crack in the door, I saw the man’s surprised face.

“I had dinner.”

“…”

If I said this, he would probably report it to Tae Seong-je. Maybe he ate on the way in. As I slowly closed the door, the gaze that met mine disappeared. By the time I was about to leave, the words I wanted to say came to mind, and I opened the door again.

“Have a good night.”

“G-Good night.”

I impulsively opened the door again, thinking it would be nice if the person meeting his boss had good manners. Satisfied, I closed the door. Now, I was ready to turn off the lights and sleep, but the saying that when a person who has been out in the dark enters a dark house, their energy drains away suddenly came to mind. I reluctantly turned on a mood light. I didn’t want Tae Seong-je to feel lonely.

The room was perfect. It had just the right temperature, the right level of intoxication, a comfortable and light blanket, and an excessively comfortable bed mattress. I quickly gave up on the idea of leaving and decided to have some fun alone and then go to sleep.

Right. I haven’t been in a good physical condition lately, but starting today, I would pull myself together, and take good care of my body. Eat well, sleep well, exercise, and take my vitamins… That way, I could prepare for the future.

I also needed to enjoy myself and relax when I had the chance. When else could I have fun? As this thought crossed my mind, I suddenly wanted to take a walk on the beach where the sun was setting. If it were evening now, I would have just gone out. It was a pity.

If I went with the human CCTV, Tae Seong-je probably wouldn’t say anything. We had gone all the way in the spring, but I hadn’t been able to get close, so this time, I wanted to walk barefoot on the sandy beach and dip my feet in the cool seawater. I also wanted to pick up a few seashells as souvenirs.

I was starting to feel a bit tipsy. I didn’t know the exact alcohol content, but it seemed stronger than I thought. Still, the feeling of spinning around on the bed wasn’t bad. It was more like riding an amusement park ride.

As I was about to fall asleep, I heard the door open. I heard the sound of the door opening. It seemed that the scoundrel was finally here.