DI Ch 208

The road to the meeting place looked vaguely familiar. Had I been here before? Memories teased at the edges of my mind, but I couldn’t quite grasp them. As I racked my brain, looking towards the driver’s seat instead of my phone screen, I suddenly noticed the back of Min Jeong-oh’s head.  Even that seemed familiar, and just as I was wondering why, it hit me.

“Ah, excuse me.”

“Yes.”

“…”

“Yes, please go ahead.”

“…Have you been well?”

Even though I’d seen the back of his head more than his face, I recognized him quickly. After all, he’d been driving me to school for quite some time. I knew it was a bit late to acknowledge him, and it was awkward, but I figured it was better than pretending I didn’t know him. As I casually struck up a conversation, the eyes that met mine in the rearview mirror seemed more moved than sarcastic about my late recognition… I first apologized for recognizing him late, and as we talked about past things like whether he was now good at the Rubik’s cube I had lent him when I was at school or out, worried he might get bored, we suddenly arrived at the place Woo Ji-min had told me about. 

At first, I thought we had come to the wrong place. That’s because we usually ate together at relatively cheap places like the school cafeteria or restaurants near the back gate, so I hesitated for a moment, having never been near such an upscale Korean restaurant before.

“Excuse me. I’ll pass through.”

“I’m sorry.”

Realizing I was blocking the door, I hurriedly stepped back as several people who looked like office workers started to enter the restaurant past me. In that gap, I noticed one person standing there blankly. It was Woo Ji-min. Given the situation, it was inevitable that his attire caught my eye before his expression. As expected, he seemed to have gotten a job, exuding a different kind of adulthood than usual.

I found myself thinking how good it was to see Woo Ji-min, who had always been chased by studies and part-time jobs, looking like a proper office worker. Moreover, although he said he hadn’t been doing well, outwardly he seemed to be doing even better, which made me quite satisfied, as if his life had taken a turn for the better.

The face I hadn’t seen for about half a year seemed the same yet had a new sense of abundance and composure, suddenly making me praise Park Kang-woo’s acting skills—after all, no one had cried.

“…”

“…Hello, hyung.”

…He might not have cried, but he did seem angry. Amidst the city noise I was hearing after a long time, his gaze, silently looking at me, felt sharp. Was he really that mad? I shuffled forward, feeling guilty, and was about to ask why he was waiting outside instead of inside when I remembered we were still 20 minutes early for our meeting. He’s still such a diligent person. Really unchanged, and in the midst of that, he seemed to be enjoying a normal daily life, which put my mind at ease. I could feel that unhappiness, the pain of life, and Kang Moo-hyun had disappeared from his life. My intuition had been good lately, so I was certain.

“You know.”

“Yeah.”

“You look good. I’m happy to see you like this.”

“Thanks. But don’t piss me off.”

“Okay…”

I should be more careful with my words. As I cautiously approached closer, his expressionless face that had been without a single wrinkle soon crumbled, and he spoke in a slightly depressed tone.

“I had so much I wanted to say.”

“…”

“But I can’t remember any of it.”

I also had a lot to say and could remember it, so I was about to ask if I could speak first, but I held back. Because I caught a glimpse of gloom in Woo Ji-min’s face and eyes that had seemed fine before.

“The reason I can’t control my expression right now is because something happened at work.”

“Oh. What happened?”

“A younger friend I know hasn’t been reaching out to me lately.”

I blinked a few times before realizing he was talking about me and apologized in a quiet voice. I’m sorry…

“…I.”

“Yes.”

“I didn’t want to say this because it makes me seem petty and disgusting.”

Curiosity arose, but I didn’t ask further. Since he said he didn’t want to say it, I thought he might be planning to tell me anyway, so I stayed calm. Woo Ji-min, with a clouded expression, trailed off as if he were overcome by some impulse after seeing me waiting for his answer.

“Even if I’ve said everything I wanted to say and there’s nothing left to say, I wasn’t planning on saying this.”

“Okay.”

“…You keep in touch with your friends just fine.”

I had never been told that I was good at keeping in touch, so I didn’t quite understand the first part, but the following words made my heart sink, leaving no room to worry about it.

“Why don’t you reach out only to me…?”

Why not me… It was the first time I’d seen him so hurt, almost like a child, his voice trembling with disappointment. I was at a loss for words. Someone who never let go of their pride had finally let it all out, and I had no idea how to respond. Even though I was flustered, Woo Ji-min, without looking at me, quickly blurted out the rest as if he were trying to defend himself.

“I know. I mean, I get it. I’m not your family or your close friend. I’m just… a college senior you kind of know. I understand that you don’t feel the need to reach out. I do. But… I still thought we were.”

“…”

“I thought we were close…”

Though he wasn’t crying, Woo Ji-min’s choked voice trembled, and to me, it felt like he was crying.  Knowing his life, knowing I was his only real friend, I understood his disappointment and felt guilty. I’d always known we could never truly be friends.

Because I was the man he would despise the most—the one who had approached him with ulterior motives. Even though my feelings had changed, he’d be disgusted if he found out that I had initially gotten close to him on purpose, for different reasons.

In the end, for us to become true friends, I had to tell the truth about everything. Even if I was reluctant to bring up the story of the novel where he was the main character or talk about the predetermined misfortunes, I needed to be honest to have a proper starting point. However, knowing how much betrayal and pain this truth would cause Woo Ji-min, I felt almost nauseous.

***

I didn’t care about being the bad guy, but what if, in the end, I couldn’t even be his friend? What if his distrust of people deepened even further? Keeping my mouth shut under the guise of a white lie would make me an even worse person. As I stared blankly at Woo Ji-min in my gloom, I suddenly remembered vowing never to live kindly again.

That time… I didn’t want to think about it, but I was getting mad just remembering it. Anyway, I think I made the promise out of anger because that damn junkie kept calling me ‘kind.’

“We’re close.”

“What?”

“We’re not just senior-junior acquaintances, we’re actually close friends. Why are you talking like that? It’s hurtful.”

“……”

Looking at him, his face filled with disbelief, I puffed out my chest with confidence. Bad guys are supposed to be shameless, after all. I had heard somewhere that you have to forget the past. From now on, I’ll focus on doing well for the present and the future. Woo Ji-min will understand.

“And it’s not that I contacted everyone except you. I only reached out to them because I needed to check something. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have reached out to anyone. You know how I am.”

Woo Ji-min, seemingly unable to believe I would say such things, just stared at me blankly with a dazed expression. When he muttered quietly, ‘Are you proud of that?’ I scratched my head, feeling awkward.

“It’s nothing. Oh, right. I’m better now. I’m all healed up, no more nosebleeds, and my legs are fine. Unless I get into an accident, I won’t need to go to the hospital anymore.”

“Ah, that’s, well, good to hear.”

Ironically, even though I got better because I died, being healthy still felt worth bragging about. I patted my chest, which had gained some muscle, feeling proud. Woo Ji-min stared at me blankly, as if he hadn’t fully processed what I’d said. It felt silly to keep standing around, so I decided to change the subject quickly.

“I don’t get headaches anymore either, so it’s really comfortable. But hyung, I’m hungry.”

“Huh? Oh, right. Let’s eat. Come in. I made a reservation. We can eat right away.”

Worried by his dazed expression as he headed into the restaurant, I followed closely behind. The luxurious interior caught my eye immediately. This place looks nice. That thought naturally brought my hyung, Tae Seong-je’s face to mind. If the food is good, I should come here with him when he has business in the area. The staff and decor were neat and elegant, but it felt more like a business venue than a place for dates. Knowing hyung, he’d probably joke that we were here for a business dinner… but if the food’s good, who cares?

“…Who are you to follow us in?”

“Pardon?”

“Not you. That person, yes, you.”

Just as I was about to enter the room, Woo Ji-min spoke over my shoulder. Turning around at his voice full of wariness, I saw Min Jeong-oh. Ah. I didn’t expect him to follow. Woo Ji-min shot him an annoyed glare, not bothering to hide his irritation, while Min Jung-oh responded curtly.

“You don’t need to mind me.”

“What are you saying? No, don’t come in.”

“I’ll be quiet.”

“Excuse me.”

It’s been a while since I’ve heard such grumpiness. Remembering how I told him not to get annoyed just a few minutes ago,  I tried explaining in a friendly manner, opposite to Min Jung-oh’s approach.

“Hyung, it’s okay. This person is really quiet and doesn’t speak, so you won’t even notice him after a while. What he does is, well, it’s a long explanation. Oh, I forgot to mention earlier, but my boyfriend can hear our conversation, over the phone.”

I showed him the video call screen with my side on and the other side’s screen off. Ji-min’s jaw dropped.

“What, why?”

“That’s also a long explanation, but he’s working so he’s probably not listening properly. So you don’t need to worry about this either.”

“…Hey.”

Despite my calm explanation, I had clearly irritated Woo Ji-min again. In the end, I asked Min Jung-oh if he could wait and have his meal in the empty room next door. We compromised by muting the phone and keeping the screen facing me. Finally, I was able to sit down at the table.