DI Ch 205

“I’m here for rehab, so I’ll get back to it once all this is over.”

He wouldn’t let me hear any sound until he finished his business, so I rambled on like a radio host, oblivious to how embarrassing and awkward it all felt. Still, I had the freedom to call the phone number I’d once longed for, so it wasn’t all that bad.

Keeping the call connected, I greeted the teacher who still had a pale face today as I walked into the physical therapy room. I couldn’t help but shake my head. No matter how many times I saw it, it still seemed excessive. Not only did they bring in all sorts of specialized equipment, but they also constructed a new room in a short time. They must have spent quite a bit of money. And that’s not all. I don’t know how it came to this, but with experts with impressive credentials, a rehabilitation room created by renovating a perfectly good room, and bodyguards and personal doctors always on standby…

I know my body best, and I knew this was all quite excessive. Of course, as hyung claimed, I was breathing on my own, but after being in a coma for nearly two months, I had to admit there were areas that needed focused recovery. Still, the fact that I was in almost embarrassingly good health couldn’t be denied. So, I couldn’t help but feel that personal P.T.—especially one this extravagant and expensive—was excessive.

I was grateful for everything—how it was all for my sake, how it allowed me to focus on recovery, and how I was getting stronger so smoothly. But this was too much. Even if it was love, there had to be a limit to receiving without giving anything in return. But when I tried to say this was going too far, I was utterly defeated in the argument. He asked if there was anything I had that I didn’t want to give him. There wasn’t. If there was anything I found precious. There wasn’t that either. So why was I stopping him from doing this? His words made sense when I heard them, so I couldn’t even reply on the spot.

For now, I let it go, but I was still a student, and we were on different levels when it came to wealth. All I did was receive, and that made me feel uneasy. Was this a parent, not a lover? Still, getting a part-time job or diving into the working world would be too inefficient in the long run. I needed to invest my time in studying more so that our future plans could truly shine.

Unless I won the lottery or found some other way to pay him back, I wasn’t going to feel comfortable. I’d have to pay him back with my body, of course… Given that I used to work out, it wouldn’t be too long before I could return the favor.

“Ah, right.”

Suddenly, while changing clothes, I remembered something I had forgotten and hurriedly grabbed my phone and whispered. Hyung. I love you.

“I guess you were pretty busy with people coming over this morning. I forgot to tell you I love you when we parted earlier. I made sure to say it this morning, though…”

For a moment, I felt choked up. I wish people would stop coming over. Why do they keep coming to someone else’s house? Shit, my hyung needed to rest but he couldn’t because people keep coming. My frustration surged, but I suppressed it to respect my lover’s social life and not interfere.

“You didn’t say it either, so say it back later. But when are these people leaving? Can we have lunch together? What about dinner? Let me know before this is over. I’ll wait.”

They came to talk, not to eat, so they didn’t necessarily need to eat with hyung. They were all adults; they could figure it out themselves.

“I love you. I’ll work hard on my rehabilitation, so you work hard on your job too.”

After saying this, I felt awkward wondering what I was telling him to work hard at. Without even knowing what kind of work he does. It seemed quite indifferent of me to just say ‘do your best’ without knowing why people came today or what they were talking about. Maybe I should ask him tomorrow morning. If he scolds me, it’s his fault for answering, not mine. I’ll gently coax him into telling me.

I want to help if there’s anything I can do. Even if it’s unfamiliar work, I went to university for nothing, so I should be able to learn somehow with my studying ability. I don’t know about other things, but I’m good at learning, so it would be beneficial in many ways if I could work instead of him. I can’t take over everything, but wouldn’t it be nice if he could rest and take naps while I take responsibility to some extent? Even if it’s not possible right away, maybe later… Such thoughts suddenly occurred to me.

These idle thoughts kept chaining one after another, but they started to disappear once the exercise began. If I hadn’t been exercising, I would have pounced on hyung long ago. Ah, shit, really, I want to do it with him. Thinking about it again drove me crazy, but when I started getting out of breath and feeling hot, the lust suddenly vanished. Instead, a fighting spirit erupted.

I want to learn how to throw a punch. Remembering that fucking junkie bastard, I gritted my teeth. Isn’t offense the best defense? I wanted to properly learn how to make a fist to protect myself.  Even if I had to run, I needed to know how to hit and retreat. It haunted me how I froze back then, trembling and unable to do anything.

During a short break, instead of wiping off sweat, I just fiddled with my phone for no reason. I missed him again. Without being able to see his face or hear his voice, all I could do was check his location, leaving me feeling hollow. At least the call made me feel somewhat connected like our hearts were in touch. If it weren’t for that, I would’ve gone crazy with anxiety.

But why are there so many KakaoTalk messages? Seeing the 300+ notification, I didn’t have the courage to check all the accumulated messages and only looked at the last one that came in. Even without checking who it was from, there was only one guy who would waste time like this, so it wasn’t particularly surprising.

Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey [02:29]

Are you sleeping?? [02:29]

? [09:08]

What’s with you being on the phone all day since morning?? [09:08]

Not even answering in the evening– You said you’d be better at keeping in touch– [09:08]

You’re so good at keeping promises, aren’t you? [09:08]

I was about to ask Park Kang-woo what he was doing on the phone since morning himself, but stopped. Right, I should cherish the remaining friends since I lost one.

[11:12] What.

– – [11:12]

Quick to check and reply, but no substance in the content.

[11:13] What is it?

Hey, isn’t it too much that you haven’t sent even one text to Woo Ji-min hyung?? [11:13]

We met and drank after a long time yesterday, and when your name came up and I said I met you, hyung cried;; [11:14]

You went MIA during the semester, ignored everyone’s calls… making people worry. You did a great job, didn’t you? [11:14]

“……”

“Break time is over. Let’s continue, Seo Seung-won-ssi?”

The instructor’s voice seemed distant. The once pleasant air in the room now felt heavy, and it seemed the temperature had dropped. That guy used to call other people’s brothers his own brother whether here or there, and I didn’t know when they became so close, but I was too much as well. I was at a loss for words to the point where even my fingers stiffened. Sensing this, he just told me to contact him quickly and changed the subject.

By the way, did you know Lee Hyun-wook is still in Korea? [11:18]

The guilt I felt disappeared in an instant. As soon as I saw that name, I put down my phone and tried to focus on my workout again. But that didn’t last long.

“That’s too fast. Slowly, let’s try again slowly. Slow– Seo Seung-won-ssi?”

“I’m sorry. Just a moment.”

[11:32] Don’t even mention that fvckin’ bastard to me, wherever he is or whatever he’s doing.

With my concentration in shambles, I couldn’t possibly continue. Typing with anger made the screen-tapping sound rough. I didn’t want any news about that bastard reaching me. Even though I tried not to think about him, images of Lee Hyun-wook as a kid kept surfacing because of some nagging unease. I didn’t really believe Lee Hyun-wook had killed his father. How could a kid, no matter his height or weight, kill a grown man and even manage to cover it up as a disappearance?

I figured his mother was more likely the mastermind behind it. My face hardened at the thought.  Did he encourage her? What did he say to harden the heart of such a fragile person? Fvck… Knowing the feeling of wanting the person you love to live the opposite of an unhappy life, I keep finding myself understanding him. I was afraid of the day when I might forgive him in the future.

Did you guys really fight?? [11:34]

I mean, not just anyone, but you two; what could you possibly fight about? And at your age… Are you kids? [11:34]

He’s throwing jokes, but he seems to know something, which cooled me down. I may have severed ties with that bastard, but Park Kang-woo and Kwon Jung-hyuk hadn’t.

No [11:37]

What’s going on then ㅠ [11:37]

[11:37] Later.

It wasn’t something I could explain in detail. Even if I left out the full story, it was a conversation that required alcohol. All I could say was I’d tell him later. I received an “Okay” in reply and was about to put down my phone, but knowing how much he liked to talk, there was no way it would end there. He immediately switched topics again—this time about Seungjun.

Hey, by the way, did you block your brother? [11:37]

[11:37] Yeah. Until he goes to college.

Seung-joon’s already talking about retaking the entrance exams. Apparently, he bombed the mock exam in March and hasn’t been able to study well since. [11:37]

Wouldn’t he get better if you just unblock him? [11:38]

If he retakes, the block will just last longer. I replied with sincerity despite feeling indifferent.

[11:38] Just leave it. And he’s not unable to do it, he’s just not doing it.

Don’t you feel sorry for your brother? ㅠㅠ [11:38]

[11:38] As if.

Both he and I are reaping what we sowed. A reply came, but it would probably just be more meddling talk, so I flipped the phone over without looking. I calmly resumed exercising, but judging by the teacher’s expression, it seemed I wasn’t concentrating well at all.

It wasn’t because of Lee Hyun-wook or Seo Seung-joon, but because there was still no word about lunch. What kind of interesting conversation could he be having with those old men that it was taking so long to reply? So does this mean we can eat together, or not?

Before showering, I scrolled through my contacts and decided to message Woo Ji-min. I figured I should at least send him a quick message, even if just for the sake of it.

[12:20] Hyung. Hello. It’s been a while. Have you been well?

Yes. It’s been a while. [12:20]

Me? I haven’t been doing well? [12:20]

“……”