DI Ch 127

It was Seo Seung-joon. While I couldn’t tell if he had lost weight or gotten taller, the atmosphere around him had changed a lot since we last saw each other. His eyes seemed tired as if he had been studying hard despite not mentioning anything about being a prospective college student.

“You remember…”

The boy’s eyes sparkled with longing and anticipation. Only then did I step back because I thought it was a mistake.

“You remembered. Hyung, you remembered!”

“No, no. I just went to get something…”

I was startled as he grabbed my arm and clung to me. I raised my head in surprise. I had completely forgotten about the promise I made to Seung-joon that I would visit him if the real Seung-won regained his memory and returned to his family.

Seo Seung-joon’s face twisted with disappointment. Tears welled up in his eyes, and before I knew it, he slammed the door shut and ran out of the house. This driving me crazy. I couldn’t shake off the thought that he might have had an accident if he ran off like that. I reached out my hand unconsciously but my shoulders stiffened when I heard a voice coming from behind me.

“Seung-won-ah.”

“Ah. Hello.”

There was someone else who shouldn’t be here at this hour.

“What happened? No, I mean welcome home. Did you eat your lunch? Do you want to eat? Seung-joon’s friends are here now. Let’s eat together.”

I awkwardly clasped the hand of Seung-won’s mother, who greeted me warmly. Behind her, I saw two female students lingering. Seeing that they looked to be Seo Seung-joon’s age, it seemed like they were friends.

“What kind of day is it? Everyone is at home…”

“Today is Seung-joon’s school opening ceremony. Mom took a day off.”

Feeling like an uninvited guest, I hesitated and stepped back, and at the same time, she approached me.

“Why are you standing like that? You’ll hurt your legs! Come in quickly.”

She hurriedly led me inside and seated me at the dining table.

“Hello.”

“Oh, hi.”

After an awkward greeting, Seo Seung-joon’s friends sit down one by one to finish eating. All three of them seemed flustered and just looked at each other and ate quietly. Unable to bear the discomfort, I quickly got off the chair and stopped her from scooping up the soup.

“I, I’ve eaten.”

“Then have some fruit! There are apples, pears, and oranges. Do you want some?”

I couldn’t refuse this, so I lowered my arm and glanced down, noticing that there was still food left in the bowl.

“Now that I think about it, where did Seung-joon go?”

In response to her question, one of Seung-joon’s friends spoke up quietly.

“Seung-joon went out for a moment.”

“Suddenly? Didn’t he see his hyung come? Min-joo. Could you please go and find Seung-joon? You know he really likes his hyung. Oh, Seung-won, eat the apple first.”

“Thank you.”

I was grabbing my fork, but when the girl got up from her seat and turned her back, my mouth moved on its own.

“Gu Min-joo?”

“Yes?”

I waved my hand, murmuring that it was nothing in response to the girl’s voice as she turned back to respond. At that moment, the girl, or rather Gu Min-joo, nodded slightly as if to reassure me that it was okay. Seung-won’s mother stopped the girl from leaving, saying, “No, he’ll be back soon.” Seeing Gu Min-joo hesitatingly sit back down, I lowered my fork with uncertainty.

Where have I heard that name before?

Ah. Of course. She’s Seung-joon’s close friend. She’s so familiar with Seung-joon’s mother and seems to get along well with her. It was just like forgetting Jin Do-kyung’s name and feeling strange about forgetting a name I’d heard before. This must be nothing at all.

“Don’t you want the apple? How about a pear?”

“I… I’ll just take a quick look around the room and come back.”

“Huh? Okay.”

As she approached the door, she looked at me like she had committed a crime. At first, I wondered why she was so judgmental, but then I remembered that she had accidentally thrown away the notebook that organized my memories. I was about to tell her it was okay when she grabbed my hand and handed me a key.

“This room, I mean my room, did you lock it?”

Why would she do such a thing? She touched the tip of her chin and smirked as I blinked in confusion.

“Seung-joon kept trying to go in there, so even if I said he would be scolded by his brother, he wouldn’t listen, so Mom locked it up beforehand. Mom didn’t go in there either. Oh, I occasionally aired it out and cleaned the floor, but it’s still the same after you left.”

She didn’t need to go that far. Her slightly dry but warm hand made me choke. When I said “Thank you” in a trailing voice, she walked away with a proud look on her face.

I looked down at the key and opened the door. The door opened with a light sound, and the room was exactly as she said. Curtains and blankets that don’t match the season, as if time has stopped…

I sat on the bed for a moment, tapping the pillow lightly before looking around. It felt really strange to find a place unchanged even after coming back.

As I opened the closet, I saw the school uniform. It had been quite a while since I graduated, but it still felt familiar enough to not be out of place for a high school student.

While I was packing my clothes, I noticed my laptop sleeping quietly in my bag. I silently took out my laptop, sat down at my desk, and hesitated for a while.

But that was only for a moment. As soon as I turned on the power, I found the backup file and restored the memory file. How long has it been since I looked at this?

“…”

Honestly, I thought I was being overly sensitive or worrying for no reason. But as I typed in the name in the memory file, it suddenly came to mind.

Gu Min-joo was my sister’s close friend. And Seung-joon’s closest female friend was also Gu Min-joo. People with the same name were common.

It was common, but was this really just a coincidence?

I kept getting a sense of déjà vu and started to get confused. Was there a name from the past that I remembered? I didn’t even know my own name, let alone the names of my family and friends.

Why did I only remember my sister’s friend’s name? Why did that name overlap? Was this really just a coincidence?

I covered my face and racked my brain trying to find a connection. However, perhaps because of the morning medication, my thoughts did not flow smoothly. It was difficult for me to concentrate, and I started feeling anxious and irritated.

I realized for a moment. Didn’t I choose to ignore the past and erase my memories? I pretended I didn’t care, but I despised myself for still obsessing and unable to move on. It was becoming nauseating.

“Why am I like this?”

I murmured as I brushed my cheek with my fingernails, feeling the sting. This place was a world where unreality existed, and coincidence was almost inevitable. Let’s ask, just in case.

A name I know. My sister’s close friend. A person with the same name. How could all three of these be mere coincidences? It might not be, but if the probability of it being true is high, then I might not be the only one who entered this book. Feeling my heart pounding, I was about to stand up and close my laptop when a sentence caught my eye.

[Book Title: Presumed to contain the word ‘Love and Hate’.]

Love and Hate. Love and Hate… Who said this? I remember someone saying it verbally. That’s why I remember it. No, that’s the book my sister asked me to read. Then she must have said it. But it feels vaguely memorable.

“Ah. Who said that? Damn it, I know it. I heard it distinctly.”

I definitely know who said it. I closed my eyes tightly and searched for memories. With my concentration scattered, I impulsively slammed my head down on the desk. The sound was quite heavy.

My hands slowly reached my neck. Out of nervousness, I tried to scratch my neck, but then changed my mind and strangled myself. As the blood that should be going to my head stops flowing and I suffocate, my drug-soaked brain begins to function.

At the same time, my stomach hurt so much that my internal organs were all twisted, and I could hear stones rolling amidst my ringing ear. Moreover, this dust.  It was difficult to breathe, whether it was because my throat was constricted or because of the dust. As my mind grew distant, someone’s voice floated through my memory.

‘Could this be a flower blooming out of love and hate?’

Yes. This was it. Who said this?

Cough, cough… As soon as I let go of my hand, I started coughing. The sound was loud, and I covered it with my forearm, but it seemed to be heard as Seung-won’s mother came in and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. Through my ringing ears, I vaguely heard her asking where else hurts.

“It’s just my throat. Just, cough…”

I lowered my head and waved my hand to indicate that it was okay. Then, I quickly grabbed my laptop, tied my bag, and left the room. I had something to ask Seung-joon. But despite my busy mind, I couldn’t leave the room easily.

“Where are you going? Already leaving? You just got here…”

I couldn’t bring myself to answer her desperately grabbing the end of my bag, so I just put it down and shook my head, saying no.

“No. Uh, Seung-joon. Yes. I feel like he’s not coming.  I didn’t come often, so I had to see his face before leaving. I’ll find him and come back.”

When I left my bag in the room and said that, she let go of her hand and felt relieved. I smiled as casually as possible, trying to make the other person relax. Remembering someone who used to smile so well to put the other person off guard, I forced the corners of my mouth up.

My face hardened as soon as I left the house. I rubbed my dry face on the elevator. Seo Seung-joon knows the title of this book. That guy knows something. At the very least, I needed to talk to him. Looking back, there were several unusual aspects.

When they first met, he acted as if he knew Tae Seong-je was dangerous, not because he was a man, and he even came to campus suddenly. It was like he was trying to confirm if Woo Ji-min and Kang Moo-hyun actually existed.

I thought it was just a coincidence and there was another reason.

I didn’t know what was going on, but it was clear that something incomprehensible was happening. I took a deep breath out of frustration, and then I caught a glimpse of my pale face in the elevator mirror. I forcefully slapped my cheeks to bring some color to them, but it was futile. At this rate, my nose might start bleeding.

As soon as I left the apartment complex, I looked around. The first thing that caught my eye was Tae Seong-je’s car, and it wasn’t until I saw his head that I realized I’d entirely forgotten about him. I checked the time and it was not just 5 minutes but over 20 minutes had passed. It was the moment when I was about to approach him to apologize and ask him to wait a little longer.

“Do you know that my brother is crazy?”

…What’s this all about?