DI Ch 130

As I struggled to open my lips, he silently snapped his fingers twice in my ear. Then, he examined my complexion with a cautious expression. After that, Tae Seong-je’s familiar subordinates appeared. They dispersed the lingering onlookers. When did they all arrive? I didn’t sense their approach. Was it always like this? Even before…

He brushed against my mumbling lips. The hand was stained with blood. I stared blankly at it for a moment before shifting my gaze back to Tae Seong-je’s eyes.

‘Hyung. I. I, I.’

I couldn’t hear the voice I let out. Could it be that my throat was blocked with dust and blood? As I hesitated and felt my throat, Tae Seong-je clicked his lips.

‘Isn’t the ground hard? Let’s get up.’

I complied. By his reaction, I could tell my neck was fine. I looked at him in a daze, then lowered my head and massaged my knees.

‘My legs aren’t listening again. They’ve never been this bad before, I don’t know why they keep doing this. What if I can’t walk at all later? What should I do then? What if…’

My head felt tight. No, I was out of breath. I feel suffocated as if there was not enough oxygen being supplied to my brain. I was so dizzy and distant that it wouldn’t be strange if I suddenly went crazy. I mumbled while obsessively massaging my legs, and his hand around my cheek moved gently as if massaging. I lifted my gaze to his eyes once and then looked at his lips.

‘Seo Seung-won. Don’t worry. If that happens, Hyung will carry you around. So, stop worrying. I’m here. Your hyung is by your side.’

He declared. He said it if his words alone would reassure me. I felt relieved as expected, but how could this person always be like this?

For a moment, my view was blocked by his chest. He carefully picked me up, then stood up and walked out of the street. It was a quick walk, but there was little shaking, so it wasn’t dizzying.

There were moments when everything seemed fine, and then there were moments when they weren’t. What was lacking in me that I couldn’t judge that? Was it an issue of experience? A problem of deficiency? Maybe I was really crazy. When was this person not like this? I didn’t even know my own business. I live without knowing much about my own affairs.

Kang Moo-hyun and Seo Seung-joon’s voices echoed in my head. ‘Crazy. Crazy bastard.’ It was a little annoying to hear Kang Moo-hyun’s voice louder, but when I thought it was true, I felt calmer than I thought. But Seo Seung-won’s mother, her gazes.

She’ll pity me. Because I’m her crazy son. I thought everyone except Kang Moo-hyun would pity me, and an inexplicable nausea rose. No matter how much I talk, no one will believe me.

A solid neckline appeared through my blurred vision. Unlike the arms and body, which shake less, the throat resonates loudly. I didn’t think foolish and idle thoughts like, ‘He must be out of breath.’ He must be scared. Because of me. What wrong did this person do in his past life? Otherwise, there would be no reason to suffer like this.

That thought occurred to me around the time my blinking began to slow and my headaches dulled. Why is this person dating me? That’s right; this person has no shortcomings in any way. But for a man like him to date a patient who is officially incurable, mentally ill, and needs a lot of help like me…

I couldn’t help but feel puzzled by something I couldn’t comprehend according to my standards. Moreover, this person was definitely not someone who would incur losses. If his dedication and sincerity were truly due to pure love, then perhaps I had saved a nation in a past life. That’s probably why people should live honestly.

“Are you dizzy?”

“Yes…?”

“You’ve been rambling since earlier.”

“Oh… really…”

When I got into the car, I felt a bit of déjà vu. That first meeting where I tried not to get a single drop of blood on the passenger seat.

“Can you hear me now?”

He flicked his finger against my ear once again. Left, right. It sounded much clearer than before. I nodded my head, feeling the backrest slightly more comfortable. However, the metallic taste of blood lingering in my mouth still made me grimace.

“It’s okay.”

He whispered as he massaged my cold hand.

“It’ll be okay this time too.”

He said it over and over again as if it were a magic spell. Over and over. Everything will be okay. It had always been like that, so it would be this time too. It may not be so persuasive to say it with such a firm expression, but it felt like he was speaking to himself rather than to me, so I stayed quiet. His face was so pale that when asked to choose between two unwell individuals people would vote for him.

I nodded as I looked at the hand wiping my lips and palms, which were probably covered in blood even without me seeing them.

“That’s right. It’ll be okay this time too.”

“…”

“It’s like this every time.”

Being with this person right now made me feel a bit better. So, if I stay a little longer, I’ll probably feel completely fine.

“…”

I blinked blankly as I watched him cover my body with a thick blanket, then quickly came to my senses. I just thought that sounded too resigned. His complexion darkened as if what I said sounded strange. Oh no, I need to explain it again.

I searched my memory to explain it more easily. It reminds me of a cartoon movie I saw in Seo Seung-won’s dream.

“Hyung, you know, when we were kids. Have you ever watched cartoons? You know, those ones with warriors or heroes. No matter how badly they fight or get hurt, they always recover in the next episode. Think of it like that.”

It was a kids’ show, so was there any reason to take it seriously? Cartoons with heroes should have just shown a bright, victorious, and justice-filled side. Anyway, the idea of unrealistic healthiness was similar, so I hoped it was conveyed well.

But my voice sounded extremely muffled. My ears, which became clearing up, were itchy with discomfort. Was it because I lost all my strength? So have I been speaking with a loose tongue all this time?  When I closed my mouth, an awkward silence fell. The atmosphere became strange, but it was better than mumbling.

“If I win, I won’t die?”

“Yes?”

“If you win, you won’t die?”

“Haven’t you watched TV when you were a kid?”

Looking at his disheveled hair, pale face, and slightly crazy eyes, I had reasonable doubts. t seems like we’re talking about different things again.

Tae Seong-je squeezed my hand and lightly brushed his lips with my fingertips. The blood stains on his lips felt somehow creepy. As I regained composure, he seemed to be losing his calmness in contrast.

“You. Okay, hyung will do it for you. I’ll help you win. Kim, no, Kang Mi-hyun. Anyway, all you have to do is get rid of him. Then you won’t die, right? You’re not going to die, right?”

This wasn’t a matter of winning or losing… I reflected on whether my message was miscommunicated due to personal bias during last night’s presentation. I remember saying Kang Moo-hyun was unlucky. Anyway, he’s actively coming forward now, so there’s no reason to refuse.

“No taking it back. And it’s not Kang Mi-hyun, it’s Kang Moo-hyun.”

“Got it. Let’s do that then. That’s the plan.”

Even though he didn’t actually believe anything about my story, whether it was possession or anything like that, he promised me firmly. I should be happy, but for some reason, I felt a slight chill and just coughed silently. In a way, finally getting a helper and getting back on track should be a relief, but an inexplicable unease seems to crawl under my skin.

In any case, it turned out well in the end. Sure, there was some bloodshed, but it was an unexpected gain. Now that the final exams were over, it would soon be the end of the semester. Part one is already nearing its end. If I’m going to move, I better move quickly.

“Cough, cough.”

As I kept coughing, he handed me a bottle of water. The water I spat out almost resembled blood, making me think of blood puddles on the street.

“Do you think it’ll rain today?”

“Do you feel cold?”

I shook my head towards the person who pulled back up the blanket that had slipped from spitting out the water. If street cleaners take care of garbage, who will clean up the vomit? No one but me. I should have cleaned that up.

Since earlier, my head has been pounding as if my heart was there instead of my brain, making my focus plummet. I just want to rest. Perhaps noticing that sentiment, the darkness in his expression dissipated as if he regained his senses.

“…Did you hear?”

It was a blunt question, but I didn’t need to guess to understand. He must be asking if I heard the conversation with Seo Seung-joon.

“I had bad luck. I didn’t mean to listen.”

It would have been better if I just didn’t hear it and didn’t know. I didn’t know that I would look like such a crazy person in people’s eyes. What would it have been like if I had remained unaware? I wonder if I hate being treated like a mentally ill person more than I thought. Maybe then, I wouldn’t have ended up sitting on the street covered in blood like that.

“Let’s go home.”

His voice was low and cracked. Eating out and dating were out of the question now. I glanced at him with subtle regret, and our eyes met as he started the engine.

“Close your eyes for a bit.”

“I’m feeling better now.”

“Still. You’re going to be tired. Don’t push yourself.”

He’s right. Even if you became sturdy after being broken, feeling tired and exhausted was a different story.

Ah, how long will this person continue to like me?

Objectively speaking, I’m a guy who vomited blood mixed with alcohol on our first meeting and I was the guy who got a nosebleed when I thought I’d forgotten. This part was not attractive at all. Yet, despite all that, he answered my calls, met with me, loved me, and sacrificed for me.

What’s in it for him?

Pure curiosity soon turned into suspicion. Why would he want to date me when he didn’t even like me back then? Was it just for fun? It’s amusing to think about it now, considering it was all in the past, but I’m curious.

I wanted to read this person from the inside out. Or maybe I wish there was something definite. Since there was nothing like that, I wanted to know at least one thing properly.

“How do you put up with it, hyung?”

I blinked my eyelids slowly as I looked at the person who turned the steering wheel and responded calmly.

“What?”

“Dealing with a lover who’s crazy but insists he’s not?”

“They say that all modern people have at least one mental illness these days.”

The joke fell flat, and the response that came back was serious. I frowned as I pondered over the stereotypical words that could only be found in psychology books. It couldn’t be brushed off so easily.

As we stopped at a traffic light, he reached out and gently cupped my cheek. I loved this moment. The moment I’m enveloped in his warm, large hand, receiving gentle strokes.

“Don’t think anything strange. If you’re a nuisance, If you’re sorry, or whatever. Don’t think anything at all.”

He caressed me with his thumb. My lips curled up slightly against the faint pressure.