DI Ch 192

As I passed the folding screen and crawled forward diligently,rubbing my eyes upon realizing there was still a long way to go. It’s so far… I hadn’t realized how spacious the room was because he always walked with such long strides. I would have done it anyway, even if I had known.

It might look ridiculous to be quietly advancing while sweating profusely, but I was quite serious. I couldn’t wake someone who had been sleeping poorly and was finally getting some good rest. With that determination alone, I finally managed to place the note beyond the doorstep, but it took much longer than expected.

I massaged my shoulder with my cheek pressed against the warm floor. My forearms and elbows felt as if they were cramping up. Using my arm muscles for the first time in a while made it doubly hard. Even though I had been bedridden for months, this was humiliating.

Displeased with how out of breath I was, I ignored my limp lower body and raised my upper body. Wanting to check how much my fitness had declined, I was about to start doing planks or push-ups when I heard the sound of someone fumbling with the blanket.

Curious, I lifted my head and saw Tae Seong-je feeling around on the bed. I thought he had woken up already, but his movements were slow and dull, suggesting he might not be fully awake. The sight of him just moving his arms as if searching for something was so cute that I unknowingly settled into place.

I couldn’t see his face from below, but it was entertaining just to watch his vaguely visible actions. It was far more interesting than watching a movie, and I happily observed with my chin resting on my hand. After a while, there was no more movement, as if he had fallen back asleep in that position.

Thinking it was over, I was about to resume my exercise when Tae Seong-je suddenly sat up without any warning. I was startled for a moment, but I was more worried about his blood pressure. It’s not good for your health to get up so abruptly.

“Hyung, you might hurt yourself. Please get up slowly.”

“…”

Tae Seong-je looked around, breathing heavily, then paused when he saw me and started staring blankly. He seemed to be looking at me strangely, as if he wasn’t fully awake yet. My gaze was momentarily drawn to his heaving chest before I checked his face again. Despite sleeping well, he looked as pale as someone who had just had a nightmare.

Not just pale, but his face was haggard too. How could he look so bad in the morning? He probably needs some herbal medicine. I scrutinized him carefully as he sat up on the bed. Meanwhile, Tae Seong-je just stared at me, his lips moving slightly like a machine with a stopped spring.

“…Over there, what…”

He trailed off after glancing at me, then scrubbed his face with his hands and grimaced. He spoke again, his voice low and rough.

“What are you doing there? No, how did you even get there?”

“I crawled.”

“I’m speechless, really. Stop scaring people like that.”

He sighed and rubbed his face vigorously. Was this really something to be so upset about? Even if it wasn’t, it wasn’t a way to treat a lover. As I glared at him with dissatisfaction, I felt a strange sensation in my knees. Because of this, I couldn’t hear his nagging.

“What’s so good about lying there? Are you seven years old?”

“…”

“Look at you, not even pretending to listen.”

His ominous whisper gave me goosebumps, but I was too preoccupied to react. I was trying my best to bend my knees. They wobbled as I couldn’t put much strength into them, but they did bend. My mouth fell open. My legs were moving properly.

Even if slowly, they were clearly recovering. It felt like adrenaline was taking over my brain. I felt like I could run with all my might if I wanted to. But knowing that even being able to stand was a tremendous recovery, I didn’t get greedy and carefully distributed my strength to my feet. My toes wiggled awkwardly.

“Hyung, stay there and watch.”

“What? Why? No.”

“Ah, just wait.”

As he pulled back the blanket and was about to put his feet on the floor, I tried to stop him while putting strength into my knees. I felt like I might be able to stand up if I tried hard enough. I held out my palm to stop Tae Seong-je, who looked like he was about to come over, while focusing my gaze on my ankles.

“Wait. Not yet, not yet.”

In fact, telling him to wait was almost like telling myself. Don’t fall. Wait. You can do it. I even held my breath in anticipation. Finally, although I wasn’t standing completely straight and my legs were trembling, I stood up. I stood up!

“Hyung, look at me!”

“…You.”

When I looked up in joy, I saw Tae Seong-je frozen in place, having been about to rush over to me in confusion. He looked even more surprised than I was. It was clear that not being able to move my legs had been a terrifying experience, and despite pretending otherwise, it had always been on my mind. But now, being able to move and even stand, it was such a relief.

The hope of being able to live normally and healthily again kept lifting me up. It made me think that nothing bad would happen anymore. I spread my arms towards him, asking him to look at me, but as if it was too greedy, I lost my balance and fell straight down.

“Ugh…”

Although I didn’t hit my nose, I definitely bruised my knees. As I lifted my head while lying face down on the floor, I saw Tae Seong-je hesitating, caught between coming closer and staying put. Ah, how cute. A smile spread across my face. I told him to wait, and he’s still waiting.

As I chuckled weakly, I saw his frozen face soften slightly. Seeing the dimples forming pleasantly on his cheeks, I spread my arms towards Tae Seong-je, and he approached with a playful expression.

“You’re always messing around.”

Despite his words, he immediately came to me. I lay limply in his arms, smiling foolishly, as he immediately called for a doctor to examine me. Although I was still creaking like a poorly oiled machine, this was good enough. I’ll be even better tomorrow.

“Hyung…”

“Yes?”

“Seong-je hyung, I fvcking like you.”

“You mean, ‘I really like you,’ … Are you in pain somewhere?”

That’s too much. I say I like him and he asks if I’m in pain. Unable to focus properly, I mumbled while staring into space, then quickly covered my mouth.

“Ugh…”

“…Seo Seung-won!”

He was startled, hastily lifting me up as I gagged suddenly. Nothing came up, but there was an acidic taste in my throat. Feeling too weak to hold my head up, I swayed, but he steadied me, lessening the dizziness.

“I’m okay. Just a bit dizzy.”

I quickly spoke up, worried he might misunderstand that my condition had worsened again. My voice sounded strange, as if my tongue was numb from the dizziness, but it was better than staying silent.

“Are you very dizzy?”

“Uh, a little. Yes.”

At the mention of dizziness, he immediately started massaging the back of my neck. It felt refreshing and pleasant as if it was improving blood circulation, and I closed my eyes. I felt his rough palm on my forehead as he placed his hand there.

“You seem to have a fever too. Why are you sweating so much?”

“That’s just from exercising…”

“You’re really driving me crazy. You keep forgetting, but you’re a patient.”

“Don’t scold me…”

“I’m not scolding, I’m angry.”

For someone who says he’s angry, his voice was gentle. But his eyes were as fierce as if he were truly angry, causing excuses to pour out of my mouth.

“I’m not dizzy because I’m sick, but because there are too many memories coming back. I can’t organize them…”

Although it wasn’t an excuse and was indeed the truth, it sounded like one. But it was true that I was overwhelmed trying to sort out which memories were from here and which were from there, and my emotions were all mixed up, making it hard to control.

“Please give me an IV drip again. I felt a bit better when I had that.”

“Shit, I forgot to give you that again.”

He cursed under his breath and hurriedly moved me back onto the bed. Considering how busy we’d been doing everything except that, it was understandable. I sighed deeply, lying down under the blanket. I needed the sedative to clear my thoughts and have a normal conversation.

After the person who had perfunctorily checked my condition left and closed the door, he wiped the sweat from my forehead with a cold towel from who knows where and whispered.

“I was like that too. Time heals, so just stay still until you sort out all the old memories.”

Old memories. To me, they’re memories as recent as yesterday, but to him, they seem to be from a time that suits the word ‘old’. Just when I thought our timelines had finally aligned. It was disappointing that wasn’t the case at all. Still, what’s interesting is that unlike me, he doesn’t distinguish memories as from here or there. Will I soon be like that too?

“When you’re confused, it’s hard to control impulses and it gets frustrating. Emotions get all mixed up too, and it’s confusing to know which time period your current feelings are from.”

“That’s exactly how I feel now. I know you rejected me, but now you’re by my side, so…”

“…That wasn’t rejection. We just took some time, didn’t we?”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“…Anyway, you might feel like you’ve stolen someone else’s body, or like your body has been stolen. But in the end, both are you, so just accept it.”

“Ah, I’ve experienced that before.”

As I started rambling about this incomprehensible world and my situation at the time, he quietly listened and spoke while wiping my sweaty nape.

“Seo Seung-won. Keep your mouth shut and stay still until the medicine kicks in.”

For someone speaking kindly, his words are harsh.

“When you feel better, tell me then. I’ll stay by your side.”

“Okay…”

It seemed like a fever was starting, as hot breaths came out and the room began to spin.

“Wake me up if I fall asleep. Let’s have breakfast together…”

“Okay.”

“We didn’t sleep well, so let’s take a nap too… Together…”

“Alright.”

“Please contact my family too…”

“Got it. I’ll do it now.”

…Now?

“You haven’t contacted them yet?”

“…”

There was no answer, but I understood. Well, I guess it’s possible. He must have been overwhelmed.