DI Ch 197

Finally alone, the emotional rollercoaster that had been rising began to calm down. I felt incredibly strange. Maybe it was because it had been so long since he wasn’t in front of me. Is that why? The warmth of his hand quickly turned lukewarm, and the fullness in my heart became emptiness all at once. I found myself absentmindedly stroking my knee. It didn’t hurt, but it felt oddly stiff. I wondered if it was just my mood, or perhaps an aftereffect, or even phantom pain…

He used to be a part of me. But now, it seems he has become my everything. That’s why I feel so empty, even hollow, just from being apart for a short while. This was more severe than simply feeling anxious or restless. If I stayed like this, I thought I might lose my mind. I stared at the unhealed back of my hand in silence before clenching my fist.

Having someone become your everything in a relationship is probably not a good thing. It’s likely not mentally healthy either. But we’ve both come too far to go back to normal. So we both know it’s almost impossible to live like we used to. Now, even when he’s right in front of me, I don’t feel at ease, and even when he’s nearby, I can’t focus on anything else.

Look at this. I’m already spacing out. I shook my head lightly and plugged in my earphones. It shouldn’t take long, right? But what should I do? I miss him. No matter what I listen to or watch right now, I won’t be able to focus. With a sunken mood, I turned on the phone. An unexpected face appeared. There was Sand in the phone’s background.

It had grown so much, looking quite different from how I remembered. They say kids grow up fast, and I guess the same applies to puppies – at first glance, you might mistake it for a calf rather than a dog. It must be well-loved. It looked like it had been eating and living well, with its impressive size and coat, and its expression was so bright and happy.

I felt both glad and nostalgic, touching the background image even if Sand might have forgotten me. Its paws are still huge, just like when it was younger. I was trying to find traces of its puppyhood, peering closely at the image, when suddenly I noticed the hand holding Sand’s face. Only then did I remember who might have taken Sand’s picture and set it as the background.

It wasn’t hard to figure out. There’s only one person who shows me this kind of thoughtfulness. My chest felt tingly, and a shivery sensation ran through my whole body, making my shoulders tense up. Ah, I miss him. I miss him so much it hurts. I want to hug him. I wish I could hold him tight right now, so tight I might burst. And, and…

“…Baby?”

Suddenly hearing an unfamiliar voice and sensing a presence, I looked up and met eyes with some middle-aged man. Who is this? I thought I must have misheard, so I even took out the earphones that weren’t playing any sound. Was he talking to me? What did he just say? Is he crazy? I was so flabbergasted that I couldn’t keep my expression in check, but even more surprising was that the man was staring at me with the same bewildered look on his face.

“Baby?”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re the baby?”

“Me?”

The older man blinked in utter confusion, looking completely taken aback. Is this the guest they said was coming? But, what? As we were both unable to hide our bewilderment, Tae Seong-je suddenly appeared, blocking my view.

“Don’t disturb him while he’s studying.”

“He’s the baby? I mean, didn’t you say baby?”

He seemed genuinely shocked, asking over and over in a dazed voice. I wondered if he was as surprised as I was, having been called “baby” out of the blue by some stranger. I could feel the heat rising to my face as embarrassment made my skin feel like it was burning.

While I was feeling mortified, the older man raised his voice in disbelief, and Tae Seong-je made a disrespectful chin gesture towards the much older person with a look of extreme annoyance. Considering the age difference, it was an attitude lacking not just respect but basic courtesy, yet no one pointed this out.

At first, I was awkwardly trying to read the situation, but when I realized this, I couldn’t hide my surprise at seeing that they seemed to have a somewhat close relationship despite the tense atmosphere. This was especially surprising because I had never seen him interact closely with adults of that age before.

Even as a student, he had always been surrounded by nasty rumors, but he wasn’t the inconsiderate person those rumors made him out to be. He was always respectful to adults and even had a decent reputation among teachers. Despite this, adults tended to keep their distance from him, acting awkward and not hiding their discomfort. But this man didn’t seem to be like that.

“Keep studying. I won’t bother you anymore.”

While I was lost in thought, Tae Seong-je said softly, after finally driving the older man away. The person who had been so indifferent just moments ago was now putting on a kind and caring face. He always had this side to him. I had almost forgotten because he’s been pretending to be so docile lately.

“Baby? Is he a baby?”

“If you’re not going to sit down, you might as well leave.”

“That’s the baby?”

Please stop, mister. Even though I was trying not to listen, it was impossible to ignore, and knowing they were talking about me made my face feel like it was on fire. I covered my ears, but the screen wasn’t a wall; I could still hear their rough exchange through it.

“What? So you lied about having a baby? I helped you because of that, and now you’re scamming me?”

“What scam? When did I say anything that made you jump to conclusions and misunderstand like this?”

“You bastard, you’ve repeatedly said you had to go home early because you had to take care of your baby!”

…What on earth has he been telling people outside?

No matter how high I turned up the volume, that shout kept echoing in my ears. I couldn’t even lift my head from embarrassment. I was so mortified that I couldn’t focus on the problem at all. I really needed to say something about this. Just as I was angrily flipping through pages, filled with shame and anger…

A shadow was falling from behind, startled, I looked up and my cheeks were suddenly cupped. Following the pulling hands, I raised my chin and met a gaze full of amusement. He was smiling softly, as if happy to finally see my face. Oh no, I was angry, I was definitely angry, but seeing his face made my anger dissipate instantly.

“Sorry I’m late. Were you okay by yourself?”

“…”

“Let’s see. You ate well, and it looks like you studied well too.”

I dodged the lips of the person showering me with kisses as if proud of me. He could see I ate from the empty dishes, but I’m not sure how he could say I studied well without even looking.

It annoyed me that he seemed happier than I was, even though he had been the one who couldn’t stand being apart from me for even a moment. He must have enjoyed whatever conversation he had, but did he forget that he left me to eat alone because it dragged on too long? How could he be smiling now? I was so conscious of whether food smells or eating sounds might be heard from behind here.

“Why are you angry again, hm?”

When I glared at him coldly, he quickly caught on and tried to appease me. I didn’t mind his submissive attitude, and it brought back old memories that almost made me soften, but my rational side held strong.

“What have you been saying outside that makes people think you have a child?”

“I didn’t say anything. Really.”

His pretense of innocence was so aggravating. I pushed him away to signal him not to lie, but he approached me again with a smile, hugging me tightly. Since I had wanted to do this earlier, I now found it difficult to push him away.

I didn’t want to back down either, so I decided to vent my frustration and test my strength by wrapping my legs tightly around his waist and squeezing hard. He started making exaggerated noises about how he couldn’t breathe, clearly playing around. I just snorted at his antics and pulled him even closer, hugging him tightly. I only let go after I had tormented him enough.

“It’s embarrassing, so don’t do that again.”

“Okay.”

“…But you will, won’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Ah, come on.”

He really does whatever he wants. I ruffled his hair mercilessly, pouring my feelings into the motion. Despite messing up his hair so thoroughly, he didn’t stop smiling, which made me suspicious. The more I looked, the more I felt like it was a smile that made him seem like a bad person. Something felt off.

“What’s with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why are you smiling so creepily?”

“What do you mean, I’m not.”

He pretended to be nonchalant, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was up to something bad, given that strange smile. I was suspicious, but before I could press further, he leaned in to kiss me again, making it impossible to continue. Ugh. I forgot all about my complaints and wrapped my arms around his neck, returning his pecking lips. Of course, during the exchange, I didn’t forget to softly remind him to be careful with how he addresses me in front of others, or else I wouldn’t let it slide.

By the time I properly secured his promise, our bodies were already entangled. Even though it wasn’t the first or second time, I felt a strangely sensual mood and poked his dimple. His disheveled face looked a bit sexy, making my fingers move on their own. Tracing his lips, tickling his chin, and soon slowly caressing his Adam’s apple…

“Let’s go now.”

“What?”

I was startled when he suddenly got up, but his actions were even quicker than my surprise. He picked me up, set me on my feet, and hurriedly gathered my things. I hadn’t planned on doing anything here, but the abrupt break in the subtle atmosphere left me quite bewildered. He’s avoiding it now, right? He is avoiding it, isn’t he? Before I could ask what was going on, he led me to some room. It wasn’t the room I had been staying in, nor the previous one, but a new, unfamiliar reception-style room where the guest I had been waiting for was present.