DI Ch 131

At the green light, I closed my eyes for a moment as the car drove forward again, and after a while, it came to a stop at another traffic signal. I opened my eyes again to the sound of tapping. I looked up, mesmerized by the thick fingers tapping nervously on the steering wheel. Although we didn’t make eye contact, he spoke as if he felt my gaze.

“Why did you go there alone?”

“… I don’t know.”

“Yeah. That could be it.”

“…”

“Still, if you want to go somewhere, let’s go together. Don’t go alone.”

Sometimes it’s hard for me to understand your feelings. What seemed light turned out to be unexpectedly heavy, and what seemed shallow felt deep in your heart. Perhaps this person will always find me wherever I am. Even if I get lost in unknown places, he’ll come to embrace me in a single step. I thought, given his capricious nature, it wouldn’t be strange if his feelings cooled down at any moment, but…

“Wait a minute, what’s wrong with your neck?”

“Ah.”

It was warm inside and my body was getting warmer, so I put the blanket away. Tae Seong-je seemed to have regained enough consciousness to drive, and it wasn’t strange for someone observant like him to notice the unnoticed injuries. Could it be that there was a handprint? Did I really press it that hard? I was so distracted that I forgot, but I never dreamed that such force would leave a mark.

He quickly stopped the car on the side of the road and took a deep breath.

“Did you strangle yourself? Your neck?”

He questioned me as if he couldn’t believe it.

“… Seo Seung-won, you f*cking idiot. You again.”

Once again, my thoughts didn’t matter. Though his voice was muffled from rubbing his face, his distress and pain were palpable. He lets out a rough breath and grits his teeth as if asking when he was calm. The veins on his clenched fist and the occasional swelling of his chest were unsettling.

“It was a mistake, no, hyung, I was out of my mind, I was in a hurry… ”

“…”

I thought there would be criticism, nagging, or something else, so I made a hasty excuse beforehand, but contrary to what I expected, he didn’t say anything. He simply retrieved the first aid kit with a resigned attitude and took out an ointment.

He carefully traced my neck and examined the marks, and when he finished applying the ointment, his lips briefly touched my forehead before pulling away. At the same time, the phone rang. Whose call could it be? I couldn’t check because I didn’t have the courage.

As we drifted further from Seo Seung-won’s hometown, my cheeks inexplicably grew damp. What’s wrong with me? Where should I start fixing things? I despise the fact that I keep hurting kind people.

The moment we approached the highway,the apartment buildings and cityscape disappeared. I came to my senses after I drank bottled water and rolled down the window for some fresh air. As my exhaustion subsided to the point where I could run a marathon without difficulty, and I was able to reflect on my condition, I kept wondering why I did that.

At that time, I realized something strange and tilted my head to look at the sign. This wasn’t the way home.

“Hyung, where are we going?”

“I need to pick something up.”

…We were supposed to go home, right? It felt strange how easily my body’s protests were overridden, becoming a secondary concern.

“I was just thinking of coming back next time, but I thought now would be a good time.”

So, after insisting on going somewhere, we found ourselves suddenly on a gravel road off the highway. I looked around, but there was no sign of any residential area. As the car came to a stop, he took my phone while I hesitated, and when I finally looked back, the video call was connected.

“Just rest quietly.”

Then he left alone. I blankly stared at the phone screen as he walked away, then lowered my head and looked at my phone screen.. Why was he going alone? Instead of admiring his handsome profile, I spoke up.

“Hyung?”

[What.]

“…”

[Why? What’s wrong?]

“No, no, it’s fine. I just called you.”

As he attempted to return immediately upon my call, I hastily intervened, and he started retracing his steps. Continuously… How far is he going?

“Is this a place where you can’t drive up?”

[No?]

“Then why not just drive? Why walk?”

[What if you don’t feel well.]

“…”

I quietly unbuckled the seatbelt and stepped outside. It was a bit chilly, but the air was nice. I stretched my stiff body and moved to the driver’s seat. I got into the car, leaving the man asking me why I was out in the cold. When I looked at the phone screen with the sound of the door closing, I saw Tae Seong-je’s face hardened.

“I won’t crash into any trees.”

[Stay still.]

“No, why are you leaving the car behind and having a hard time climbing up?”

I threw my phone in the passenger seat and started the car very cautiously. Though I might be as skilled as a seasoned racing driver in my mind, I cautiously climbed up like a novice driver prone to accidents. Not long after, I didn’t know if he was coming down or if he had stopped, but I saw him standing in front of me.

As I slowly advanced and lowered my window, Tae Seong-je criticized him with a distorted expression.

“You’re crazy.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Don’t even say you did it because you thought of me.”

“…”

“Haa… What’s the point of the seatbelt if you’re just gonna take it off.”

I suddenly raised my head and urgently touched my chest. I forgot. How could I forget this? I nonchalantly brushed it off, pretending it was nothing.

“Come out.”

“But hyung…”

“I said move. One, two.”

I hurriedly got out and moved to the passenger seat. Even though I wasn’t trying to escape, he kept glaring at me until he returned to the driver’s seat. Then, he spoke with a very gentle tone.

“Are you made of rubber? Jumping around like that?”

“…?”

Hesitantly, I rubbed the blood stains that had not yet been cleaned. I feel like no matter what I say, it will sound like an excuse.

But why did he keep trying to walk up here? It’s been some time since we left again and we still haven’t arrived. The sound of gravel crunching, seemingly endless, abruptly stopped when a large garden and a monotonous building came into view.

“Wait. Don’t come out.”

A more definitive and specific warning than before. As the door closed, I reached out towards the back seat. I pulled out a clean shirt from my bag and changed, enduring the boredom.

I wish I had just video-called and asked him to come back. No, I should’ve just suggested we go together. But he said he was going to pick someone up. As I was lying down and staring blankly at the ceiling, there was a loud knocking sound on the window. As I turned my head, the passenger door opened and I saw Tae Seong-je holding a yellow furball.

“…A dog? Uh, a dog?”

As I stretched out my hand, the warm bundle of fur came into my arms. The baby retriever tilts its head with an innocent look on its face. It was so cute how it wagged its tail without reservation, unlike its calm appearance. Its paws were like bear paws. When I gently scratched under its chin, it opened its mouth wide, revealing a smiling face, and unintentionally, I found myself laughing along with the dog.

“So cute… Hyung, whose puppy is this? Are we going to raise it? Are we taking it with us?”

“It’s not just any dog, it’s the one I had planned to raise.”

“Really?”

“Keeping a dog house at home isn’t just for show.”

He teased me endlessly about it being my room.

Though I felt a slight sense of betrayal as I truly believed him, my attention was drawn to the puppy, which started licking my fingers.

“Seo Seung-won.”

“Hyung, look at this. Its tail is wagging like crazy.”

“Seung-won-ah. Hyung doesn’t like animals.”

“It’s really cute… Oh, really?”

Then why did he… As I gently played with its sticky rice-like muzzle, the puppy began to lick my hand eagerly. While it did so, he placed a playpen under my feet and closed the door. Seeing him beyond the cut-off sound, I felt strangely unsettled.

I heard the trunk open and the sound of something being filled. He slowly returned to the driver’s seat. As he sat down and fastened his seatbelt, he absentmindedly spoke.

“So, you have to love and cherish it more. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“…”

I nodded my head silently when I met his gaze. He patted my head and gently scratched the puppy’s forehead with his fingertips.  The retriever slightly closed his eyes and stuck his head out. It seemed to be in a good mood.

I know that the most necessary things to raise a dog are health and diligence. Since I spend more time at home than anyone else, feeding and walking would almost become my responsibility. If I play with it diligently without a moment to get depressed, time will fly by quickly. 

I realized that he had been wary of my depression for a long time. My emptiness and void that nothing can fill. Thinking it might be showing too much, I attempted to scratch my itchy neck, but quickly withdrew my hand from the sticky ointment.