DI Ch 215

“You think I don’t want to? But look at yourself in the mirror. You need to see it. Your complexion changes even if I move just a little bit upwards… I’m afraid you might faint before I even do anything. Who said we’d never do it again? I’m doing this for your sake, so be patient.”

“If it’s for my sake, shouldn’t we do it even more?”

“What?”

I fell into deep contemplation while he looked at me incredulously. I appreciate him thinking of me. I’m always grateful, but wouldn’t it be better to d1e while doing it than just to d1e?

“Listen to me. We could do it standing up, you know?”

“I knew you’d say that.”

“We can just change positions. Why don’t we try it once or twice?”

Dying from sexual frustration seems pathetic and undignified, so it’s better to just get on with it. Of course, I wouldn’t actually die from sexual frustration, but still, doing it would be better. At first, my trauma probably wasn’t the reason. There must have been many reasons leading up to today, and he must have held back just as much. And while all of that was undoubtedly for my sake, wouldn’t it be better to face it head-on? For example, we might have a slightly different experience with a bit of fear, while also overcoming trauma. If I thought positively, it could be fun and refreshing—so why can’t Tae Seong-je see that? How could he only think about not doing it? There’s no logic to it.

“Come on, when you think about the last time we did it, which part do you remember first? I first recall what we did before I nearly died. I can barely remember when we last did it here.”

“Is that the issue right now? Your health comes first.”

“Are you dating me or raising me? Are you trying to become my father by acting like my guardian?”

“Watch your tone. Do you even listen to what I say? You think I’m not doing it because I’m raising you?”

His sharp words filled me with self-loathing. It’s only been a few hours since I promised myself I wouldn’t get upset, irritated, or act childishly towards him, and yet I’ve already crossed the line so easily.

“Bring back that kid. Where’s the one who said he’d be fine with platonic love if that’s what I wanted?”

“You seem to have forgotten that he also said he wanted to do it at least once more.”

The sarcastic tone grated even on my own ears, so I pressed my fist firmly against my lips. I was not just crossing the line, but performing acrobatics with it.

“…Hyung.”

Cautiously watching his reaction, I lowered my hand and kissed his cheek.

“Hyung, let’s just do it. Okay?”

I subtly urged him, but there was no response. Out of frustration, I even resorted to whining, but still no meaningful answer.

“Why aren’t you answering?”

“If you keep kissing me after asking, how can I speak even if I want to?”

Feeling a positive signal from his subtle tone muttering that he couldn’t handle it, I got my hopes up as he finally made a decision. He nodded.

“Alright.”

Ack. I responded to his gentle words with a short scream. I was startled when he suddenly grabbed and twisted my chest, specifically my nipple. The sudden stimulation made my heart pound, and even my surprised shoulders didn’t know how to come down. More than that, I wasn’t sure if I heard him correctly, so before I could calm down, I asked again to confirm.

“R-really? We’re doing it?”

“Yes. But not now. Later.”

“…”

“Let’s do it after summer.”

Is he trying to k1ll me with frustration? Annoyed, I still felt some relief. He said we’d do it, after all. It’s not like the deadline was next year—it was this year, so that’s something. I could use the time to get my body back into shape, and that’d be good. As I tried to keep thinking positively, a sudden doubt crept into my mind.

“But why after summer?”

“By then, I should be able to take a few weeks off. Let’s go on a trip too. How about to the south?”

“I’d be happy to travel anywhere with you… But haven’t you been resting all this time? You were a bit busy yesterday with people coming over, but aren’t you always resting?”

“That’s right.”

“So wouldn’t it be okay to do it today?”

“I have plans tomorrow, so we can’t.”

“Hyung, sometimes I feel like we’re not communicating properly.”

“It’s okay. I sometimes feel the same way when talking to you. Get up. Let’s go eat breakfast. But how did our conversation end up here?”

I glared at him, wondering if he had just fed me a line, but then his pensive side profile reminded me of how he looked in my dreams from that time long ago, making my heart flutter. More precisely, it was the anticipation for summer that excited me, but either way, my mood soared. I should get a calendar and mark the start of autumn. That’s when summer is over, right? With a little over two months left, I need to work on my body more until then. As I was just feeling happy, I felt his gaze and looked up. I don’t like the look in his eyes. Is he criticizing me internally?

“Do you have something to say to me?”

“No, just that I love you.”

As he approached, I lifted my chin. Even the light kiss made me feel so good that my shoulders perked up.

“Aren’t you curious about anything else? Nothing more to ask?”

“If I’m curious, I can just read the articles.”

I can’t make him talk too much, after all. After one more kiss, I took out my phone and opened the search bar. When I typed in Kang Moo-hyun, numerous articles popped up as if asking why I hadn’t seen all this before. Wow, he was caught in the middle of a drug party? Is this really South Korea? From what I could see, he was caught red-handed. Everyone was too intoxicated to escape, and with the revelation of the date r4pe drug incidents that had been an underlying issue, they all unanimously pointed to Kang Moo-hyun, so there was nothing more to see. But as I read the cliché headline about the fall of a third-generation chaebol, I frowned slightly at the lingering unease. It was an unusually quiet downfall.

“Why aren’t you surprised?”

He asked casually as I skimmed through the articles while walking. Though he didn’t specify, it seemed he was talking about the article I was reading, or rather, about Kang Moo-hyun.

“I am surprised.”

“You don’t look surprised. Come to think of it, you’re really something else.”

“What do you mean? I’m just moderately shocked. It makes sense, doesn’t it?”

Even if his end didn’t match his character, the outcome seemed fitting.

“Did I mention this before? That he did a really despicable thing by deleting the research materials I had worked hard on right in front of me? I had anticipated that and backed up the file, you know. What if I hadn’t? That presentation had a high score, even though there was no individual evaluation. I was frustrated and upset, but think about my team members who knew nothing. How annoying it must have been for them. What if it affected the next assignment? There will be many more team projects in the future.”

“…Shouldn’t he have not done that back then?”

I became serious at Tae Seong-je’s thoughtful question. Where did the person who just said students should focus on their studies go? Is he now siding with blood being thicker than water?

“You had strange thoughts, didn’t you?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did.”

“Anyway, even though I managed it, it still left a really bad taste in my mouth.”

“…Well, as long as it worked out for you, that’s what matters. So, is it really over?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Even though I said that the uneasy feeling didn’t go away. The people who kidnapped me would be suffering down there, so that’s fine. As for those who caused hyung pain through drug distribution, I wish they’d get a bit more punishment outside the law, but I’ll be satisfied with this for now. But Kang Moo-hyun. The more I heard, the more incomprehensible his actions seemed. The kidnapping was unexpected, but if he hated me enough to orchestrate it, I could understand that part to some extent. Of course, I’m not saying I’d forgive him, but I meant I could somewhat understand why he made that decision since he seemed to hate me even more than I disliked him. But was he really so reckless as to have drug parties? Had I missed that darkness in him? I remember him sticking to a rigid, proper lifestyle, even if it was just for show. Or am I already beautifying my memories of the past?

“It’s over. I’ll meet with that senior to resolve things.”

“You say it’s over, but why are you meeting again?”

“What?”

Is he angry? Suddenly? His voice had risen by at least two levels, so I stammered an explanation.

“No, I just think I’ll feel better if I see him in person… I want to say a word or two about how I see him, how I knew he’d be like that… Besides, I’ll have a lot to discuss with the school and the police, so it might be good to talk to the culprit first… Why are you looking at me like that? Is visitation not allowed?”

Can the rich block all that if they have money? Does the law not apply to them? I really need to study the legal system more.

“Visitation, my foot. Ah, I’m wide awake now.”

I thought he was awake, but he still wasn’t fully awake? It’s hard to notice when he hides things so well. I imitated some acupressure on his hand. I poked the tips of his fingers with my nails and rubbed his palm with my thumb, helping with blood circulation. Before I knew it, we were just holding hands, but it didn’t matter since there was no one here to say anything about it.

“Then can I really play with you all day today? I’m fine with it, but are you really not busy?”

“When did you ever ask me not to be busy? Yeah, we can hang out. I’m past my prime anyway.”

As soon as I said that, the gaze of the men who had been standing like pillars, barely noticeable, suddenly fixed on us. Seeing them visibly stiffen startled reactions made it clear that he was far from past his prime and probably shouldn’t be hanging out right now. Yet here we were.

“Let’s eat and watch a movie. We can watch just one movie before you go to work.”

“We don’t have to do that. Choose any movie you want, except crime movies.”

“Okay.”

A p0rn is still technically a movie, so he won’t scold me about this, right?