DI Ch 21

My nerves, which had been fixed on my lips had been diverted. I’m not sure why he suddenly changed his mind and wanted to meet again, but it wasn’t a bad thing in any case. Uh, but… Is that right, and am I on the right track? I think so, but I was confused because this was a problem with no process and only results.

I had no idea Tae Seong-je had opened the door for me with his own hands. I didn’t who was sitting in the driver’s seat. I don’t even remember how I got into the car, but I’m too tired to care. I only realized it when I got home after endlessly fiddling with my lips. Even when the car came to a stop, I remained blank until he began speaking to me.

“We’re here.”

It was the Venomous snake, Moon Gyeong-rok. The eyes I met through the mirror were piercing. Inorganic eyes resembling snakes stared right through me. There was a jingling sound in my head. A familiar pain slowly crept through his body. Like déjà vu, it made me feel sober again. I thanked him and hurriedly opened the car door and came out as if running away.

What if he thinks I purposefully approached Tae Seong-je? I didn’t ask for his number. It was Tae Seong-je who asked to meet. and I was terrified that I’d meet his gaze and be put on guard. But then I realized I had seen too many movies.

By the time my heart started pounding uncomfortably, the car had left. I slumped down on the cold floor when Moon Gyeong-rok drove away and disappeared. I broke out in a cold sweat as the tension drained from me.

It was an attitude that was less interested in me than Tae Seong-je. But… That person and I met by chance, nothing more or less. I wondered if he remembered me. My nerves continue to bristle, no matter how hard I try not to. I was overly sensitive to it. Let’s not be conscious of it. I was the only one who suffered a loss when I became overly stressed out over trivial matters.

I trudged to the common entrance, lit only by the hallway lights, exhausted and weak. I exited the elevator and took the stairs one at a time into the house. Rather than that, since I had an opportunity, I had to think about how to capture Tae Seong-je. As expected, the actual situation was very different from what I had planned. First of all, there were far too many variables. The problem was me in particular.

More than that, I was in a position where I felt sorry for myself. Why did this happen? I should call Tae Seong-je as soon as I wake up tomorrow.  I lay down on the bed and closed my eyes as soon as I was done taking a shower and changed into clean clothes. It was the first time I had been dragged around like this, so I was exhausted and tired.

Even after brushing my teeth, I still felt the discomfort in my mouth.  I licked and touched my swollen lips unintentionally. I was surprised at how easily I could kiss him. Was it always this way? Was it always that easy to kiss? I was shy, so all I could do was kiss him on the cheek.

Anyway, it felt very good.  Tae Seong-je must have done a lot of nice things like that. He must have had a lot of relationships because he was so handsome. What kind of people did he meet? He was so nice to me, a one-night stand, and he didn’t even love me, he treated Seo Seung-won so well to the point that he was fooled. So, what would he do with his real lover? Maybe… maybe…

I was tired of thinking about him all the time, both when he was in front of me and when he wasn’t. But it wasn’t an unpleasant or disheartening feeling; it was simply the sensation of being so overly reminded of him that I thought I might get a fever. Oh, and by the way… I’m not sure because my memory was hazy, but I think I got my first kiss today.

***

On the third Monday of March, Kang Moo-hyun sent a message requesting that the group assignment be started and completed as soon as possible. Everyone will be busy preparing for the exam during midterm season, so I liked the idea of finishing it before then. Day by day, the quiet group chat room became more active. Kang Moo-hyun mostly led the conversation, and when Kim Young-ji responded, I chimed in, and Woo Ji-min would just read.

So far, everything has gone smoothly. There was no unexpected change between Woo Ji-min and Kang Moo-hyun, and if this continues, future developments will be the same. That was certain when it was early April. By the beginning of April, I was sure of that. Because the story really went the way I knew it.

Woo Ji-min no longer acted like an uncomfortable cat in front of Kang Moo-hyun. Woo Ji-min never responded and simply ignored him. He didn’t even greet Kang Moo-hyun, so he completed the assignment through me.

Woo Ji-min asked me to tell Kang Moo-hyun when he had something to say, even if we were in the same room, and I did it flawlessly. Of course, it was a hassle in the eyes of others, so Kim Young-ji, who didn’t know anything about it, was embarrassed and squirmed like a person sitting on a thorny seat.

Woo Ji-min felt the same way, so he had to be concerned about me, who appeared relatively careless and obedient. That’s perfect. At this rate, he’ll come to his senses next week or the week after and apologize and buy me a meal.

When Woo Ji-min had a headache because of Kang Moo-hyun, I also had a headache because of Tae Seong-je. Tae Seong-je was busy. He was so busy that I couldn’t even take advantage of the one and only opportunity he gave me after two weeks. Why was he so busy? He was a gangster, not an office worker who worked long hours.

It’s been a while since I haven’t seen his face. I was worried that I would be forgotten, so I texted him every morning, noon, and evening, but I didn’t want to bother him too much. Even if the reply was late, I just waited quietly. That was all I could do anyway.

When Seo Seung-won becomes distressed by Tae Seong-je’s constant indifference to his message, Woo Ji-min reprimanded Tae Seong-je, saying, ‘If your goal is to become his lover just to piss me off, then at least treat him well.’ And Tae Seong-je said, ‘Seo Seung-won’s feelings won’t affect you, so there’s no reason to be nice to him.’ 

It was a conversation that didn’t make sense.  I remember closing the book at a point where Tae Seong-je wondered why he should think about Seo Seung-won’s feelings at all. Tae Seong-je’s relationship with Seo Seung-won was a one-time event with the purpose to upset Woo Ji-min, but it was Seo Seung-won’s first love.

“Now, if you look at page 48, there is an example material, but I will definitely include it in the midterm exam, so everyone refers to it…”

I put a post-it note on page 48 of the sample material to summarize the main points in the voice of an elderly professor. Because waiting for a message is still waiting, and testing is testing. Someone who knows my circumstances would be perplexed if they saw me. It wasn’t your school life anyway, so why you were paying such close attention in class?

Of course, I think so too. But if I go home, Seo Seung-won will also return. Where was Seo Seung-won now? I didn’t think he’d die because I’d suddenly become Seo Seung-won. When I regained consciousness, Seo Seung-won was sitting in front of his desk, most likely studying.

He couldn’t have died of a heart attack, and there’s no way he died while studying. So I suspect that he was asleep in this body, or that he was using my body like I am using his. It was a short time, but I could tell what kind of person Seo Seung-won was just by looking around him. He won’t live carelessly even if he has to live someone else’s life. So if he’s using my body right now… It seemed that he was living my life faithfully on my behalf.

It was a little creepy to think about someone else using my body, but it was better than being dead. I won’t be able to return to a dead body later.

Seo Seung-won’s role in Part 2 was to heighten Woo Ji-min’s feelings by committing suicide after being used as a discarded card by Tae Seong-je. Seo Seung-won’s ending was a bad ending. Of course, I didn’t want to commit suicide. More than anything, what if I actually died, and that was the end of it? There was no worse ending than being unable to return home and simply dying.

Woo Ji-min will take revenge on Tae Seong-je even if I faked my death. Then all I had to do was wait for Woo Ji-min and Kang Moo-hyun to take down Tae Seong-je. Naturally, I will return home at a point where there was no more chapter in the book, and Seo Seung-won will also lose a part of his life, but he would still have his life and his TOEIC score, and I hoped that would be enough to comfort him.

At that moment, I received a message on KakaoTalk. I wondered if it was Tae Seong-je, so I quickly checked it out, and it was the student rep.

Today [16:22]

Today, that was it. I raised my head and turned to the side where the student rep was, and our gazes met with the bewildered student rep. He gave an awkward smile. Did he send the wrong one? No point. I felt a little better after laughing, so I sorted through the densely written notes and quietly exited the back door.

The warm sunlight fell on my face as I stepped out of the building. This was my first time skipping school. I’m sorry for Seo Seung-won, but what was more important to me was an excuse to text Tae Seong-je instead of going to class.

I took out my phone and looked through the messages I sent. Weather, food, exercise, movies… It was just a topic with no depth and everyday words that were nothing special. There was no talk of school life, family, or friends in it.

In Part 2, when Seo Seung-won talked about school, Tae Seong-je sarcastically asked if he was criticizing his academic background. He yelled at him when he mentioned his family, asking if he was campaigning for orphans. When asked about his life in general, he asked if he was trying to persuade him to stop being a thug.

Such a quarrel may not have been the cause of Seo Seung-won’s suicide, but Tae Seong-je was mean to him anyway. Anyway, because I was worried about Tae Seong-je’s words, I never mentioned school, family, or life history to Tae Seong-je, but in the end, my fingers flicked through the air more than I tapped my phone during the two weeks. It was natural for the conversation to narrow.

So, there was only one way left.