DI Ch 59

“…What did you say?”

What was this strange talk. He exhaled harshly, his cheeks puffing out in exaggeration as he looked at me in bewilderment.

“I called because I thought I should let you know, but you were on the phone… But why are you sitting here if you’re feeling unwell and not in the health center…”

“No, wait. My younger brother is here? He’s here?”

“Yeah, I just came out to get some fresh air and smoke a cigarette. But then a high school student came up to ask for directions, and when I saw the name on the school uniform name tag, I asked if he was Seung-won’s brother, and your brother said yes. So I thought about calling you, but your brother just left without saying anything.”

“He just left?”

I found myself frowning unintentionally. Why would he come all the way here and then just leave like that when the password to my apartment is still the same? And without even contacting me?

“I should go home.”

I mumbled to myself, and the student rep pointed towards the department building.

“No, he’s right there. He asked where our department building was, and I told him, then he went inside.”

“…Our department building?”

“Yeah, but Seung-won, if you’re going to have a meal with your brother, I know a good place, so maybe we can eat together…”

“…”

“…Ahem, the lecture will be ending soon.”

I heard the student rep muttering something, but I didn’t pay attention. Strangely, an ominous feeling rose up my spine. I turned my head to look at the department building. My feet started moving towards it on their own. Somehow, I felt uneasy.

But then…

“Seo Seung-won!”

“Ah… Sunbae.”

Startled, I stopped in my tracks and turned my head to the side. Woo Ji-min approached with a puzzled expression on his face.

“Where are you going? Is the class over?”

“Ah, that. It’s over, but…”

“What. Why are you so restless? What’s going on?”

My tension was relieved when I saw Woo Ji-min, but the anxiety stayed. Woo Ji-min came closer and grabbed my wrist as I scratched my forearm, looking at me worriedly.

“Are you sick again?”

I made an effort to suppress my uneasy feeling while trying to calm my racing heart and looking at Woo Jimin’s puzzled expression. But in the distance, I noticed Kang Moo-hyun standing by a large tree near the student representative. His dark-eyed stare at Woo Ji-min and I was so cold and insidious that it made me feel uncomfortable.

It wasn’t unusual for that lunatic to stalk again, but I thought of it as a matter of fact. That’s right. All of a sudden, Seo Seung-joon came to the place where Woo Ji-min and Kang Moo-hyun were. In the story, there was no scene where Kang Moo-hyun and Seo Seung-joon met. However, there was a scene where Woo Ji-min and Seo Seung-joon met and even talked.

The two met briefly after Seo Seung-won committed suicide. Seo Seung-joon was an extra who has to face Woo Ji-min more than once. Every scene where the two meet and talk was even important in its own way. Even an accidental early meeting wouldn’t be good. I’ve had enough of errors with different settings, but this was too much…

I looked straight at Woo Ji-min and spoke while forcibly hiding his rapidly accelerating breathing as if I would start hyperventilating.

“Sunbae I… I suddenly have a lunch appointment. Just because my brother came…”

“Okay?”

Woo Ji-min, who answered indifferently, said with a chin gesture towards the back.

“Is he your brother?”

My heart started beating like crazy. I slowly turned around, and there he was– Seo Seung-joon, looking terribly out of place, coming out of the department building. He was the only one wearing a high school uniform, so he stood out from the crowd pouring out. The development won’t be twisted with just one extra, but the early meeting was not the right development.

This was a different case with Taeseongje and me. There was no story about when Tae Seong-je and Seo Seung-won met and how they became lovers. On the other hand, the description of who Woo Ji-min met and when they met was clear. The book I read was a story that unfolded from Woo Ji-min’s point of view.

A strange buzzing sound echoed in my ears, but my stiff body seemed to have lost its functions, so it didn’t feel frightening.

“… Seo Seung-won? Hey, are you okay?”

I tried to stay faithful to the original story. Though I couldn’t be perfect due to the penalties I had, I remained as quiet as a mouse. I tried my best to avoid changing the relationship between Kang Moo-hyun and Woo Ji-min because of me. I didn’t interfere even if Woo Ji-min’s luck seemed tempting. I didn’t try to draw his attention on purpose, nor did I act impatiently to get to know him as soon as possible.

Even though my memories weren’t perfect and my body was not up to the standard set by the novel, I did my best within my capabilities. But fuck it, even one variable made a change, but if it increases to two, what was the point of me doing my best alone? The heat in my head increased, and my stress level seemed to peak, so I gnashed my teeth.

As if a light bulb suddenly went out, the scenery in front of me disappeared in an instant, leaving me in complete darkness. Ah, it had been a while since I fainted. Though feeling unwell wasn’t useful, it seemed helpful to escape from the current situation. It didn’t mean the problem was solved, but… I prayed that nothing would happen when I opened my eyes again. While praying earnestly, I heard laughter echoing from somewhere.

‘Do you like japchae, Sunbae? I like it too.’

‘You like it?’

‘…Yes. I do.’

– Ah, please.

In the midst of this, my memories were replaying again. It had to be japchae of all things. Maybe because of the stress skyrocketing, my irritation didn’t easily die down. Roughly looking around, I saw a young me and my senior sitting closely together, having a conversation, surrounded by numerous empty seats in an empty classroom.

I turned away from them and sat down to cover my ears, but I could still hear the two people’s voices faintly. It might have felt nostalgic if I had the memory of me loving my senior, but because it was only the memory of me admiring him, this moment felt absolutely terrible.

A phone on the desk between them kept vibrating, but the young me seemed unwilling to answer. They seemed as if the world belonged only to them. As the sound faded away, I regained consciousness. When I opened my eyes, I was greeted by the bright fluorescent light on the ceiling. I stared blankly at the ceiling, but it seemed that I could hear a constant vibrating sound coming from somewhere.

I still wondered if it was a dream, but the irregular vibrations were not the sound of a ringtone. It seemed Park Gangwoo was still sending a message on KakaoTalk. That crazy bastard… I squeezed my eyes shut and muttered an unspoken curse under my breath, but a familiar voice made me open my eyes again and turn my head.

I saw Woo Ji-min and Seo Seung-joon entering the hospital room together in the hallway.

“Cough, cough…”

Ah, seriously, damn it. I was just destined to be unlucky; as soon as I got up again! I clenched my fists and pressed my head against the pillow, quickly clamping my hands over my mouth against the white sheets that were turning red, but it wasn’t enough to stop the blood from scratching my throat and pouring out.

“Excuse me, doctor! Please, come look at my brother! Doctor!”

Amidst the clamor, Seo Seung-joon hurriedly approached and held onto me, calling out loudly for help. Meanwhile, Woo Ji-min looked at me with a pale, worried expression. Unlike Seo Seung-joon, who had seen me faint and bleed numerous times, Woo Ji-min, who had never experienced any of this before, seemed very flustered by this situation.

Seo Seung-joon tightly embraced my trembling body while leaving Woo Ji-min, who couldn’t even think of coming in from the hallway and didn’t know what to do.

“Hyung, I called the doctor…”

The calm tone that hid his worries and anxieties raised the heat in my head. I’m not sure where the strength in my weak body came from, but I pushed Seo Seung-joon from the bed with one hand and grabbed him by the collar with the other. Drops of blood from my chin began to drip down the bewildered Seung-joon’s cheek, but I didn’t care and spoke harshly as if mashing each word.

“I told you before. Don’t come looking for me. Right now, you’re just a stranger to me, not my brother.”

I can’t remember his face or name, but I suddenly thought of my younger sister who had a dignified yet lonely presence. She had longed for everything Seo Seung-joon had been nonchalantly enjoying. Strangely, that longing had never reached me properly, probably because I had lost too many memories. It felt unjust, sorrowful, and infuriating.

I knew that I was taking my anger out on Seo Seung-joon, who had done nothing wrong. But it seemed like I couldn’t stop without someone intervening.

“I don’t consider you even a little bit as my family. When I recover my memories, I’ll be the first one to come and see you. So, just leave me alone, please.”

“Why, hyung…”

As Seo Seung-joon started to speak, he could barely say any words. He looked like he was shedding tears of blood because of the bloodstains I left on him. Seo Seung-joon’s dazed face contorted, and soon tears welled up in his eyes.

“Why do you say that? Hyung, why… Why are you doing this to me…”

The boy’s sobbing somehow made me lose my energy. Even the heat that had boiled my whole body disappeared in an instant. Seo Seung-joon cried like a child who had lost his mother, making the room noisy. Seeing him like that, I felt a strange sensation in my heart, and everything seemed to slow down, feeling like someone else’s story.

Someone separated me from Seo Seung-joon. They started asking me something methodically, but I couldn’t respond. I just stared numbly at Seo Seung-joon, who was sobbing sorrowfully with a blood-stained face. With this, I didn’t see Seo Seung-joon for a while. It was what I had requested. He followed my request so well. He really followed his older brother well. He did it so well…