DI Ch 67

“Wow, it’s you Hyung.”

“…”

My mood suddenly improved, and I laughed like a drunk person. This was the first time I had dreamed of him. No, it was more accurate to say that it was the first time I had a dream-like dream. In the first place, I wasn’t someone who could dream. Dreams were my reality. Even if I forgot about the past, reality clung to me, ensuring that I would never forget.

My legs trembled as if I was moving somewhere. However, everything except for my legs felt firmly fixed in place, giving me the sensation of riding a swing. Ah, could this be a dream? When did this person come here? My surroundings spun around so much that I couldn’t determine what was what. Somehow, I felt like I had fallen asleep feeling quite content. That would make sense since I seemed to be in such a good mood.

Everything was complicated and unorganized, but suddenly, it all fell into place. Such moments were rare. I had always been restless and unfocused, but a sense of calmness spread throughout my body. Enjoying the warmth of Tae Seong-je’s body temperature, unsure whether it was a dream or reality, I let my arms, which had been hugging him due to the warmth, slowly lower.

***

– Are you crazy?

I was standing there, mindlessly staring at the empty space, when a casual yet sharp voice reached me from behind.

– Dad just said that you should not dream of anything other than ■■ and ■■■?

– Yeah.

– Oh, are you kidding me?

– Why? That’s a good school.

– What. I know what’s good about it too.

When I turned around, I saw my younger sister and me arguing under the wall in front of the house. It seemed like I had dreamed quite a lot today. This time, it was a dream about my younger sister. But it wasn’t uncommon for us to bicker like this at this time. However, the atmosphere felt strange somehow.

My younger sister looked so frustrated as if she would scream if I touched her, and I looked unusually powerless. It was a completely different sight from when I was seventeen and radiating happiness next to my senior. When I estimated our heights, it seemed like I could be in the second or third year of high school.

After hesitating, I quickly approached the two and leaned in to listen. It was because I was worried that there would be something else like the story that the senior I admired turned out to be my first love. As soon as I took a step closer, my younger sister clenched her fists and stamped her feet nervously.

– Why did you say “Yeah” again? Ah, you’re making me so frustrated that I’m going to explode! You never even thought about ■■■ before, right, Oppa? No, how can you not say you hate it? Can’t you just not do it?

– I don’t know.

We were undoubtedly close siblings. However, that didn’t mean we always got along. Even so, it felt like I had idealized our relationship as much as I had forgotten it.

– Can you at least think about it before you talk?

– I did think…

– Don’t be ridiculous. I know you don’t. What kind of thoughts does Oppa have? Oh, of course, you must have some useless thoughts.

I was a little hurt by my younger sister’s cold criticism, so I wandered away from the two of them and stood near the wall. Even as I did so, my younger sister nearly shoved kept scolding me. Apparently, my younger sister didn’t take well to the fact that I had chosen a university according to our Father’s wishes.

– It’s just a university choice, why does Oppa have to follow Dad’s orders on this too?

– Ah, it doesn’t matter.

I couldn’t even reply properly, so I scratched my head as I was suddenly annoyed.

– It’s not just me, other kids are the same way. Why are you suddenly like this?

– Hey, Oppa.

It was her temper. If you’re going to call me names, just do one…

– When I was younger, I really liked you, Oppa. When my friends were complaining about their older siblings and saying how much they hated them, I said I didn’t feel that way. I said I liked my big brother. But now, I can’t stand the sight of you. How can someone have such little self-respect? How can you only do what Dad tells you to do? It’s been so frustrating to watch this for 16 years. Do you know? Do you know!

My younger sister’s voice grew stronger as she berated me. But it felt as if she were casting a spell on me. 

Get hurt, let it hurt, and then argue back.

However, the young me didn’t seem to feel it. Maybe my younger sister noticed that, because she stopped being angry and instead continued to unleash even more hurtful words, saying how pitiful she found me, how much she hated me. And then, I, who had been silently listening to all of that, spoke up.

– Then, what about you? What makes you any different?

– What?

– What’s different about you that you treat me like this? You and I are the same, aren’t we? You can only do what Mom tells you to do. But why is it that you only feel frustrated with me, and why am I the only one who becomes pathetic?

The wind ruffled her long hair and the hem of her skirt. With tightly clenched lips, my younger sister finally spoke after a moment of silence.

– I’m different from you.

– Really?

I murmured, quickly scanning my younger sister from top to bottom. My younger sister’s shoulders tensed momentarily but soon lifted her head as if regaining confidence. However, my words continued to make her uneasy.

– At least I’m trying not to live like Mom, but you’re not, are you? After going to the same school Dad went to, are you going to live your life just like him? What’s going to happen if you end up like Dad? Why do you live like that?

– Don’t talk like that.

– Sorry.

Even so, the idea of becoming like Dad… Despite my younger sister’s composed apology, her straightforward tone caught me off guard, making my heart race uncomfortably.

– But, Oppa.

My younger sister said in a voice that sounded almost like a plea.

– Once you set your mind to something, you can do anything, right? You’re someone who learns diligently. That’s why it’s scary. I really hope you don’t become someone like Dad. But sometimes, when you talk just like Dad, it gives me goosebumps.

– …

– I know that Oppa and Dad are really different.  But it’s scary.

Me being scary. It was quite a shock. I’ve never hit them or raised my voice, so what could possibly be so frightening? Is it because I might become like Dad? Isn’t that an irrational fear?

– …What should I do to make it better?

– Don’t listen to what Dad says, because it’s fine even once. If it’s good for you, then go ahead and do what you want, even if it’s going to the college you want.

– Is that important to you?

– Yeah. It’s important. It’s a certainty for me, and I need that certainty.

Suddenly, my cheek stung, and my eyes flickered open. My vision was out of focus as I forced my sleep-deprived eyelids open. Through the heavy haze and drowsiness, I saw someone standing before me. My limbs twitched and jolted with surprise.

“…Ugh!”

I vomited right away. The worst hangover was hitting me now. My head throbbed horribly, and my vision was blurred. In the midst of this misery, someone was crouching down and gently patting my back, while their fingers grazed my earlobe.

“Before you burn your tongue, try drinking something like that again.”

I lifted my head at the gentle threat. In my dazed state, I noticed the dimple on the side of his cheek, which made my heart begin to race in my chest. There was only one person in the world with such a beautiful cheek. Though my throat stung a bit, I was too entranced by the sight of the most perfect cheek in the world to pay much attention.

Tae Seong-je lifted the tip of my chin slightly and said.

“You have a blister.”

“…?”

“Did it hurt?”

“Um… a little…?”

My voice was too low and harsh for someone who had just woken up from sleep. Everything felt somewhat numb, and my mouth felt dry and uncomfortable. Tae Seong-je lightly touched my flushed cheek. Meanwhile, a faint smile formed on his lips.

I was so mesmerized by his face that I forgot why he was there, as well as the pain in my throat and cheek. I was so overjoyed in that moment that I found myself smiling uncontrollably. What is this? Why does it feel so good? It seemed as though soft laughter had filled the quiet room.

I surrendered to the overwhelming drowsiness that washed over me like a tide and closed my heavy eyelids. I opened them again and repeated the process several times. I wanted to fall asleep deeply, but I couldn’t resist the urge to keep my eyes on this radiant person beside me. Yet, staying awake was exhausting…

Considering what I had just drunk, I felt surprisingly refreshed, but a sudden fatigue washed over me, and I couldn’t fight off the drowsiness. Unable to resist any longer, I nestled myself into Tae Seong-je’s embrace. I knew that sleeping next to him wasn’t an opportunity that came often; it wasn’t like I could just do this any time.

I curled my body and was about to drift back to sleep when he casually struck up a conversation.

“Did you miss me?”

“… Yes.”

I was still groggy and slow to respond, but I answered steadily. Then he buried his face in the nape of my neck and showered me with short kisses. His lips pressed against the edge of my jaw, then the curve of my cheek, and finally reached the area just above my eyelids. Did he know I would like this? I couldn’t help but smile inwardly. He knows me well.

“Is that so? But why didn’t you show it?”

“Because you’re really busy, Hyung… Sigh. I couldn’t.”

“What’s with the real busy stuff? Are there fake kinds of busy too?”

I slowly opened my eyes, still feeling a bit drowsy. Looking at his sweetly bent eyes, even his mouth was sweet, and it felt like blood was rushing to the lower half of my body with a morning vigor.

“When you first said you were busy.”

“Yeah.”

“I thought you were just pretending to be busy.”

“What? Why would I do that?”

I blinked my eyes and then nodded slowly.

“No matter how busy a person is, you’re just too busy. People might pretend to be busy even when they’re not, you know. So I thought pretending to be busy was just a skill. I never thought you would actually be that busy…”