DI Ch 72

“I can’t go outside like this.”

I ran my hand over Seo Seung-won’s face while looking in the mirror. The bite mark on his fair skin was quite prominent. It might fade away after some time, but… I wasn’t sure if it would disappear quickly. After leaving the bathroom, Tae Seong-je was waiting for me, apparently done with his call. Out of reflex, I felt a sense of happiness and walked toward him.

However, Tae Seong-je shattered my happiness with his words.

“I’m going to go out for a while.”

“Uh…”

We had only met an hour ago, and he was already leaving. I wanted to ask, ‘Where are you going?’ or ‘Is it something urgent?’ or even ‘When will you be back?’… I had many questions in my mind, but I clenched my lips shut. I had a whole plan in my head of what I was going to do once I finished eating, but I had to throw it all away, which was disappointing.

People could be so fickle. Just a moment ago, I thought that not knowing was a good thing, but within a short span of time, my feelings had flipped. I wanted to argue, ‘Weren’t you the one who wanted to spend time together?’ What could have happened for him to leave like this? I had a strong desire to ask, but I couldn’t see how it would make a difference, or if I even had the right to.

Thanks to my father, I had learned the value of silence – that silence was golden, and when in doubt, don’t say anything. It had been useful for surviving in this place. I assumed it would apply to romantic relationships as well. Probably. Yet, for some reason, it was hard to have confidence in that. Maybe this is why they say the more you date, the better it is. Dating is really complicated…

“I’ll be back in a moment.”

As soon as I was lost in my thoughts, he lightly touched my cheek.  Ah, he had warned me not to daydream in front of people.  For a moment, I felt like the words ‘Then please tell me how long that moment is’ were about to slip out. My eyes trembled slightly, but I held my tongue and swallowed the words I wanted to say.

Oh, really. I wanted to go sightseeing at the hotel together, watch a movie, watch the sunset, and have some wine… But I scratched the back of my hand in disappointment. I needed to tell him to come back soon, but I was barely able to maintain my expression, so it wasn’t easy to open my mouth.

“Why?”

“…”

“Why are you keeping your mouth shut like that when I’m leaving?”

I tried to take a deep breath, thinking that my voice would tremble a bit if I spoke now, but then he spoke with a mixture of frustration and annoyance. 

“You know I’m busy, so why are you so disappointed? You knew it would be like this.”

I was a bit shocked by that statement. What did he mean by that? Was it wrong to feel disappointed? Or was I supposed to expect this? No, most importantly, should I have anticipated that it would turn out like this? I didn’t, and I didn’t realize it, even more so because I thought he was going to spend time with me.

Suddenly, I saw where I stood again. It’s not a normal relationship. I don’t know what I’ve been mistaken about, since we were never that way in the first place. There was definitely an unspoken line between us, and I was usually the one who had to keep it.

I felt the invisible line, as sharp as a guillotine, digging into the sole of my foot. The disappointment was rising inside me. Once again, this room looked different to me. If I ate, played, and slept here alone, he would return eventually. It was really like being a wife or a pet.

My head throbbed suddenly. He said he was busy, but he had contacted me even though he didn’t have to, sent meals, and… so on. I had honestly forgotten. The feeling of being in a relationship was so good that this relationship and Tae Seong-je’s feelings felt real.

But was that a bad thing? To rely on his feelings, to seek solace and relief from the stuffy atmosphere? Wasn’t it okay to do that? However, as I hesitated, trying to come up with excuses, he grabbed my forearm firmly with a tense expression.

“Seo Seung-won.”

“Ah, yes?”

I immediately raised my head, then frowned. It was now terrifying to respond to other people’s names so quickly. I felt the blood draining from my face as I had a throbbing headache and stomachache. If Tae Seong-je could see my head, he would have burst into laughter.

You really like doing all the work alone, huh.

“I’ll be back before dinner. Just stay in bed for a while. Your complexion doesn’t look good.”

My eyes widened at his words and then I slowly spoke.

“Dinner… Can we have it together?”

“I’ll finish up quickly and be back. Just wait. Is the lounge here okay?”

“The lounge…”

“Yeah, the lounge. Let’s have dinner while enjoying the night view. Sounds good, right?”

The lounge, the hotel lounge. An unexpected place. To be precise, I hadn’t expected to have a meal with Tae Seong-je in such a place. Actually, I hadn’t even considered it. But now, expectations were beginning to grow. I brightened my eyes, and Tae Seong-je narrowed his slightly and smiled.

Should I smile too? I raised my head with a slight sense of resistance. It’s not like my disappointment had completely disappeared, but I couldn’t just smile as if everything was fine, so I murmured with a stiff voice that I was really looking forward to it.

I was exhausted and sat on the bed. Tae Seong-je, who was straightening his wrinkled sleeves, glanced somewhere and gestured to me.

“It looks like you have a call.”

“Oh… probably my parents.”

I lazily reached out to find my phone, and as I glanced at the screen, I saw a name I didn’t expect. My eyebrow raised in surprise. It was unexpected. I wondered why this person was calling. I stared at the screen, probably looking puzzled, and Tae Seong-je, who was slowly buttoning up his shirt, asked me.

“Why aren’t you answering? Who is it?”

“Oh… It’s a former classmate.”

“Why are they contacting you when it’s not even the semester?”

There was no emotion in my response to his casual question. I was used to not getting any reaction from Tae Seong-je when it came to friends visiting my place, so I couldn’t help but feel a bit annoyed.

“Why not? They can.”

Tae Seong-je stopped his hand at my rebellious voice and raised his eyebrows.

“… This guy is the student representative.”

 I felt a sense of relief, thinking that the matter had been dropped. I then buried my face in the blanket. Good, he didn’t scold me. I picked up the call.

“Hello…”

[Oh!]

“…Hello?”

[Ah, Seung-won. Uh, you picked up?]

“… Shouldn’t I have picked up?”

[No, I didn’t expect you to pick up, and I was… surprised.]

It was difficult to understand the gibberish, so I had no choice but to interrupt him.

“What’s the matter?”

[Oh… It’s nothing. I was just curious how your vacation is going, so I called.]

The shy question made me a bit uncomfortable, so my words didn’t flow smoothly.

“Uh… well, it’s going fine.”

[Is that so? What have you been… doing?]

It seemed strange to ask what I’d been up to when the vacation had just started, but since he had called, I assumed he was genuinely curious, so I answered without much thought.

“Just studying, hanging out with friends… anyway, I’m doing well. How about you?”

[Me? You mean me? Oh, I’m helping my uncle at his café right now. Is this a bad time? Did I interrupt something?]

“No, I’m free.”

I suddenly became free… I was just listening blankly, but then the student rep spoke.

[Um, hey, would you like to come to the café?]

“Huh?”

[No, I mean, do you remember the café we visited before? It’s actually my uncle’s café. There aren’t many people here, and it’s really quiet, perfect for studying!]

“A café by the roadside, and it’s quiet?”

[Well… there are four cafés around this area, so… Oh! If you come, I’ll make coffee for you for free! It’s so hot outside, why study at home or in the library? How about studying at the café? You can stay as long as you want!]

Studying at a café. In the past, I needed complete silence to concentrate, but now I was okay with a bit of noise. So, the idea seemed appealing. However…

“But I’m not at home right now.”

[Oh… you went back to your hometown.]

Not really… but there was no need to explain. I just affirmed.

“I’ll come later.”

[okay… Then, come and play later. Understand?]

[Sure… then, later, make sure to come and hang out. Okay?]

I was about to say okay when I suddenly realized that Tae Seong-je was still in the room. Why hadn’t he left yet? I was puzzled and, keeping my voice down, I asked him,

“Hyung, aren’t you leaving?”

“Why are you so eager to send me off?”

“Who was the person that said he was going, and what are you saying to me now?”

“…”

I was so baffled that my true feelings slipped out. I quickly closed my mouth, but there was no way to take back what I had said. Fortunately, he didn’t seem to take offense. Instead, he reached out, put his arm around my neck, and gently kissed me.

As I followed him to the entrance and wandered around nearby, he finally spoke in a somewhat sulky tone.

“I think you’re so cute for not saying a word and then trying to send me away.”

“Yes…”

“Quietly focus on your studies and don’t let your mind wander.”

“Yes.”

“I’m leaving.”

“Hyung, take care.”