DI Ch 105

I rolled my eyes as I dried off the moisture with a paper towel. I didn’t say “hyung” while on the phone, so he shouldn’t know if the person on the other end was a man. If it’s about a man, it’s probably about Woo Ji-min, but who could the woman be?

“Were you at the library earlier?”

“I don’t think that’s a good hobby.”

Given that it was the library and that Kim Young-ji talked shyly, he couldn’t have heard the conversation.

“I didn’t see it that way, but Sunbae, you talk about it in a rather vulgar way.”

I threw the crumpled tissue in the trash can and looked up. The gaze I met in the mirror was sharp. I didn’t know, but his eyes looked a little crazy when I looked closely. There was some composure, but it seemed like it came from the thought that he had discovered my weakness. But if you’re not going to wash your hands, turn it off. What a waste of water.

“The rumor, did you do it, Sunbae?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I remember Woo Ji-min saying that when he talked to Kang Moo-hyun, it was like talking to a wall. And there was pressure as if someone was trying to corner me. However, every morning when I opened my eyes, the people I was dealing with and the people surrounding me were all so powerful that I could endure this much.

“If I had a lot to lose, I would be scared too. Um, I’m sorry, but I don’t think it will matter to me if you do anything more.”

I’m a little scared that my rumors will be linked to Woo Ji-min. I was afraid he was going to cry because he was doomed if even a rumor about him being gay spread. It was difficult to comfort a crying person, so I hope it ends with just me.

“There are ways to scare even people who have nothing to lose.”

“What is it?”

Out of curiosity, I asked again, but there was no answer.

“I wish you would stop annoying me when I still talk nicely.”

Why make people curious and then leave?

I returned to the classroom and listened to the lecture, but I couldn’t concentrate because of my growing curiosity. Torn pieces of paper flew out as I continued to tap the pen on the notebook.

<What’s wrong with you?>

The handwriting was pretty. After having some unnecessary thoughts, I left a neatly written note on the back.

<How can you scare someone who has nothing to lose?> Woo Ji-min, who had been staring at the lecturer with a focused gaze, stopped abruptly when he saw the note. The thoughtful look in his eyes looked to be filled with melancholy, creating a strange illusion. He hesitated, then picked up a pen and started writing something.

The lecturer speaks clearly and with fine diction in a slightly dark classroom, while Woo Ji-min sits next to me and writes a note with his eyelashes fluttering. It was just a few months ago that I wondered how on earth I could become friends with him, but it was reassuring to know that it would no longer be weird for me to sit next to him.

He smoothly pushed the paper toward me, so I tried to read it, but what was this? He pulled the note back before my fingers could touch it, shredding it into bits. Then he handed it back to me as if nothing had happened.

“Huh…”

I blinked in confusion. However, Woo Ji-min just looked at me with his chin resting on his hand, not saying anything. What’s going on? Is this the protagonist’s real personality? I couldn’t figure it out no matter how hard I tried. I turned my gaze to the lecturer who was passionately speaking at the front. Then I carefully gathered the ripped paper, arranged the pieces like a puzzle, and read the letters.

<Something like this>

“What does it mean?”

“Shh.”

I closed my mouth in response to his piercing stare, which forced me to concentrate. The hint was tough to understand. Maybe that suggested he was going to take something he gave me.

It was natural to forget about the ambiguous conversation. There was no guarantee it would happen, so there was no reason to think about it too much.

However, due to Tae Seong-je’s track record of tearing up the drawings I received, Woo Ji-min’s actions felt like déjà vu and I couldn’t easily forget them.

Ah, I had resolved to endure anything just like I harbored resentment toward Kang Moo-hyun. But I can’t seem to catch the encouragement. At this rate, I’ll end up being taken advantage of again.

When the lecture ended, Woo Ji-min suddenly mentioned that he had a private tutoring job interview later, so he immediately left. He said he couldn’t take any more tutoring because it was already full, so I wondered if someone had dropped out.

I thought about suggesting we have dinner together, but he had already left. I was about to stand up, thinking that there was no point in staying at school when a familiar voice interrupted.

“Let’s go to a bar? The seniors asked to have a drink, so let’s go together.”

When the student representative suddenly appeared in front of me, I stopped and just stood up. Why are you blocking the passage? He stepped back as if he hadn’t thought I would get up, and I looked down, pretending to check the time by casually examining my wrist.

“Sorry. It’s almost curfew.”

“Hey, what kind of guy cares about curfew…”

“That’s because I have a lot of things to get checked before tomorrow.”

“Uh, okay?”

“Then, excuse me.”

Maybe it was because the person couldn’t determine whether it was a lie, or maybe it was because of my considerable bleeding on campus, but even though the statements sounded unbelievable to me, there might have been a certain weight to them. It seems convincing enough to press any further.

As I took a step back to get away from my awkward colleague, derogatory remarks from someone behind me questioned what I was doing, echoing through the hallway as I exited the lecture hall.

If I had been a sensitive person who paid close attention to human interactions, I would have been worried, and on the other hand, if I had been a strong-willed person, I would not have cared if people chewed me out behind my back or not.

I didn’t belong to either one. I simply thought that human relationships in college weren’t that important. While alumni connections might be valuable, they would probably be rotten at best.

After returning home and washing up cleanly, I was about to have dinner when I discovered there seemed to be an unusually large number of plants today. Was Tae Seong-je planning to turn the living room into a greenhouse? The number of flowerpots seemed to multiply in the blink of an eye.

As soon as I ate dinner alone and finished taking my medicine, I selected a vinyl record, turned on some music, and aimlessly roamed around the spacious corners of the house with an ostrich feather duster. I entered the bedroom after cleaning up the dust, but despite feeling drowsy, I didn’t feel like sleeping.

It felt like something was missing. I crossed my arms and rolled my head, then took out the cotton pants that Tae Seong-je wears instead of pajamas from the closet. I stuffed a pillow that caught my eye into it and sat it upright in the corner of the bed, and although it looked somewhat funny, it seemed cute.

I laughed quietly to myself, and as an idea struck me, I pulled off my pants and dressed it on my pillow. After setting it up next to it, I took a picture and texted it to him. I immediately saw the number 1 disappear while eagerly awaiting his response. However, there was hardly any response, so I fell on the bed and dozed off.

Then, I flinched and opened my eyes at the sound of the ringing.

“Hyung…”

I squinted my eyes as I wondered who was calling in the middle of the night. However, when I saw Tae Seong-je’s name on the screen, I relaxed my expression and answered the phone. His face appeared on the screen. I initiated a video call to see if he had some time to spare. He probably had time to come home at this hour.

[Were you sleeping?]

“Then, would I be awake…”

Time is time, what can a person who dozed off after taking medicine do… I turned on the mood lights and wrapped the blanket around my head instead of using a pillow. He finally spoke after watching each of my movements.

[I think I’ll be a little late today.]

“You talk as if you weren’t late any other day. It’s okay. Take care and come when you can. So when will you come?”

[When the sun rises?]

When I glared at the screen with sullen eyes, he lowered his eyebrows as if he were sorry and smiled as if he couldn’t help it. I yawned and closed my eyes for a moment. To say this night was lonely would be an understatement, but the drowsy effects of the medicine to utter even romantic words about feeling lonely falling asleep alone. It was the same the next day and the day after that.

***

“Are you coming late again today?”

The sun wasn’t up yet, but I grabbed the person leaving and rubbed my eyes. When I turned on the mood light, I saw Tae Seong-je with an apologetic expression.

“Don’t come late today… I’m bored because I keep being alone at night.”

“Study well. You said it’s midterm exams now.”

Instead of giving the answer I wanted, he tickled the back of my neck with his lips and was ready to leave.

“I hope you don’t have to work, Hyung.”

Honestly, I wanted to say that I hoped he would quit, but I gave it a second thought.

“Make sure to eat well. But is Hyung the only one working? Why are you so busy again? I end up alone on Christmas like this.”

“Christmas?”

The words were very awkward as if he had never celebrated Christmas before.

“We celebrate Christmas. I want to make a Christmas tree.”

“Do you want a tree? Okay. I’ll get you one.”

“Really? …But Hyung, it’s an artificial tree. If it’s smaller than my waist, it’s enough.”

The last time he asked me if there was anything I wanted, I said a puzzle, and he ended up buying one with a thousand pieces, leaving me dumbfounded. I thought it was too much, but fortunately, there were many empty rooms in this house, and I had laid them out in one of them, but it seemed like it would never end. I wondered what if the days passed and it was still not finished.

“Is there anything you want?”

“Why. Are you trying to measure sock size?”

He lifted my clothes and stroked my lower abdomen as I smiled slyly. I don’t know if he likes my toned abdomen after working out hard again, but judging by the long groping hands, he didn’t seem to be dissatisfied.

“I’ll tell Santa for you. What do you want?”

“Not Santa, just whatever you can do, Hyung.”

“Like this?”

I couldn’t sleep since the hands tickled my body. I laughed so hard that I kicked the bed and stamped my feet because I couldn’t get out of his arms. After three minutes had passed, I felt exhausted from laughing and went into the blanket. Ah, my side tickles.

“As much as you love me.”

“Yeah.”

“Please deposit it. For five years.”