DI Ch 115

How can I have the confidence to say no when I have lost trust? Although there were two lectures today, one in the morning and one in the afternoon, I sat quietly in my seat without even thinking about making excuses. I swallowed the medicine 30 minutes after eating breakfast. Now that I think about it, the living room sofa has also changed. After eating, I snooped up next to him, who was sitting on the sofa and looking at paperwork.

There were three hours till the 10 o’clock class. I was free to do whatever I wanted, but I was nervous about parting ways after spending practically every second together for the past three days, so I silently crouched next to him to pass the time. I wanted to ask if we could decorate the Christmas tree together. I was trying to figure out when to ask, but I started to doze off due to the drowsiness that was setting in.

It was natural that three hours passed by so quickly. I was in a drowsy state the entire time he was personally driving me to school. I didn’t even remember attending the morning class as soon as I arrived.

Woo Ji-min was surprised to see how horrible I looked when I returned to school after a few days off.

“The illness has worsened. But I’m okay now.”

“What kind of illness is it that you’re like this?”

An incurable disease served as a perfect excuse. After giving a vague excuse, we had lunch together. While I was on self-reflection after the accident, the relationship between Kang Moo-hyun and Woo Ji-min remained the same, but it had subtly deteriorated.

The number of times they bumped into each other increased, Woo Ji-min, who always acted as if he would fight, appeared tired and began leaving him alone. It was bad news for me and Woo Ji-min’s future bride, but Woo Ji-min just drew a line and told me not to worry about it anymore.

“Still. It’s like a date.”

“No it’s not.”

“That senior said he’d walk you from the cafe to your home. You walk for 30 minutes together; if it isn’t a date at night, what is?”

“I said no!”

I rubbed the sleepy corners of my eyes as I watched him freak out. This meant that nothing had changed in the development of Part 1. If Woo Ji-min’s reaction was like this, I could not be proactive either. Also, I felt restrained as I had to be cautious of Tae Seong-je’s reactions in the past few weeks, making it difficult for me to move freely and act as I pleased.

Honestly, I wanted to spit out the truth to Woo Ji-min. That this was a novel where he was the protagonist. That he would end up living a life he didn’t want if he kept going like this. But who would believe such words? Who would admit that they were characters in a novel? If I knew anything in detail, I would try to persuade him, but since I didn’t,  it was a crazy idea.

I skipped through all the classes and quickly got up to go home. I had recorded all of the classes I couldn’t attend properly so that I could review them later at home.

“We’ve arrived.”

Min Jeong-oh, who used to talk amiably on the way to and from school, stopped speaking after that. He acted very businesslike and gave the Rubik back. I wanted to congratulate him on solving it with such accuracy, but he showed neither satisfaction nor pride. He just waited for me to leave. This was also the outcome of my carelessness.

“Blow.”

“…”

It was a weekday afternoon at 5:23, and Tae Seong-je, who had been waiting for me at home, conducted a breathalyzer test. Where did he get this? I felt dumbfounded, but I complied with his request.

“More. Blow harder.”

It felt like a performance. It meant to be more careful and pay more attention. However, getting randomly tested for alcohol seemed to have become a routine now.

“Open your bag too.”

“Yes?”

“Take out everything inside.”

I didn’t expect that he would even check on bags, so I started to think. There was no alcohol, but there was one thing that bothered me. It was a letter. To be exact, it was a fake will made for Woo Ji-min. However, the content might have a different meaning for Tae Seong-je, making it awkward to show.

I had no idea that something like this would happen when I transferred a letter from the bookshelf to my bag at the hotel and then forgot to take it out. As I hesitated, his indifferent face turned distorted with a hint of warning.

“You can’t be serious.”

“No, it’s not like that!”

I sat on the ground and opened my backpack wide, taking out each item one by one, and spreading them out as if displaying an exhibition. Tae Seong-je probably thought my brief hesitation was suspicious and began to carefully check each and every piece of my belongings. His gaze soon reached the envelope of the letter.

“What’s this?”

“… Love letter?”

“What?”

His harshly creased face was undoubtedly the same one I had seen before, so I was even more frightened.

“Did you get it?”

“No. I wrote it.”

“…To whom?”

“…To hyung.”

His expression softened as he looked at the somewhat plain white envelope.

“Me?”

I nodded slightly at his softened tone, he picked up the letter and stood up.

“Uh, uh, that’s mine.”

“I thought you said it was for me. Clean up and rest.”

“Okay…”

It was just a show-off letter to Woo Ji-min, saying, ‘Seo Seung-won liked Tae Seong-je like this. So, please take pity on me and have a desire to take revenge.’ I was glad there wasn’t much content. It was just a bit embarrassing. It was embarrassing for a man to write a love letter and carry it around with him.

After standing still, I squatted down and put things back into my backpack. I feel like I could have gotten rid of some of the stuff, but somehow it was more than I had before. Now that I wasn’t alone, I thought I could restrain myself. Still, I figured it would be a good idea to have some emergency food and a weapon, just in case. Then what should I remove?

Since there might suddenly be a power outage at home, a flashlight would be needed. I also needed toiletries and lightweight clothes in case I went out somewhere and didn’t have clothes. I considered removing the heaviest axe, but it was a multi-tool that could be used for various purposes, making it easy to carry.

“There is nothing to remove.”

In the end, I put the still heavy bag next to the sofa again. The person who entered the room seemed to have no intention of coming out, so I spent some time rummaging through tree ornaments that were different from the first. My back ached every time I moved, but I wanted to put my mind elsewhere so I worked hard to decorate the tree.

I felt embarrassed, thinking he might be reading the letter, so I wanted to hide in a mouse hole. I tried to recall the contents, but it was clear that there was nothing special about it. However, my temperature rose to the point where I couldn’t stay still.

I remembered we had vinyl records at home, so I casually took out a Christmas-themed album and played it. Even though it wasn’t Christmas yet, the song and tree produced a wintery vibe. It was a perfect picture.

I  looked at it happily and smiled at the scratches on the clean wall. There were no more glass shards, but traces remained.  If I were a stubborn roadblock, I’d have to address the core cause. To do that, the priority was to change Woo Ji-min’s mind.

Woo Ji-min told me to leave him alone, but I couldn’t. If I bluntly put it, it was someone else’s life, and I could have ignored it and focused only on my own life. However, how could I ignore someone else’s unhappiness when I clearly knew about it? Rather than feeling like a hero trying to save people, I wanted to help him as a friend.

I didn’t know about anything else, but if Woo Ji-min changed his mind, this book plot would be completely ruined.

In fact, Tae Seong-je was the most significant aspect, but no matter how you looked at it, it appeared like part 2 wouldn’t happen. Of course, if his feelings changed, the probability would become uncertain but given recent events, that seemed unlikely.

Sitting on the sofa, I gazed at the Christmas tree that could appear in a foreign film, and then slowly closed my eyes, immersed in the charming voice of a compelling song. I had to eat dinner and take the evening medication, but I was already sleepy. The continuous drowsiness indicated that my body had probably adapted.

Maybe it was a light nap, but I felt a presence while I was sleeping. Just when I thought the staring time was long, a soft blanket was draped over my body and a rough but warm hand brushed my cheek.

There were many things I wanted to ask, but I didn’t say anything. Since that day, none of us dared to bring up words that would disrupt our daily lives.

Though he didn’t show it, I could see that Tae Seong-je, no matter how insane he was that day, believed his behavior towards me was terrible. However, I believe that my failure to uphold my promise was more serious. If I hadn’t been drinking, what happened that day would not have occurred.

In that way, we each thought our own fault was worse, and we were careful about everything from our words to our actions, lest it cause problems in our relationship.

However, we couldn’t live as if nothing had happened forever. It was unavoidable that someone would bring up this lingering issue sooner or later, and we worried about how it would explode. We had left the problem untouched, turning a blind eye to it, and it seemed like more troubles were piling up.

I wondered when we would be able to get back to our normal lives like everyone else. As time passed… I started to hear a faint sound, as if something was breaking. It wasn’t at the annoying level that made me bothered, and when I turned aside, it seemed to fade away like it had already absorbed…

I couldn’t figure out where this sound was coming from. Whether it was coming from our relationship or from him. I tried to find out in my hazy mind what the cause might be, but the drowsiness was too heavy, and I fell asleep.

It was a few days after that when I started having strange dreams.