DI Ch 112

The moment his Adam’s apple moved significantly, he raised his voice when he saw the bottle of water shrinking in an instant. I clung to Tae Seong-je’s legs in fear, burying my head while hanging. Are you planning to empty all the liquor here? How can anyone do that unless they’re crazy? Only then did tears come. This must be the feeling. It was terrifying to come out as if saying, “Let’s all die together” to someone who couldn’t stand the sinking feeling.

At that time, Tae Seong-je took off his tie and threw it at me.

“Put it in.”

My skin stung from the tie hitting my face, but I couldn’t understand it and just stared blankly.

“I don’t even want to hear your voice right now, so shove it down your throat.”

His words were so cold that I wondered if he was talking to me. At some point, he stopped looking me in the eye. He must really hate me. He must hate me to death. Tears welled up in my eyes and I wrinkled the bridge of my nose.

I crumpled up the tie and put it in my mouth. This was the tie I had given him. Although he dressed neatly, he wasn’t the type to wear ties. The reason I gave him a tie as a gift, even though he didn’t seem to bother to wear one was because I was worried that he might need one someday.

I didn’t know if he liked it, but I kept giving it to him as gifts, and it made me happy to see him wear it every day. But I didn’t know it would turn out like this. I knew there would be trouble if he found out. I knew, but I didn’t expect him to be this angry. He was right. I wasn’t thinking of the people who cared about me.

I’d rather he told me to eat this and die. If I have no intention of fixing things, he should just give up altogether. Even so, it wouldn’t be this tormenting. I felt like he was getting what I deserved, and it was driving me crazy. What if something happens and I die, what if he gives up on me?

“Don’t make a sound.”

“…”

The warning was as quiet as a breath. I felt sorrowful, but how could someone who had committed a crime express sadness?

I knelt at Tae Seong-je’s feet and crawled between his legs. I pleaded with my forehead and cheek against his legs. Please stop.

But why would he listen to me when I wouldn’t listen to him. Stagnant tears stung my eyes as he began to empty the alcohol. The way he gulped it down looked dangerous.

“I’m going to fix what hurts you.”

When the feeling that I might really die crept in, he opened his mouth. At the same time, the sound of glass shattering harshly echoed through the house.

“I searched everywhere, asked around, worried about you today and tomorrow, checked on your condition, whether you took your medication or not… I’ve clung to you like a parent to a child, to the point that I won’t know what to say if you really fall apart. What the fuck did I believe in and trust you for?

“…”

“I don’t know why I did that. Why did I do that again?”

“…”

“I’ve got it. I think I knew. No, I did not.”

Tae Seong-je looked tortured as he grabbed his own hair. Perhaps his deep self-loathing and the sense of betrayal he felt from me got him even more drunk, he rambled and lowered his voice.

“You probably didn’t drink it. Even if you drank it, it would only be one sip. If you think of me, you probably don’t drink as much as before… Even if you cough blood again today or something gets damaged, it may not be a big deal to you, but it’s not to me. Just like I am special and precious to you, it was the same for me. So, I thought you would keep your promises and take care of yourself. But you didn’t.”

He murmured that it wasn’t true. It wasn’t true, it wasn’t…

“I never knew you would deliberately ignore and disregard me, really.”

He looked tired, covering his face in one hand and sighing. I rubbed my forehead against his hard thigh to show that I wasn’t. But there was no warm hand stroking my head or caressing my cheek.

“…Every time you get a checkup, my heart pounds. Do you know? I’m worried that your bored expression will come to me.”

The sound of scratching and rising in his throat was unsettling. His breathing also lost its calmness and became rough with the smell of alcohol.

“Just the thought that you might go insane tomorrow and not recognize me, or that you might leave, terrifies me to death. Is that all there is?”

Tae Seong-je cried. It was my first time seeing him cry, so for a moment I thought I had seen it wrong. However, I was convinced because of the water flowing under the hand covering his eyes and the trembling in his even more subdued voice. He’s crying. He’s crying because of me. He cries because I don’t cherish myself, and I don’t cherish him, the person who loves me.

“I’m scared that if this continues, you’ll really die. It feels like blood is drying from my body every hour.”

He always just said it would be okay. He always acted confident, saying he could fix it quickly, so even though he knew it was useless, he just said it would be a good idea. If I had known that he was so scared, I would have met him face to face and talked to him.

I cried silently without stealing glances at the tears pouring down from him. As the sun set and the yellow light burned through the darkened room, his hand came up and grabbed my neck. His weak hand wasn’t threatening in the slightest, but it felt like it could snap my neck at any moment.

Nevertheless, I kept my eyes closed. It was fine if he was furious and wanted to vent to himself. The sound of Tae-sungje’s breathing was the only thing that distracted me from the silence of the house.

“To you, this all seems like a joke. Am I the only one that feels anxious? I doubt you even think about anything seriously.”

The tone of his voice as he forced me to open my eyes was sad and sorrowful.

“You’re like a brat who doesn’t listen to anything.”

In one swift motion, he was tumbling down the couch, grabbing my forearm and pulling me up. His steps were suddenly erratic as he headed off somewhere. Wondering where he was going, he led me to the storage room. He didn’t want to throw away old books or antiques that he occasionally used and looked at, so he gathered them all here. Since it was covered with tempered glass and couldn’t be taken out, there was no need to enter this room except to look at it once or twice. It was that unfamiliar.

Just when I was wondering why we came here, he pushed the bookshelf away with one hand. The bookshelf, which had been pushed out by about 3cm, did not move anymore, as if reaching its limit, but he seemed not to be interested in it anymore and proceeded on without hesitation. It was only when I noticed a small dent in the exposed empty wall that I realized that this was exactly his purpose.

After he pressed the rather old-fashioned-looking button, a clicking sound was heard from the bookshelf on the other side. When I turned around, the normal bookshelf was open and split in half like a double door. The cold sound that could be heard in the underground echoed, it sent shivers down my spine.

There really was an underground place. It wasn’t just a saying or a word to scare, it was real.

“You brought this upon yourself, didn’t you? Isn’t that right? Did I start this? You started it.”

His huge palm grabbed my forearm, and I flinched from the pressure and pain.

“Does it hurt?”

He mumbled and loosened the grip on my forearm. His focus blurred, and the smell of alcohol emanated from his breath. It was clear that he was quite drunk.

As we descended the dimly lit stairs, a bright interior came into view. There were three people. The familiar doctor and the two men I met for the first time wore identical doctor’s gowns, but all three bowed their heads, stopped what they were doing, and held their breath when they made eye contact.

Even though it was underground, it seemed like a very ordinary laboratory. There were beds, plenty of food, and numerous machines and materials, making it a well-equipped research facility. However, the ankle cuffs wrapped around each person’s ankles created an eerie atmosphere that made it difficult to feel ordinary. I wondered if they could walk correctly because the chain linking their left and right ankles was short.

“Say hello.”

Tae Seong-je’s hand gently stroked my head for the first time.

“He’s someone we brought from abroad. A truly remarkable person. He will fix you.”

“…”

Tae Seong-je boasted that the doctor standing at his fingertips would definitely be able to heal me. However, the doctor’s expression seemed burdened, as if it was not his idea. Although the man’s face was not that old, he had white, frizzy hair that looked as if it had been dyed. The area under his eyes was so puffy that it was hard to believe that it was due to stress.

“And that person.”

Tae Seong-je suddenly burst into low laughter and pointed his finger at an unfamiliar man.

“Unfortunately, he was negligent in his duties. He doesn’t know how to properly handle anything and just wastes time. Well, since he handles things like that, he probably lost everything and ended up rolling in here. Yeah, if you’re talented…”

“No, no! I wasn’t negligent. Really, I wasn’t. I was just, I was just afraid that if something went wrong, it would cause problems for me!”

“You also agreed that if something goes wrong with the kid, you will also be in trouble. But that’s in the worst case, and this time, it wasn’t that.”

“…”

“This time, you just… didn’t do the job.”