DI Ch 13

Since Seo Seung-won originally liked Tae Seong-je… Then it makes sense. So, did I fall in love with Tae Seong-je at first sight because of Seo Seung-won? Then I could understand the uncontrollable beating heart. Rather than getting goosebumps, I let out a curse. If this hypothesis is correct, Seo Seung-won is an idiot with no answers. People have to look at their personalities than look at their faces first… And wasn’t Seo Seung-won originally straight? Is Tae Seong-je’s face that good enough to surpass that? There’s really no answer…

Of course, it wasn’t that I couldn’t understand Seo Seung-won at all. Because Tae Seong-je was so handsome. Aside from his appearance, it could be because his body or atmosphere, which appears broad and tough like an athlete, feels very dangerous. Even as a man myself, he just looked cool.

“I’ve been thinking about some crazy thoughts since earlier…”

I quickly washed my face with cold water. It seemed that my judgment was clouded, perhaps because I was less sober. But honestly, yes honestly, Tae Seong-je was the kind of guy I always admired. Not an excuse, he was an example of a manly man that anyone could admire.

My mind was still hazy even after washing my face with cold water which made my face tingle. This is Woo Ji-min’s fault. If he had said that Tae Seong-je was this handsome from the beginning, I would have been properly alert, but I just cursed that I was crazy… He wasn’t that bad when I actually saw him.

“Oh, come on. Get it together…”

In order to raise awareness, I remembered the second part and reflected on Tae Seong-je’s bad behavior. Part 2 of the story revolves around Kang Moo-hyun’s love challenge and Woo Ji-min’s iron wall, which serves as the starting point for conflict. Conflict, that’s no different than Tae Song-je. How was Seo Seung-won’s life that was ruined by it?

That fear returned to me as I remembered how terrifying it was to become Seo Seung-won for the first time. The element of jealousy for Kang Moo-hyun, and for Tae Seong-je, the life of Seo Seung-won, who was kicked out after being Woo Ji-min’s weakness. How shitty it was that that was my future. It was so boring at first that I wished I could be transmigrated and be oblivious to everything…

Seo Seung-won was just Woo Ji-min’s pawn.  Like Tae Seong-je’s big hand holding my phone. My itchy heart shrank. I lay on the bed with a pale face and covered myself with a blanket. Tae Seong-je is an extremely dangerous person. I thought the book genre had changed when that person entered Woo Ji-min’s life. When Tae Seong-je appears, the atmosphere becomes extremely creepy and dangerous.

I reached into my bag and took out my laptop. When I opened one of the password-protected files, I saw a document that contained a few memories. It was a self-introduction that took up Still, I’m old. Twenty years old.

I’m twenty, but when I wrote this, I was nineteen at Seo Seung-won’s age. So I’m twenty-one years old now. I felt empty for no reason as I read the difficult and monotonous text. Originally, I planned to travel with my friends in the second year. Even with my brother…

I feel like I’ve been robbed of my time. I felt like crying, but I didn’t want to cry too much. I smiled as I stared blankly at the screen. I have no idea what the hell I wrote. I can’t even write a proper self-introduction.

Of course, there was a reason for my inability to write smooth sentences. It was because I have a lot of empty memories… Looking at it objectively, I just don’t think I have the writing talent. I stroked the screen with my hand. This is me… This is my personality… It’s unfamiliar. I shut down my laptop in sadness because it seemed to be talking about someone else. For this reason, I didn’t read it very often because it was difficult to read. Aside from that, the more I read, the more I became irrationally curious about myself, and the more I missed the lost memories, the sadder it was,

By the way, it was not like this in the beginning. There were originally more. My first memory, which I hurriedly wrote down shortly after becoming Seo Seung-won. They were thrown away as a result of my mistakes. Feeling sad, I drew the blanket over my head and buried myself in the darkness.

My earliest memory was written on paper, but Seo Seung-won’s mother threw it away while I was at school because she thought it was garbage. It was entirely my fault. I should have saved it to a file like now, but I wrote it on a sheet of paper and then just left it on my desk. It’s important, so I should’ve put it in a drawer or somewhere, and even if it wasn’t, I should have organized it properly and placed it between books…

Seo Seung-won’s mother was just trying to clean her son’s room. It wasn’t her fault. Either way, it was just my fault. Because I couldn’t keep it properly… She was perplexed when she saw me standing in vain. I couldn’t blame her for apologizing for her carelessness.

There was nothing to complain about this time either. This was just my stupid mistake. Tears welled up from the bitterness, helplessness, and frustration. The pain that spread like a bolt at the cost of stupidity was unlike anything I had ever felt before.

I had a seizure for the first time. That’s probably what happened around this time. I was hospitalized and unable to return to school, and I cried until I passed out and woke up repeatedly. I thought the entire world was collapsing at the time.

I wanted to face reality again because of the dream. I would have been lost long ago without it. Even though it was taken away, my only hope was my memories, which do not fade and can be seen again through dreams. I stood up from my seat, saying that I couldn’t stay down forever and that, thanks to my dream, I should quickly wake up and think about going home.

However, it seems that Seo Seung-won’s family members were not.  Everyone was shocked, and they never went to my room again. That was not the main cause, but they appeared surprised that they couldn’t come to my room.

Seo Seung-won’s family later behaved more cautiously and prudently than when I was diagnosed with amnesia. They loved and respected Seo Seung-won, so even though they were concerned, they waited for me and cared about me. No, not me. To be precise, it was Seo Seung-won, they are waiting for Seo Seung-won.

Nothing here belongs to me. Nothing…

Feeling the scent of flowers, I slowly opened my eyes.  I realized I was asleep as I looked around the faded, smoke-streaked area. I fell asleep, right? I noticed someone leaning against a tree to cool off. I approached closer, unsure whether I was right, but I couldn’t see the name tag.

Maybe it was because dreams were based on memories, so I could feel the seasons and how hot it was. A young boy fanned his hands in the same way I did to cool his face. It appeared to be late spring, but given how much he was panting from the heat, it was summer no matter how I look at it.

– It must be really hot for you.

I thought there would be no one, so I lowered my head in surprise, and there was someone lying carefree under the shadow, avoiding the sunlight.

– Huh, uh, me?

– So who else is here beside you?

He laughed softly and shook the ice bar in his hand.

– Do you want some? I only took one bite.

I opened my eyes wide as I looked down at the person lying in a daze. Oh, Sunbae. Suddenly my heart raced. Wow, how could I ever forget this guy? It was a very short moment, but I loved those moments…

I had a fun and exciting time in first grade during my boring high school days when I only studied. It was precise because of this senior. I knew him before I was admitted. As a result, I secretly eyed the opportunity because I hoped to meet him someday.

Thinking of this senior made me feel like I was 17 again. My heart thumped. This person is a very cool senior, so he was quite famous in the neighborhood. Everyone wanted to get close to this senior, and I was one of the male students who envied him. So I followed his shaking hand and sat down next to him.

– What grade are you in?

– First grade.

The senior appears to have laughed at this point. I laughed along with the young me as if possessed. Of course, lines had been drawn over his handsome face, so I couldn’t see his features clearly, but I vaguely remembered him. That explains the friendly atmosphere and the leisurely raised corners of the mouth…

Lost in memories, I looked at the senior and younger me with smiles. The senior played with my young self’s hair before sweeping it back as if to tidy up my messy hair. I thought my heart would burst at this point.

Despite the fact that we were only two years apart in age, the senior’s hands were as big and dependable as an adult’s, so I wanted to lie on his lap like a puppy and be petted forever. Even though other people did it in the same way, only the senior’s felt somewhat special. I couldn’t tell anyone because it was embarrassing, but my senior may have been aware of it. Because he would frequently touch my face as if it were cute.

– It must be hot enough for you to scream.

– Oh… I can handle the heat well…

I lowered my head, embarrassed by my face, which would have been red even if I hadn’t seen it. The senior kept giggling about what was so funny. I approached him with caution for some reason. Wow, it’s been a long time since I saw you…

The senior in my memory was still not cool. But now, a broad back, shoulders, or a firm chest that exudes admiration…  Even his ear piercings looked cool, which was unusual for a student.