DI Ch 135

“No, it’s not like that.”

“What do you mean it’s not? You two only met for a few hours, but you’re already acting like you’re head over heels for each other.”

He smirked provocatively, his eyes strangely affectionate. I put the bag that was pressing on my shoulder and Sand that was hitting my abdomen on the floor and quickly opened my arms toward him.

“It seems like Sand like hyung more than me.”

“Whatever. You didn’t even bother to mention where you went and came straight for the dog, huh? Did you think I brought him here just for you to be like this?”

His arms were so tightly wrapped around me that it felt like they might crush my waist. It was so forceful that it almost took my breath away. However, even as I chuckled nervously, the laughter didn’t stop; it continued despite the playful banter. And then, he teased me even more.

“Why did you do your hair like this again?”

“Oh, hyung, I’m getting static electricity.”

I couldn’t handle the merciless caressing of his hands, so I dodged my head. When I looked in the mirror, I noticed that my previously neat hair had become messy and disheveled. When he saw the mess, he laughed out loud again, but when he noticed Sand following him, wagging its tail without comprehending what was going on, he felt a little embarrassed and quickly cleared his throat.

“Is it not that good?”

“No, but you always wear a hat to school.”

I blinked my eyes as I received repeated kisses on my cheek. I wondered if it meant he liked it.

Sand tilted its head as if it didn’t understand us waddling in while holding each other. Soon it hopped over to a corner of the living room. There was food left in the bowl, so I wondered if it was waiting for dinner or if it was just leftovers from the last meal. In my eyes, it still seemed like a puppy that should be drinking milk and growing up, but it ate well and didn’t refuse food. It was truly commendable.

Even the fact that it was playing well on its own made me stare at Sand in amazement. Suddenly, I remembered the flower pot that had been knocked over by Sand. More precisely, the flower in it.

Anyway, it was cute to see how smart it was despite being so young. I was momentarily confused as to whether it was an expression of dissatisfaction and wondered if a walk in the yard might not have been enough. I’ve been afraid of getting into trouble while walking around alone, so I haven’t really gone out anywhere other than school or home, but I thought I should take this opportunity to go out to the park again and go for a jog.

“what a waste.”

“What?”

“The flower that Sand played with this morning. I liked that it didn’t wilt easily.”

“…”

The plants in the house were always fresh and strong, even if I forgot to water them every day. But now, losing one of them felt really regrettable. Still, since we’re the ones who brought Sand in, giving up on the interior design seemed like the right choice.

“We should move a few to the room to prevent Sand from getting near them.”

When I pointed him to a few dangerous-looking things, he readily nodded. The living room had a beautiful chandelier, large windows, and high ceilings, which I liked. Now, with all the cute toys and a fence, it felt just right.

“Wow, it’s ribs. Did Hyung make them?”

“I bought them.”

“Oh…”

After taking a quick shower and sitting down to eat dinner, I suddenly felt something. We’re getting used to spending time together. It felt natural as if this moment would last forever

Entering this house, or being with him, made me feel safe from everything around me. I knew it wasn’t necessarily a good thing. That dull yet sweet peace was my way of escaping all problems and disconnecting from reality. The anxiety always seemed to cling to my shoulders, but honestly, I was satisfied with just that. It may not be the same for him, but…

“Do you know how to find your way by constellations?”

“No. Do you?”

Nodding happily while gently stroking Sand’s fur, I replied.

“I know everything about constellations.”

“There’s a book about surviving if you’re stranded on an island, and it includes navigating by constellations. Just in case, I memorized them for each season.”

“The chances of being stranded on an island are pretty slim, though…”

If I were told to spend my whole life lying down on the sofa, playing around with Tae Seong-je on my back and sand in my arms, I would really want to do that. Enjoying the improved mood, I used his right arm as a pillow, wrapped his left arm around my waist as a blanket, and gently scratched Sand between its eyebrows. This guy also sticks out his tongue and frowns as if he’s happy.

“Did you know there aren’t many bright stars in autumn? There’s only one first-magnitude star.”

“Oh… really?”

“If you look at the sky and see a large square, that is the constellation of Pegasus. There is a second-magnitude star to the northeast, and it is called Andromeda. Below that is the constellation of Perseus, and ah. Perseus is Andromeda’s husband.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that.”

Since I didn’t know much about the autumn constellations, I moved on to the winter constellations. I shared as much information as I knew while looking at a dot that I couldn’t tell if it was a satellite or a planet.

Maybe because I can’t see the night sky so clearly through the window of my studio apartment. It suddenly felt luxurious. When we moved on to the spring constellations, Sand that had slipped away from my embrace hopped around the house with cute little footsteps. Sand did the same on the first day, and it kept wandering around without getting tired, no matter what got it so curious.

I remembered a few stories related to the Big Dipper and started chatting about myths instead of explaining constellations, but my eyes kept closing involuntarily. I couldn’t even finish talking about the spring constellations, let alone summer. To ward off sleepiness, I gently stroked Tae Seong-je’s left hand instead of Sand’s soft belly and focused my eyes.

– Huaang…

Sand cried sadly. Did it miss its mother? I thought so. Sand is still young, but hyung said he’s all grown up…

– Don’t hit my brother… Hnnng…

– Honey. Look at this kid. He’s so funny, I’m dying laughing, seriously.

When I looked up, I saw my mother, unable to hold back her laughter, holding out her phone towards Seo Seung-joon. Click, the sound of her taking a picture seemed to make the boy cry even louder. Turned out it was him crying, not Sand. Although it should be heart-wrenching to see a young child cry, I almost burst out laughing along with Mom. No, wait. This isn’t right. It’s a dream, isn’t it? I was talking about finding our way using constellations, but when did I fall asleep?

– I hate you, Dad. Don’t hit my brother…

– No, Seung-joon-ah. Dad has never hit your brother in his life.

– I hate Dad so much… I really hate Dad…

Mom held her stomach and laughed as Seo Seung-joon cried. It was definitely funny to see a big man being pinned down by a child so small that he couldn’t even reach his knees.

– Honey, I feel so wronged. Stop taking pictures and say something.

– Oh my. Why are you crying! Haha, it’s so funny. Oh, Seung-won! Why are you crying again? Are you surprised?

My mom, who was giggling, put down her phone and caressed my face. Even though it was a dream, I couldn’t understand why it felt so warm. And why were tears flowing again?

– Huh, huhuh. I hate Dad.

His sadness tightened my throat. Each drop of tears pierced my heart like a thorn. It was absurd how he was clinging to me and crying so miserably, yet tears welled up in my eyes, and I burst into tears as well.

It’s strange. I felt really strange. Maybe because I thought it really was that kid. It feels distant, leaving me numb rather than touched or happy.

Were you like that back then? Even though I had completely forgotten about him, how dare I tell him that I would hate him to death because he still shocks me. Did he try so hard to protect me by throwing his smaller body at me?

His small figure blocking my view made tears keep falling.

“Why are you… ”

In the haze of a dream, I vaguely hear Tae Seong-je’s voice.

“You cry even when I’m here.”

Well, no. I mean, just being with Hyung makes me feel loved and happy enough… For some reason… I didn’t know why I kept getting sad…

I miss you. I longed for you. Whether Tae Seong-je was next to me or not, I missed them like I did that night. When I wake up… Yeah, when I wake up, let’s leave right away. Tae Seong-je would be asking where I was going on a weekend morning. What should I say? That I suddenly miss my family whom I’ve never visited? I couldn’t even imagine how absurd he would find it. I was worried that he might wonder if I had gone crazy again.

As I tossed and turned, the hand that was wiping my eyes tapped my chest rhythmically. A night where loneliness didn’t go away even when you were around. Still, it was all thanks to this person that I was not scared and could sleep deeply. The dream that followed was about Seo Seung-joon crying for me again, so I couldn’t help but cry too.

***

“Where? Who’s there?”

[Your younger brother is here, in your studio apartment.]

No, I said I wanted to see him, but I didn’t even say it would be nice to have him come visit me. For a moment, my head felt dizzy. Maybe because it was morning, my energy was low. I have a severe headache. I swallowed the groans, burying my head in the pillow.

Meanwhile, Woo Ji-min sighed and said.

[I should have changed the password when you asked. I didn’t know that your younger brother knew the house password.]

“I forgot to tell you too. I’m sorry. You must have been surprised, right?”

[Well. It’s okay. It’s kinda funny now.]

“I’m really sorry.”

[It’s okay.]

There was amusement in the whispering voice. I brushed my hair back and got up from the bed. Pillow, I guess I didn’t wake up after dozing off like that yesterday. Seeing as it was a bedroom and not a sofa, I guess I slept soundly without waking up in the middle of the night. And I had no idea where he went or whether he had already left, but the space beside me was empty.