DI Ch 139

However, the black furry rice cake, adorned with three black beans that I expected to find underneath, was nowhere to be seen.

“Sand is…”

“…”

“Where… ”

My voice trailed off as I slowly lowered my gaze. It’s hard to get used to a situation where his gaze made me feel suffocated. At that time, an indifferent voice fell over my head, and the tip of my chin lifted.

“I sent him home first.”

Unable to conceal my tension under the forceful gaze, I subtly averted my eyes. Yet, I found myself looking back at him again, unable to withstand that brief silence. It was due to the numbness in my feet. As my head involuntarily lifted, he slightly furrowed his unfamiliar face.

“Why… weren’t you looking for the puppy?”

“Ah… Ah, yes. Yes, that’s right.”

After snapping out of my daze and answering quickly, he gently rubbed my chin with his thumb.

“A familiar dog was…just lying there on the road.”

“… Yes?”

“I didn’t care whose dog it was, but it seemed like it slept without paying attention to whether its belly was visible or not. But it’s not okay for it to be lying in the middle of the road where people pass by. Yet the dumb owner was just holding the leash and fidgeting around…”

“…”

“The owner needs to come to his senses. Is that how they’ll let their precious pup do whatever, just because it’s cute? Right next to the road with cars passing by, people stop to look and take pictures, causing traffic obstructions. Even people across the street were staring, causing total mayhem from the weekend morning.”

“…”

“But that was our dog. Damn it, our dog.”

Despite the chilly wind, sweat dripped down my back…Sand, you didn’t do this at home, why out here? I felt terrible for Woo Ji-min too who had to deal with it. Instead of lunch on Monday, I should buy something really delicious the next day.

He suddenly burst out laughing with a twisted face.

“When was the last time you fawned over him like that, then handed over our dog’s leash easily?”

“…”

His tone was calm, but his eyes still held a fierce scolding. I had simply asked Woo Ji-min to watch Sand for a bit, but now I felt like I had committed a serious crime. It must have been quite an exasperating situation for him.

“He sleeps well even without his owner. Doesn’t give a damn whether people gather around because of him.”

His grip on my chin tightened firmly. Ah, it hurts… I tried my best not to cry out, but finally, he let go.

“Is he just as carefree and thoughtless as you?”

… He’s not scolding Sand now, but mocking me for being thoughtless, right? This was beyond hinting and directly speaking one’s mind.

He cupped my two cheeks in his palms. Thinking he had calmed down and was going to kiss me, I closed my eyes, but at that moment, he pinched my cheeks painfully.

“Ow? Ah, ah, hyung.”

“Just because I let it slide once or twice, you’ll keep pulling these stunts? Try not to shock people. Huh? And in the morning no less.”

It seemed like I faintly heard the sound of him gritting his teeth, but I couldn’t be sure with my cheeks pinched as he kept roughly twisting them. The strength of his hands twisting my cheeks made tears well up from the pain.

“Seo Seung-won, get your act together. Damn it. I really mean it, you know.”

“Ah, uh, ah.”

“Do you want me to keep wiping your blood? Huh? At least let me know if you’re going somewhere. Are you determined to keep worrying people? How long will you keep acting like a brat?”

“Contact, ah, I forgot, ow.”

“Forgot? You forgot? This again, seriously?”

His bubbling tone revealed his irritation as he increased the pace of twisting my cheeks. The pain was so intense that I shut my eyes tightly, only letting out groans. It didn’t seem like a joke, but somehow it seemed like he was intentionally trying to lighten the mood.

Maybe it’s just my mood. Ah, considering the emotions in his hands, maybe it is my mood. That being said, I held my tongue in case I accidentally screamed so loudly that it could be heard in the building. I’m a man with dignity too; how could I show this situation to my younger brother or his friends?

My cheeks were so twisted it seemed they could fall off when he finally lowered his hands and muttered with a sigh,

“I can’t just lock this up somewhere either.”

Then he stopped speaking unnaturally. Why did he stop there? The ominous silence made me snap my eyes wide open. His narrowed eyes seemed to be scrutinizing me for some reason, chilling me to the bone as I couldn’t decipher their meaning. But as if realizing my worry, he spoke up softly.

“Why am I having such stray thoughts?”

“…”

“Why do you keep looking away when you say you love me?”

His low voice, devoid of its usual harshness, carried an unsettling sense of unease. The firm calluses at the tip of his thumb, pressing against my trembling cheek, were cautious, almost delicate. I could sense a faint resentment buried deep within his gaze. In that moment, overwhelmed with guilt, I found it hard to breathe.

“Why do you keep doing this? How long will you go on like this? You cause one problem, then say you won’t do it again – is that it? You make promises, is that all?”

“The… the novel, hyung. It’s because of the novel.”

“…That damn novel.”

He spat out each word like a curse. I continued quickly as if persuading someone who had heard enough excuses.

“Hyung. If I just resolve that, I absolutely, absolutely won’t ever do this again.”

“The novel. Right, the novel. Let’s deal with that first.”

He grabbed my shoulders tightly with both hands and turned me around. I was dumbfounded by the way he opened the door after pushing me all the way to the front passenger seat.

Tap, tap.

I was looking at the ceiling to see what that noise was, but my eyes met his. Instead of closing the door, he just tapped the roof of the car with his fingertips without saying a word. The urgency in his gaze and the sound of his voice made my heart race.

My back suddenly felt cold and I began to move quickly without even realizing it. I put my bag down in the car, sat down, and quickly fastened my seatbelt, and only then did he slowly back away.

To be honest, I didn’t relax until Tae Seong-je started the engine. Of course, I knew he must be furious about me leaving without a word, but he’s a very rational person. Maybe when we get home and talk calmly, he’ll understand my situation.

However, that thought came to a halt shortly after we departed. We were going in the opposite direction of home. Should I ask where we’re going? I hesitated for a moment but decided it probably wouldn’t be an issue if we didn’t go straight home, so I remained silent.

“…”

Or should I suggest going home at least to feed Sand? I pondered in the silence. Come to think of it, Min Jeong-oh wasn’t here. Maybe it was Min Jeong-oh who took Sand home, so he probably would provide food for him as well. … Then it’ll be okay, right?

I relaxed and leaned back comfortably. Maybe it was because I was a little more relaxed. Or maybe it was because it was warmer than outside. I felt drowsiness creeping in. …My chin will probably bruise a nasty purple color tomorrow. And my cheeks too. I swallowed the bitterness, gently caressing my numb cheeks as if rolling eggs.

How great it would be to be able to easily fix bad habits. If it were that easy, it wouldn’t even be considered a habit. I unnecessarily rubbed my dry palms on my thighs and glanced sidelong. His expressionless face was even more rigidly set than before.

… I should at least pretend to reflect. I straightened my posture and turned my gaze towards the street. There were more people now compared to when I first came out. While I was watching, I saw a boy who seemed to be Seo Seung-joon’s age running hurriedly. One of my bad habits got worse again.

Seo Seung-joon, Seo Seung-joon, Gu Min-joo, Seo Seung-joon, Gu Min-joo, Seo Seung-joon. filled my mind and shook me. I had endured it, endured well even in front of those two. Feigning a throat-clearing cough, I pinched my nose and fished a handkerchief from my pocket with my free hand. Although it had already turned red from previous use, it was still usable.

“What’s wrong?”

I could have taken care of it discreetly myself, but my fidgeting in the blind spot must have seemed suspicious. Instead of engaging, I quickly grabbed a few tissues from the glove box and dabbed my nose.

“It’s not like I skipped my morning meds or anything.”

Feeling prodded, I offered that excuse first, which made him furrow his brow.

“Who said anything? Let me see.”

“It’ll stop soon. You know how it is. Just focus on driving.”

“Let’s see.”

Thankfully with no need for argument, we were stopped at a red light, and the nosebleed promptly ceased. It was really amazing and convenient that it stopped right away without any hoses being connected.

“See, I’m fine. It already stopped, right?”

I felt like I needed to reassure him before the green light turned on, so I leaned my face towards him. His slightly harsh attitude had calmed down, but he wasn’t happy. I’d rather have a scolding. I didn’t want to take advantage of this situation to evoke sympathy or cause trouble.

Nosebleeds were always a common occurrence. So, I think it’s unnecessary to fuss over it and worry excessively. It’s something that will happen throughout my life, so eventually, the day will come when we just brush it off without much concern. That way, we’ll both be a little less drained and annoyed by it.

“Hyung. Green light.”

“…”

“…Hyung?”

Why isn’t he going? I started to worry it would get noisy with honking horns protesting, but he just silently stared at me, reluctant to start moving. The moment I made eye contact again, he immediately averted his gaze and the car moved forward.

Sometimes… Sometimes he tells me that he doesn’t know what I was thinking, but I’m the one who can’t read him, even when I think I can. I probably wouldn’t understand him even if I came back from the dead.

Still, maybe one day, as we live together for a long time, we’ll come to understand each other. To the point where we can tell what expression the other is making even with our eyes closed. Together for so long that we can do that.

As I looked out the window, another kid who looked like Seo Seung-joon caught my eye. From the time I used to worry that Seung-joon knew everything to this morning when I gave up on any expectations, I couldn’t properly think about that kid.

It was because of the ambiguous matters I could never unravel in front of Seo Seung-joon, and the vexation from that, irritated me.

And I disliked being reminded that unless I met God himself, I could neither vent the suffering and resentment I experienced nor discover the truth about it.