DI Ch 14

The young me bit the wooden stick that had been handed to me. The male senior inserted the wooden stick into my small mouth and stood up without saying anything. Whether it was my 21 or 17-year-old self, I didn’t know if he was going to take classes or to skip school. Only the senior will know that.

I squatted on the floor with the young me and just stared until I couldn’t see the nicely shaved back of his head. He didn’t have to look at me to know I was mesmerized. I felt like I was living in a dream for a while after that.

My senior was the complete opposite of me. He was perfect all by himself. That’s why I wanted to be like the senior, but I felt frustrated because I couldn’t. I couldn’t figure out how he could be that cool, so he said he was in agony. I was too embarrassed to admit this to my friend because I had been pretending to be something I wasn’t, so I held on to my younger sister and made a fuss about him, asking if she knew how cool my senior was.

What did she say then? Who is he and why are you suddenly like this? I had a crush on him to the point where I was told I had changed. However, that senior was such a cool person that I couldn’t help but fall in love with him. Three nights and four days would not be enough to explain them one by one.

The season in my dreams had changed before I knew it. The senior found me and waved his finger. When my foot went out unconsciously, I, the younger one, approached the senior first. I had never looked at myself objectively, and seeing it this way was a bit embarrassing.

Why didn’t anyone tell me this? I was just standing still, but the energy of ‘Senior, you’re cool’ or ‘Senior, you’re handsome’ radiated from the young me. I had nothing to say even if my senior was horrified. It was fortunate that he just thought that his juniors followed him well.

He would buy me ice cream until just before he graduated, he said it made his stomach upset. If I was lucky enough to run into him at lunchtime, he would call me over to eat with him and his friends and get some snacks.

I also liked the senior’s friends. To be precise, I liked them because they were my senior’s friends. Anyway, wanting to meet more, I would have spent quite a bit of money on my day snooping around. I couldn’t stop doing it even though I knew it was a nuisance because he always called me happily without frowning.

I didn’t know if he was that kind of person or if he only cared for me, but I couldn’t hide my excitement as I felt like I had become even a little special to my senior. I couldn’t help but smile softly. Even though I couldn’t remember his face, I clearly recalled the moment and the tension at that time. It’s been a few years, but I still remember the price of the snacks I got. It’s not a big deal, but my heart felt tight because it was a small happy memory.

When I lingered next to the senior paying the bills and quickly said thank you, the senior would pinch my cheek like a routine and put a snack in my hand so that I could enjoy it. Even then, I was taller than most boys. But because my senior was bigger than me, he always treated me like a child. He would always smile at me like he was looking at a cute puppy, which made my heart skip a beat.

At that time, I couldn’t come to my senses with one thought that I had become a special person to the person I admired. So I didn’t particularly like snacks, but I lived with sweets in my mouth all day long. As a result, I felt a thrill of superiority when those around me asked why he did this only to me. Because the senior had never given anyone such a favor.

I was also very young at that time. I was seventeen years old, and the attention of my cool senior was all I needed. I guess I had a strong desire to go back home. Otherwise, I would have forgotten all about the senior I hadn’t forgotten yet…

Since that senior was so good to me, I regretted that I should have gotten his contact information before graduation. I also regretted that I hadn’t bought him a graduation gift. Because I always passively answered questions from the senior and never dared to ask or express anything.

It was then. A crashing sound was heard somewhere. Someone screamed at the same time as the crash. I heard a woman’s shrill voice in the distance. A girl, who I thought was my little sister looked around frantically. Someone grabbed my arm and led me, but my eyes wandered around looking for her.

I needed to find her by calling her name, but I couldn’t and started crying. Everything is moving quickly, but I was frustrated because I was the only one who felt slow. Where are you? Where are you… I tried hard, but I couldn’t find the girl who resembled my sister in the crowd. The cries coming from all directions were layered and deafening.

At that moment, my eyes opened. It was morning. Cough, cough. After taking a deep breath, I stood up and coughed up blood. Someone screamed. But I wasn’t in the mood to care about that. My stomach seemed to be turned upside down, my throat ached from the violent vomit, and my head was ringing. A passing nurse quickly approached me. She told me to calm down, but it was easier said than done.

I flailed my arms and legs and fell flat on the bed.   What was it? Was it an accident? What happened to me? Did I have an accident? The building seems to have collapsed. Was my younger sister there? Or am I just mistaken? Fuck, I need to remember this clearly… I trembled until I couldn’t stand it any longer and vomited blood again. I kept having bad thoughts because of the stench of blood.

No way, right? I’m not dead… 

The doctor approached, but instead of feeling relieved, I was fed up with the sense of helplessness that was washing over me. Whether it was a checkup or treatment, everything was a waste of time.  I had a throbbing headache and my vision was blurry.  The doctor in his stately white coat faded to black before my eyes my tears soaked the pillow.

When I opened my eyes again, I realized that I had passed out. I couldn’t tell if it was from losing my vision or from passing out normally. My head was still throbbing and I felt extremely exhausted.

In addition to being tired, I was sick to my stomach. I was thirsty, so I drank some water before spitting it out. My body began to boil with heat as a result of my first hangover. I took a deep breath and reached out, gripping the strap of my backpack as hard as I could.

I’m not dead. There was no accident.

No, there was no such thing, and even if there was, I’d be fine. I’m not dead. I’m going home. I can go home. I wiped the tears from the back of my eyes with my forearm. I struggled to my feet and ran out of the hospital through the commotion. I didn’t want to stay here, in this body, in this world, for the rest of my life.

“Ugh…Ugh!”

I stared blankly at the blue-tinted dawn sky, then I bent over and vomited at the feeling of nausea that came over me. I felt like I needed to calm down, so I looked for the hangover cure that the Student rep had given me and took it out in the middle of the street, and drank it. When I felt better, the first thought that came to my mind was one thing.

Tae Seong-je… he will take me home

In order to do that, I had to be a lover with him, and I had to be abandoned. In order to do that, I had to be in a relationship.

I rummaged through my bag with trembling hands like a drug addict and found my phone. There were several missed calls, but there were several missed calls from the student rep most likely because he was worried. I left it alone and went in search of Tae Seong-je. As if it wasn’t a dream, there was Tae Seong-je’s number.

It’s the first Friday of March, and I just entered Part 1, and I have Tae Seong-je’s number.

This must be a hidden, behind-the-scenes development for Seo Seung-won that Woo Ji-min didn’t know about. If not, then how could it be? Coincidence? Is this just a coincidence? The book pushed Woo Ji-min in front of me for the sake of the plot.  Is there any law that says Tae Seong-je isn’t? Probability is meaningless in this world. Because progress was all that mattered here, this had to be right. This is my way home.

The probability of contacting me first seems extremely low, so I politely sent a message on the way to the taxi. I thanked him for taking me to the emergency room and told him that I couldn’t remember well because my memory was cut, but I have his number so I contacted him.

Can you get someone’s liking with just text? As soon as I arrived home with a serious face, I stared at the trash can that caught my eye. I could predict the development of the lead characters Woo Ji-min and Kang Moo-hyun, but the development of the supporting characters Seo Seung-won and Tae Seong-je was not predictable at all, which gave me a headache.

My sudden but hurried plan was quite simple. Be grateful and benevolent towards Tae Seong-je. It would be easier for me to approach him if I blurred the scene of the violence and only remembered his actual act of kindness.

I don’t have the confidence to lie and act against Tae Seong-je.

And I still don’t know if he likes to play with people, but I’m sure he likes to have fun, so it won’t go badly.

If you’re thankful buy me a meal [07:47]