DI Ch 148

Could just a little head injury really make me like this? Dementia? How can someone forget their own name? My spinning vision made it feel like the world was revolving, so I urgently wrapped my head in my hands. This wasn’t simply forgetting – I was progressively losing my memories. Fearing I might become senile, I unsteadily made my way back to where my bag was.

In this condition, even if rescued, it would be a problem. Not knowing my name or home address, how can I return home? I vividly recalled seeing a wallet inside, so I hurriedly searched for identification.

“Seo Seung-won.”

An unfamiliar name. An unfamiliar face.

I awkwardly rubbed the cold-faced photo and covered my forehead. Is this me? I took out the pad and looked at my face on the black screen. Suspecting it might be someone else’s wallet and ID, but it was undoubtedly me. The more I stared at the name, the more it felt somewhat familiar.

Familiar from reading it? A boringly classic novel came to mind from that stray memory fragment. I remember my sister pestering me incessantly to read it just once. Brushing back my disheveled hair, I watched a flock of birds fly by. I don’t even remember my sister’s name.

I felt at ease because I had my ID, but I thought I should write down everything I remembered, so I searched my bag. He took out a notebook with 10 lottery tickets inserted along with a pen. …I thought it was a handwritten note for studying, but it was covered in doodles. Though written neatly, the content was just simple notes or idle chatter:

<I’m embarrassed that I drank alcohol.>

“What’s this?”

I furrowed my brow, then quickly skimmed through the contents as if it were trivial. <Title – Contains the word love-hate?> <How to untie your hands when they are tied: First… > Unintentionally, my expression became increasingly creased, and the speed of the pen rolling in my hand quickened.

Reading something trivial seriously, I felt drained when I reached the most recent page. There was nothing to read. It was torn. Remembering a sudden memory, I fumbled in the pocket of my coat. When I pulled out the crumpled paper and unfolded it, I saw the same thing as in the notebook.

<Hyung, I will go out for a moment.>

I straightened up the crumpled paper for no reason.

“Hyung.”

Hyung? The end of the paper I was fiddling with was slightly crumpled. Among the people from college that immediately came to mind, I don’t have a close relationship with them as brothers, so I didn’t know who it referred to. I looked at the simple writing and covered the notebook with the paperclip along with the strange scribbles and 10 lottery tickets.

Feeling a bit lost, I simply turned on my tablet’s voice recorder. I rambled whatever I could recall, no matter how trivial.

“I have a younger sister who is two years younger than me.”

Though awkward and unfamiliar at first, my goal was documenting information so I quickly overcame the stammering. Soon I grew so at ease that I rummaged through my laptop wondering if it contained anything, while talking aloud. It had quite a few files, one password-protected seeming plausible. I tried entering a familiar number sequence, but couldn’t get it right no matter how many times I guessed.

***

With just a tiny bit of stamina replenished, I kept pressing forward – walking, climbing, descending – until at one point I reached the summit of a peak. I nearly teared up. In the distance, I spotted a quintessential rural village rooftop. Vast rice fields were visible too. It seemed like a very small town.

Crossing over mountain after mountain to arrive here was a human victory in itself. Having been destitute for so long, I looked worse than a homeless person. But even this was high-class for my current state. Sitting on the ground, wiping the sweat from my sweaty forehead, I sighed. At least, I was fortunate to have found it.

“…It’s too far.”

It seemed like I would have to walk for another few hours to get there. Now, there was nothing strange about lying down sick right away.

I stared blankly at the picturesque countryside. I could just go there and go home, but I couldn’t give up here. Should I rest here until I feel better and then start again? I pondered over it, but my body protested that it was now impossible.

At that time, I saw a house relatively nearby. It looked like an isolated house separated from the village, but the closer distance made my heart flutter. I took out the water I had been saving and drank it greedily. Maybe I could get help with a phone call or some bottled water. If I wanted to rest, I should go there, call the police, and rest. With a renewed determination, thinking that this was truly the last, I gritted my teeth and walked on.

“Ex…cuse me…”

I finally arrived in front of an isolated house and called out to someone with a hoarse voice, but I wondered if anyone would be able to hear me inside. The gate was wide open, but I couldn’t go in, so I hesitated and snooped around.

It seemed like an old house, with everything neatly arranged. The wooden platform in the middle of the house looked comfortable to lie down on. Right now, I just wanted to lean against the door’s shadow and rest.

“Who’s there?”

A dry voice came from inside the house. An old woman, wearing thick coats and pants, looked even rounder. She peered out, her head slightly raised.

“Uh, hmm. Hello. Sorry, but I’m really lost. … Could you please call 119?”

And then I promptly crumpled to the ground, retching dryly. The police? Forget that – I was in a state where I needed to be taken away in an ambulance, as much as I tried to hold it together.

“Aish, why are you like this?”

The grandmother shuffled over in her house slippers, patting my shoulders briskly. For some reason, tears welled up. Inwardly I feared dying here without even seeing anyone.

“Your face is frozen. Aren’t you cold?”

Her weathered, calloused hands roughly rubbed my cheeks. Not recalling either my paternal or maternal grandmothers, I was so overcome that I nearly clung to this total stranger like her grandchild. Straining not to cry, my swollen, bloodshot eyes stung. 

Without a word about whether I might be some bad person, the grandmother pulled me inside. Damn, I cried because her home was so warm. I tried not to, but tears streamed down. It was just lukewarm really, but after lying outside on bed of leaves, using my coat as a blanket in the cold wind, even this warmth felt tremendously touching.

“Why are you crying.”

“It’s warm…”

I sniffled childishly, prompting the grandma to roughly pat my shoulder in a scolding manner.

“This? This is warm? Wait here.”

The grandmother pulled out a neatly arranged blanket and wrapped it around me, then left the room. I pulled the blanket closer with my reddened and dry hands and looked around the room. It was a long rectangular room. There was a dark blue wardrobe, and the floor was covered with a thick yellow mat that seemed to have been worn out in some places.

As I stood in front of the rare old-fashioned dressing table, I was startled at the ghastly figure staring back. There were bruises under the eyes and scabs from scratches on the forehead to the chin. My overgrown hair was long enough to tie back. No wonder it felt like strands kept poking my eyes.

Time seemed to be frozen here. From old magazines and a worn-out maroon box made of cloth to a burgundy-colored old telephone and an old television that may work or not.

“A phone.”

Without waiting for permission, I quickly grabbed the phone and dialed the number. Anyone who saw me would think I was crazy. Anyway, I dialed 119. …There was no sound. Just in case, I tried again.

“It doesn’t work. It’s been broken for quite some time.”

When I turned around, I saw that she was coming in with a small table, so I stretched out my arms to take it, but the grandmother just ignored me and placed the table in front of me.

“The phone doesn’t work? Um, Grandma, if something happen, what are you going to do…”

“Die, that’s all.”

“Oh, no.”

It was difficult to guess the grandmother’s age, but looking at her deep wrinkles and graying hair, it didn’t seem like a joke. Hiding my discomfort, I glanced at the generous spread. A steaming bowl of soybean paste stew with plenty of zucchini. Rural side dishes that I had never tasted before but made my mouth water. My stomach and mind were instantly filled with hunger.

When the grandmother noticed, she pointed with her chin.

“Eat up. C’mon.”

“Thank you…”

“Why are you cryin’ again?”

“It’s delicious…”

“Do you want to eat potatoes too?”

Now I have three spoonfuls. There were some leftover grains of rice with the potatoes. I rubbed my damp eyes and nodded. Although my stomach felt a bit uncomfortable, the food was too delicious to leave any behind. The pickled cucumber, and the fermented kimchi – all delicious. The flavors were so simple yet delectable. Was it because I had been starving for days, or was Grandma’s cooking really that good?

“Where are you from? Are you a relative from one of the houses nearby?”

I slowly raised my head as I took a big spoonful of rice. The grandmother raised her eyebrows and tilted her head.

“I guess you came by car.”

“I came by the mountain.”

When I stretched out my finger toward the mountain I had come down from, the grandmother suddenly hit me on the back.

“Don’t talk nonsense, boy. How could it be way over there?”

“I… I got lost.”

“You can get lost, but not end up that far. Don’t lie to an old lady. Even street bums don’t hike mountains like that.”

“Yes… ”

“Boys these days…”

Though uncertain of what misunderstanding she had, her stern gaze made me uneasy. When I awkwardly bite my spoon and nod my head, she scold me to eat faster.

“Do you know your mom’s number?”

As I shook my head, the grandmother sighed heavily.

“Ah, fine. Since the old man will be here soon, you can go back with him tomorrow in his car.”

Who could it be? Grateful, I bowed my head and ate heartily to fill my hungry stomach.

“I’ll do the dishes.”

“No, no. You go get washed up. Aish, you ain’t even one of my kin.”

“….”

Pretending not to notice her headshaking, I surreptitiously buried my nose in my forearm to sniff. … The smell of dirt was quite strong, but wasn’t it tolerable?

I took off my coat, wiped my body with a fixed rubber hose, and carefully washed my hair. The blood on the back of my head slowly fell off, but it still hurt when I touched it, so I couldn’t rub it to get relief.

Wearing the grandfather’s clothes, which were a bit small but still passable, I sat on the bedding and held onto the bag strap. My body felt refreshed after a long time, and my lower back felt warm, almost hot. Sleepiness crept in slowly.

But I needed to greet and ask a favor from the grandfather when he arrived…

Despite my efforts to stay awake since it was a moonless night, my head kept falling as sleep overcame me. Unable to watch any longer, the grandma scolded me to lie down. Ultimately, I rested my head on the hard, round pillow to await the grandfather’s return.