DI Ch 177

Even though it was clearly not a recent wound, I couldn’t help but ask. As I couldn’t take my eyes off it, he moved fluidly to put on a white shirt that was lying on the bed. Somehow, that action seemed like he was pretending it was nothing… My heart pounded uneasily.

“Wasn’t… Wasn’t that not there before?”

No, was it there? I touched my forehead, trying to remember. The moments weren’t clear, and overall, everything was very hazy, leaving me with no recollection. Suddenly, his hands caught my attention. I had looked at them many times, not knowing where else to focus my gaze.

I lowered my hand that was covering my forehead and stared at the back of my hand. It used to be the hand of a student, but now it was covered in scars. I reexamined the back of Tae Seong-je’s hand. Even though I had seen it many times, I only now realized that it had similar scars on the same fingers.

“It’s not a big deal because my cognitive ability is a bit low.”

“Isn’t that a big deal?”

“I said it’s not.”

“But it is. Why are you only telling me about this now?”

“It’s okay. It’s possible you just didn’t notice.”

He answered calmly and began to apply the ointment thinly. My sore neck and shoulders… now that I think about it, those were all the spots he had tormented me.

“They say it’s getting better, so don’t worry unnecessarily and give yourself a headache. That would be your loss.”

“That’s true, but…”

“And who cares if someone has scars or tattoos on their body? Right?”

“…”

He says that, but if I call him “someone,” he’ll definitely argue that he’s not just anyone.

“Are you just someone to me?”

“Why would I be just someone to you?”

See? If you’re going to be overprotective, at least say something consistent. I gave him a skeptical look, and he casually brushed my hair, tidied it, and even kissed me as if nothing was wrong.

“Drink some water. Eat something too.”

As he handed me a glass, I imagined deliberately dropping it. Rather than raising his voice asking what I was doing, he’d probably try to comfort me, asking if I was surprised. His attitude of telling me to only see the good and neither see nor hear the bad was beyond strict; it was excessive.

If there was a problem between us, it wasn’t me; it was Tae Seong-je. Isn’t that right? He said we should do treatments but finished it while I was asleep, never giving proper explanations or informing me about anything…

Even after eating breakfast, washing up, and getting into the car, I didn’t feel like speaking. No, even if we had gotten along well before, that was then, and it has nothing to do with now, right? Shouldn’t he stop doing this to me now?

For someone who said we should start over from the beginning, he didn’t seem to have any intention of actually starting over. That was a bit unpleasant. And that’s not all. Once one thing bothered me, everything else started to feel unsatisfactory. The perfectly fitting new turtleneck felt annoying, the brand new shoes without a speck of dust were bothersome.

I didn’t like the fact that the inside of the car was comfortable, and his sudden silence after talking well also bothered me. My temper rose, making me dizzy and frustrated, so I rolled down the window. The cool breeze was chilly yet refreshing and invigorating.

“Seung-won.”

“…”

It’s funny. Just hearing my name called affectionately once made me reflect. I felt ashamed and my face heated up, embarrassed by my twisted mood. I wondered if I had become arrogant because this impressive person was treating me so well, accepting everything I did. I was unknowingly acting childishly.

“Should we stop by the sea one more time?”

“…. Do we have enough time?”

“We’re just going to take a quick look.”

“Alright, let’s do that.”

I held my breath for a moment and replied as nonchalantly as possible. I was careful not to let any emotion seep into my voice to avoid offending him.

When someone suddenly closes their mouth and avoids eye contact, it can be annoying and irritating. However, Tae Seong-je showed no such signs and even spoke to me first with a relaxed and generous attitude, making me feel like I was worse than a baby.

It’s been months since I graduated high school, yet I still act like a kid. I wondered if I was being sensitive because I was sick, but my restless heart seemed to mock that excuse. While I was hiding my discomfort, he managed to find a quiet place with few people.

There was something charming about looking at the horizon through the fence. Even though it looked boring at first glance, but I felt like I could watch it all day without getting tired of it. As I stared at the white foam that gleamed and disappeared, I shifted my gaze to the sandy beach.

Despite the distance, I could clearly see everything from the whitish seashells to the seaweed washed up by the waves. The beach seemed well-maintained, with no visible trash. Its natural state made it even more beautiful. I wasn’t the only one who found it pretty; in the distance, I could see a few people taking pictures with the sea as their background.

I heard someone among them chattering, “It’s snowing.” Suddenly I looked up and saw that the snow was really falling. It was my first snow of the season, albeit quite late. Watching the snow fall over the sea was a spectacular sight, but I worried about the increasing intensity of the snowfall, hoping it wouldn’t turn into a snowstorm.

As I was intently watching, a coat suddenly fell over my shoulders. It wasn’t even that cold, but he was making a fuss. Pretending not to notice, I continued staring at the sea. Then, something dropped onto the back of my hand. Thinking it was a snowflake, I glanced at it only to find a drop of blood.

“Oh… Hyung, can you get me some tissue…?”

I didn’t expect to have a nosebleed here. As I fumbled in confusion, a hand smoothly approached with a handkerchief and gently pressed it to my nose. Reflexively, I held his hand for a moment before quickly pulling back. The bleeding stopped soon, but Tae Seong-je kept checking my condition, observing my complexion.

“Shall we go now?”

“…”

I nodded obediently to the person who casually suggested we return. I felt defeated even though I hadn’t done anything.

***

Despite being a bit late, the February snow continued to fall heavily. By the time we arrived, the streets were blanketed in white. The place he called “our home” was truly impressive, but it felt unfamiliar, like visiting someone else’s house. The unkempt, lush garden, perhaps because flowers were blooming, looked rather appealing even with a light covering of snow, rather than desolate. The house seemed overall closed-off and a bit rigid, showing signs of attention to security.

As I slowly looked around, I noticed a doghouse. My heart skipped a beat. Do we keep a dog? I approached quickly and peered in, but there wasn’t even dog hair, let alone a dog. As I felt disappointed, he spoke up from behind.

“It has an owner. That one is just decoration, though.”

“Do you have a dog?”

As I asked again hopefully, Tae Seong-je stared at me for a moment before suddenly asking,

“Are you okay with it?”

“…With what?”

“The dog.”

“Oh… If you’re asking if I like them, I do…”

I wasn’t sure why he was asking about dogs in the middle of a snowy day, but I answered anyway and a smile appeared on his stoic face.

“What?”

“What do you mean, what?”

“Just now, hyung… Never mind. So where is it?”

He just keeps smiling without answering, as if something’s so funny. Even when I ask him to stop joking and tell me, he just asks where I think it might be. Though his teasing was a bit annoying, I hurriedly followed behind him as he walked ahead.

“What’s its name?”

“Sand.”

“Why Sand?”

“Well, maybe because of its fur color. …Why are you frowning?”

“…It’s tacky.”

“You named it, why are you complaining?”

I swallowed my frustration as he looked at me in bewilderment. I might have named it, but I didn’t remember. It’s not that the name was tacky, but I was lamenting my poor naming sense. Naming it after a color? Really?

As we entered the house, I was really surprised. In the quiet atmosphere, a large tree was twinkling alone. The unexpected Christmas atmosphere in this unexpected place made my eyes wander awkwardly. Does love change people?

Still, a Christmas tree in February? It looks nice, but… I stood quietly, gazing at the tree silently shining on its own. I thought it might be fake, but it’s a real tree. With the high ceiling in the living room, they can bring in a tree this big.

The house was slightly dim, with only the lights from the tree illuminating us. The light touching his cheek looked warm, making me lower my eyes. I blinked slowly and awkwardly scratched my neck. What if he’s expecting me to remember something?

“The house is nice.”

Except for a bit of dust.

“Take a look around.”

“Is there a dog in one of the rooms?”

He laughed at my question.

“No. I’ll show you later, so be patient.”

“I want to see it now…”

Why won’t he show me? I was about to grumble but held back. We have plenty of time anyway, and I’m sure it’s fine. Still, I want to see it. Even though I’ve never seen it before, seeing its empty space makes me curious, and I find myself looking around repeatedly, wanting to know at least what it looks like.

“Could you turn on the lights?”

Unlike me, who didn’t even know where the switch was, he moved naturally and turned on the lights in the house. There were many aspects that showed how much care had been put into this house. Ironically, there were also signs of neglect and lack of maintenance.

All the doors were open. It was quite different from my family home, where all rooms were always closed. Given the size of the house, there could be dull corners, but with decorative plants (though not fragrant) and paintings here and there, it didn’t feel empty.

As I peeked into each room, I found myself unconsciously glancing at him. Somehow, it felt burdensome. Even I think I should remember something, having come to a house where we lived together, but nothing really comes to mind.