DI Ch 178

As I was about to look around the bedroom, my desire to see it suddenly disappeared. Though it was supposedly mine, it felt like invading someone else’s space, making me uncomfortable. He must have noticed my hesitation, as he quietly spoke up beside me.

“Check out the second floor too. Your study room is there, want to see that first?”

“Umm…”

“Go take a look.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll stay downstairs.”

Maybe it was because we’d been together so much; it felt strange to be apart. Still, thinking it might be easier to look around alone, I left him and went up to the second floor. I soon found a room with a serious atmosphere. The desk looked quite impressive. I wondered if it was my room, but there were no familiar pens, and all the drawers were locked, so it didn’t seem like it. Besides, I don’t have the bad habit of lining up my photos in antique frames on the desk.

“Hyung. Why do you like me?”

I raised my voice loud enough to be heard downstairs, and he responded.

“People like me naturally like kids like you.”

“…”

Saying it like that is cheating. It sounds like he just likes me regardless of whether I’ve lost my memories or not.

I sat on the nice chair and spun around. There was a book on the desk that looked nothing special, so I looked at it and there was a piece of paper stuck in it, possibly a bookmark. Strangely enough, when I reached over and opened it, it looked like a letter and a passage from a book came to mind. Was leaving the letter there a kind gesture for me to read?

It’s not polite to touch and look at other people’s things, but I found myself thinking it didn’t matter since he wasn’t really a stranger to me. As I skimmed it without much thought, I frowned. Firstly, because the content was lovey-dovey enough to give me goosebumps. Secondly, because the handwriting was familiar. Damn, did I write this?

“To me, hyung is someone I like even if he doesn’t love… I’ll like you even if I’m reborn. I’ll love you more than now…”

I couldn’t read it anymore because it contained a deep confession of love, saying I couldn’t bear not liking him and couldn’t help but love him when near, that I couldn’t read any further. I’ve never looked at myself objectively before, but it seems I lose my mind when I fall in love. Since Tae Seong-je is the same, I guess we’re well-matched.

I pretended not to see the letter and moved to the next room. As soon as I entered, my eyes were drawn to a storage cabinet along one wall. Besides the neatly stacked workbooks and colorful cubes, the giant framed puzzle on the wall also caught my eye, but the most noticeable thing in this room was the storage cabinet.

Of course, it was noticeable because the cabinet was wide open, but also because six large backpacks were hanging there like a collection. They were all sturdy-looking with stylish designs, differing only slightly in type and brand, which was quite interesting. However, seeing mountaineering equipment neatly arranged, I had a reasonable doubt about whether I had joined a mountaineering club.

Recalling the hardships I’d endured made me grimace. Indoor climbing would have been a hundred times better. Even if my memory returned, I vowed never to climb even the local hill again as I continued to explore the other rooms.

“Have you looked around?”

“Yes… Well… There’s nothing special.”

Sure, every house has its own story, but I deliberately spoke as if it was uninteresting. Seeing pairs of identical items around the house clearly indicated it was a home shared by a couple. Living together like that ultimately meant sharing life. Isn’t that ultimately a commitment to share life together? It felt like my life had been mortgaged overnight, but it was like winning the lottery, so I didn’t feel particularly bad about it.

“Now let’s go see the annex.”

“…”

His intention in offering his hand right in front of the stairs was too obvious. Whatever the excuse, he just wanted to hold hands. I wondered if I disliked it, but that wasn’t the case either, so after pretending to hesitate for a bit, I awkwardly but willingly took his hand.

The time it took to come downstairs was very short, but during that time, our lukewarm hands became warm. Even though his hand wasn’t soft and small, but rather rough and large, I found myself wanting to hold it longer rather than letting go.

Thinking I should let go now that we’ve come down, I felt regretful, but Tae Seong-je put our joined hands into his coat pocket. I realized belatedly. I don’t need to let go. Because he’s my boyfriend! It was suddenly amazing that such a person was my boyfriend, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him until we went outside. With the snow falling as the background, he looked even more handsome.

“You prefer playing inside rather than outside, so I filled the annex with exercise equipment. When the doctor says you can exercise, you can play there then.”

“Okay… I will.”

“By the way, Seung-won. Do you remember when I said there was someone you should meet?”

“Did you say that…?”

“When do you want to meet? Do whatever you feel comfortable with. Even now is fine.”

“Okay… Wait, what? Now?”

I almost didn’t catch what he was saying and had to quickly collect my thoughts. Meet someone now?

“I had them wait this morning. At that hanok house you like.”

He spoke about that traditional Korean house as if it were some dollhouse. And why would he have someone wait? Feeling flustered, I just stared at him as he gently brushed my eyes.

“If you’re tired, we can meet them later.”

“No, they must be waiting, right?”

“It’s okay. You’re not the one waiting.”

“Oh, stop saying confusing things that don’t make sense.”

I snapped at him unintentionally and then flinched. I was getting too comfortable, letting my words slip out. But this wasn’t the time for that. I pulled on his hand urgently. Once we got into the car, I hurried him. The day was already ending, so does this mean an innocent person has been waiting since morning because of me? What a waste of time.

“Hyung, let’s go quickly. Why didn’t you tell me earlier? How can you say this now? Making someone wait… Would it hurt to just tell me? Hyung always do this, holding back until the last minute. It’s a really bad habit. Come on, let’s go.”

“What? I’m speechless. Seo Seung-won, put on your seatbelt first.”

“You’re great in every other way, but… Didn’t I say something about this before? I’ve put it on.”

If I didn’t say anything, why would? I really don’t understand. When you keep not saying things, misunderstandings pile up in an instant. I sighed as my head ached, and Tae Seong-je made a grim face before quickly erasing it. Then he spoke in a very soft and affectionate tone.

“Seo Seung-won, you shouldn’t say such things.”

“If I don’t say it, who will? We’re lovers, not strangers. I told you that if we keep holding back words, it’ll rot us from the inside.”

“…”

The sound of him gripping the steering wheel tightly was ominous like it might break.

“I see… Was there such a conversation? But knowing that, you’ve been doing this all along?”

“What have I been doing?”

“Forget it.”

He cut off the conversation abruptly.

“I don’t want to argue with you right now, so don’t bring this up again.”

“See? You’re not telling me again.”

I took treatments when told to, and took medicine without even looking at what it was. I never complained about what he did while I was asleep, but now he says he doesn’t want to hear me talk about this? I take back everything I said about him being mature.

“Seo Seung-won. Don’t get angry, calm down. Getting worked up won’t do your body any good.”

“I’m not getting angry, I’m scolding you.”

“Don’t talk nonsense. You just can’t stand losing an argument… We’ve been together for years, do you think I don’t know when you’re being obvious?”

It sounds like he was telling me not to fire up a losing battle. I knew that, but I was getting heated because it felt like it was not really me sitting next to him right now.

“I know. I’m being ill-mannered.”

“Who said you’re ill-mannered? That’s not what I meant.”

“Isn’t that what you’re saying?”

“If you have any bad habits, it’s because of me. If you’ve done something wrong, it’s my fault.”

I wanted to sarcastically reply, ‘That’s absolutely right, father,’ but held back. I didn’t want to pick a fight.

“Then you should reflect on yourself.”

“Oh, really?”

“Why not? You said my faults are hyung’s faults.”

Even though I should have felt intimidated he wasn’t scary, and I found myself snapping back at him. I glared at the person smirking, then slowly relaxed my furrowed brow. I didn’t really want to fight, so I had to stop before crossing the line. Ah, why was I suddenly getting so irritated when we’d been talking fine until now?

“…But who do you want me to meet?”

“First, your friends.”

***

As soon as we arrived, I was told to wait in the room, so I quietly killed time. The place was set up like a reception room, and I found it quite nicely decorated. But friends? It’s not strange to call acquaintances given the accident, but shouldn’t family be called first? Especially with memory loss, I wondered if meeting family shouldn’t be the first priority.

I thought I’d just let it go since I’d meet them anyway, but decided to ask about it later. I didn’t have to wait long before I heard footsteps. Somehow, they sounded hurried, as if being chased. Unlike the footsteps, the paper door opened very quietly. Through the gap, kids who seemed to be clinging to each other for support appeared.

The kids, who seemed around my age, stumbled in hesitantly, but upon seeing me, their dark, gloomy faces lit up with joy.

“Seo Seung-won, you, this…!”

The guy who was about to raise his voice looked outside cautiously and quickly lowered his voice. Their intense welcome was surprising, but I awkwardly raised my hand in greeting to show I was glad too.

“Uh. Hi.”

“Wow, look at that!”

“Alright, hey. We heard what happened. Are you okay? They said you lost your memory again?”

“Ah… That’s what happened.”

“Damn. What do you mean ‘that’s what happened’?”

If that’s what happened, how else should I say it?