DI Ch 181

“Seo Seung-won, take a proper deep breath and look at me.”

“Right? I’m right, aren’t I? There are things to hide, but how could you not tell me even this? Hyung, really, this level of overprotection is…almost pathological…”

At that moment, my cheeks were firmly grasped and my face was forcibly lifted. The anxiety that had been building up suddenly paused.

“Look at me. Look at my eyes, my nose, my lips. Back to my eyes. Breathe in, breathe out. Slowly, once more.”

As I followed his lead in deep breathing, I realized how erratically I had been breathing. I exhaled my rapid breaths and forcibly inhaled until I calmed down. I’m not sure how many times I did this, but as my scattered breathing settled, I felt my head clearing up. Feeling frustrated, I mumbled through gritted teeth.

“…Don’t calm me down like this.”

“You know it works well, so why complain?”

Tae Seong-je chuckled and then pressed his lips against mine, biting lightly. Maybe because of last night’s teasing, my lips felt a little sore.

“…You didn’t say you would do it.”

“Really? You must not have heard it.”

His tone was teasing, but I didn’t find it annoying. If anything, I was the one feeling impatient. If he’s going to do it, he shouldn’t tease like this. I wish he would just… like yesterday. Anyway, I felt disappointed, thinking he might not do it properly.

“What? Feeling unsatisfied?”

“…”

Unable to deny it even if it were a lie, I stayed silent. Seeing through me, he playfully asks, “Should we do it again? Shall we?” pretending to seek consent.

But because he kept teasing, I strangely felt more calm, as if I was overreacting. It seemed like I was giving too much meaning to nothing and blowing it out of proportion with negative thoughts.

That’s not good. Overthinking was also a problem. Feeling this wasn’t right, I took a deep breath, trying to clear my head and regain composure. As I rested my head against his firm chest for a moment, he casually asked.

“Remember when what I told you before didn’t match with what you remembered?”

“You mean about March?”

“Specifically, last March.”

“Ah, yes. I remember.”

Last March, Tae Seong-je said he met me then, but I had never met him. For me, last March was clearly this year’s March, with no room for confusion. So why were our stories different? Unless our timelines were misaligned, how could they differ? It seemed more plausible that one of us was lying.

“For the record, I didn’t lie. Neither did you.”

“But if you put it that way, it doesn’t make sense…”

I was startled, feeling like he had caught onto my suspicion. I fumbled with my words as if making excuses, but as I said, unless one of us was lying, this didn’t make sense. It might make sense if my memory was split in two, but even that would only be possible if I had a dual personality.

“Seo Seung-won. From now on, no matter what anyone says, try not to be too shocked and just listen like you’re hearing someone else’s story. You’re good at that, aren’t you?”

“…Are you mocking me right now?”

“I mean, don’t be shocked.”

When I reacted sourly, he showed a soft smile and comforted me. His tone was so light that I wondered if he was joking again, but he just smiled, insisting he was serious.

“Anyway, everything hyung tell you is all in the past, so you don’t need to worry too much. Even if it’s not that, it’s all over now, so there’s nothing to be afraid of. The issue is your sibling.”

“My sibling? Why? … Don’t tell me she is here now?”

I was about to ask him to explain more clearly, but I froze at the mention of my sibling. If he brought my friend, he could surely bring my family. But why bring them? They wouldn’t have come willingly from home. Did everyone come together? It’s laughable to worry about getting scolded now, but I was already feeling discouraged.

“Um, if I say I don’t want to hear it, can I not listen?”

“You can, but this is about you and also about us.”

“…”

So, he’s saying I should listen? Even without further explanation, I understood what he meant. If he was asking me to listen for my sake, that would be one thing, but he was asking me to listen for our sake, so how could I refuse? I brushed aside my small complaints and nodded quietly.

We passed by pine trees that looked more picturesque with snow falling and walked past a pond full of lotus plants that hadn’t bloomed. Then I noticed some unusually large leaves, and I turned my head to take a closer look. I thought I might have seen it wrong, but there were indeed massive leaves filling the pond.

“Why are those leaves so big? Are lotus leaves usually like that?”

“No, they’ve been bred to be bigger.”

“Wow, the stems must be as tall as a person.”

“Probably even longer.”

Does that mean the pond is that deep? Imagining the stems swaying in the deep water was somewhat eerie. His soft laughter made it clear my discomfort showed on my face.

“It might be a bit creepy, but it’s worth seeing in August.”

“Do they bloom in August?”

“Probably.”

Suddenly, a delicious smell wafted by. It came from a room where I could sense someone’s presence. It felt quite fresh as I had no memory of eating in a room other than his, but I couldn’t help feeling uncomfortable. As I took off my shoes to step onto the wooden floor, I noticed snow piling up on Tae Seong-je’s shoulders. Tomorrow morning would likely be a spectacular sight. It seemed snow would fall heavily through the early morning.

I brushed the snow off his shoulder, and he brushed off my collar as he whispered.

“Seo Seung-won, remember what I told you.”

“Which part?”

“To listen as if it’s someone else’s story. Whatever your sibling says, think of it as someone else talking.”

“Mm.”

Does he mean to listen to my story as if it’s someone else’s, or to listen to what my sibling says as if it’s a stranger speaking? I nodded, not quite understanding. Even if he told me to act like it wasn’t my story, I was already in a state where I had to do that anyway, so I didn’t particularly need his advice.

As the sliding door opened, the first thing that caught my eye was the dinner table full of food. Then, a girl and a boy who looked like high school students. I couldn’t see any middle-aged couple no matter how hard I looked.

Naturally, I turned towards the girl. My sibling is a younger sister, after all. But I couldn’t recognize her. As I was thinking how unfamiliar even family members you’ve lived with become when you lose your memories, my head was grabbed. Before I could resist, my gaze was forcibly shifted by the strong grip, landing on the unfamiliar boy.

“Not there, this is your sibling.”

“…I don’t think you know, but my sibling is a younger sister.”

“That’s why. It’s surprising.”

His voice was incredibly flat for someone saying such things. What’s going on? Is he joking? But he didn’t seem to be, which was a bit confusing. The person who had been constantly making light jokes until just now was speaking without any hint of that. What is he trying to do?

At that moment, the boy whose presence I couldn’t understand stood up abruptly and said:

“Hyung, I… It’s me. I’m your younger sibling, Seo… Yi-yeon.”

“…”

Who’s Seo Yi-yeon? The name felt unfamiliar like it had no connection to reality. Even though he claimed to be my younger sibling, I could confidently say my younger sibling was not a boy. She was tall, but not that tall, and didn’t have such a sturdy build or a manly voice.

But everyone in this room wasn’t stopping this guy from making absurd claims, and this unfamiliar boy was tearing up while acting familiar with me, so it seemed quite plausible…

“Really?”

“…Yes.”

“Um, did you have surgery?”

“What? …No! I didn’t have that kind of surgery!”

Seeing his face flush with anger, I gestured for him to calm down. I mean, if someone makes such a claim, wouldn’t anyone reasonably wonder if my sibling wanted to be a boy? It’s a natural assumption.

I was confused but had no reason to dislike that my friends’ misfortunes had disappeared during the year I couldn’t remember, so I stayed quiet. I even thought it was a good thing. But my sibling’s gender changing was nothing short of an incident. I could only stand there stupidly in bewilderment. What on earth is going on? I desperately wanted to hold my head but resisted.

“Then talk with each other.”

“What? You’re leaving, hyung?”

Tae Seong-je squeezed my shoulder firmly before letting go. The pressure remaining on my shoulder should have been reassuring, but it made me more anxious. I wished he would just stay with me.

“There’s no need for me to be here too. Seung-won, you eat, and Seung-won’s sibling, don’t speak hastily, talk calmly. Speak slowly while waiting for your brother. There’s plenty of time, so don’t try to say everything at once.”

“I know.”

I alternated between looking at the boy who replied with a tearful, slightly defiant voice across the table, and the girl who couldn’t hide her discomfort. Then I hastily grabbed Tae Seong-je. Is he really just leaving?

What am I supposed to do? How can he leave me alone like this? What am I supposed to talk about? And how am I supposed to act like I’m listening to someone else’s story? This is a different situation, isn’t it?

Wow, I felt like my head was going to explode. It felt like the memories I had with my sister were being torn apart. Even though I hadn’t seen her face for a few months since I became independent, we were still family who had lived together for 19 years.

We were siblings who didn’t have a bad relationship. Even when we fought, we couldn’t stay mad for long because of our affection. We could say things to each other that we couldn’t say to our friends, we kept each other’s secrets and shared our childhood…

“No, hyung, wait.”

“I’ll be nearby.”

“No, no.”

I gestured frantically toward him as he started to leave, but then I stopped abruptly.

“Wait, I… I feel like I’m going to throw up.”