DI Ch 188

“I’ve never heard that name before.”

You know him. I mouthed the name of my friend once more. Lee, Hyun, Wook. Unlike the loud and attention-grabbing Park Kang-woo or Kwon Jung-hyuk, Lee Hyun-wook was always quiet and reserved.

“I don’t know.”

“…”

For a moment, I almost panicked thinking he really didn’t know. These guys are the same here as they were there, so there’s no way he wouldn’t know one of them. And a smart person like him wouldn’t just forget. Seeing him pretend not to know was cute, so I smiled, and he changed his tone as if admitting defeat.

“You still shouldn’t push yourself. Even if they say you’re fine, you can’t even get up or speak properly now. No, you can’t have visitors.”

I knew he was worried I might get worse. But how could I explain that he didn’t need to worry anymore? Since the doctor said I need absolute rest, it seemed like I’d have to tell the truth for him to believe me.

But how could I confess that I had been suffering here too because I couldn’t die? That I was still there. Under that. Under his corpse. I couldn’t drive a stake through his heart when he firmly believed we had died together.

“Later. I’ll tell you later.”

Tae Seong-je misunderstood my sigh and patted my chest to comfort me.

“I’ll let your brother know you’ve woken up instead.”

Huh, I woke up a while ago and he still hasn’t told him? Then again, he probably didn’t have the presence of mind for that. It made sense, so I nodded, but I found it odd. Wouldn’t he usually say he’d contact my parents? Maybe he avoided it, thinking my parents were the same since my brother and friends were the same. Knowing how much he originally disliked my parents, it was understandable.

I stretched out the back of my hand to the person habitually holding my hand. When he cleverly kissed it, I offered my cheek this time. After the cheek, he naturally moved to kiss my nose bridge, forehead, and under my chin. As Tae Seong-je got closer planting butterfly kisses, I hung my arms around his neck and pecked his lips.

I’m happy. In that world, he would push me away so I couldn’t enjoy such luxuries, but here he doesn’t say anything even when I do it. It feels so good. What lies at the end of death? No one knows unless they die, but I knew. This was heaven.

“Wait.”

“…?”

“The doctor said not to get on the bed.”

It seemed he got scolded by the doctor while I was asleep. Since when did he start listening to others so well? I watched in disappointment as he stopped himself from climbing up. I mouthed that it was fine since he was a patient too, but he ignored me as if I was talking nonsense.

“Here, say ah.”

I almost burst out laughing after opening my mouth. It was funny how this guy was trying to appease me with food when I’m mentally 22, and it was funny how I immediately opened my mouth at the “ah” sound.

The candy that slipped into my mouth had a subtle lemon and mint flavor. After eating only tasteless things for so long, something sweet and sour tasted especially delicious.

“Hyung-nim, it’s Oh Jun-ik.”

As I was feeling happy holding the hand of my first love that had seemed impossible to have, someone suddenly spoke up. I didn’t bother looking in the direction of the voice.  had gotten used to people looking for him by now.

I had worried that he couldn’t do anything because of me, but that didn’t seem to be the case as people occasionally came and went looking for him. I saw dozens of people who looked like doctors, but I couldn’t see their faces. It was because of the screen.

There was a large folding screen between the bed surrounded by all sorts of machines and the direction of the door. Men looking for Tae Seong-je would quietly speak from beyond it. It was more like reporting than conversing, and there was never any raised voices, so I often dozed off in the middle of eavesdropping.

They all spoke in the same monotonous tone, like a radio, which made me even sleepier. This time was no different, and I started nodding off again. Anyway, if there hadn’t been a screen, it would have been a series of awkward situations, but since there was, I could recover comfortably by his side.

“Are you sleeping?”

No. As I mumbled, I felt the touch of lips on my cheekk. At the same time, a kissing sound tickled my ear. I couldn’t stop the corners of my mouth from twitching upwards. I wasn’t really asleep, so I could feel all the sounds and movements.

But to his eyes, I must look like I’m sleeping. So I thought he would go do his work or at least turn off the lights, but he didn’t. Tae Seong-je held my wrist for a long time and showed strange behavior like laying his head on my chest.

He could tell my heart was beating fine just by looking at the machines, so it was a bit odd that he was directly checking my pulse or heartbeat. I felt a shadow fall over my eyelids, as if he was looking at my face. He must be very anxious. At this rate, I’m not sure if he’s sleeping well.

Naturally, worry chased away my sleep. When I opened my eyes, I saw Tae Seong-je about to kiss my fingertips. Surprised that I had woken up, he froze instead of completing the kiss.

I stared at him blankly. Every detail, from his disheveled hair to his unchanged gaze. The light was softly glowing, keeping the room from being pitch dark, and I loved having him by my side in that light.

“I could have not been caught.”

“What time is it?”

“Two o’clock.”

“Afternoon?”

“Morning. Doesn’t your throat hurt?”

Seeing me speak quite a bit, he worries about my throat first and offers water. As I swallowed the lukewarm water, I felt a refreshing sensation as if dust was being washed away.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“Just because.”

“…”

“Just. I’m feeling you.”

As if to illustrate, he brushed my arm and kissed my shoulder. Despite his smile, there was a dry and weary feeling to him. Maybe he was just tired.

“Get some sleep.”

“Okay.”

He showed no intention of getting into bed or leaving, yet he responded obediently. My legs didn’t cooperate, but my arms were fine, so I propped my chin up and looked at him askew.

“You’re not going to sleep?”

“I’d rather watch something good.”

I expected him to tell me to sleep more, but for once, he didn’t. I traced his face with my fingers. His nose bridge, cheekbones, soft cheeks, and lips. When my fingertips reached his Adam’s apple, I pulled my hand back, feeling a sense of fulfillment.

“Shall we go for a night walk?”

“A walk?”

His expression became subtle when I gestured towards the outside. He seemed to be contemplating.

“Feeling stuffy?”

“A little?”

Honestly, it wasn’t stuffy enough to make the room more pleasant than outside, but even if it was obvious I was lying, I wanted to get some fresh air together.

“Carry me on your back.”

When I shamelessly demanded that from someone who had just brought over a wheelchair, he smiled, pulling one corner of his mouth up.

“You’re on an IV drip right now.”

“We can take it out for a bit. By the way, what am I getting?”

“Painkillers.”

No wonder I didn’t feel much pain. I watched absentmindedly as he removed the tape holding the needle in place, but then he turned my head away. He was manually turning my head.

“Don’t look.”

“Why?”

“What’s the point of looking?”

That made sense, so I waited obediently. The person who said he’d get my outer clothes and be back in 10 minutes overprepared me. I complained that it was April, not November, and that I didn’t want to dress so stuffily. We finally agreed on just wearing a cardigan.

“It feels like it’s been a while since I’ve been carried.”

“You’re right, it has been a while.”

We left the room smiling, but I’m not sure how many doors he opened. I was almost overwhelmed, but once we got outside, I was too busy taking in the new sights to care. It seemed they had uprooted the pine trees and planted cherry trees, as there were many cherry blossom petals scattered on the grass. Though it was a shame to lose the charming pine trees, the cherry trees weren’t bad to look at in the early morning.

Maybe because my memories weren’t properly sorted yet, I was a bit confused. There it was August in midsummer, and here it had been snowing in February, so it was understandable to be mixed up. I prefer winter to summer, but spring is nice too, and I found myself humming. April was a good month for night walks. The air was refreshingly cool and warm, and his back was wide and comfortable, even more so than the bed.

“Hyung, let’s come out again tomorrow.”

“Do you like it?”

“Yes.”

What’s the point of me sleeping alone next to someone who can’t sleep at night? It’s better to spend time together like this. Hugging his neck, I looked around. We had been walking for about twenty minutes, and the scenery started to look familiar.

A spot filled with soil stands out among the lush grass. Wasn’t there originally a pond there? It’s a shame, the leaves were big and creepy, but it would have been nice to see when the flowers bloomed in summer. For the sake of the mental health of the person changing his steps as if we had come to the wrong place, I didn’t mention it out loud.

“Hyung, I want to see Sand.”

“I’ll show you when you’re fully recovered.”

I knew I would get better soon, but he didn’t know that yet. What was his intention behind such words if he thought I wouldn’t recover? Was it just giving me false hope?

“Where is Sand? It must have grown a lot.”

“He has grown a lot. He’s doing well here. He’s grown sideways too and become a pig. I told them not to, but someone keeps giving him snacks.”

It seems he’s being well-loved, which puts my mind at ease. I told him lots of stories about Sand that he didn’t know, like how his name came from the sound of his claws, not his color. While happily talking, I suddenly felt regretful and clicked my tongue without realizing.

“He must have forgotten me, right?”

“Does that make you sad?”

“A little.”

“You remember him. That’s enough, isn’t it?”

“Still. Did you feel the same way? Were you sad when I couldn’t remember you?”

They say you get three chances in life,  but I don’t know why instead of chances, I lost my memory three times and made the person I love suffer. I buried my head in his shoulder and waited for his answer.