DI Ch 190

I stretched out my hand to him, raising my head to look around. The pavilion, which must have been hidden somewhere, was large and even magnificent. Perhaps due to the soft lighting, even the cherry blossom petals seemed to glow dimly yet brilliantly, making me feel as if I had entered another world.

After seating me up here, he came close, embracing my waist and lifting my chin. Does he do this knowing that I like looking down at his face? If my legs could move, I would have trapped him between them to prevent him from escaping. It was a pity.

“You don’t have to believe it.”

“Believe what?”

“That I was going to give up everything to be with you.”

At first, I didn’t understand and just stared blankly, then stopped breathing.

“…Back then? There?”

I couldn’t stop my eyes from widening as I asked him in a choked voice. I had been so desperate for him to come over, but I never sensed any hint that he was willing to date me. Even if he might be an adopted son here, he was a biological son there, so choosing me would have meant abandoning his fmily. It would have been like turning his back on his parents, yet he had thought about living with me for life.

I was truly moved. I was moved, but suddenly I felt angry. It meant that if there hadn’t been an accident, if he hadn’t died, we could have lived well together there too. As I started breathing heavily in agitation, Tae Seong-je patted my back. I tried to calm down by tracing his features, but still unable to quell my anger, I hugged his face tightly.

“I’m really happy, hyung. Just hearing you say that makes me happy, but damn it, why didn’t you tell me back then? I thought you were so angry at me for breaking my promise that you’d keep hating me and wouldn’t date me even if you liked me.”

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t something I could quit overnight, and I didn’t know when it would be possible, so I was planning to tell you when the time came.”

“You shouldn’t have acted so mean…”

“I thought I should let you go if your feelings changed. I did that just in case.”

“My feelings won’t change…”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

I only let him go after making him promise not to even imagine my feelings changing. His hair had become messy from how tightly I had hugged him. I tried my best to restore his hair to its original state, stroking it diligently. While focusing intently, I then spoke in a sulky tone.

“I would have dated you even if you didn’t quit…”

“How could I do that when I knew perfectly well that continuing this work would put you in danger? I’d have to keep you locked up, or maybe it would have been okay if I had established myself properly. But I knew living an ordinary life with you would be more fun and happier. So if I had to give something up, it was right to give that up.”

I tried hard not to smile. My heart feels like it might burst from happiness. He said just having me around is fun and makes him happy… As I tried to calm myself, but then I saw him looking troubled.

“What’s wrong?”

“I was thinking of doing that here too.”

“…But?”

“I can’t because I caused an accident trying to save you. If I had been in my right mind, I would have found another way, but your heart had stopped then, so I wasn’t thinking straight either.”

My mouth fell open. Damn, my heart?

“Oh, that was a close call.”

“We were lucky.”

He looked at me intently, as if genuinely relieved and confirming once again that I was alive. I was sincerely relieved too. If the timing had been bad, I might have ended up in the afterlife instead of here. My heart raced at the thought that I might not have been able to come back if things had gone wrong. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say he had saved my life twice.

“But what about the accident? What did you do?”

“I don’t regret it because you’re alive thanks to that, but to clean up the mess, I’ll have to continue doing what I’ve been doing here until I retire.”

“…What exactly did you do? t’s not something dangerous, right?”

Not getting a straightforward answer made me even more worried. What exactly did he do? I urged him to answer, stroking his cheek and the back of his neck. After a moment of silence, he spoke up.

“Will you still love me no matter what I do?”

“Yes.”

The answer came quickly and firmly. I loved him enough to endure anything from him from the start.

“Even if I killed someone?”

“…”

“…”

“…Did someone see you?”

“What?”

“I mean, you can clean up a crime scene or get rid of evidence, but witnesses are a different story. Did someone see you? Are they threatening you to do as they say or else?”

It was clear that by “accident,” he meant he had killed someone. I always thought this day might come, but I couldn’t believe it actually had. I expected to feel tense and nervous, but I was surprisingly calm. Instead, he called my name in an even more serious tone.

“Seo Seung-won.”

“Yes?”

“Think before you speak.”

“…”

“Take your time and think it through.”

“Okay…”

“It was just an example, but think about it seriously.”

Oh. Had I sounded thoughtless? This kind of topic is difficult to bring up. And Tae Seong-je isn’t someone who does things without reason. He always had a reason. Even if he k1lled someone, there must have been a reason. Of course, if he had killed an elderly person or an innocent ordinary person, I wouldn’t have understood even if there was a reason, but I didn’t think he would k1ll a weak person. At the very least, he must have k1lled a bad person.

“Have you finished thinking?”

I quickly nodded.

“I’ll transfer to the law department. No matter what anyone says, I’ll become a lawyer who only supports and defend you. Don’t go to jail, live with me. And let’s run away to a foreign country.”

“…I’ll just live a good life.”

He told me to stop talking nonsense and not to have foolish thoughts, but I seriously considered transferring to law department. Since I only went to business department because my father told me to, it wouldn’t matter if I changed majors now. I could endure visiting him in prison, but I’d rather live together if possible.

“So what kind of accident did you have?”

“Someone was originally lying in the bed you were supposed to be in… I asked them to vacate the spot.”

“…”

Would he really have politely asked them to vacate the spot? Obviously not.

“…I guess they didn’t agree willingly?”

“They were in a vegetative state, so they couldn’t respond.”

The life support equipment and everything else must have been for that person. I nodded with an ambiguous expression.

“Who… who was it?”

“My adoptive father.”

Ah, the organization’s boss? Is that right?

“I knew he was a tough old man, but he lived true to himself until the end. It was amazing how he didn’t d1e right away but lived for a few more days.”

“…”

“Still, it’s no different from me k1lling him.”

“…Is it dangerous for you?”

“Not as much as you think.”

“Well, that’s a relief, I guess.”

Is it really okay? What usually happens when a boss dies? Does the organization fall apart? Does the successor take over? Isn’t this insubordination? Will the members of the organization accept it? Although he’s mature, isn’t he still considered young among these people? Since I only learned about the gangster world through movies, it didn’t feel real and I was just anxious.

“I think it’ll be okay if you say you still love me.”

Whether he knew about my anxiety or not, he seemed to want to confirm my love. And of course, my answer was:

“I still love you. When I said I’d go to hell with you, I wasn’t saying it without resolve.”

“…Thank you. I love you too.”

He sighed, relaxing his shoulders as if he had been tense. I regretted not taking more interest in his work. I’m not sure if he would have answered properly if I had asked about the organization’s affairs, but I wished I had at least roughly grasped the situation. Even though he said it was okay, he must be anxious, and I felt sorry that I couldn’t be someone he could rely on in moments like this.

“Are you sure no one is giving you trouble? What if someone betrays you?”

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about that. Just worry about yourself. You’re not fully recovered yet. It’s a miracle you woke up like this, but that doesn’t mean you’re healthy.”

I flinched at his words about not being healthy, but I nodded obediently like it was a white lie. As he turned his back, saying we should go in now, I hugged his neck tightly. Did he kill his adoptive father because he wanted to? If so, he would have done it long ago. I couldn’t blame someone who did such a thing to save my life. Instead, I worried if he was hiding the guilt and torment of having killed his adoptive father.

“Hyung.”

“Yeah.”

“I love you.”

“Me too.”

I slowly rubbed my forehead against the shoulder of the person who said he loved me a lot, then lifted my head. The pre-dawn sky still looked like it was about to pour stars. The night sky was still filled with stars as if they would pour down. Coincidentally, the last two night skies I saw before closing my eyes were equally bright. This place and that place were both equally bright and beautiful, as if to say they were places where people lived.

“Actually, I thought you’d tell me to go back to sleep instead of taking a walk, so I was surprised when you easily agreed.”

I chose a light topic because I wanted to change the subject from the heavy conversation, but I was really surprised. After all, I had been in a coma for weeks, so I thought he would insist on absolute rest, even tying my limbs to make me rest, but instead, he readily came out with me. For someone who was usually so strict about my health, his behavior was unexpectedly lenient.

“…I kept telling you to sleep.”

I was poking at his cheek, making little dimples when he finally responded. What does he mean by that? Surely not what I’m thinking, right?

“Hyung, just to clarify, it’s not your fault that this happened to me. You know that, right?”

“…”

Why isn’t he answering? He told me not to overexert myself, to take my medicine and sleep, almost every day. But that was because he was worried about me, not because he was cursing me to never wake up.

“Hyung. It was an accident. My knees suddenly gave out. If there’s any fault, it would be mine for standing there. Should we say it was my fault, or should we say it was no one’s fault? Let’s clear this up.”

“Does it have to be one of the two?”

“Yes.”

“…Then the answer is already decided.”

If he had insisted until the end that it was his fault, I would have argued all night that it wasn’t. Fortunately, thanks to him agreeing, albeit reluctantly, to say it was no one’s fault, so I didn’t have to exhaust myself with explanations.