DI Ch 193

He bent his ring finger and lightly scratched my cheek, then gently stroked my warm eyes and forehead. My eyelids fluttered, almost closing at his caring touch. At first, I thought he was checking my temperature, but he was simply caressing my face as if pitying me.

“Should we perform an exorcism or something?”

Hmm. He muttered jokingly to himself, but it didn’t sound like a joke. The way he’s looking at me, I must appear quite pitiful. Well, with all that’s happened, an exorcism wouldn’t be out of place. It felt strange. There was a time when I wished he would look at me with pity. If he wasn’t going to love me, I wanted him to at least pity me enough to stop saying he didn’t like me and just give in.

I wished that even if he didn’t comfort me when I cried, he would at least pretend to wipe my tears. And that even if he pushed me away, he wouldn’t tell me to disappear from his sight. In front of him, I dared to be greedy and shamelessly hoped for many things. And finally, he came to pity me. Ironically, my feelings had changed, and I wanted him to think of me as manly, reliable, and dependable.

Suddenly, I felt dizzy enough for the room to spin, and my insides felt hot. I frowned, letting out a heavy sigh. As I groaned, he pitied me even more. I should start eating more protein and slowly begin exercising from today. If I don’t become healthy enough to not even catch a cold, he’ll only become more overprotective instead of relying on me.

Somehow, the rough fingertips touching my skin felt more ticklish. His thoughtful and affectionate touch reminded me of that time, making my heart flutter. That day when I was sick and confused, the countless days when I found comfort in his arms…

“At least blink a little. Your eyes must be dry.”

Way to ruin the mood. I nodded obediently despite my displeasure, but his lips only twisted crookedly, making me curious.

“What’s wrong?”

“Stop smiling and listen to me.”

“Ah.”

Feeling embarrassed at his reprimand, I covered my mouth with the back of my hand. I even bit the soft flesh inside my mouth to stop smiling, but I was still in trouble as the smile kept coming. Strangely, the more I tried not to smile, the more it felt like I was being tickled, making it impossibly hard to hold back.

“Just stay still.”

As I finally curled up and giggled, he warned me with a deliberately stern voice. I nodded, but it didn’t go as I intended. My gaze was already restless, landing on his chest. I felt a bit proud seeing my bite marks intertwined with his scars, still clearly visible.

All night, I had wondered how each scar came to be, what it would have been like if I had been by his side before these wounds appeared. I had licked and bitten each one, feeling upset. But looking at them now, it seemed really erotic…

“…I’m feeling dizzier.”

“See?”

Tae Seong-je made a mischievous expression and lightly tapped my cheek with his finger as if punishing me, then covered my eyes with his palm. My vision suddenly went dark, and my eyes naturally closed.

“That’s why I told you to close your eyes and lie still. You’re always so good at not listening.”

Even though his words were sarcastic, both his words and the emotions behind them were as warm as his palm, making the corners of my mouth twitch again. His rough hand was so large that even my forehead felt warm, making me drowsy. Suddenly, through the gaps between his fingers, I saw him buttoning up his shirt that he hadn’t managed to close earlier.

Because of me, in many ways… From dawn to morning… His top… Still unbuttoned…

“Seo Seung-won. Stop it.”

In an instant, his palm slid down to the tip of my nose, blocking my view. What’s this?

“Staying still includes your eyes too.”

“No, what did I do now… I’m just looking at what’s mine. You’re mine, hyung.”

He once said everything about him was mine, so why can’t I look? As I expressed my frustration, he hesitated for a moment, then removed his hand covering my eyes. I thought he might scold me for his sudden change in attitude, but I stopped trying to read his mood when I saw the dimples on his cheeks repeatedly appearing and disappearing.

“You’re funny.”

“It’s because you’re laughing, hyung.”

“Don’t make excuses.”

He finished his words rather coldly, but a smile was spread across his face, so I smiled comfortably. Tae Seong-je kissed my eyelids before pulling away and continuing to button up his shirt. It was just a simple act of buttoning, but his fingers’ movements seemed sensual, making me feel strangely aroused.

When he climbed onto the bed and lay down next to me, I felt a tingling sensation inside, making it really difficult to stay still. Then, perhaps intending to put me to sleep, he started patting me gently. I doubted it would make me sleepy, but it felt nice.

Pat, pat, despite his clumsy touch, it was so gentle that it softened my mind. We looked at each other with our faces close and smiled silently. I know only happiness awaits us, but I’m already so happy that my heart feels like it might burst.

“Mine.”

“Yes. Yours.”

This adorable person is mine. As I playfully poked his dimples, he readily agreed. I felt so happy that my fingers slowed down, and Tae Seong-je playfully nibbled on the tip of my index finger when it slipped from his dimple. So cute. Looking at his even teeth, I muttered without realizing. How cute. Why is my hyung so cute?

“So cute…”

Perhaps due to the intensity of my feelings, my thoughts suddenly escaped my lips. I belatedly closed my mouth, but Tae Seong-je, who never let such things slide, laughed and asked,

“What’s cute? You?”

“You, hyung.”

“…”

Thinking there was no reason not to answer since it wasn’t an insult. I told him again that he was cute. As I answered clearly, he got up from his seat with a smile and silently adjusted the IV line.  Maybe he felt embarrassed? That was cute too. How can someone be cuter now than when they were younger? I knew he was eight years older than me now, not just two, yet he seemed cuter.

I giggled and followed the IV line with my eyes. The drip had noticeably slowed down. My mind was fuzzy, and I stared at it blankly. Suddenly, the hand I had left awkwardly hanging in the air was gently held.

“Don’t look at other things, just keep looking at me. You said I’m cute.”

At those words, I stared at Tae Seong-je again as if entranced. I subtly interlocked our fingers, and he reciprocated, kissing the back of my hand. Every little thing made my heart flutter. His gaze towards me, his gestures, tone of voice, and expression—all directed at me—were so overwhelming that I felt grateful. It had been more than a few days since we started dating, but perhaps because of my memories of begging to meet him, even just receiving a kiss made me so happy and joyful that I felt like I could die.

As he quietly watched me, waiting for me to calm down, I happily gazed back at him and let out a soft, languid sigh. As my dizziness subsided and nausea faded, and the fatigue from staying up all night finally caught up with me, making me drowsy.

“Looks like you’re feeling better.”

I wanted to say I felt much better and that I could stand up straight without falling this time. But the gentle touch of his thumb brushing my eyebrow felt so nice that I could only move my lips slightly.

“Back then… Hyung, back then…”

When I finally managed to speak, a very sleepy voice came out. His fingertips, which had been combing along my eyebrows, moved up to my forehead. As I mumbled slowly, he began to tidy my disheveled hair.

“I once wondered what kind of person would suit you best, hyung.”

I thought it had to be someone really impressive and amazing. I imagined many possibilities, but I never thought it would be me. That made me depressed and miserable, but now I know.

“What kind of person suits me well?”

“Me. I suit you best, hyung.”

That’s right. It was just me all along. Why didn’t I realize it back then? Maybe I couldn’t think straight because I was in pain.

“Why do you think we got back together? Because we have no one else but each other.”

“You’re right.”

He whispered. His low voice was deep and rough as if scraping the floor, sending a shiver down my spine. Though his face showed a playful expression, he seemed a bit melancholic. His tone also conveyed a sense of sadness.

“Then we should have recognized each other. I feel awful for not realizing it sooner.”

“Huh, what do you mean?”

“You remembered me from the moment we first met here.”

Uh, no. He must have read the denial on my face because his eyebrows shot up and the gloomy atmosphere disappeared. Tae Seong-je questioned, seeming confused.

“You suddenly wore a school uniform. Wasn’t that to make me remember?”

“…Hyung, I’m sleepy.”

I pretended I couldn’t keep my drowsy eyelids open and quietly closed my eyes. For someone who had been chattering away just fine to suddenly stop talking so unnaturally, even an idiot would have noticed. He was sure to tease me mercilessly. It’s true I wore it to get his attention, but I didn’t want him to know I had such indecent intentions. No, I had tried to arouse him because he wouldn’t touch me at all, but he misunderstood it in such a positive way. It was even more embarrassing.

***

I had a dream. It had been a very long time since I’d had a dream about nothing in particular. There was a time when I couldn’t even dream, but now even that has become a thing of the past. Time felt like it was moving fast.

In the dream, I was holding hyung’s hand and wandering around a familiar neighborhood. Whenever we saw a nice view, we’d stop abruptly and talk. The point of stopping was to talk while looking at the scenery, but we faced each other as we conversed.

I realized it was a dream because we had grown too big to fit in a school setting without feeling out of place. Especially with him sitting on a desk against the backdrop of a blackboard and a teacher’s desk, he seemed less like a student and more like a stranger who didn’t belong in a school.

Noticing this, I realized it had been broad daylight the entire time we were walking and talking, and that made me aware I was dreaming. To confirm, I unbuttoned his shirt and saw countless flowers blooming around the familiar dragon tattoo that still felt awkward to look at directly.

I decided to enjoy this moment for a while. Knowing now that dreams are just fleeting moments, my heart felt lighter than ever. As is often the case in dreams, he appeared younger, enough that our eyes met whenever he turned his head. Cute. I used to think he was just cool, but now he looked cute. Maybe it was because he looked younger, more gentle and kind than he does now. Or maybe not?