DI Ch 198

What are you doing here.

“You asked me to call him.”

The answer came from Tae Seong-je’s mouth, not from the other person. Ah, right. I did ask for that. Somehow at a loss for words, I just awkwardly nodded. Maybe it’s because I didn’t expect to suddenly meet like this, even though I had asked for it. The familiar face felt strangely unfamiliar.

Still, Lee Hyun-wook, the friend I had almost forgotten from not seeing him for so long, looked the same as ever. His characteristically blunt, almost austere expression remained unchanged, and his direct gaze was just as I remembered. To be the same even in a moment like this – I don’t think I could have looked at myself straight if I were him…

“Where did your brother go again?”

Tae Seong-je’s skeptical voice interrupted my thoughts, asking about my brother. He must have brought him along, but there were only the three of us in the room. Lee Hyun-wook, the only one who knew, awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck before speaking.

“He’s… in the bathroom.”

“I told him to stay put, but he never listens.”

“…”

Lee Hyun-wook’s firm jaw tensed as he closed his mouth. It didn’t seem like something to get upset about, but he reacted immediately. This attitude was unlike him, and as I thought it strange, I noticed his voice and expression differently. His complexion looked quite drained, like someone tired from waiting, and my suspicion turned to certainty. Did he not just arrive, but has he been waiting here all this time?

Wait, hold on, how long had he been here? As I raised my head, Tae Seong-je, who had been pouting earlier, now relaxed his expression and smiled brightly. Does he think that smile fixes everything? It seems like he really does. Even though it might be true, I couldn’t help but shake my head at his antics. I could have handled my guest when his guest arrived. Thinking this was hopeless, I shook my head involuntarily.

“Hyung, give us some privacy to talk.”

I was about to ask him to leave, but I stopped immediately. The smile had subtly disappeared from his face, replaced by a lonely expression.

“…”

“…”

“…Then what about me?”

“…”

What should I do? Even though I knew he was pretending to be lonely, I couldn’t just brush it off. He wasn’t a kid anymore, and I knew he wasn’t really feeling down. But that expression of his—that was the problem. Even when we were in high school, he would make that exact face when asking for a difficult favor.

That’s why I often did things I wouldn’t normally do. Reminiscing about the past, I was suddenly shocked. Hyung must have known all along. I furrowed my brow as I blankly stared at him, sensing a bitter atmosphere. Wasn’t it him who accused me of being sly, calling me a fox? Now I think it’s him who has a fox tail to hide. I might need to check that out when he’s asleep.

Even though I realized it a bit late, I wasn’t the naive seventeen-year-old I once was. Now that I saw it again, his tactics were obvious. Hyung must know that I’m not easily fooled by those tricks anymore, but he still does it out of habit, almost like muscle memory. He used to pull this on me so often, and I fell for it every single time.

Still, I couldn’t let him stay in the room. It was clear that Lee Hyun-wook was uncomfortable around him, so how could I keep them both here? There was something important I needed to hear from Hyun-wook, and I couldn’t stand the thought of him clamming up because he felt uneasy. But I couldn’t leave Hyung alone either. It felt like trying to solve one of those tricky river-crossing puzzles, but I finally made up my mind.

“Where are you going?”

“Just a moment.”

After telling Hyun-wook to wait a bit, I returned to the previous room. It was supposed to be quick, but someone couldn’t resist following me.

“I’ll come with you. Where are you going?”

“To that room from earlier. There’s something I need to get.”

“Did you leave something behind? Alright. Come here. I’ll carry you on my back.”

“…”

“Your knees are still weak. Don’t overdo it.”

“Just support me, please.”

Actually, even being supported was a bit much, but I didn’t want to embarrass or disappoint anyone, so I settled for a different request. Contrary to my expectation that no one would be there, there was someone in the room. Judging by the cleaning they were doing, they seemed to be someone who worked here. The presence of household staff wasn’t surprising. In fact, it would have been much stranger for a mansion of this size not to have any.

They must have worked here for a long time. Not only were their actions quick and skillful, but as soon as we entered, they briefly paused their work to quietly greet us – or rather, Tae Seong-je- with an extremely respectful attitude. It wasn’t an act or imitation, but an ingrained behavior that suddenly made me feel relieved. Since he said he had lived here since childhood, it seemed he hadn’t been treated with disrespect.

Also, maybe because I was used to seeing men in black suits around here, the sight of someone in a brightly colored hanbok was refreshing and even welcoming. I bowed my head in greeting and quickly moved behind a folding screen to avoid getting in the way of their cleaning. Fortunately, the snack table and bedding were still there. I gathered the cushion I liked best and some of the untouched snacks before returning.

Thinking the weather would be nice and hoping he’d get to see the cherry blossoms in full bloom before they fell in the spring rain, I sat him down in the corridor. I picked some flowers from the garden, placed them in his hand, and said:

“Enjoy the flowers here for a bit. I’m going to talk to my friend.”

“…”

He rolled the purple flower between his palms and slowly nodded. He seemed to like it. Though he didn’t seem to handle sudden disappearances well, he seemed okay with this much. It was right by the door, so even if I closed it, he would still be able to hear our voices and the sounds from the room. The change in roles this time felt a bit amusing.

I didn’t say anything like I’d be back soon. I’ve learned it’s better not to make promises I can’t keep, even in passing. When I finally returned to the room where Lee Hyun-wook was waiting, his expression was souring. It seemed like he had grown tired of waiting; his normally expressionless face didn’t look good.

“Hey. Last summer—”

Ah. Even though he’s trying to stay calm and composed, his impatience is showing. He skipped the usual pleasantries and got straight to the point before I even had a chance to sit down. Feeling a bit awkward, I scratched my cheek and closed the sliding door, leaving just a hand’s width of space. Then, as I sat down in front of him, Lee Hyun-wook suddenly asked,

“Did you hurt your leg again?”

“…No.”

I hadn’t recognized him at first, but I remembered that during the almost year-long time we spent in the same classroom, there was rarely a day when my knees weren’t bruised. Back then, it felt like I wasn’t living, but just forcibly breathing and enduring days of feeling exiled from my people and my country. That’s why I was in pain more often and felt more miserable, feeling like I was withering away no matter how much I ate, exercised, or studied tirelessly. He, along with the others, had watched this, so he seemed to think my leg was acting up again.

“I’m fine now. All the pain is gone. It’s all over, so I won’t have any reason to be in pain anymore.”

‘It’s all over,’ I realized I had misspoken, so I quickly brushed it off, saying there was no need to worry anymore. Whether he didn’t find it strange or was just relieved to hear that I was better, Lee Hyun-wook’s face brightened with a sense of relief.

I stared at him as he sighed with relief and then asked,

“You, when I last contacted you…”

“…”

“You pretended not to know, even though you understood everything and remembered it all.”

“…”

The silence dragged on. By now, I already knew what his answer would be. I waited, not taking my eyes off him as he struggled to find the words. Finally, he opened his mouth, though it took him a moment to speak.

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

Feeling foolish for both accusing him and for my choked voice, I closed my mouth for a moment. I didn’t want to get worked up without hearing his reasons first. I took a moment to compose myself, pressing my tired eyes with my fingers.

“Why did you do that?”

Why did he really do it…? Unlike Park Kang-woo or Kwon Jung-hyuk, Lee Hyun-wook and I had been friends since we were kids. We got along well, our personalities meshed, and our family backgrounds were similar, which made us closer than I was with the others. We hadn’t shared many deep conversations, but we had a comfortable, easygoing relationship without any awkwardness, which is why it was even more incomprehensible. We hadn’t fallen out, nothing had happened between us, and yet he had chosen to remain silent for so long.

Thinking there must have been a reason, I waited for him to speak again, inwardly recalling that day step by step. When all the memories came back, I could see again the lonely times of the past. Lee Hyun-wook’s behavior stood out, puzzling me even more. I wanted to know why he had gone to such lengths to pretend he didn’t know me. Why had he lied? And then, why he looked for me after all that.

“I’m sorry.”

“…”

“I’m really sorry.”

The apology felt empty, fleeting as it reached me and quickly dissipated.

“…”

“…Is that all?”

I broke the silence with a hollow question, and he apologized again. He kept saying he was sorry, over and over. It was strange. I was sure he had more to say. Given the situation, I expected him to offer an explanation, to at least try to justify himself, but instead…

We were in the same classroom for almost a year. There had been plenty of time. So, until the day he left for abroad, there must have been some unavoidable reason why he didn’t, or couldn’t, say a word to me. Maybe his own situation was so urgent that he couldn’t spare a thought for me. But even so…

“You could have at least pretended to know me.”

He could’ve said something to reassure me, that I didn’t have to be so anxious. Even if I didn’t recognize it or understand it at the time, he could’ve told me I wasn’t alone. He could’ve pointed out that even if my body didn’t feel like my own, it was still mine, and that everything I thought wasn’t mine, was in fact mine…