DI Ch 200

“Are you afraid that I might hate you?”

“…What?”

“It seems like you’re more worried about something else than feeling sorry for me.”

A flicker of shock crossed his innocent face, drenched from the rain. Then, as if moving against his will, he nodded blankly before catching his breath and turning bright red. He probably didn’t realize it himself, but I felt exasperated thinking that he must have secretly hoped I’d forgive him easily. He probably wanted me to say it was okay and move on like I usually do. How anxious he must have been.

My eyelid stung where the rainwater touched it as if the skin had been scraped. Suddenly, I worried about it leaving a scar, but despite my concern, I couldn’t stop scratching. If it were on my arm, at least I could cover it with clothing, but it’s my face—completely exposed. I really shouldn’t let it show. I finally drew blood, but the blood on my fingernails was diluted by raindrops and soon disappeared. Tae Seong-je was the type to get upset even when my usually pristine hands got a little dirty, so how much would it distress him to see scratch marks above my eye?

Imagining that face in my mind made my heart ache, and I frowned as I followed his back with my eyes. He’s talking with Lee Hyun-wook. Damn it, what do they have to talk about? I forced down an inexplicable sense of displeasure and stumbled forward. My impatience made my body clumsy. How did people usually walk again?

I no longer cared about the circumstances of a friend who didn’t really feel like a friend, and I was sick of the endless pitiful expressions on my brother’s face. I just thought about taking care of Tae Seong-je and returning to my room. We needed to talk. We had so much to discuss. We needed to, but… what? My mind suddenly cleared, and I stopped my urgent steps, blankly staring at his broad back.

Who could have known things would turn out like this? That trying to protect me couldn’t be a crime? That it wasn’t his fault? That I was okay?

“…”

What should I do? No matter how much I say it’s okay, it doesn’t seem like it will be. What should I do?

Despite it being the warmest spring weather yet, and the air still feeling warm even in the light rain, my whole body felt cool and chilly. For a moment, my vision blurred, and as I rubbed my wet eyelids as if to wipe them, Seo Seung-joon suddenly stepped up in front of me.

“…is that a lie? You’re still in pain, aren’t you?”

I looked blankly at Seo Seung-joon, who was fidgeting anxiously, saying my face looked too pale, and shook my head. He must have been talking to me as he followed beside me, but my mind was elsewhere, so the only words I registered were the last ones.

Judging by how he seems to know I’ve gotten better, he must have heard about it beforehand. I wondered if Tae Seong-je had told him, considering him family, but then the thought struck me: ‘Why did he come alone?’ Where were our parents?

Even if no news is good news, and even though they might be holding back from contacting me because they think it would make me uncomfortable, it was strange that they hadn’t come, even in a situation like this. It was very strange. Now that I think about it, they wouldn’t normally send a minor without a guardian, so why didn’t they come with him? Oh no. Don’t tell me…

“But, hyung, do you really hate me? No matter what, can’t you forgive me? What do I have to do? What can I do to make you not be mad? And that thing you said earlier—you didn’t mean it, right? Right?”

“Hey. Did you not tell them anything at home?”

“Huh?”

“Do they both know nothing right now?”

At my pointed question, Seo Seung-joon flinched and stammered a denial. I might not be a good son, but you’re no better. Well, whatever. It’s not surprising. We share the same blood, so it’s possible for us both to be unfilial.

“Don’t give me that. What exactly did you tell them? You didn’t tell them everything, did you?”

“How could I tell them everything?”

He burst out, then quickly looked at me and mumbled.

“I mean, they had a hard time even getting you hospitalized, how could I tell them everything…”

“How did you explain it?”

“I just said you needed time to think alone… That you only told me before you left, and not to worry if there’s no contact…”

You must have been so happy. If they find out everything in the end, they’ll be even more delighted. I was about to make a sarcastic remark, but I didn’t bother opening my mouth since it was true that thanks to him, I had one less thing to worry about. So this is how the situation unfolds.

“If you had contacted Mom and Dad earlier, you wouldn’t have had to keep lying…”

“What? Are you feeling wronged?”

When I asked back, unable to hide my irritation, he quickly shook his head. When was the last time I contacted them? Did I do it last fall? Or was it summer? Feeling the rain getting lighter, almost stopping, I swallowed a sigh. So, you’re saying they didn’t know that their child was kidnapped, went missing, nearly died, and has been in a coma for months, only to finally wake up?

“Stop crying. “

My head was already throbbing, and his sniffles only made it worse. He looked at me with teary eyes, as if he had been through a lot. Well, lies tend to snowball—one adds to another, and before you know it, they’ve grown out of control. Plus, since the people he was lying to didn’t want to hear lies, he must have been even more anxious.

If a child could choose their parents, Seo Seung-joon would definitely choose the people here. They’re a connection that was hard to come by, so even when things become routine, he’ll still treasure it. As much as he cherishes them, the parents here are very good people, so they’re probably deeply hurt that their eldest son hasn’t been in touch with them, and they’ve been worrying day and night about his health.

Given what they’re like, would they really be living without caring about me, as he hopes? And did they truly not notice? It’s more likely they’ve been turning a blind eye to lies they’ve already figured out. Maybe they’re waiting for me to reach out to them first.

“Stop crying. Go study.”

The crying boy stared at me with his mouth agape. His expression seemed to ask if I was serious. He doesn’t get it. Even if they’re family, they’re still others, and countless people have ruined their own lives by worrying about others’. He seemed to firmly believe that won’t be his case.

If he were in his right mind, he’d know this isn’t the time for this. Is he not taking the college entrance exam? Maybe he needs to retake a year to come to his senses. Some things can’t be undone—like scars that must heal, words that have been spoken, and relationships that have lost trust—and he’s just standing there, clueless.

Leaving Seo Seung-joon reaching out to me behind, I carefully approached Tae Seong-je’s back. Instead of calling his name, I stood behind him and gently grasped his hand. Despite my nervousness, he slowly grasped my hand in return. A wave of relief washed over me. I must have been tense without realizing it, but I couldn’t understand why I was trembling so much over something like this. Firmly holding his hand, I pulled him along and led the way.

Ignoring the gaze I felt from behind, I hurried to find a room where we could be alone, a place where we could calm down and talk. But of course, despite my urgency, my body didn’t cooperate. My steps were unsteady, and I could only hope I wouldn’t trip.

Perhaps Tae Seong-je felt impatient too, because suddenly my body was lifted. I was used to my feet suddenly leaving the ground, so I didn’t startle and obediently let my body be carried.  But just as he was taking a few steps, he abruptly stopped, suddenly dropping me and anxiously examining my face.

“What the hell? Why are you soaked?”

There was a hint of fear mixed in with his startled question, which caught me off guard. Without thinking, I pointed towards the outside, and he followed my fingertip with his gaze. Seeing the light rain falling, he finally relaxed his tense expression.

After silently staring at the quietly falling spring rain, he spoke calmly with a roughly subdued voice.

“…Why were you out in the rain like that? What if you catch a cold again?”

I had only caught a cold from the rain once before, but I obediently nodded. He’s not the kind of person who would miss something as obvious as the spring rain, even if it was quiet. Unless he was so preoccupied that he didn’t notice the raindrops or hear the sound of rain.

He didn’t seem bothered by the wetness against his skin as he hugged me tightly. Though my body didn’t sway, his pace was so fast that I had to cling to his shoulders. I was still nestled in his arms by the time we entered the room. I only realized we had arrived when a large towel suddenly wrapped around my head, and I recognized the familiar air and smell of the room.

“If you’re really okay now like you said, there shouldn’t be any more pain, right? You know it would be really funny if you said that and then immediately caught a cold.”

He spoke in a nonchalant voice, but it was forcibly suppressed. With the towel covering my front, all I could see was his chin and Adam’s apple. Even that was barely visible through glimpses.

With a firm yet gentle touch, he pressed the towel against my face and hair, drying them with surprising strength. The pressure was enough that he might have thought it would hurt, and then the force gradually lessened, becoming so light that it was barely there.

“…!”

It was then that I felt something was off. He suddenly stopped rubbing my hair and, still holding the towel, pulled me into a tight embrace. Though he tried to hold back, it seemed he couldn’t bear it anymore and let out a short curse in a trembling voice. When I squirmed, Tae Seong-je hesitated and gritted his teeth. Judging by his slurred pronunciation, he seemed to be clenching his jaw. He was so anxious and distressed that I could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he struggled to contain his anguish.

“Shit, I shouldn’t have said those things to you.”

“Hyung.”

“This is hell. I’ve dragged you into hell.”