DI Ch 203

I received a thorough knee massage, was washed, and scolded again. It was truly a case of giving pain and then relief. Actually, it was only today that I could say I enjoyed it, so being scolded for that felt unfair. No, he must clearly remember how I was tense and anxious every day because of him, so how could he scold me for this?

Wasn’t saying I enjoyed it a sign that my feelings had evolved? I thought he would understand. Who was it that made me think so hard and be so careful that my head was always overheating? Despite wanting to barge into his complicated and unclear heart, I restrained myself and pursued him properly, without losing my manners. I just don’t get it. I never got scolded over there, so why do I keep getting scolded here?

“…”

No, that’s not right. I was scolded there too. Especially when I argued that obsession is also love when he said what I felt wasn’t love but obsession, as he tried to break up. I almost had my cheek torn off. Who even brought that up first? I couldn’t make any excuses after speaking so confidently.

There were many times when I forgot decency too. Reminiscing about the past, I admitted how intense it was and reflected on it again. Even if I was blinded then, it was embarrassing. I think I shouldn’t complain about being treated like a child from now on.

From the start, thinking that I wanted him not to hate me at all even if I hated him a little was childish. Instead of being dissatisfied with that, I should have been ashamed that I wasn’t acting my age first.

Still, though. I’m not some little kid, so why am I getting scolded about food again? It’s not like I’ve been scavenging for scraps. Could it be about that time I dropped some bread? But I didn’t even eat it—I spit it out the moment it touched my lips! Ugh, anyone hearing this would think I’m a repeat offender.

“Are you listening?”

He uncannily notices when I’m lost in thought. I quickly nodded while grumbling inside, but my face looked displeased.

“What did I just say?”

“That you love me…”

“You weren’t listening. How can you say that so confidently?”

Isn’t it right in a way because it’s said out of love? I rolled my eyes and talked back slightly, and he glared at me once before changing his words, saying that I was right and that I had been listening well after all. But that didn’t mean the nagging ended, so I wondered if this was irony too.

Listening to him made me feel like I should practically raise both hands and accept my punishment. His words were so full of emotion that I started wondering whether I should take it to heart.

Seeing how he especially nagged about eating, it seemed he was really upset about my eating habits, but honestly, I couldn’t understand what he found so terribly dislikable. If I’m busy, can’t I just grab a meal from the convenience store? But did I ever even say that? Trying to recall, I offhandedly mentioned that I don’t skip meals and eat properly three times a day, but that only made him come back with ten responses, leaving me a bit flustered.

He’s so picky… I’m grateful that he’s saying this out of concern for me, but…

It seemed like I might not be able to cook for myself for the rest of my life at this rate, so I just stayed quiet. Sometimes staying quiet is the best strategy. While I was quietly listening, thinking of it as a song, we had somehow gone outside, and in an instant, I was completely dry.

My body had warmed up and the tension had eased, so I must have dozed off for a moment. I don’t usually do that. Beyond comfort, I’ve become too accustomed to being washed, hugged, moved, and wiped down automatically, so I end up dozing off comfortably. But because I had decided not to fall asleep first anymore, I buried my head in his good-smelling nape and tried hard to fight off sleep. Even if I’m sleepy, I should watch him fall asleep first.

“Did you know?”

“…Hm?”

“Your friend.”

My friend? I couldn’t hold back a yawn with my eyes still closed at his slowly formed words. I only have two friends now. I naturally thought of the two guys who are the same person but can never be the same person.

“That he k1lled someone.”

“…”

I didn’t open my eyes as I slowly shook my head, thinking of the guy I no longer considered a friend. I muttered that I had only guessed. More accurately, I figured he must have done something terrible. When exactly did Lee Hyun-wook’s father, who was no different from my own, go missing? Was it from when we were younger, or not?

Since Seo Yi-yeon wouldn’t know about that guy’s home situation, he must have thought he was starting the same miserable life all over again. Park Kang-woo or Kwon Jung-hyuk might have thought the same as Lee Hyun-wook if they had unfortunately been involved in an accident.

I suddenly recalled how Lee Hyun-wook kept apologizing endlessly, unable to say anything properly. If he had fully opened up back then, what would’ve happened? I would’ve become his accomplice. I had no reason to turn him in, and he probably never thought I would report him.

But he never opened up till the end. It must be because of the other accomplice. I smiled crookedly, remembering Lee Hyun-wook’s mother whom I had met a few times when we were young. Perhaps from the start, he and I were never meant to be friends in this life.

In the end, the reason he changed his attitude after going abroad and suddenly came to find me wasn’t out of guilt or to apologize to me. It was solely for that person. He just wanted to see if I knew who that person was and whether I had figured out what they’d done.

Well, what was he planning to do if I had figured it out? Was he thinking of killing me too if necessary? If I had been completely uncooperative, maybe that’s exactly what would have happened. It would’ve been utter chaos, though. There’s no way people would just let me die like that.

“What are you doing?”

He grabs me abruptly, seemingly bewildered as I slide down from his neck to his thigh while dozing off. I look up at him blankly and slightly push out one cheek.

“What? You want a kiss?”

“Yes.”

As I watch one of his eyebrows raise, he quickly gives me two pecks. Nice.

“The other side too?”

I immediately turned my head the other way, and he asked with a stifled laugh. Naturally, I nodded right away. He didn’t just stop with my cheek this time; he planted kisses all over my face, leaving me thoroughly pleased.

Some things only end when a person dies. I believed that to some extent. What about Lee Hyun-wook? It would make sense even if he almost blindly believed it. If he thought his mother’s unhappiness would only end with his father’s death, maybe that’s why.

I wouldn’t ever like or meet Lee Hyun-wook as a friend again, but I decided to understand at least a fraction of his situation, even if it wasn’t about forgiveness. Fine. Live your new life however you want. I’ll live mine the way I want.

“Just like before, you don’t seem to take this very seriously.”

His eyes seem to be asking if I’m thinking too lightly about murder. I even seriously considered changing my career path…

I wasn’t being dismissive; it’s just that things had gotten twisted in my head. It’s not like we were trafficking people or anything. Should I really be alarmed that a couple of bad guys in this world were gone? Honestly, there wasn’t enough time in life to waste on that when there was love to be shared.

Besides, isn’t human trafficking more premeditated and non-impulsive than murder? They all did it to survive, not for revenge, so it was fine as long as they didn’t get caught. So, for people like us, the circumstances should warrant some level of leniency… Or maybe not. Worried that I’d get scolded for speaking without thinking, I just smiled without answering.

“You’re smiling.”

“Don’t talk about other men in front of me.”

“What are you even saying?”

Although I said it to change the subject, I was serious, but he just chuckled as if it was a joke. Since we were both laughing, I figured all’s well that ended well, so I laughed along. We managed to end the grim conversation somehow, and I thought it ended relatively well. That night, I stubbornly managed to put him to sleep first, and the next day there was no more nagging, so how could this not be a good thing? Surprisingly, we returned to our old daily routine.

***

After the cherry blossoms fell and all the guests had left, the grand tiled roof house remained majestic and quiet, occasionally making me lose my sense of reality. But because of that, the world felt so peaceful that I felt like I could melt into the leisure. Tae Seong-je looked more normal than ever, but feeling sorry for all the worry I’d caused, I gave him a bouquet of carnations as a gift. It was Parents’ Day.

I had sent a message to my parents, apologizing for not contacting them, telling them I was doing well, that although a lot had happened, everything was fine…Along with asking for forgiveness, saying I did it to cure my illness, and that I would come home soon. Naturally, my parents just cried worrying about me endlessly.

Honestly, I didn’t want to go home. But I did feel sorry toward them, so to commemorate Parents’ Day, I sent a bouquet and a gift to the house, along with a letter detailing my imminent expulsion, which was practically a foregone conclusion. It was too hard to say it out loud. I’d have to check with the school for confirmation, but realistically, there was no hope since I hadn’t even finished my first year.

Anyway, in that process, I ordered one more bouquet.

“I thought you’d like it. You don’t?”

“…No? I do like it?”

Though he said that, he didn’t look entirely pleased. I watched him accept the flowers with a crooked smile. Does he think I like this? Why would I give carnations to my lover?

Of course, the main reason was to thank him, but I also prepared carnations as a joke because, at this rate, I might as well be part of his family registry. Everyone working or coming in and out of the house had started calling me ‘young master.’ It was all his fault.