DI Ch 207

“Is it okay if I invite someone I know? I have things to talk about and apologize for.”

“…”

“You remember Ji-min hyung, right? Woo Ji-min, that hyung.”

While tightly holding his hand, which was too big to fit in one of mine, I took out a handkerchief. Even though it doesn’t happen anymore, I always carried at least one handkerchief in my pocket for peace of mind due to the frequent nosebleeds I used to have. I didn’t expect to use it like this.

After wiping it clean meticulously, other thoughts arose. The scars, thick and long fingers, protruding knuckles… It was such a masculine hand, so characteristic of Tae Sungjae that I never got tired of touching it. In fact, it only made my heart race more. The cherry blossoms had fallen, and I wondered where they’d gone, only to realize it felt like they had settled inside me, making my whole body itch.

Anyway, there was no response.

“Are you listening to me?”

I let go of his hand, which I had been playing with like a toy, and raised my head. What? He was clearly avoiding the topic. Curious about what had distracted him, I followed his gaze, but there was nothing there except some trees and an elegant wall. I tilted my head in confusion.

What’s going on? I leaned in closer, trying to get his attention, and finally, he met my eyes.

“Just call him. Why meet in person?”

So he was listening. Then he deliberately ignored me? I stared at him blankly before holding back and acting maturely.

“I told you, I need to apologize. We’re not even on good terms, so how could I just apologize over the phone? No, that’s not right.”

Isn’t it the same as asking the person to come and go at my convenience?

“Maybe I shouldn’t invite him?”

“…Right? There are a lot of people at home, it’ll be complicated if we invite him.”

“That’s true.”

“Then you won’t ask him to come, right?”

“No. I should go see him.”

“…”

“What?”

“How did it turn into that?”

“Are you getting annoyed with me now? First you ignore me, now you’re getting irritated?”

When I questioned him back just as seriously as he was, he made excuses, saying no, that’s not it, and asked why I was going, he’ll be uncomfortable calling a sick person, just meet him when you go to school, why meet now. I listened quietly and then pointed out one by one: Ji-min’s been in touch with my friend, so he knows I’m not sick anymore. And even if he didn’t know, it’d be ridiculous to ask him to accommodate me when I’m not even sick, and as for school.

“As for school… Even if I do, that hyung submitted a leave of absence form, so I won’t be able to meet him even if I go to school. I wouldn’t run into him by chance anymore, so unless we arrange a meeting, we won’t see each other. He’s probably graduating soon, too.”

I couldn’t know for sure if Woo Ji-min had actually submitted a leave of absence form, but my intuition told me so. As someone who valued his time, being always pressed for it, he would be using his last year most efficiently. Originally, he would have entered Kang Moo-hyun’s company, but I wanted to hear and confirm directly if he was really working there. If he said yes, it would be the start of part two. I’d have to interfere with all my might. But I hoped he was working elsewhere as I video-called ‘my hyung.’

“So, can I go out? I’ll just have dinner and come back.”

“…”

He just stared at me silently without answering. As a gust of wind blew, I waited calmly, and finally, his lips parted.

“If I tell you not to go, will you not go?”

His calm, low voice was quite rough. It sounded nice and momentarily distracted me, but I soon slowly asked back.

“Do you want me not to go?”

Even like this?  I showed him the phone screen with the video call ringing and asked again. Instead of replying, he ended the call. The screen went black, and the connection was abruptly cut off.

“…”

“…”

In the silence, I quietly put down my phone that was only emitting mechanical sounds. I quietly glanced around. He really doesn’t want me to go, huh? He must be really anxious. Of course, I was anxious too, just like him. I’m really anxious like him, but we can’t live like this forever. If I couldn’t even go out properly on my own, how would I handle going to school?

Still, this didn’t have to be the first step, right now.

“Well then… um, okay. I won’t go.”

Ah, his expression brightens.

“I can meet him next time. It doesn’t have to be today.”

This time he’s cursing me with his eyes. It’s been a while since I’ve seen that look. Frustrated, sighing, and with so much to say but choosing not to. It was a patient expression. Just in case, I asked.

“…Are you perhaps jealous, hyung?”

“…”

He looked away, took a deep breath, and then looked back at me. From the way our eyes met again, I felt like I knew. He seemed jealous, but it wasn’t just that. It looked like something more important.

“Seung-won. Whether you meet him now or later, it’s all the same to me. If you’re going to go, go today. But, whatever you hear there, don’t tell me anything about it.”

Before I could be surprised at him telling me to go, he set a condition in a low voice. I stiffened up, just blinking, and then asked a question with a serious face.

“…Is this your way of telling me not to go, and I just didn’t understand?”

“…No.”

He let out a deep sigh as if finally releasing the breath he had been holding. He said it was fine for me to go, almost as if convincing himself, and suddenly, I felt like my feet were heavy. Even though he had given his permission, I found myself unable to leave, feeling as if I would die if I did. The determination I had earlier vanished, and I hesitated, holding his hands tightly with both of mine.

“Can I really go?”

“Yes.”

“I’m really going.”

“Have a good trip.”

“But what about our trip?”

“Go whenever you want.”

“Okay…”

Uh, hmm. Somehow, now that he was telling me to go without any hesitation, I felt… It was kind of absurd, but I couldn’t help feeling disappointed and sad. Still, I guess it’s better to go with the flow. I toyed with our interlaced fingers for no reason, then stood up.

“Then I’ll be going.”

“Wait, right now? You’re leaving now? Didn’t you say you’d go in the evening?”

As soon as I stood up, my arm was grabbed. The startled look on his face, so different from his calm demeanor earlier, caught me off guard.

“If not now, then when? If I start heading out now, by the time I meet him, it’ll be evening. Ah, hyung, go back to work after you see me off.”

Even though we had guests over, he stayed with me for lunch and even had snacks, so I was grateful, but since I was leaving, now seemed like the perfect time to go. I made it clear to him and texted Woo Ji-min to set up a meeting, then went into my room to get ready. As I moved about, I couldn’t help but smile when I noticed the large shadow trailing behind me. It was cute.

“Don’t move around too much if you’re tired… If you’re sleepy, just close your eyes and don’t talk.”

“You want me to sleep in front of people?”

“Who said anything about sleeping? Why are you packing so much? What’s all that for? Are you going on a trip? Are you staying overnight?”

I was just about to pack some pajamas, just in case, but he caught me and scolded me before I could. I was about to argue that he nags too much, but I held back, fearing he’d scold me more. To be honest, I was packing more than necessary. It was my first outing in a while, so I was both excited and anxious, and my bag quickly became heavy. Even though I wanted to travel light, I couldn’t think of anything to leave behind, and I kept thinking of more things to bring. For example…

I turned around to see Tae Seong-je standing there with his arms crossed, looking displeased. I approached him abruptly and shoved my hand into his pants pocket. Ignoring his flinch, I felt around. The wallet I was looking for wasn’t there, but something else was. Well, I expected that since he usually keeps it on this side.

“Hyung, where’s your wallet? Can you take out 10,000 won for me?”

I rummaged through his jacket this time, but all I could feel through his shirt were his solid chest muscles.

“…What are you going to do with 10,000 won? Take more.”

“No, 10,000 won is enough.”

I kept my hand there while feigning innocence. Hyung was about to take out a 50,000 won bill from his wallet but hesitated. Since he showed no signs of giving it to me, I snatched it with my fingertips. Only then did he move.

“What are you going to do with just 10,000 won?”

“Lottery. Hyung, I’m going now.”

“What, why, why are you doing that again? Wait, give me a kiss before you go. Give hyung a kiss.”

We weren’t even at the front door yet, and I hadn’t even left the room. It was ridiculous, but despite my thoughts, my body had already turned back. After giving him a few kisses and sneaking out without anyone seeing, I got into the car, but it was only after 30 minutes that I was able to leave.

It wasn’t for any other reason than me being worried about leaving hyung alone, and hyung being worried about sending me off alone, so we kept adding a few more words, making the conversation endless. Even though I forcibly cut off the conversation worried I might be late, not being able to see him made me anxious.

Of course, I was looking at him through a video call on my phone screen.

“Hyung, I’ll be back soon.”

[Don’t say that. You always say you’ll be back soon but come back late.]

“…”

[It’s not just once or twice.]

“I love you too.”

[I love you too. I do love you, but.]

“Yes. I miss you.”

[…Hurry back.]

I just stared blankly at the screen showing hyung’s face while holding my phone. Screenshot…

If someone saw me staring at my phone screen without blinking, they might think I’m addicted to my smartphone. I didn’t care if I looked pathetic, so I just kept looking and looking. Soon after, hyung’s screen went black and the sound was muted as he had to go back to the guests, leaving only my face on the screen.

I don’t have a hobby of staring at my own face for no reason, but my face would be visible on hyung’s phone, so I tilted my head this way and that to make sure I was clearly visible on the screen. It had only been 5 minutes, but I already missed him.